by SJ West
“Where do you think she went?” Lucas asks, breaking my train of thought.
“Somewhere far away, I hope.” Even as I say the words, I have a bad feeling Helena won’t waste her anger. She’ll find a target for it, and I fear her focus will lead her straight back to Malcolm and the others.
Chapter 9
(Malcolm’s Point of View)
After Helena leaves, we decide the best course of action is inaction, at least for now. If we move in the wrong direction, it might pull us even farther away from Anna and Lucas and cause us to lose what ground we’ve already gained to reach them. There is a slim chance we could choose the right path, but in this fog, and considering the fact that we are playing by Helena’s rules, it isn’t likely we would be that lucky. The howls of the Watcher children continue to fill the air all around us. I can see the toll their continued presence is taking on Jered. I look over at Slade and see pity on his face for what our fellow Watcher is enduring.
Slade’s own son, Romulus, didn’t find out about his father’s hellhound bite and subsequent decision to sell his soul to Lucifer until after Slade’s death. Rom was as clueless as the rest of us about his father’s treachery until it was too late to help him.
Slade and Rom had begun their journey toward redemption together by choosing to help Lilly and protect her from Lucifer’s followers back in the day. After Jess and the other vessels sealed the Tear, they both went before God and asked for His forgiveness for their past transgressions. But after Slade died and we all learned of his deceit, Rom ended up feeling like an outsider to our group and avoided the rest of us as much as possible. He seemed to feel guilt by association. None of us blamed him for Slade’s actions, but Rom blamed himself for not seeing what had happened to his father. He felt as though he should have known something was wrong. Rom was able to live out his life as a human, just as my own son was fortunate enough to do. At least Slade doesn’t have the added burden of knowing Rom is among the Watcher children here in Hell. His son is in Heaven now, a privilege Slade himself seems to want to earn again.
When Helena reappears before us, the look of anger on her face warns that this visit won’t be as benign as her previous ones.
“How can you stand to have someone like Lucas around all the time?” she asks me in a grave tone.
I involuntarily grip my sword tighter. “What have you done to him?” I demand.
“Nothing … yet. And go ahead and use that sword on me, Malcolm. I dare you to. Anna couldn’t hurt me with her powers. What makes you think your puny sword can do anything to me?”
Cade steps up with a murderous look on his face. “Tell me you haven’t hurt Lucas, Helena. He’s an innocent in all of this.”
Helena looks at Cade like she hates him more than any of the rest of us.
“He’s fine!” she snaps irately. “I haven’t harmed the miracle child.”
“That’s good to hear,” Jess says, her voice low and threatening. If you could will someone dead, Helena would be vaporized by the look Jess is giving her right now.
She stares at Jess for a moment before saying, “Of anyone here, I suppose it’s only right that you feel the most guilt over his current predicament. After all, you’re the one who killed him in his first life.”
Jess’ face falls in shock, like Helena just slapped her.
“Oh,” Helena says, as if she’s realized something important. She looks around at the War Angels and says, “Do we need a little tutorial about what happened on alternate Earth? I would hate for the rest of you to be clueless about what I’m talking about. Although, it really does have more of a punch if you see it for yourself.”
She snaps her fingers, and the fog rolls away from us like waves moving in reverse.
I swallow hard when I see the scene she’s conjured for us to watch. It’s an exact replica of the moment Gabe sacrificed himself to save us on alternate Earth. I quickly look over at Jess and see tears fill her eyes from a wellspring of unforgotten grief as she looks at the illusion of Gabe standing behind the Gabriel of that alternate reality. His arm is outstretched, and his hand is just about to touch his counterpart on the shoulder. The scene is frozen, giving us all time to soak in the details.
I’ve tried my best to forget this instance from my past, and that fact has often made me feel a deep sense of guilt. The truth is that it hurts too much to think about losing Gabe here. He was the bravest of us all and sacrificed everything he was or ever would be in this moment. He did it not only to ensure that we all made it back home, but to also end the apocalypse on alternate Earth. He proved to everyone who witnessed his sacrifice that it isn’t necessary to have superpowers to be a hero. All that is required is a sense of right and wrong that leads your heart to do whatever needs to be done, no matter the personal cost.
We’re standing in a replica of the crater on Mt. Rainier. Jess, Mason, Jered, and I were the only ones visible to the Gabriel in this reality, but the other vessels were standing invisible behind us to bear witness to Gabe’s sacrifice and to make sure he was surrounded by loved ones when he left us. Since this is Jess’ memory, we can see everyone, including JoJo. The grief on my dear friend’s face tears at my heart. I spent a great deal of time with her after we returned home. I promised Gabe I would look out for her and their son, Gabriel. I kept true to that pledge and have looked after their descendants ever since. With Lucas being the last of their line, it seems appropriate that Gabe would come back to Earth as him.
I look up into the dark sky and see what’s left of the moon as it approaches this Earth. As this moment transpires, I know that the remnants of the moon will be torn apart by the Earth’s gravity field to form a ring around the planet that bears Gabe’s name: the Kinlan Ring. I thought it a fitting monument to my friend’s life and what he gave up to save us all.
“Remember this moment, Jess?” Helena says as she walks around the back of Gabe’s figure, taking in the scene. “Sorry, that really was an unnecessary question, wasn’t it? Of course you remember. This is your memory, after all. Hmm, what do you think Gabe felt when he touched his counterpart in this world? Excruciating pain, or nothing?” She walks over to Jess to stand directly in front of her. “Unfortunately, I have no idea, but I do know you felt so much guilt it practically ate your heart away.”
Mason places his body in between Helena and Jess as a protective barrier.
“At least Jess has a heart,” he tells her scathingly. “To be so powerful, you seem awfully petty when it comes to revenge, Helena. Did Jess’ relationship with Lucifer make you so jealous that you’re willing to use anything you can to hurt her?”
Helena begins to laugh. “Oh, that’s rich coming from you, Mason.” Her eyes narrow on him. “You’re a fine one to talk so condescendingly to me about jealousy. Does Jess even know what you used to do to satiate your own?”
I notice Mason’s back stiffen after Helena’s accusatory question.
“I thought not,” she says triumphantly. “Otherwise, there wouldn’t be so much guilt associated with those memories of yours.”
“What is she talking about, Mason?” Jess asks, sniffing and wiping the tears from her eyes with the tips of her fingers.
“Why don’t I just show you what I’m talking about?” Helena says snidely to Jess as she peers at her over Mason’s shoulder. “I’m sure we would all love to see what haunts Mason the most.”
The scene changes, and I see Jess and Lucifer sitting at a cozy, candlelit table in the Eiffel Tower restaurant. They’re the only ones in the restaurant because he had a yearly standing reservation for this day. He would rent the space from the owner to make sure they received the best service and had privacy. While we were on alternate Earth, Lucifer bargained for alone time with Jess in exchange for his help with certain things there. His first request was for an hour on her birthdays. When we needed his help a second time, he upped the ante to one whole day at any time of his choosing once a year. I knew this had to be one of her birthdays, because he alw
ays took her there for supper to celebrate. I have a sinking feeling I know why Helena is showing Jess this particular scene. Jess may not, but I’m sure Helena will happily clear up her confusion.
“What does my memory of this birthday have to do with Mason?” Jess asks, still clueless even after all these years. I thought for sure Mason would have told her about this by now. He’d had years in Heaven to come clean with this particular secret.
“The two of you really should talk more,” Helena says with a disparaging laugh. “After all this time, she still doesn’t know how you stalked her and Lucifer on their dates, Mason?”
“I wasn’t stalking her,” he says defensively. “I was trying to protect her.”
“Hmm, no,” Helena says, drawing out the negative, indicating that Mason is lying. “You may want to believe you were being noble in your actions, but that’s not entirely true, is it? It may have started out that way, but after so many years of Lucifer doing nothing but being a perfect gentleman with Jess, I think your behavior could definitely be categorized as stalking. Did you know he was aware that you were watching him with your little wifey? At the time, it just added joy to these little excursions of theirs, especially this one.” Helena looks at Jess and smiles wickedly. “I think you know why I chose this particular birthday, don’t you, Jess?”
“Yes,” she answers in a hollow voice. “I know why.”
Jess looks shell-shocked about discovering Mason’s secret in this way. I’m sure it isn’t how she wants to appear to Helena, but it’s a natural reaction she’s unable to conceal.
Helena’s smile turns triumphant. “Well, I don’t want everyone else to feel left out of this conversation. Let’s watch this scene together and discover what happens.”
The scene is set into motion, and we all watch what should have remained a private moment between Jess and Lucifer.
“What is this,” Lucifer begins as he pours some Dom Pérignon champagne into Jess’ long-stemmed glass, “your forty-fifth birthday?”
“Please, don’t remind me,” Jess groans as she reaches for her refilled glass.
As she takes a sip, Lucifer says, “You’re not that old, and you still look good for your age.”
“Did you just compliment or insult me?” she asks, setting her glass back down near her plate. “It’s hard to tell with you most of the time.”
“After all these years, I thought you would be able to distinguish the difference by now.”
“You’re still an enigma to me,” Jess admits, eyeing him curiously. “I can’t always tell what’s going on inside that devious little mind of yours. In fact, I thought you would have gotten bored with these yearly visits of ours by now and stopped making me honor my debt to you.”
Lucifer sits back in his chair, eyeing Jess across the table. He shrugs his shoulders a bit and says, “It’s the only time we get to talk without your overbearing husband listening to every word we say to each other.”
“Mason isn’t overbearing, and he doesn’t spy on us,” Jess professes.
Lucifer remains silent as he considers her words.
“Anyway,” he says, deciding to move on to another subject, “how is Luke doing?”
Jess narrows her eyes on Lucifer. “Every time you see me, you ask about Luke. Why is that? And why won’t you tell me why you were so mad when you discovered I conceived him while we were on alternate Earth?”
“Can’t I be concerned about your youngest spawn with Mason?”
“No,” she says succinctly. “You’ve never asked me how my other children are, yet you never miss an opportunity to ask about Luke.”
“Well, if you don’t want to tell me, you don’t have to, Jessica,” Lucifer says. “I’m just trying to make small talk to pass the time.”
A waiter rolls a silver cart with a three-tier birthday cake on it to their table, interrupting the conversation. The cake is covered with white fondant and expertly decorated with purple and white edible flowers. Sitting on the top layer of the cake is a candle in the shape of a large, glittery, purple 45.
“Thank God it’s almost one o’clock in the morning on this side of the world.” Jess shakes her head at the blatant advertisement of her age.
“You’re not nearly as old as I am,” Lucifer tells her, as if it should bring her a small bit of comfort.
“But you don’t age physically.”
“I admit it’s a perk of being what I am, but I don’t think you would want to live forever even if you were given the chance, Jess. There’s only so much you can do in this world to pass the time. After a thousand years, you would get bored of your existence and wish you could die.”
“I never said I wanted to live forever,” Jess replies. “But if I could grow older in years without my body suffering for it, I wouldn’t mind that arrangement.”
“Complain to my father about that particular human frailty. I’ve never understood why He makes your bodies fall apart at the end of your lives, either. I mean, I can see the advantages to doing it to ensure you all die one day, but it seems rather cruel of Him to allow you to gain so much knowledge during your lives and then limit your ability to use it at the end.”
“Since we know what’s coming, maybe He thinks it will urge us to do all we can while we’re still physically able.”
“Perhaps,” Lucifer concedes.
While the waiter is cutting slices from the cake, Lucifer leans farther back in his chair and raises his left arm to gain the attention of the small string quartet sitting on the other side of the restaurant. He nods his head to them, and they begin to play some music.
Lucifer looks back at Jess and holds his hand out to her.
“Care to dance?” he asks.
Jess allows herself to smile a little bit before she places her hand in Lucifer’s. The ease with which he brings Jess into his arms as she casually places her hands on his shoulders tells everyone watching that they’ve danced like this many times before over the years.
As they sway to the slow music in perfect unison, Lucifer says, “Can I ask you something?”
“I don’t know,” Jess responds cautiously. “Can I reserve the right not to answer your question?”
“Yes. If you don’t want to answer it, you don’t have to.”
“Okay, then you can ask me.”
“Do you find me attractive?”
Jess looks at Lucifer as if he’s lost his mind.
“Well, you picked a great body to inhabit, if that’s what you’re asking,” she replies, looking puzzled by his need to ask such a question.
“Are you really that superficial? Does attractiveness to you only equate to physical beauty? I thought you were more evolved than that, Jessica.”
“Why do you care if I find you attractive?”
“I don’t necessarily care. I just want to know if you do or not.”
Jess sighs heavily as she considers what she should say next.
“You’re intelligent,” she finally answers, “and on occasion you can be funny. You’re loyal, even though your loyalty is rarely on the right side of an argument. But you have your opinions about things and you normally stick to them. At least you’re consistent.”
“Hmm, consistent,” Lucifer muses, looking confused by Jess’ use of the term. “Not exactly a characteristic most people attribute to a romantic hero.”
She lets out a small laugh. “I’m not sure I would ever tag you with that description, Lucifer.”
“I’ll have you know I can be extremely romantic with the right partner. Women tend to find me extremely attractive for many reasons other than my body.”
“Oh, really?” she asks, sounding doubtful of Lucifer’s boast. “And what exactly do you do to romance these women?”
Lucifer immediately stops dancing and leaves Jess’ side to walk over to the string quartet. As he whispers something to the musicians, he takes off the jacket of his tuxedo and tosses it carelessly onto a nearby chair. As he continues to give them instructions, Lucifer pulls o
ff his black bow tie and throws it onto the coat. The musicians are smiling at whatever Lucifer is saying while he unbuttons the top of his shirt and then proceeds to roll up his shirtsleeves.
When Lucifer turns around to face Jess again, the quartet strikes up the first notes of a tango. With a determined look on his face, he walks toward her like a tiger hunting its prey. Jess’ eyebrows lift slightly in surprise, and she begins to slowly walk backwards to stay out of Lucifer’s reach. Her actions simply play into the movements of the dance. When Lucifer reaches her, he wraps one arm around her waist, pressing hard against the small of her back until she’s flush against him.
“Lucifer!” Jess says in alarm. “What are you doing?”
He smiles devilishly and quickly spins Jess around into a dip as he lunges forward on one leg, easily supporting her back with both of his hands.
Jess lets out a small yelp in surprise but ends up laughing at Lucifer’s unexpected antics. He pulls her back into a standing position and drops his arms away from her as the music continues to play. Jess shakes her head in exasperation at Lucifer and turns to walk away, but Lucifer goes to her and wraps an arm around the front of her waist, pulling her back up against him again. Jess smiles, looking amused by his actions as he dances her backwards to where they started. Lucifer spins her until she’s facing him again. He places a guiding hand on her back while holding her hand and stretching her arm into the air in a customary dancing stance.
The tango has always been a vibrant, playful dance between two partners. There’s no other dance that encompasses such a give-and-take between people while allowing them to display a passion that’s both alluring and dynamic. As we watch Lucifer lead Jess in this conversation through dance, I chance a glance in her and Mason’s direction. Both of them are watching the scene with somewhat blank expressions. I can’t tell exactly what either of them is thinking.
At the end of Jess’ tango with Lucifer, he dips her one last time as the last notes of the song are played. Jess laughs, obviously having enjoyed the dance. As she smiles up at him, Lucifer leans his head down so close to hers that their noses are almost touching. Jess stops laughing as she looks at him with a mixture of confusion and anticipation.
