by Lila Felix
“Sometimes I do. I wonder why she didn’t want me. I wonder where she is and if she has any pictures of my parents. Some days I can’t remember them at all. I remember things they said or if I smell lilacs, it smells like my mom. But I think if I reconnected with Aunt Elaine that maybe it would bring some of that back. I don’t know.” She shrugged and put the glasses in the cabinet.
I nodded in response.
We heard Nellie call Reed from the other room and she put the plate she was drying down and practically ran to her. I took a minute to order dinner. I heard the shower and figured it was Nellie needing Reed to help her. She was still very weak and had lost lots of blood. Owen was going to beat me senseless when he got home and found out I didn’t find him. And I couldn’t say I would blame him one single bit. And if I had called Mom she would leave Italy with or without my dad. I didn’t know if I was doing the right thing or not. But I knew I was honoring Nellie’s wishes, even if they got me beaten like a red headed step child.
I answered the door and paid the delivery guy. I ordered Thai food for Reed and me. Nellie got egg drop soup. It was her favorite and the meds were making her nauseous.
“Dude, I know you got me egg drop soup.” Nellie said, entering the room looking like a drenched pink and purple rat.
“Duh. I also put Say Anything in the DVD player.” She walked up to me and hugged me long and hard. And just when I thought she was done, her body shook with sobs.
“Ah, Nellie. I’m sorry honey. I’m so sorry.” I picked her up and sat down on the couch, still holding on to her. She cried for hours. I didn’t try to console her or fill her with empty wishes. I just held onto her and let her grieve her baby. I’d never seen Nellie so vulnerable as I did in that moment but I treated her like she deserved—like I would expect my brothers to treat Reed.
She fell asleep or passed out sometime later and we laid her out on the couch. Reed grabbed pillows and blankets and made sure she was comfortable. The whole time I held Nellie, Reed looked at me and though I thought I knew her facial expressions by heart, this was a new one. She grabbed my hand and told me that I needed to eat. We sat at the table and ate without words.
“Have you always been this great at taking care of people?” She asked me.
“I don’t know about great. But yeah, out of the three of us, I was always the one who did the other one’s chores so they wouldn’t get in trouble. I watched them on the playground to make sure no one hurt Owen or Maddox, Maddox mostly. One time Owen got the bright idea to heat up a buffalo nickel with a blow torch and branded Maddox with it. I think Owen was in middle school and we were still in elementary. Maddox covered for Owen saying that he wanted it, like a tattoo since he’d never seen a buffalo nickel before. But I was the one who snuck into the medicine cabinet and put burn cream and bandaged it for a week while it healed. He’s still got the imprint of a nickel on his side.”
“A nickel? Those guys are insane. Wow—I have trouble just taking care of myself.” She said and smiled as she stabbed a piece of chicken.
“Nah, you turned out pretty awesome. And you always try to take care of me.”
Nellie stirred on the couch and woke up again. “Don’t eat my soup, damn it.” She said, groggily.
We stayed with her the rest of the week. Amber and everyone else from the store came up to visit and I went down and made sure everyone got paid and her bills were handled. Reed stayed with Nellie every night. Late Sunday night Owen called Nellie to say that he was on his way home from Grand Isle. I knew my brother. His first instinct would be to take care of Nellie but his second would be anger. And I would be the easiest, closest target. Reed frantically called Maddox and I laughed at her.
“What babe? You think I can’t defend myself? Come on. Owen’s not that big.”
“It’s not funny Falcon.”
Nellie put on her strong face, got dressed and sat on the chair in the living room waiting to deliver the news to him. Reed sat next to her and held her hand. Mad arrived a few minutes after Reed called him.
An hour later he came in the apartment door flew open and Owen had the biggest smile on his face until he saw us.
“What happened? Nellie, are you ok?” He sat on the coffee table in front of her. I saw her take a strengthening breath before she started, “Owen, we lost the baby.”
“What? Why? When?” He held her face in his hands as he begged her to explain.
“It happened Tuesday night. They said there was nothing I could’ve done to prevent it. It just happened.”
He grabbed her off of the chair and pulled her into his lap. They sobbed together and I could hear him whispering words that every husband should whisper to their wife when she cried. Maddox, Reed and I quietly left the apartment. Maddox got in his truck without a word and sped off. That kid was acting really weird lately.
We got to Reed’s house and for the first time since the night she called 911, she looked like she might break down and cry. She’d been so damned strong this whole past week. I knew she would have to let it go sometime. She showered after me and I went to make a sandwich. I had just polished it off when I heard the muffled sobs coming from her bathroom.
I threw the plate in the sink, stalked down the hall, and threw open the bathroom door without hesitation. She sat on the counter of the sink, wrapped in a white towel. She reached around my neck as I reached for her waist and I carried her to the bedroom and sat in a big ass saffron colored chair that she ‘had to have’. And after a few minutes, I found myself whispering words of assurance to her automatically.
“Hey, it will be ok. Owen and Nellie are like concrete. They’re going to make it through this.”
“I know. She told me yesterday she didn’t know if she wanted to try again. She said it was too painful to lose this baby. “
“Yeah, she told me that too. But I’m sure one day she will change her mind. She’s wanted to be a mom for as long as I’ve known her. She just keeps it to herself because it wasn’t always the right time for a family.”
She sat up, something registered in her brain. “Do you want a family? We never talked about that. “
“Yeah, of course I do. If I could be even half of the father my dad is to me, I would be lucky. Why? Don’t you?”
She looked down and for a split second I took it as a ‘no’. “Yeah, I would love to have kids, but I wouldn’t have the faintest clue about being a good mother. I remember some things about my mom but I know more about what not to do than what to do. If I could, I would want to be a mom who stays home with her kids. Does that sound stupid?”
I pictured Reed, a little older, in the kitchen with a little Falcon sitting on the counter with a plate of chocolate chip cookies. It was extremely male pigheaded of me to think like that but damn it, I couldn’t help it.
“It doesn’t sound stupid at all. It sounds like one of the best aspirations I’ve ever heard. What about college? I thought you wanted to be a Botanist?”
“I do. But I can do both. I can use the gardens at this house for research. Would you be ok with that? Me staying at home while you work? That would suck for you.”
I couldn’t think of anything that sucked about that scenario.
“Not in my book.” I shrugged.
She smiled and cocked her head a little to the side. “You’re planning it out in that head of yours aren’t you? I bet you’ve already got our kids’ names picked out.”
“Shut up. I do not. Not really, I mean, I’ve toyed around with…shut up!”
This sent her into a giggle frenzy which was what I aimed for, better than Solemn Sally. She was too bright of a star in my life for such sadness.
“Ok, get your butt dressed. Naked, while you’re talking about having a family. Not a good idea, Poppy” I set her on the floor and gave her a push in the right direction with a slap on her behind.
“Ow, ok, ok, geez.”
She went in the bathroom and minutes later emerged with white pajama pants with hearts on and an old p
ink derby t shirt. I tried not to stare, I did.
“What? Did I get toothpaste on my shirt? I’m notorious for that.”
“Nah, you’re just so damned pretty.”
“And you’re awfully gushy tonight. What gives?”
I shrugged and climbed into bed and she sat next to me, brushing her long teal hair.
Chapter 30
Reed
I always thought that feet were creepy little bastards. I mean, you walk on them all day and then there’s those athlete’s foot commercials, gross.
But when Falcon touched them? Yeah, I love my feet.
Just when I thought he couldn’t get any sweeter. When I thought I had discovered the depths of his goodness, he pushes it to the next level and surprises me again. I had cried today for Nellie, for Owen, for their baby and for our family. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone hold me while I cried. The lady at social services did that side hug around my shoulders thing after my parents died. And Farrah hugged me, but she wasn’t a big fan of hugging. But to be held by someone who loved me? I’ve never known comfort like that.
As I finished one side of my hair and moved to the other, Falcon moved to sit behind me. He took the brush from my hand and I questioned why. Then I knew that his sweetness knew no bounds. He pulled the rest of my hair over my shoulders and began brushing it for me. This is when I realized how damn lucky I was to be the one who got to marry him and spend my life being the recipient of his wooing. I let him finish my hair and as I heard the wood of the brush clang against the bedside table, I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck as hard as I could. He pulled me by the back of my thighs closer to him.
“I have to say, I miss the orange, Poppy.” He pouted his bottom lip out and I couldn’t resist. I took his lip between my teeth and bit gently. His hands went underneath my shirt and his fingertips grazed my spine.
“Will it always be like this?” I asked him breathlessly.
“Like this? Me wanting you the way I do? You, in front of me, too sexy for your own good? Yeah, I can’t imagine ever getting enough of you. And I swear every time I see you I love you more.” That bought him another kiss, this time I ground myself against him. He broke away instantly.
“You so cannot do that if you intend to make it to our wedding night.”
“Aha,” I poked him in the chest. “I knew you weren’t just willy nilly waiting around. You were waiting for something specific to happen—like a wedding.”
“Yep, so unless you want me to drag you to a Justice of the Peace right now. You need to stop your little vixen antics.”
I somersaulted off of him to my side of the bed. “Ugh, fine. And by the way, I miss the orange too. This makes me look like the Twitter bird.”
“You look beautiful no matter what. But the orange suited you and your nickname.”
We both quieted and I watched his chest as the more rapid rising and falling changed to a deeper breathing pattern.
“Owen didn’t get mad like you thought he would.” I chastised him.
“Give him a minute, babe. Once the sadness subsides a little, he’ll come after me with both barrels.”
I rolled over to rest my head on his stomach, “You’re not worried? He’s a big guy.”
“Nah,” he stroked my hair and I began to fall asleep.
~~~~~~~~~
Four days later Nellie returned to work with Owen in tow, shadowing her. I worked my regular shift and Nellie gave Amber instructions on the drills she wanted us to run in practice since she wouldn’t be there this week.
And run them she did. I’ve never been worked out that hard in my life. It’s like Amber had waited for her opportunity to run the practice so she could kill us all. We practiced jumps until I thought my kneecaps would fall off. And Katy Scerry was off her game tonight. She fell backwards onto me and her elbow landed right in my mug. I know it’s derby, I do, but damn I would’ve loved to leave one practice without looking like a punching bag.
I jumped into my car after practice and I had a text asking me to meet Falcon at the restaurant. I knew his parents were due back today and I suspected they wanted to see the ring. I went in through the back door since I still wore my derby practice stuff. When I entered there was a full blown family brawl going on in the kitchen. Sylvia was holding Nellie while Chase was trying to be a wall between Falcon and Owen. And Maddox just stood on the side, observing.
I stuck my fingers in my mouth and whistled as loudly as I could, a trick I learned from one of my foster moms who had too many children. They all turned to me in shock.
“Everybody calm down. What’s going on?”
Owen started, “Oh nothing. Just that I’m going to beat Falcon’s ass for not immediately coming to get me when my wife had a miscarriage. He thinks the best friend thing trumps marriage.”
Falcon was back in his face again, as close as he could get with Chase in between them. “I do not you stupid steroid oaf. She asked me not to tell. She made me promise. What’d you want me to do, swim around the f’in Gulf of Mexico until I found you? Don’t be an asshole, Owen.”
“You’re calling me an asshole? You? I oughta kick your punk ass just for that.”
Falcon retaliated, “You’ve never dreamed about the day you thought you could kick my ass bro. Get a grip.”
It was at that moment that Maddox stepped in. He grabbed Falcon and Owen by the ears and dragged them both outside. Maddox was just as tall as his elder brothers and was somewhere in between them, muscle wise. Chase moved to Sylvia who was crying right along with Nellie. I felt like an idiot, a party crasher.
“Reed, honey, come here. Nellie told us how you took care of her and called the ambulance. Thank you, Honey. At least my two girls have some sense about them.” She pulled me close and lowered her voice to a whisper. “And we’ll talk about that rock on your finger when things aren’t so heated.”
I looked at her in awe. She noticed my ring in the midst of this craziness. I nodded at her and the boys came back in at that moment. Maddox had apparently straightened them out because they both looked guilty as Hell.
Owen approached me and my eyes widened and I tried to take a step back but I was against one of the counters. He picked me up under my arms and squeezed the crap out of me. He put me down and said, “I’m sorry Reed. You and Falcon took care of Nellie when I wasn’t here. I’m sorry for being such an ass. You’re gonna be my sister soon and I would do anything for you just like you would for Nellie. Thank you for everything.”
He put me down and I looked to Falcon for assurance. He mouthed, ‘it’s ok’ at me and I knew that they had somehow made a truce outside.
Sylvia clapped her hands and we all came to attention. “Ok, I’m cooking for us all. I could use a meal made from my own hands. Everybody’s ok now, right? The Black family is cool, right?” She looked to every face in the room for some kind of confirmation of her words. They all nodded or smiled at her separately. I waited for them to disperse, looking at the floor when I realized they were all looking at me.
“Ahem, you too, Missy, you’re gonna be a Black soon. I need a nod or something.” Serious, take charge Sylvia was spectacular, by the way.
I said “Yes Ma’am,” and she went into motion fixing a meal fit for kings.
Falcon approached me and enveloped me in his embrace and sighed loudly next to my ear. “You saved the day sweet girl,” he whispered to me. “I just whistled, Falcon.” I chuckled back at him. “Yeah, but it was what we needed to snap us out of our ridiculousness. You came just in time like always. And my mom totally noticed your ring.”
“I know. She said we would talk later. I almost didn’t put it back on after practice but I figured they’d found out sometime.”
“I can’t wait until you’re wearing that ring and nothing else at all.” I gasped and quickly poked my head around. Thank God everyone else was involved in their own private conversations to hear him say that. I pulled back a little to look him in the eye.
“I’m glad I’m not alone there. ‘Cause I can’t wait to see your face when I’m wearing nothing but this ring.”
“So mean.” He kissed the tip of my nose and went to help his mom. Owen joined them on the other side of the counter and I watched the three brothers look at each other and all was forgotten.
“Jeez,” Nellie sidled up next to me, “And they say girls are dramatic.” We laughed as we sat on stools and watched the Black magic happen.
By the end of the night, we were all back to normal. Falcon and I were thoroughly interrogated about the proposal and the wedding details, which there were none. By the end of the night, I had blushed so much, I was afraid the rose color had permanently inked my face.
We drove home and as he unlocked the door I said, “We have the best family.” It just came out of my mouth. If I wouldn’t look absolutely ludicrous for slapping myself in the mouth, I would, because it deserved it.
He smiled and I could tell he wanted to say more but instead he simply replied, “Yeah, we sure do.”
He went to the bedroom and I went for the freezer and grabbed a pint of blackberry cobbler ice cream, two spoons, and headed for the bedroom. I stripped down and only changed my shirt, not caring a lick about only being in my t shirt and boy shorts. I climbed in bed, pint and all and turned on the TV. I flipped channels while he was in the shower and came across Pretty in Pink. I knew he was an 80’s fanatic, but there was no way a guy would watch Molly Ringwald—no way.
He came in and before I could even tell him what was on he said, “Has Ducky sang that song yet, in the record store?” You’ve got to be kidding me.
“No, not yet. It’s just the beginning. Her Dad’s making her eggs.”
“That she doesn’t eat—nice.” He ran a towel through his hair and sat next to me. I scooped a glob of ice cream onto a spoon and handed it to him. We ate the pint as we watched that rich guy make an ass of himself again and again.
I got up to put the spoons in the kitchen and went to brush my teeth. I turned around and leaned against the counter, still brushing my teeth and met the glare of Falcon, clearly fighting some kind of internal battle.
