It wasn’t my first rodeo. I’d had my share of up and coming artists who were both full of hope and ego. I knew exactly when to shut down all their fallacies. Still, I couldn’t ignore the weird feeling in my gut that something was amiss. I was nervous. For the first time in five years I was petrified.
“Nothing’s wrong, Estelle. You’re just pissed off that Reggie couldn’t shoot today. Everything will be fine.” Of course my photographer had to call in sick today of all days. Now I was forced to brandish a camera, something I hadn’t done since…well, a time I’d rather forget about.
A feeling that I hadn’t felt for years settled in the pit of my stomach. A bad taste similar to bile rose up my esophagus and I smacked my tongue to get rid of it.
Anxiety.
That was the emotion I felt. It was weird because I’d usually push away nerves and apprehension with no difficulty. It was a big reason why I rose to the top of my company so quickly. I was no longer the scared, insecure little girl from yesteryear. Once I moved to the city I became the confident woman I was always meant to be…at least I thought I did.
“What is wrong with me?” I blew out some air from between my lips and shook out my limbs like my yoga instructor had told me to do once. “I’m just going to walk in, take some pictures, ask some questions, and be done with it. It’s nothing I haven’t done before…except for the picture part, of course.”
That was when it dawned on me. I was nervous because I hadn’t picked up a camera in years! How the hell was I going to take magazine worthy gigs when the last time I took pictures I…
“No, don’t even think about that,” I chastised myself. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before,” I repeated as I climbed the spiral staircase up to the second floor. “I can do this again.”
Once my foot landed on the top step a sudden blare of a trumpet caused me to suck in my breath, snapping me back to a time long ago. The bittersweet pull of nostalgia gripped my core and no matter how hard I tried it would not let me go.
“Shit, don’t tell me they’re a breakdancing crew.” I bit back a groan and walked over to a huge black door, pushing it open. “That would be the worst case scenario.”
What I saw on the other side far exceeded the worst.
I felt the blood drain from my face and an intense cramp grip my stomach. The chiseled jaw, piercing eyes, and other-worldly dance moves no other person could emulate…
“Jacob,” I breathed.
He instantly missed a step, tripping over his feet and nearly tumbled to the ground. I spotted an older looking Rodriguez in the corner, who burst out laughing at the party foul.
Jacob paid him no mind and merely straightened himself, staring at me as if he had just seen a ghost.
“Estelle,” he said quietly.
Kurt’s alligator shoes clicked against the stage. We caught eyes just as he jumped off the ledge and walked over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist. Feeling my cheeks flush, I kept my eyes at my feet, knowing full well that Jacob was staring straight at me.
“You two know each other?” For some reason, Kurt's nasally voice rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was due to the accusation in his tone. When I had first met Kurt he made it perfectly clear that he was a bit on the jealous side. Of course someone like me ate all that doting attention up and didn't care…but now that a huge regret in my life was standing literally just ten feet away from me I had no idea how to play it cool.
Jacob straightened himself and tugged at his shirt, never taking his eyes off of me. Finally figuring out that I wasn’t about to answer Kurt myself, he responded, “We’re old college buddies.”
“Oh really? You went to UVA too?” Kurt's thick lips turned down at the corner as he nodded his head in approval. “Good college.”
Jacob cleared his throat awkwardly and once again wrung the bottom of his fitted black shirt. “Um, no…Cal U, actually.”
“Cal U?’ Kurt repeated. He shot me a blank look and all at once his eyes darkened. Ah, there was the jealous boyfriend I knew too well.
“I…” My voice cracked and I winced, pretending to cough. In a calmer tone I explained, “Remember, honey, I went to Cal U for literally one semester before I had to move back to the east coast.”
Kurt’s furrowed eyebrows immediately relaxed. “Oh, yeah. That’s right.” He shot a glance at Jacob, his expression unreadable. “Well, what a small world, right?”
“E!” Rodriguez called out, jumping off the stage to give me a hug. Oddly enough, Kurt stepped back without so much of a frown. It was definitely not the same reaction he had toward Jacob.
One by one the other b-boys, most of whom I recognized, greeted me. The years had been kind—to some of them at least—and though we all obviously had aged a bit, for the most part they were still the same group of ragtag boys I remembered. Of course there was one face that was missing.
As Crimson released his hold on me, I asked quietly, "Gemma’s not here?"
His eyes widened for a moment before he burst out into hysterics. “Gemma? Oh man, that’s a name I haven’t heard in years. That’s like asking me if Vivian will be coming over. God, I haven’t heard from her in forever either. I wonder how she’s doing.” He turned toward Jacob and snapped his fingers to get his attention. “Yo, Spinja, you remember Gemma, right?”
Though Jacob didn’t respond, his eyes visibly darkened, leaving me wondering what happened after I ran away from his dorm that night.
Must have been a bad breakup. Gee, I wonder why.
You know what I was saying about aging really well? Ahem, Jacob must have drunk a few sips of ambrosia because that man was fine.
He still exuded the same boyish glint from the Cal U days, but he was definitely a red-blooded man now. His hair was a bit shorter, his jaw still straight enough to cut a diamond, but it was now covered with a five o’clock shadow. His eyes…his eyes were still so warm, but now had a fire behind them.
I hoped it was a good fire.
I gulped. “It’s really great to see all of you again.”
Jacob didn’t respond and turned away, walking toward the back of the stage quickly. All at once the impact of my decisions years and years ago hit me tenfold.
Kurt fidgeted beside me and threw me a weird glance. “Are you sure nothing happened between you two? For ‘just friends’ he sure is acting strange.”
I bit my lip and watched Jacob’s body as it disappeared out the back doors of the studio. Seeing him again stirred up something inside of me—it stirred up trouble.
I shook my head slowly and squeezed my boyfriend’s hand reassuringly. “No. It’s just been a while since we’ve seen each other.” I shot a quick glance toward the doorway. “A very long time.”
Chapter 34
“Can you just do that again?” I lifted the camera to my eye and snapped the button. “Not that! What the hell, Crimson? Do those hand hops again!”
Crimson’s thick lips pulled down into a sneer. “Damn, what’s up your ass, girl? I liked you better when you were a novice.”
I pursed my lips and pointed to my camera. “It’ll be less painful if you just hurry and up do this one move. We’ll finish quicker. I’m on a deadline, remember?”
At least it’d be less painful for me. There was nothing worse than having to face Jacob and then having him avoid me as if I had the plague.
I pushed a tendril away from my face and internally cursed the length of my hair. It was another reminder of my painful college days. It figured I’d look like ‘old Estelle’ when I ran into him again.
Crimson did a few more hand-hops, but was noticeably flushing. He was getting tired, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Guess he had aged after all.
Click.
Click.
Click.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jacob’s voice boomed above me. I lifted my head and saw him stomping his way over to the edge of the stage. He squatted down so his crotch was basically at my eye-level.
I pursed my lips
and lifted my chin, not allowing him to get to me. Unfortunately my heart was pounding so rapidly I was afraid it’d fly out of my chest. After a few days’ worth of radio silence, what would I do now that Jacob was suddenly talking to me? Let alone reprimanding me?
I cleared my throat and smirked. “I’m being efficient, Jacob. Something you guys should understand. I’m on a tight deadline and I just really need these pictures. The sooner I have them, the sooner I’ll get out of your hair. I’m sure you’ll like that, right?”
His thick lips twitched slightly. “So, all that talk about feeling the energy of this dance is completely out the window? You’ve forgotten all I’ve taught you?”
“I hate photography,” I snapped. “I just got roped into this because my photographer apparently caught adult chickenpox or something…shingles or some shit.”
Jacob’s eyebrows furrowed. “Are you serious? You hate photography? But you were so good at it.”
Okay, that completely threw me for a loop.
I lifted the left corner of my mouth into a scowl. “Seriously? You expect me to believe that? After all the ‘those are terrible’ speeches you used to give me?”
“When was the last time I told you that? Oh wait, it was before you ran away, remember?” Jacob narrowed his eyes in a way that made me feel as if he were stripping me to my core. I had never felt so exposed until that very moment.
“I…um…” I struggled to respond, but luckily Kurt chose that moment to enter the room. In unison the b-boys and I all turned around as my boyfriend stalked his way toward us. There was just something about him that exuded an air of confidence that was hard to miss. He was regal, no way around it. He commanded attention.
Jacob slinked backward until he was almost hiding behind the other dancers. I frowned, but thought nothing about it.
“I got great news!” He clapped his hands and rubbed them so quickly together I was surprised flames hadn’t sparked between his palms. “Just booked you guys for a showcase at the Hall, this weekend.”
“Shut up!” Pharaoh jumped up and down, pumping his tan fist in the air. “Dude, you have no idea how much I’ve always wanted to go there! And to actually perform? What the hell is happening with my life?”
It was a question I was asking myself, as well.
Kurt turned toward me and ran his finger down the side of my face. It was something I was used to him doing, but for some reason it made me feel cheap this time. It felt as if I were some object or pet he was admiring.
I pressed my lips together and took a slight step back. “I take it you want me to write about this too?”
Kurt shot me a wink. “My girl knows best. You know we need all the promotion we can get.”
Jacob’s stifled cough echoed from stage. It took all my might not to snap.
“Kurt, you know I can’t do that. I’m either writing this profile or writing about this event. I only have 800 words to use and I can’t do both adequately.”
My boyfriend’s grey eyes stared down at me beneath their deep fringe of eyelashes. In a muted tone so soft it seemed as if he hadn’t even spoken, he replied, “Then make it work.”
Chapter 35
Present
“You know, I always wondered what Europe would be like. I’d always wanted to eat some fresh fruit crepes, some fish and chips, and maybe smoke a little legalized pot.”
“You have Colorado, Oregon, and Washington, you dimwit. Not to mention IHOP for the food.” I leaned back, banging my head against the door. It was nearing dawn and my coworkers would be coming soon. I shut my eyes, imagining what lewd ideas they’d come up with once they found me and Jacob locked in my office. That was the thing with writers; they always thought up about five hundred different scenarios and usually only a few were halfway true. I narrowed my eyes and peered over at my once friend, imaginary love of my life, and now interviewee. “Are you sure you don’t have a Swiss army knife or something? Anything to break this door down?”
“It’s your office,” he muttered glumly. “Maybe you should think of packing a screwdriver in your drawer.”
I pursed my lips and hung my head, sneaking glances over at Jacob.
“What is it?” he snapped. “I can see you looking at me.”
It was now or never.
“Jacob, I hope you know I didn’t screw you on purpose, okay? I really was trying to help you out.”
“Oh, so spreading my business was an accident?” He rolled his eyes. “I wasn’t born yesterday.”
“No, they weren’t on purpose, but I promise you I really thought I was helping you.”
“You know I’d be on the flight to the International Battle, right? As we speak I’d be in first class drinking mimosas."
I couldn’t help the slight twitch in my lips. “You don’t seem like a mimosa drinker.”
“And you don’t seem like a backstabber,” he snapped.
“Jac—”
“No, I don’t want to hear it.”
Chapter 36
Past
“Sit down.” I pointed toward the little vinyl stool perched in front of me. It was the most I could do at such late notice and a far cry from the comfortable environment of my office.
Jacob ran his fingers through his thick mess of brown waves and plopped down, attempting to fold his body onto the tiny circular seat. He wasn’t as tall as Kurt by any means, but still looked gigantic on top of the tiny chair.
He folded his legs uncomfortably and grunted. “I guess you’re going to interview me? Ask the hard hitting questions?”
There was no mistaking the malice in his tone. Still, I couldn’t help but think it was misplaced. Sure, I ran away after kissing him, yes, but only because Gemma had walked in on us. Speaking of which…
“So what happened to Gemma?” I arched an eyebrow, staring into his deep chestnut colored eyes. He wasn’t the only one who had the ability to sniff out bullshit. In fact, I’d become somewhat of an expert.
His eyes widened and the vein in his neck throbbed visibly just a few times. “Whoa, that’s a bit abrasive, no?”
I placed my tablet on my lap and crossed my arms tightly. “I think it’s an answer I deserve, don’t you think?”
He ran his tongue over his bottom lip so methodically that I wondered if he knew exactly what he was doing to me. He should. The last time I felt that tongue was…
Stop it, Estelle!
I smoothed back my hair and took a deep breath, filling my diaphragm up completely before exhaling slowly. “You know what? Forget it. Let’s move on.”
Jacob stretched out one leg and crossed his arms. Bowing his head forward, he peered up at me through hooded eyes. “Okay, ask away.”
I picked up my tablet and opened up my notepad app. “So—”
“Why do you want to know about Gemma?” he cut me off.
My head snapped up as if a puppet string was tugging it. “Huh?”
“You asked and now I want to know, why do you care so much?” He puckered his mouth, and despite my negative feelings, I couldn’t help but wonder how it would feel to kiss those lips again.
I blinked my eyes, shaking those thoughts out of my head. “I…I was just wondering why she wasn’t here. Seems like the whole crew stuck together. What happened to her?”
“Mmhmm.”
“Mmhmm? What’s that supposed to mean?” I shot back.
“Are you sure your question doesn’t have anything to do with…”
My eyes darkened. No. I was not going to think of the most humiliating night of my life again and I was not going to allow Jacob to steer me into that direction.
I cleared my throat. “Never mind about that. So, Mr. Silas—”
“Seriously?” he muttered. “Mr. Silas? Are you talking to my father or to me?”
I ignored him and continued speaking, “Tell me, what have you been doing for the last five years?” It wasn’t one of my prepared questions and not one I would ever think of asking another interviewee, but I needed to know
.
I was selfish as hell.
To my surprise Jacob answered right away. “I finished up my degree at Cal U—”
“For teaching, right?”
He nodded, peering into my eyes.
I quickly averted mine and muttered, “Sorry for interrupting. Please go on.”
It was like pulling teeth to get his answer. He sighed and relented. “The guys and I continued competing throughout the years and even moved in together in L.A. before coming out to New York. Needless to say, I put my teaching career on hold to pursue this full-time.”
“Why’d you come all the way over here? I mean, isn’t Los Angeles like a mecca for dancers?”
His eyes narrowed. “I could be asking you the same thing. What brought you up to New York, E?”
“Well, this interview isn’t about me, is it? This interview is about you.” I cleared my throat and typed a few notes into my tablet, which read nothing but gibberish. Shielding the screen from him, I motioned for him to continue.
Rolling his eyes, he took a deep breath and mumbled. “I just wanted to dance. Teaching would be cool, but breaking has an expiry date. My body can’t hold up this way when I’m forty, you know?”
I automatically scanned his body, eyeing his broad shoulders, muscular arms, and taut abdomen. I could almost count the number of his muscles through the thin gray shirt he was wearing. There was no way his body would give up at forty, fifty, or sixty. He was perfect.
I quickly glanced away, attempting to cool down. I was pretty sure my cheeks had flushed as they usually did whenever I was turned on. Attempting to change the subject, I insisted, “Why New York?”
Breaking Hearts (B-boy Book 2) Page 17
