by Kim Meeder
Nicholas, age 5, when asked to rate his first riding
experience on a scale of one to ten: “One to ten?
Hmm … I think that riding Gideon is
a ten … THOUSAND!”
Since 1995 I have worked on this ranch … alone. Even though I have been surrounded by absolutely the greatest staff, volunteers, and friends a woman could ever know … my heart has carried on like a lonely soldier. Every victory, every sorrow, every shy smile, every tear, every soaring triumph, and every crushing sorrow, and all the elements that combine to create every moment of being on the ranch, has been … for me … incomplete.
From the first glimmering idea of a “ranch,” until its explosion into a giant organization that has loved hundreds of horses and tens of thousands of children … there has been, within my heart, an “imbalance.”
The disparity has thrived from the ranch’s very beginning because Troy and I both have always had other jobs outside the ranch to help financially support it. In addition to the ranch, Troy works like a warhorse with a small team as a landscape contractor, while I work mornings, evenings, and weekends as an author and public speaker. Even though there have been “skinny” times, we have always stood on our tippy toes and reached as high as we could … trusting that God would reach toward us the rest of the way. He always did, often not in times or ways we would have chosen … but He has always been faithful to see us through with just enough. Through these unique times, we have learned that enough … is as good as a feast.
With the combined work of our hands multiplied by the incredible generosity of our extended “family,” the ranch continues to grow in wonderful, innovative directions. Kids, families, and horses are all being loved toward new and perhaps unexpected horizons. Each season seems to stair-step upward from the last, as we constantly learn how to better love, serve, and lead by example those who grace our ranch. All of it—every step—has been without question the greatest joy of my life. Truly, only one thing has tarnished my joy: The work Troy employs to help support the ranch … pulls him away from the very same. Because of his loving effort to help sustain the ranch, he has never really been home to experience it. The space at my side has remained empty.
For the past eleven years, Troy has rarely been at the ranch when the kids are present, he has never worked with a child and a horse, and he has been able to only participate in a few horse rescues.
He has quietly worked behind the scene to fix it, pay it, buck it, build it—how and whenever time allowed to get the job done.
To say that it has “not been easy” not only states the obvious but also speaks loud and clear to most working families who are attempting to do their own version of the same task. For more and more households, the unified battle cry is “All hands on deck to keep this little boat afloat!”
During the last eleven years, I have primarily been working the ranch as the “front man,” the leader, visionary, and voice of Crystal Peaks. I have daily been involved in every joyful and difficult fiber that has become what the ranch is today. Troy has been able to experience this only from afar. I would not be honest if I didn’t say that this separation from what he has worked so hard for … has created much pain in his heart.
For many years, an internal battle has raged for control of his time, effort, attention, and love. With full understanding that he could not do what his heart was calling him to do, he had to do what he needed to do. Many days, for many years, ended in a veil of sorrow and frustration.
The churning turmoil of emotion, desire, fatigue, and dissatisfaction all stopped one day when truth began to permeate Troy’s heart. Just because we’re not where we want to be … doesn’t mean that God has abandoned us.
Truth came not because Troy “held on”; on the contrary, it came because … he let go.
The pounding waves within subsided when he changed the course of his heart from asking, “Lord, how can I get out of this season of pain?” to “Lord, what can I get out of this season of pain?”
Like a once rambunctious ox flailing about, he silently chose instead to … lean into the harness.
Everything changed. He still worked sunup to sundown as a landscape contractor; he still was not able to participate in the activities of the ranch; he still was the late-night and weekend fix-it man, bill payer, grant writer; he still wasn’t “home.” Yet, even so, everything was different … because he was different. He chose to release his grip on “his plan for him” and rest in God’s plan for him.
It can be truly difficult to grow where we are planted within God’s will … especially if we keep uprooting ourselves by seeking to be planted within our own will. The same can be said about how challenging a foe contentment can be—particularly when we are constantly fighting against it.
When we choose to let contentment win … we win too.
Peace came not when Troy got what he wanted, but when he stopped fighting, stood up straight, took a deep breath, and chose to rest in God’s plan. The confession of his heart changed from “Lord, show me how to get out of landscaping and into coming home to the ranch,” to “Lord, if it is Your will that I dig ditches for the rest of my life, then I will work as hard as I can to become the very best ditch digger for You … because it is now that I fully understand: It never was about serving me … it always was about serving You.”
Truly, what a relief it is when we begin to comprehend that it is within our hardships that truth is elevated from our hearts … to our heads. It is our time in the desert, when we know how scorching hot the sun can really be, that we return with a new, profound appreciation of how precious cool water is. Our desert times are what grow us into who we can become. These difficult seasons force our roots to search deeper than simply how we feel, driving them down instead into what is true. Simply stated, if we choose, our hardships make us more appreciative, more balanced, more stable, more tenacious … they just make us better people. Perhaps the greatest thing that our hardships make us is simply … more ready.
After some well-spent time in the desert, my soul mate has returned. Equipped with greater wisdom, confidence, and peace, only now is Troy ready.
Because of much faithful prayer by our ranch family both near and far, and with the continuing financial support of the same … after eleven years, God’s timing has come to fruition.
As of this year … the vacancy at my side has been filled by the only one who could fill it. Now working full time at the ranch … Troy … has come home.
One of my favorite accounts in the Bible occurs when Jesus was about to feed five thousand people. Jesus, already knowing what He was planning to do, gave His disciples an opportunity to bless all those present by giving “hope” in a unique form—food.
Although the disciples had a treasurer among them who had a small amount of money, when they saw the enormity of the task—the feeding of thousands—they shrank back, completely overwhelmed. Knowing that they did not have enough resources to accomplish the task at hand, they immediately conceded defeat.
Instead of giving something … something … they chose instead to give nothing at all.
This recounting brings me to my knees because it makes me come face to face with all the moments of my own life when I was confronted with a choice—to act … or not to act. So many times, when challenged with the immensity of what rose before me … I, like the disciples, chose to do nothing at all.
Realizing that I did not have what I needed to complete the job … I chose instead … to never even start.
Thankfully, the story does not end there. Somewhere, lost within the hungry multitude, a little boy held up his hand. A kid came from the back and gave the disciples his lunch—five little loaves of bread and two fish. In the face of the famished masses, it wasn’t very much. But it was everything he had … and he gave it all.
Jesus took the little boy’s gift, prayed over it, and began to pass it out to everyone. Each man would break off a large-enough portion of the bread and fish to fee
d his family and then pass it on. Everyone ate—everyone—until they were completely full. When the leftovers were gathered, there was enough to fill twelve huge baskets!
In my simple way of thinking, the whole point of the story is that if we offer nothing to God … that is exactly what we can expect to happen. But if we give something—even a little thing—God can take whatever we’ve offered and turn it into something amazing. It is not up to me to decide how the Lord will use my gifts … it is only up to me to give them. Jesus is the One who makes the meager work of my hands into something remarkable, something effective, perhaps even something life-changing.
The truth is, if I get to choose my reaction to challenges … I want to choose to be like that little boy! I want to raise my hand and say, “I know that what I have isn’t much … but it’s all I have … and I give it all!”
Someone gave it all for me long ago … and my life was saved because of it. Once they decided to lay their life down as a bridge … mine was rescued the moment I chose to cross it.
Daily, we all have the same choice as that little boy … all of us.
We can each say yes … we can each make a difference in this world by opening our hearts and choosing to either let hope in … or let hope out.
Like standing underneath a waterfall, hope floods our hearts. Its drenching power fills us, even the hidden parts, stretching our previous comprehension far beyond what we ever thought was possible. As we extend and grow by our continued filling and deeper understanding of hope, at some point we choose to come to a very special place. It is a place where we realize that all the sloshing fullness of hope that we have been given … is not for us to keep … but to give.
Hope is not only something we should aspire to attain … it is also something we should aspire to give.
It is true that every life has weights that encumber it, tying us down to only “thinking” about giving hope to those around us … instead of actually doing it. It is easy to become so “anchored” in focusing on our own needs that we completely overlook those within our reach who are suffering. Hope implores us to release our grip on everything that truly holds us back from doing what we know in our hearts is right. Hope is released when we begin to understand that leading others toward this “bridge” has far less to do with what we say … than with what we do.
Simply stated, the time has come to do more than just feel … we must act.
There is a better way, a more complete way … and it involves caring for others in need. It begins when we choose to share with them the same bridge of restoration that once healed us.
Within each heart that has ever lived … there resides a choice. It has been established by the Creator of our souls to know that as long as our heart beats … we have the choice to take action … through greatness or humility … to shoulder with the broken around us. Life has resolution when we fully understand that Hope’s blade swings with perfectly balanced duality. One swing clears a path for our feet to find wholeness on the rock of Truth … the other swing cuts a hole in our hearts and like a lighthouse, allows beams of pure Truth to begin pouring out, showing others the way.
This “way” shines by virtue of our actions … through things as unadorned as a boy’s lunch, a ranch, a cookie, or a smile.
It is God who breathes life into our actions, filling them with a voice that calls those who are wounded toward a very special place. It is a simple link … held out from your heart to theirs.
It is a bridge called hope.
The Littlest Bear—Little Bear continues to grow nearly before our eyes. Like his big buddies Luke and Boomer, his back will also be a candidate for the Christmas family photo … the entire family! His official education has begun and he’s an eager student. Despite the severity of his childhood wounds, he bears no lingering lameness or evidence of his past other than his external scars.
Full Circle—Jason has been reunited with his aunt who lives in another state. He loves her very much and feels secure in the home she has opened for him. Currently he lives in close proximity to his father and is slowly building a relationship.
Phoenix—Phoenix continues to exemplify that we all can survive more than we ever thought possible. The once ugly, stinky girl that nearly starved to death has matured into a truly stunning mare. Still, to those who spend time with her, she seems to emanate the simple truth that … life is good.
Cleansing Fire—True to her character, Jenna continues to grow in humility, wisdom, grace, and beauty. She has been faithful to “stay the course” through much hardship and difficulty … while still serving others. It was with complete joy that I asked her for a small “favor.” Because she truly represents the heart of what Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch is and does, Troy and I were greatly honored when she agreed to my request of being photographed with Boomer for the cover of this book.
A Dog’s Tale—It’s true that the Lord will restore the years lost. Ano continues to live in utter paradise. The dog that was once a prisoner now freely roams the foothills of the Cascade Mountains. She’s not only completely adored by Mark and Kathy … but wallowed daily by their three young sons. I have seen it myself … this dog really can smile.
Promise Land—Promise has fully recovered from his hoof woes and grown into a remarkably playful young horse. He currently enjoys a wonderful home in Central Oregon where he’s free to express his adventurous nature. Angelica has moved to the coast with her family, and against all odds she continues to daily live her life to the fullest.
Horse with Spots—Gideon truly is the little horse that could. The once battered pony who was terrified to be touched … loves his new life at Crystal Peaks. Sarah continues to blossom in the company of “spotted love” originally forged by Shonee and now fostered by Gideon. If you ask her, Sarah will be the first to tell you: “It might not be how you think … but the Lord does answer prayer!”
Coming Home—Truly, only God can know how completely full my heart is … what a joy to be shoulder to shoulder and hand in hand … my Cowboy has finally come home.
Hannah’s Legacy—Hannah came to our ranch as a small gray mustang mare that had previously been living in a garage to protect her from intentional poisoning. It was with great honor and respect that she was renamed after a courageous young woman who sought to change her world with love. Hannah Marie Dunn’s legacy continues … not only through the lives of those whom she touched and the pages of this book … but also through something else—something remarkable.
I am convinced that nothing in this life is a coincidence. Hannah, our little mustang mare, delivered her foal on May 31 … Memorial Day. In memory of Hannah Marie Dunn, we chose to name her beautiful, chocolate-colored filly “Hanalei,” short for Hannah’s Legacy. True to her legacy … she is a fireball!
We were first made aware of Hannah Marie’s legacy by her family. Because they requested that instead of floral wreaths to memorialize their daughter, donations would be made to our ranch … I was completely overcome when I discovered later that “Hanalei” is the Hawaiian word for “wreath of flowers.”
All programs and services offered by Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch are free of charge. Nearly all the children who come to the ranch are from deeply challenging circumstances. Charges of any kind would prevent most from being able to use the ranch. Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch, therefore, is supported by individual financial gifts, grants, and fund-raising events.
It takes many strong stones to build a strong foundation. If you would like to become part of this team of dedicated supporters, please contact us by e-mail at [email protected] or write us at the address below. Your interest in the lives of these children and their families will have a lasting impact and is deeply appreciated.
Thank you.
Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch
19344 Innes Market Road
Bend, OR 97701
A portion of the proceeds from the sale of this book
goes to support the work of Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch.
You’re invited to the ranch—visit crystalpeaksyouthranch.org
