“Are you being serious right now? Of course not!” I exclaimed in annoyance.
“Oh, too bad. I was going to ask you if I could see them.” She threw me a conspiratorial wink. “I don’t have to tell you how hot he looks with his shirt off.”
As much as I hated myself for it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit envious that Anna had somehow seen Jacob in all his shirtless glory when I still haven’t had the chance to.
I rolled my eyes and turned back toward my computer. “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“I’m taken, not blind.” She nudged me playfully. “Anyway, I’m only kidding. What I am serious about is how creepy this all looks. I really think you might need some help.”
“It’s for my project,” I clarified. “Like I told you, the teacher wants us to take pictures of something that piques our interest.”
“And that something happens to be Jacob?” she asked with a grunt.
“Breakdancing piques my interest,” I corrected.
She rolled her eyes. “Right. I believe you.” She walked over to her bed and plopped down. “If it’s breaking that interests you, then why are all these pictures of Jacob, hmm?”
“I…uh…”
“Exactly,” she replied with a snort.
My cheeks warmed and I immediately glanced away, clicking my window closed. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get Anna to quit speaking as quickly as I could quit my photo editor.
“And what happens if Jacob somehow hears about these photos? You don’t think it’ll freak him out?”
“No.” I turned back around and stared her straight in the eyes. She wasn’t about to intimidate me; not anymore. “Because I’m going to show him the pictures myself.”
Anna’s eyes widened. “Okay, if I thought you were crazy before I was wrong. You have definitely jumped over to the loony side.”
“I’m serious!”
“I am too!” she protested. “What are you going to do? Go up to him and say, ‘Hey, I was taking secret pictures of you.’ Really, Estelle, that’s just grounds for a restraining order.”
“Joe said they could always use new photographers at the events. I’ll just tell Jacob I happened to walk by their…um…performance this morning and I have a few pictures he might be interested in.”
“And how do you expect to do that?”
“Huh? What do you mean?”
She clicked her tongue against the edge of her front teeth in disapproval. “You either talk too much around him or you don’t talk to him at all,” she replied matter-of-factly.
“But see, I have the perfect solution for that.”
“Which is?”
Like a mad scientist sharing the results of his experiment, I leaned over with excitement. “I only get weird around guys I like, but around guys who are friends, I’m fine.”
“And how do you know this?”
“There’s this guy named David in my photography class—”
“David?” she raised an eyebrow. “Is he cute?”
“I guess.” I shrugged.
“What do you mean you guess? He either is or isn’t.”
I thought back to his curly blond hair and bright blue eyes. He definitely looked like a young Chris Hemsworth and it was a wonder why I never noticed how handsome he was before. Guess blonds weren’t really my thing. “Okay, fine. He really is good looking, but I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”
“Maybe I should be taking photography after all.” She curled her lips and nodded.
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, boy crazy, as I was saying, I figured out that I’m somewhat normal with boys I only consider as friends. Maybe if I forge a friendship with Jacob, my mouth will fare better.”
Anna raised an eyebrow. “Your mouth, eh?”
My cheeks reddened. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Sure.” She took a deep breath and patted me on the shoulder. “Estelle, stop lying to yourself. You’ll never be just friends with Jacob. You like him too much to think of him platonically.”
“So first I’m a creep and now you’re saying I’m a liar?” I spat out in irritation. “I need him to help me with my project. I need to be friends with him.”
Besides, maybe becoming his friend will help me out in another department…
“Estelle, I know what you’re trying to do and though I commend you for your bravery, don’t forget my warning. Jacob does not have time for women. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.”
“No, I’m not,” I insisted, sounding like a little kid. “Is it so hard to believe that I may just want to be friends with him?”
“Yes,” she snapped.
“And why is that?”
“Because of that!” she exclaimed, gesturing toward my computer. “You obviously like him a lot.”
“But—”
“No buts, Estelle. You may think you have me fooled, but I think the only one you’re fooling is yourself. Just stop it already.”
Knowing the conversation was leaning toward an argument, I decided to wave my imaginary white flag. “Anna, I know you’re looking out for me and believe me, I hear your warnings loud and clear. I really do appreciate it.”
“But?”
I shrugged nonchalantly. “I know there’s no way Jacob and I will be ‘Jacob-and-I.’ I really do want to try to see him as a friend and only a friend. I’m also trying to better my college experience, just like you told me to!” Realizing my voice was rising a few octaves, I immediately lowered it. “You can stop worrying now.”
“I’ll only stop worrying if you promise me that you’ll stop chasing after Jacob. He’s never going to change. He’s never going to give you the time of day. He’s had girls throwing themselves at him left and right, so—”
“So why should he go for me?” I finished for her, feeling my blood boil with irritation.
“That’s not what I was going to say,” she replied in a tone that was hard for me to believe.
“Fuck off, Anna.” So much for avoiding an argument. My temper had officially reached the point of no return. She gasped, but I did my best to ignore the hurt look on her face and continued to spew, “You may not believe me, but I can do this. Jacob seems like a sweet guy and given my situation, I can always use new friends.”
Anna frowned and crossed her arms. “Okay, what’s that supposed to mean?”
Before I could reply, my phone began to vibrate. Not wanting to acknowledge Anna’s question, I grabbed for it and read the text.
David: Not having any luck getting inspired. How are you holding up?
I couldn’t help but smile and quickly typed back:
Me: Think I found my project.
“Who’s that?” Anna asked.
Still feeling rather annoyed with her, I snapped, “It’s not Jacob, if you must know.”
“I was just making friendly conversation,” she replied coyly.
I pressed my lips, realizing if Anna and I weren’t thrust into the same room together, we’d probably never have been friends. I took a deep breath, reminding myself that we still had eight more weeks before our semester ended and I might as well make the best of it.
As much as it pained me, I replied, “It’s David. He was asking how my project is going—because you know, I do have the ability to make friends.”
“Ah, the infamous David. The one I’ve heard so much about.” The sarcasm dripped from her tone like venom.
“Seriously, Anna, I’m not in the mood.”
She held her hands up in mock surrender. “Just hear me out.”
I let out an exasperated groan. “What now?”
“All I’m saying is that no guy would just text you out of the blue. This David guy probably likes you.”
I shifted uneasily. “It’s not like that.”
“You sure about that?”
“Positive.” I felt my insides clench almost painfully and prayed Anna didn’t notice my slight twitch.
“Well, either way, maybe it�
�ll be healthier to set your sights on someone more attainable, because that—” she pointed to my computer screen “—is never going to happen.”
“Gee, thanks.”
She shrugged. “I’m a firm believer in tough love, and honey, you need it.”
Chapter 14
I waited a couple days before I was brave enough to print out my pictures and waited a few more before I scrounged up enough courage to show Jacob.
“Stop being a pussy. Stop being a pussy,” I muttered to myself as I searched through the Student Commons for any sign of funky music or even a glimpse of his chiseled jawline.
For some reason, the building was pretty crowded that day, and as I barreled and shoved my way in between the crowd of students, I was becoming more and more frustrated. There was no way I’d find Jacob at this rate. After being pushed back a few times I was ready to give up my search when I heard a trumpet solo coming from one of the rooms. The distinct scream of the horn filled the air, garnering a smile from me.
“Jackpot,” I whispered, quickly running down an adjacent hallway. I skidded to a stop before ramming into the closed door and quietly pushed it open in time to catch Jacob practicing his signature head spin. Not wanting to distract him, I snuck inside and closed the door softly behind me. Apparently it wasn’t soft enough because Jacob soon came tumbling down in a heap, crashing onto the floor face first.
“Shit!” I yelped, rushing forward. “Jacob, are you okay?”
“Yeah, believe me I’ve had worse.” He rolled into a seated position with his legs stretched out in front of him and scratched his head. I extended my hand, and without hesitation he grabbed onto it, jumping to his feet. The feeling of his skin against mine caused a rush of heat to flow to my core. It was hard to explain, but somehow feeling him made my body feel a bit more whole.
Without letting go of my hand, he eyed me closely, his eyebrows pulled together tight. “What are you doing here? Don’t tell me my music is too loud again.”
The pictures in my other hand felt like hot coal had burned a hole through my skin. Feeling the urge to run away yet again, I instinctively dropped my other hand from his grip and was a bit surprised and disappointed to find myself feeling empty once again. I bowed my head and stammered, “No…I…uh…”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Yes?”
“Um, I actually wanted to show you these.” The words flew out of my mouth quickly, mashing together. I held up the prints and fanned them in the air wildly. “We have a project for my photography class and I decided my theme would be Motion and Emotion. I was hoping you could take a look at them and tell me what you think—for a critique! A critique, I mean…”
I was beyond pathetic.
He shot me a perplexed look but the smile never left his face. “Okay, but I’m far from artistic. I don’t think I’ll be any help.”
“I doubt that,” I offered lamely. I handed him my pictures and stepped back, wincing as he flipped through them—slowly. After a few moments of silence, I felt as if I were about to combust. “So…what do you think?”
No answer.
The seconds felt as if they stretched on for eternity. I bit my lip, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Though his unwillingness to answer felt painful enough, what he did end up saying left me feeling completely obliterated.
“These are terrible.”
“What?” I felt my heart deflate. Where was that rock I could hide under when I needed it?
“They’re wrong. All wrong.” He took a step in my direction and I had to make a conscious effort not to cower in embarrassment. His calloused hand grabbed onto mine, flipping it over so that my palm faced up. I was too confused to realize that Jacob was holding my hand again, but my body certainly felt the difference.
Without a word he placed the pile of pictures onto my palm.
Curling my fingers over, I gazed at the glossy photos and shook my head sadly. What I was once so proud of might as well have been wadded up pieces of trash. “What exactly is wrong with them?” I asked meekly.
He nodded his head and crossed his arms firmly across his chest. “Exactly.”
My eyes bugged out. “Um, come again? I’m confused.”
He leaned over and tapped at the top photo on the pile, its glossy paper reflecting the light of the fluorescent light bulb, which shined above his head like a halo. God, he looked like an angel.
“What do you see when you look at this?” His voice interrupted my thoughts.
My cheeks quickly warmed. “A picture of you doing a freeze.”
“Exactly!”
I rubbed my forehead and sighed. Understanding his critique was even harder than understanding the photography class. “Jacob, what are you trying to say? You’re totally not making any sense.”
His dark eyes softened. “Estelle, anybody can take a picture of some random object, but not everybody can take a picture of a breaker.”
“And I guess I’m the latter,” I whispered glumly. I gazed at the photo and frowned. The photo was actually one of my favorites, capturing Jacob in his signature head spin. In my opinion it was framed perfectly and captured his good side…not that he had a bad one…and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was wrong with it. I bit my lip and looked up at him anxiously. “Can I ask you something then?”
“Sure.”
“How do you take a picture of a b-boy?”
He scrunched up his mouth and shrugged. “It’s not something I can really teach you.”
“Well, that doesn’t help me out much.” I laughed weakly and began to close my fingers tightly around the photographs, feeling the material wrinkle.
Jacob’s hand shot out quickly. “Don’t ruin them.”
I looked at him as if he had just grown two heads. “But you said—”
“Keep them as an example of what not to do.”
Okay, that was a bit harsh.
Before I could respond, he quickly added, “Taking photos of breaking isn’t like taking any other kind of picture. To capture breakdancing, a photographer must immerse himself…er, herself in the music just as much as the dancer does. You said the purpose of this project was to capture emotion, right?”
“Yeah.” Among other things.
“Well, to put it bluntly, that’s one thing you didn’t do with these photos.”
“I…I thought I did,” I stammered. Frowning down at the top print, I frowned. “How do you capture emotion?”
“How?” he repeated, chuckling at my perplexed expression. He bit his lip in thought and grinned. “I’ll tell you what. Come to a few of my practices and I’ll try to show you what I mean. I’m not much of a photographer or anything, but at least I can point you in the right direction when it comes to dancing.”
I gulped. More time with Jacob? This was supposed to help us be friends, right?
“Estelle? Did you hear me?”
I nodded quickly and grabbed at my throat, which suddenly felt parched. “Yeah!” I cleared my throat and lowered my voice. “Wow! I mean, yes. That sounds good. Thank you.”
He grinned. “Perfect. But the way, Joe will be happy you’re actually taking him up on his offer.”
“Wait, what?” I shook my head quickly. “This is just for a project! I didn’t say anything about taking Joe up on anything.”
“Stop right there.” He reached out and pressed a finger against my mouth. Though I was sure his intentions were nothing but to shut me up, I couldn’t ignore how intimate the act felt. A shiver ran up and down my spine. “All that insecurity you’re spewing out is exactly why your pictures won’t turn out well.”
“Insecurity?” I repeated, feeling slightly disappointed when he dropped his finger from my lips.
“Stop thinking of this as ‘just a project.’ If you look at the bigger picture—no pun intended—you might be surprised to see what you’re capable of.”
I refrained from telling him that I was actually quite proud of my capabilities before he criticized them. It wasn’t as
if he volunteered the information, I asked him for it. Keeping my eyes on the photos, I asked, “When’s your practice?”
“You free tomorrow night?”
Hearing him say those words did something strange to my stomach. I nodded slowly. “Yes.”
Always free for you.
His mouth stretched out into yet another devilish grin. “See you then.”
Chapter 15
Jacob told me to meet him in the Performing Arts Building at six the next evening during his friends’ bi-weekly session, and needless to say, I was freaking out about it all day. I went about my classes like a zombie and if I were asked exactly what I learned that day, I wouldn’t be able to answer. My body may have been in class but my mind was definitely with a hot dancer.
Besides obvious reasons, I was also a bit apprehensive about intruding on practice, but Jacob assured me that anyone was welcome to join in.
“Does that include Shawn?” I joked.
Jacob laughed. “After I smoked him in the Battle of Five last year, I’m sure he’d rather avoid me as much as possible.”
“What’s the Battle of Five?” I asked.
“It’s just a really big battle that’s held once a year. There are five judges, five rounds in each battle, and five…well you get the idea. It’s a pretty big deal.”
I couldn’t imagine any battle being bigger than the first one I attended, nor could I imagine spending the next evening stuck in a room with Jacob and all his friends. I thought about inviting Anna along with me, but after our embarrassing blowout the other day, I decided to keep my distance as much as possible, which was pretty easy to do since her mouth was permanently attached to her boyfriend’s lips.
The cool AC blew against my neck as I entered the huge building, reminding me of Jack Frost’s kiss. I shivered and pulled my cardigan tighter against my chest, rubbing my arms to keep warm. No wonder ballerinas always wore leg warmers. If all dance studios were this cold, they’d need layers to keep them from getting hypothermia.
Breaking Hearts (B-boy Book 2) Page 8
