She couldn’t stop her overactive imagination, from replaying this afternoon over and over again, from conjuring up worse scenarios that might happen at any time.
Somebody had smuggled a knife inside, and one inmate stabbed another. Emma hadn’t seen the incident unfold. She’d seen the blood, lots of it, and even though most of the guards were friendly to her, no one told her about the woman’s condition. Emma didn’t know her well. She wanted to be sure she’d live….
Her stomach was churning, an older memory overlaying the pictures, and she felt even worse crying for herself, once more reliving the chain of events that had led her to this prison cell.
Emma had potential. She was taking classes and working in the garden, keeping to herself, keeping her hands clean best she could. It would finally pay off. In a few weeks, she’d be able to leave for the halfway house, adjust to life on the outside again, find a job, a place to live, and re-enter society. She’d had an appointment with the probation officer before the stabbing happened.
Caren who had been present, had tried to intervene, and she got hurt too. Not life-threateningly, but she had to go to the infirmary as well.
Emma was scared of what could happen another day. She was scared of what life on the outside would look like for her. She longed for a past when she hadn’t been so afraid every single day of her life.
* * * *
Marley, who was running the halfway house, had shown Emma around. She was friendly, a bit chatty even which Emma found odd given the work she did. After all, the women who came here had a past, conviction, addiction, something that made society reluctant about welcoming them back. Something that required a transitioning period.
Did she?
Emma had wished so hard for this moment to arrive, to go the next step, to be free save for some appointments and curfews to keep for a little while longer. Being there, in that moment, felt strange and a little scary. That wasn’t normal, was it? She should be happy, appreciative to have left prison behind, and with it, the dangers of getting caught in a potentially life-threatening fight. Caren was doing fine, but neither of them had ever heard about the woman who had been the original target. They hadn’t seen her again. Emma shivered which hadn’t gone unnoticed by Marley.
“I’m sorry if it’s a little fresh in here. We have just started the heating for the year.”
“I’m fine, thank you.” Emma managed a smile, relieved when Marley nodded and continued the small tour. Not needing anything helped with staying under the radar. Staying under the radar had helped her survive.
“Here’s the kitchen. You will share some responsibilities equally. There’s a common room, and a couple that we use for therapy sessions…here. I’m going to show you your room, and then you can settle in before dinner.”
“Thank you.”
The room was a bit warmer, though not a lot bigger than the cell she had exchanged it for. A single bed against the wall, a door opened to a tiny closet. A dresser served as bedside table, and a chair sat beside it.
“The first day can be a bit overwhelming,” Marley commented. “I’ll leave you to it now. Take your time. If you need anything, come find me in the office.”
“Thanks,” Emma mumbled again, overcome with a sudden desire for sleep.
After Marley had left, she put away her clothes, realizing she wasn’t going to fill up even this small space. She stepped in front of the narrow window. Clouds formed a background in various shades of dark grey. The rain was coming down hard now. She was barely able to see the other side of the street.
She was finally here.
Emma had made it this far, because she’d been a model prisoner, barely noticeable to anyone, intent on remaining quiet and invisible—not because anyone had believed her story, the truth, that she was completely innocent in any of the charges brought against her.
It was too late for that. She could only hope to build a new life from everything that had been broken. It made her feel ungrateful and guilty, but she cried anyway.
You couldn’t have everything in life.
* * * *
Present
Some sound or other jolted Emma awake, and after a moment of confusion, she realized she was still in the hospital. Jayce was still in a deep, medicated sleep, the light of the full moon casting shadows in the room. Emma shifted, suppressing a pained sound. No one had kept her from staying, but no one had thought of offering her anything more comfortable but the hard chair either.
Not that she wanted to complain, about anything. All that mattered to Emma was that Jayce was in good hands, and that she’d indeed be okay, as Daniel had promised her. She could deal with everything else. She would.
There was still a wedding in their future, and a honeymoon.
In the dark of the room, clinging to hope, Emma started to make plans. As they were taking shape, she was convinced Jayce would like them too, once she was awake. If only she’d been able to tell her right now...
It was a beautiful vision that eventually allowed her to sleep some more.
* * * *
Jayce was momentarily confused when she woke to find Emma, asleep, and slumped somewhat painfully in the visitor’s chair. She soon realized that those images of other hospital stays, and her subsequent struggles, belonged in the past. They had come to her in bizarre dreams.
So far, so good.
She was still here. Emma had spent the night here waiting for her to wake up. She longed to know what happened, if Tanya was okay, and about the arrests that had been made. She wanted to have that conversation with Lieutenant Chomsky…but in her current state, it was obviously too much to ask for. This time, however, her sleep was without nightmares.
* * * *
Emma could truly say she’d never been so grateful in her life as in that moment when Jayce was awake, still exhausted, but happy to see her. All those other experiences, lucky breaks she’d gotten lately, paled in comparison.
Kitty and Daniel had been in and out, both of them insisting that Emma take a few days off. These days, her financial situation actually allowed her to do so. She found it hard to leave the room, if only for a short time to shower and change.
She could see their point when she nearly fell asleep during one of their visits, when she felt like she could let down her guard a little. Besides, she wanted to be there for Jayce when she’d come home. Whatever challenges lay ahead, based on the past, this time, they’d handle them together.
When the day came, Emma was prepared thanks to Kitty’s insistence that she’d take a few hours to go home and sleep in the past days. She had also stocked Jayce and Emma’s freezer with home-cooked meals. Keisha had come by as well, and, assuring Emma that she was more than happy to work more hours.
Elvis greeted them at the door, happily brushing up against Jayce’s legs.
“Someone is happy to see me,” she joked.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” Emma said, and nearly burst into tears. She picked up Elvis, tried to breathe through it, but the tears started falling anyway. “I’m so sorry. Would you like a glass of water? Lie down for a bit?”
“Emma.”
“I could get you the comforter if you’d like to watch some TV…”
“I will lie down. And I’d like you to come with me. There’s nothing pressing at the moment.”
Though still embarrassed, Emma could easily admit that this was the best idea of all. They needed to be close.
* * * *
There were setbacks as well. Given the nightmares at the hospital, Jayce wasn’t surprised to find herself triggered into the darkest episode of her past.
Emma being around made it easier, and then there were moments when, unintentionally, she made it harder. Being in pain, being afraid of going down a dangerous road once more, wasn’t a good enough reason to yell at her. That’s why she had retreated to the bathroom in the middle of the night, praying this episode would be over soon, tempted to throw all caution in the wind.
But they didn’t have an
ything stronger than Tylenol in the house.
“Talk to me.” Emma stood in the doorway. She came into the bathroom, and sat next to Jayce on the rim of the tub.
It was Jayce’s turn to be on the verge of a breakdown, only because she had so much more to live for now, and still couldn’t seem to get it right.
“I know,” Emma whispered. “You’ll be all right.”
Jayce didn’t have the energy to snap at her. She was grateful not to be alone. Against all odds, they both had to laugh, when an angrily meowing cat reminded them it was still in the middle of the night.
* * * *
And then there were better days, becoming more and more, until they were the rule rather than the exception. Her leave would be coming to an end.
Lieutenant Chomsky had come to visit her as well, but Jayce thought the hospital wasn’t a good setting for the conversation they needed to have. Besides, she wanted to make her point clear, looking a bit less worse for wear when the moment came. For the time being, when things were still difficult and in the balance, Jayce was grateful for Emma’s steadfast presence, and she didn’t mind getting pampered a bit. However, it took some creative measures to get her out of the house that day. Even at the reminder that only one of them was working at the moments, Emma had doubts.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
“The fridge is full of meals that just need to be micro-waved. I’ll be fine. Remember we have a wedding and a honeymoon coming up. We’re going to have to pay for that.”
Emma laughed, obviously happy with the reminder. In the past few days, there hadn’t been a lot of time to focus on these subjects.
“I guess I can’t argue with that.”
“No, you can’t. But you could bring some samples for invitations, and we look at them later?”
“I’ll do that. You call me if you need anything…”
“It’ll be okay. Go.”
They kissed, and then Emma was gone, leaving Jayce with a little under half an hour to prepare another coffee, and her speech.
Elvis watched her attentively while she paced the kitchen, talking to herself. Aware of the cat’s intense gaze, she stopped.
“You’re right, this is silly. It’s not like anyone can make that decision but me. And I made it, right?”
A meow was the answer, as much of an affirmation Jayce was going to get for now.
This was a somewhat odd situation. The lieutenant had never been to Jayce’s home. It was the first time Jayce saw her in casual clothes like this. This might make the talk easier—or harder. They’d find out.
“Thanks for having me.” Chomsky shook her hand, taking a look around. “You have a beautiful home.”
“Thank you. Can I offer you something? I made coffee.”
“I’ll have one, thanks. Can I help you with anything?”
“No thanks, I’m okay.”
So much for the initial niceties. From the kitchen, Jayce could hear Chomsky talking to Elvis in a soft tone, something that made her smile. This might be easier than she had expected. She had good reasons after all.
Jayce returned to the living room with two cups of coffee—she knew Chomsky took hers black—and a plate of cookies on a tray.
“You’re probably wondering why I asked you here,” she said.
“I think I know. It’s not much of a secret that you were looking for a change of pace. Given the circumstances, I understand. The situation got out of hand.”
“Yeah. I don’t blame anyone, but maybe I didn’t make myself clear the last time. It was different before the halfway house. I don’t feel like I have anything left to prove. That’s on me, though. I understand that you might not be able to accommodate my wishes in the long run, and if that’s the case…respectfully, I will resign.”
She could tell from the way the lieutenant’s eyes widened that this news came unexpected.
“You have thought this through.”
“I had a lot of time to think.”
“I imagine. I know you’ve wanted out of the undercover assignments for a while, and believe me, I understand. I didn’t get the impression you didn’t want to be a cop any longer.”
Jayce suppressed a sigh, taking a sip of her coffee for a moment of stalling.
“That’s not the point, not for me. But I’m aware I can’t pick and choose all the time, and I’ve realized…There’s too much on the line. I don’t have just me to consider any longer.”
“You’ve earned the right to pick and choose a little—but there’s something else I wanted to run by you. Perhaps you’d be able to make time to study.”
“I’m not sure I understand what you’re saying…”
“I’ll be leaving at the end of the year. Don’t worry, it’s for another job. This is a great opportunity, and I don’t see why I shouldn’t create them for someone else if I can. I’ll miss this unit greatly, but it would be a great relief to know it’s in good hands.”
Jayce stared at her, speechless. A moment ago she had talked resignation. This was life-changing as well, in a completely different direction.
“I kid you not, dealing with the higher-ups and politics sometimes can feel like an undercover job—but they aren’t going to shoot at you.”
“I hope not.” Jayce wasn’t sure if it was okay to laugh at the joke—or what to say, at all. If she got this right, it would be an amazing career opportunity.
“Would you leave the coffeemaker?”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Chomsky warned, but she sounded amused. “I value your work, but where I go, the coffeemaker goes. All right—what do you say?”
* * * *
Work kept Emma busy, even though she found the time to check her cell phone at regular intervals. There was no message from Jayce, because, realistically, Jayce would be fine by herself for a few hours. Still, she was relieved when, at the end of her shift, she could grab the folder with the samples and head home. Emma was happy that after the harsh detour, they’d be able to shift the focus back to their immediate plans for the future.
There was one more thing to solve first, but that would have to wait until Jayce was cleared to go back to work. Jayce had told her not to worry. Emma worried a bit, because she knew Jayce was passionate about her job, and if she couldn’t negotiate for the changes she wished to happen, would she find something else she could be just as passionate about? Emma had changed careers, because she didn’t have a choice, and it hadn’t always been easy. She had to admit that her first job, moving money around for people, hadn’t been a vocation. She’d been fairly good at it and made a comfortable living before everything else went downhill. At this point, she wasn’t worried about money. She had a job she liked going to every day, and she wanted the same for Jayce.
She was surprised to see the dining table set for a candle light dinner.
“Hey.”
Emma turned around to see Jayce leaning against the door frame.
“I’m sorry nothing’s made from scratch, but we need to go through all the meals Kitty made us. Based on last week, I’m sure it’s going to be delicious.”
“Yeah. This looks great. I brought the samples too.”
Emma put the bag on the coffee table and walked closer to carefully embrace Jayce.
“You can hug a little harder,” Jayce said, laughing a little. “Lieutenant Chomsky made me an offer that’s going to be hard to refuse. Well, in fact as long as I pass the test, it’s a go.”
Emma pulled back a little, trying to make sense of what she’d just heard.
“What kind of offer? You won’t have to leave the unit, will you?”
“No, she’s the one who’s leaving, for another job. Someone will have to do hers, and she thought I might be good at it.”
“That’s amazing, congratulations!”
“I know I said harder is okay, but…ouch.”
“I’m so sorry. Sorry.” Emma stepped back, sending a prayer of thanks to whatever higher power had listened. This was bett
er than anything she could have hoped for. “This is such great news. Lieutenant Finney.”
“Well, not yet, but I do like the sound of it.”
It was good being able to make long-term plans again, and not be afraid. It was something, Emma realized, that she’d been missing for a long time.
“I guess we have some work to do, then, planning the wedding and the honeymoon…But now I’m starving.”
“Okay. Let’s take a look at Kitty’s Delicacies.”
* * * *
They had never planned a big wedding, so gathering their closest friends at the town hall, only a few weeks later, had been easy. They had found a venue for the reception close by.
While they were waiting, Emma’s hand in hers, Jayce took a moment to regard the other couples, wondering if all of them were truly aware of the magnitude of the moment, not taking this day, and the right they executed, for granted.
The happiest day of all.
Jayce had never imagined she would marry in white, but gestures mattered. She and Emma deserved this, just like every other couple in the room. The dress, the cake, the wedding dance afterwards. And, of course, the ceremony and the paperwork to show that their city, their country, respected their marriage like any other.
“What are you thinking?” Emma asked, smiling, looking stunningly beautiful. Jayce let a few seconds go by before she answered, because otherwise, she might burst into tears. That, too, was unexpected. She leaned in to kiss her, quickly and spontaneously, because—who would stop her?
“You can’t wait, can you?” Daniel joked.
“You got me.”
“Stop harassing her,” Kitty chastised him. “Do I have to remind you that when we got married, you were so eager to get out there, you nearly forgot to tie your shoelaces?”
The shared laughter eased her nervousness some. Jayce hadn’t imagined how much nerves would come with this day regardless of the pure unadulterated happiness.
“Jayce, can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Of course. Be nice to my future wife,” she advised their friends and followed her supervisor to the corner a few steps away. There hadn’t been much of an opportunity to have a personal conversation with her boss since the last time, but Jayce could imagine what was on her mind these days. It hadn’t been easy for Jayce to get where she was. The path had been even harder for Chomsky, a woman of a different generation.
Jayce & Emma Page 25
