‘Know what?’
‘What I did.’
Grace watched Amy carefully, not sure whether to ask her to elaborate. Amy had told her this much, and she was worried that if she pushed her further then Amy might clam up altogether.’
‘If you want to tell me about it, you can talk to me.’
Amy nodded. ‘But you might have to tell Daddy, right? The teachers in school always say that. We can tell them things but they can’t ever promise to keep a secret in case it’s something bad.’
‘But I’m sure you haven’t done anything bad, have you?’
Amy shook her head. ‘No, but I did something I shouldn’t have done and Daddy will be cross.’
‘You know, Amy, you could try talking to him about it. I’m sure he’ll be understanding. Even if he’s a bit cross at first.’
‘I know.’
As they left the toy stall, Grace felt a tugging at her sleeve. She turned to find Amy gesturing at her to pull her free hand out of her pocket. Grace did and Amy slipped her hand into Grace’s. Not wanting to make Amy feel uncomfortable, Grace acted as if it was an everyday occurrence, but she had to fight to stop herself pulling Amy into a bear hug. Amy had not warmed to her as quickly as Tom had, and Grace hadn’t wanted to push Amy to befriend her, as she knew that the whole situation was tricky. But now, Amy had taken the lead and shown Grace that she was accepting her, even if it was just as a family friend. Or as her friend.
They paused by a stall selling jams, chutneys and liqueurs. ‘Some of those look delicious, don’t they?’ Grace pointed at the chutneys.
‘Daddy loves cheese. He’d like one of those chutneys.’
‘Why don’t you get him one then?’
‘I don’t know which one he’d like most though.’
They eyed the range on offer then Grace read the sign behind the counter.
‘You can get three for the price of two, Amy. So why not get him a selection?’
‘Good idea. Can I have a chilli one, a ginger one and a plum one, please?’ she asked the man in a top hat.
‘Of course you can, missy.’ He wrapped the jars in tissue paper, sellotaped it and tucked them into a bag, which he handed to Amy before she paid him.
‘You’ve done well,’ Grace said. ‘Is there anything else you’d like to get?’
‘I don’t think so, but if you’re looking for an idea for Daddy then he does like wine.’
Grace smiled. ‘Let’s find him one he’ll enjoy.’
They headed for a stall selling a variety of wines and ales.
‘How about… strawberry wine?’
Amy shook her head. ‘That’ll be too sweet for him.’
‘Blackberry?’
Amy wrinkled her nose.
‘Mead?’
‘What’s mead?’
‘It’s a drink made with honey and spices. It’s sweet, but good with cheese.’
‘Yes, get him that.’
Purchase made, they left the stall and Grace checked her mobile. ‘Goodness, we were longer than expected. We’d better go and meet your dad.’
‘Wait!’ Amy held up a hand.
‘What is it?’
Amy’s cheeks coloured and she stared down at her feet. ‘I just… wanted to say thank you.’
‘What for?’
‘I… I wanted to say thank you for taking me shopping like this. It was very nice. And thanks for listening to me.’
‘Oh, Amy. I’ll gladly take you shopping any time you like, and I’m always glad to listen and advise you if I can.’
‘But you won’t be here. Daddy said you’re going back to Cardiff.’
Grace’s heart thudded as she looked at Amy’s downcast eyes, at the way her hair flicked up at the ends and at her long fair lashes.
‘Did he?’
Amy nodded.
‘I might not.’
‘What?’ Amy met her eyes. ‘Really?’
‘I’m not one hundred per cent certain yet… but I am thinking of staying in Conwenna. My parents are here and… Hope is here and… well, you, Tom and your Daddy are here and now you’re all my friends.’
‘I’m your friend?’
‘Of course.’
Amy’s lips curved upwards and her eyes shone.
‘I’d like you to stay.’
‘You would?’
‘You make my Daddy happy and he hasn’t been happy for a long time. I think he gets lonely.’
Grace couldn’t help herself then, she pulled Amy into the hug she’d imagined giving her. At first, the girl stiffened, but then she relaxed and wrapped her own arms around Grace. They stood there for a while, holding on, clinging to the comfort of human contact.
All around them people bustled along, purchasing Christmas gifts for friends and loved ones, and browsing the wonderful wares that the stalls had to offer. Carols from the Salvation Army band at the entrance filled the air and the scents of food, spices, mulled wine and coffee tantalized their nostrils. Outside, snow started to fall, big fat flakes that soon created a white carpet on pavements, vehicles and the roofs of buildings.
Grace was filled with happiness, because a motherless little girl who clearly needed to be loved had accepted her as a friend, a little girl who was taking on too much responsibility for someone so young. A little girl who loved her father desperately and hated to see him sad. A little girl who could benefit from having a friend who understood the pain of loss.
Grace hoped that she would be able to help Amy, Tom and Oli. Even if it was as their friend. Although she hoped she could be so much more.
Chapter 16
Oli and Tom were waiting near the entrance when Grace and Amy reached it.
‘We thought you’d got lost,’ Tom said, as he shook his head.
‘We were buying your presents!’ Amy told him. She waved a bag at him.
‘What is it?’ His eyes lit up.
‘A secret and you can’t know until Christmas Day.’
‘Awwww…’ He pouted, but his excitement was obviously too powerful for him to be disappointed for long.
‘Shall we go and find a table and wait for your parents?’ Oli asked.
‘Good idea. I’m hungry now, but being surrounded by gorgeous food always has that effect upon me.’
They made their way through the crowd to the café and scanned the seating area. Grace spotted a family leaving a large table, so Amy and Tom rushed over as soon as the family had left.
When they were seated, they tucked their bags under the table.
‘Grace!’ Louise waved as she approached. ‘Thank goodness we found you. It’s so busy in here and outside.’
‘Thought I was going to pass out from hunger,’ Simon said as he wiggled his eyebrows at Tom, then took a seat. ‘What’re we having young man?’
‘Garlic bread.’
‘Garlic bread? What with?’ Simon frowned.
‘Garlic bread.’
‘You’re just having garlic bread?’
Tom nodded.
‘No, you’re not, Tom. You need to have something else as well.’
‘He’s mad about garlic bread,’ Amy explained. ‘He’d have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner if he could.’
As they perused the menus, Grace looked up and found Oli watching her. He lowered his gaze immediately, but when she’d caught his eye, she’d seen something there. Something deep, as if he was lost in thought. She wished they could have five minutes alone just to talk properly. She was glad of his friendship and of his children’s acceptance, but she also couldn’t deny her intense attraction to him, the desire right now to sit next to him and hold his hand. Was that wrong? Was she confusing desire with something more?
Grace had always held back emotionally from men, but Conwenna Cove had loosened something inside her and she was experiencing an emotional rollercoaster around Oli that she had never ridden before. He was a good man, a good father, he loved animals, and he was polite and warm towards her parents. She suspected that he would have got
on with Sam too.
Oli was everything she could want.
But could she offer him everything he wanted and needed in return?
‘I’ll have a Cornish hot pot,’ she said, trying to break the spell she was under.
‘That sounds nice, Grace. I will too.’ Her mum patted her hand.
‘Amy and Tom? What do you want?’ Oli asked.
‘Cheese and ham toastie, please,’ Amy replied.
‘Garlic—’
‘Tom, you are not just having garlic bread. How many times?’ Oli shook his head. ‘I’ll get you some but you’re having some pasta with it.’
‘Okay, Daddy.’ Tom pouted.
‘Shall we go and order the food, Oli?’ Simon asked.
Oli nodded then went up to the counter with Grace’s father. When they returned, Simon was carrying a tray of drinks.
‘We took the liberty of ordering mulled wine for the adults and hot chocolates for the children,’ Simon said.
‘Just a small one for Simon and me as we’re driving, but you ladies get a large one each.’
Grace accepted her drink and sipped it. The spiced wine was warm and delicious, and combined with the music, the atmosphere and the company, she knew in that moment that there was nowhere else she’d rather be. If she allowed herself, she could almost believe that Oli was her man and that Amy and Tom were her children. How wonderful would that be?
A tiny shiver ran down her spine. If they were her children she’d be worrying about them constantly, fretting that they’d inherited the gene that had left Sam so unwell, that had robbed him of his life so early and so unfairly. She wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world to lose it as she had Sam.
Yet even as these thoughts rushed through her mind, she also knew that it was wrong to think that way. The counsellor had encouraged her to be aware of her own thought processes and how to reason with them. It was selfish, perhaps, to think like that if she did have had a child like Sam; he or she could live a perfectly happy life well into his or her forties and maybe even longer. But if she was thinking about herself, and her parents, about preservation and carrying on through her life, she knew she couldn’t bear to go through what her parents had. And that was why she had sworn never to get pregnant and never to bring a child into the world, because she knew that she would truly break and never be able to put herself back together if she lost that child.
‘Don’t be sad, Grace.’ Tom had got up, and was standing right next to her gazing into her face.
‘Oh… I’m okay.’
‘It’s Christmas. Be happy.’ Tom took her hand. ‘You’ve got us to have fun with now.’
‘Thank you, Tom. I’d say that makes me the luckiest woman in the world.’
‘You are,’ he said, causing her to smile in spite of the direction of her thoughts.
‘What are you two grinning about?’ Oli asked.
‘Nothing…’ Grace shrugged nonchalantly. ‘Just enjoying the day.’
Oli nodded at her, his eyes full of something, as if he had a thousand things he wanted to say to her but he didn’t know where to start.
‘Me too, Grace. Me too.’
* * *
After lunch, they wandered around the rest of the city, taking in the sights and soaking up the atmosphere. Tom held firmly on to Grace’s hand, making her feel like she was very important to him. That was the wonderful thing about children and animals, they had the ability to live fiercely in the moment, to put the past and future from their minds and enjoy just existing. Tom was helping Grace to do the same.
Outside one department store was a sign that made Tom gasp.
‘Daddy! Santa’s in there!’
‘And it looks like there’s a queue to see him.’ Oli pointed at the line snaking out of the shop doorway.
‘I don’t mind queuing, Daddy. It’s very important that I speak to him.’
Oli looked around him. ‘Uh… there might be another Santa here somewhere.’
‘Daddy…’ Tom shook his head. ‘There’s only one Santa. I’m only five and even I know that.’
‘I’ll take him in. I don’t mind queuing.’ Grace looked at Tom and he rewarded her with a beaming smile.
‘Thank you, Grace!’
‘You don’t have to do that,’ Oli said.
‘Daddy, I don’t want to see Santa!’ Amy scowled. ‘Imagine if I see anyone I know.’
‘Tell you what,’ Louise cut in, ‘why don’t Simon and I take Amy around some more shops then meet you back here in an hour?’
Relief crossed Amy’s face. ‘Can we go in that new clothes shop? And the make up one?’
‘Of course we can.’ Louise smiled. ‘See you three in an hour then.’
Grace, Oli and Tom took a place in the queue.
‘‘Have you seen Santa before, Grace?’
‘Oh yes. On several occasions, actually.’
‘Is he nice?’
‘Always.’
‘Daddy let me see him last year, but I don’t remember much as I was only four. I did have a photo with him.’
‘He did.’ Oli nodded.
‘He’s magic, Grace, and he has elves and reindeer and a Mrs Santa and a house in the North Pole and a big fat belly and…’ He took a deep breath as if it was all just too exciting.
‘So I believe.’ Grace stroked his hair back from his face.
‘Are you excited now?’
‘Very.’
‘What will you ask him for?’
‘Oh, I don’t know… I don’t think grownups can ask for anything. It’s only children.’
‘That’s right, Tom,’ Oli added. ‘He only takes children’s requests.’
‘Then tell me what you want and I’ll ask him for you.’
‘No, Tom, it’s all right. You ask for whatever it is that you want. Just think carefully about it before you go in.’
They queued for over half an hour before a female elf in a stripy red and green outfit, tights and a hat topped with a small golden bell, took their money then showed them into the grotto. Oli had to duck to go through the entrance, which made the elf giggle. Inside, it was darker and Grace blinked as her eyes adjusted. They walked along a short corridor then into a round room where Santa sat on what appeared to be a throne draped in red blankets. He laughed and held his belly as they approached him.
‘And who do we have here?’ he asked from behind his thick white beard.
‘I’m Tom.’
‘Well, come here, Tom, and tell me what you’d like for Christmas.’
Tom looked at Grace and she nodded, so he went forward.
‘Think he hit the mince pies early this year,’ Oli whispered at Grace and she coughed to cover her laugh.
‘Have you been a good boy, Tom?’ Santa asked as Tom stood next to his throne.
‘Uh… I think so. Have I, Daddy?’
‘Yes, he has. He’s always very good.’
‘Well then, young man, tell me what’s on your Christmas list. I’m listening carefully.’
Tom paused for a moment then leaned closer and whispered in Santa’s ear. He paused then glanced back at Grace and Oli. Then he whispered some more.
Santa nodded. ‘That’s quite an ask, young man. But you are entitled to request whatever you want.’
‘It is what I want more than anything, Santa.’
‘What about toys? Are there any of those that you’d like too?’
Tom chewed his lip.
‘I don’t mind. But I do want everyone to be happy.’
‘Ho! Ho! Ho! Then I shall do my best to make that happen.’
‘Thank you, Santa.’ Tom shook his hand then rushed over to Grace and Oli.
‘Don’t go just yet, Tom. There’s something here for you.’ Santa held up a rectangular package wrapped in paper covered with tiny penguins.
‘Wow! Thank you.’
Tom accepted the gift, then Oli led the way out of the grotto.
Back on the ground floor of the department store, they all b
linked in the bright strip lighting.
‘Happy now, Tom?’ Oli asked, as he ruffled his son’s hair.
‘Yes, Daddy, because now we can have the best Christmas ever.’
A shadow flickered over Oli’s face, but he quickly collected himself. Grace understood; he was probably thinking about Linda and the Christmases they’d shared in the past. Of course he was. It must be so difficult for him, especially during the festive season. Tom might not remember Christmases gone by but Oli and Amy would.
‘We certainly will have a lovely Christmas, Tom.’
Grace was jostled by an elderly woman carrying too many bags. The woman looked stressed and exhausted and mumbled sorry as she hurried away.
‘It’s getting busy,’ Oli said. ‘Might be a good time to head on home.’
‘Well, you hold Grace’s one hand, Daddy, and I’ll hold the other and we can stay together safely. It’s easy to get lost in a crowd. That’s what my teacher always says.’ Tom placed Grace’s hand in Oli’s.
‘Yes, Tom, of course.’ Oli squeezed Grace’s hand and she met his eyes.
‘Yes, Tom.’
Oli squeezed her hand again, so she squeezed him back.
‘Don’t get lost, Grace,’ he whispered. ‘I’m getting used to having you around.’
‘I’ll try not to.’
And joined together, they made their way out into the December afternoon, and all the while, Grace was acutely conscious of where Oli’s skin met hers, and wondering what Tom had asked Santa for, because it might just be the same thing she wanted for Christmas too.
Chapter 17
Before they got into their cars, Louise nudged Simon, ‘Go on then.’
‘We were thinking, seeing as how it’s a Friday and so close to Christmas, whether you’d like to extend the day and come and have dinner with us?’
‘Oh… that would be fantastic.’ Oli unwound his scarf. ‘To be honest, I wasn’t sure what I was going to make for us, and we’ve all had such a great day that it does seem a shame to cut it short. Are you sure?’
‘Absolutely,’ Louise said. ‘We have a fridge and freezer full of food and drink. It’s Simon, you see, he has to stock up at normal times and at Christmas… sheesh! Grace and I feel obliged to eat whatever he cooks, and it would be so nice to have some help eating it all this year.’
Christmas at Conwenna Cove Page 15
