by SJ West
“I’m not giving you a choice,” Puriel counters. “Either you fight or you die. You’re right: War Angels were made to win this war for God. If we can’t persuade you to rebel against Him, then you’re a danger to the rest of us. I may be the only one who can kill you because your feelings for me make you weak.”
“I am not weak,” Xander growls, swinging his flail as he and Puriel begin to circle one another, each trying to find an opening to strike the other. “Please, don’t make me kill you.”
“I’m not that easy to kill,” Puriel declares as he charges sword-first toward Xander.
They continue to fight for what seems to be a long time. I finally get tired of watching it.
“Why don’t we just skip to the end?” I tell the others as I speed the memory up. Finally, I see Xander about to make the killing blow to Puriel’s soul. I freeze the moment Xander’s spikey flail pierces the other angel’s soul. To emphasize the importance of what’s happening, I drop the illusion of Puriel’s human body and let Xander see his victim in his angelic form for added effect. Since an angel’s true form is made from pure energy, it’s easier to see the glow of Puriel’s soul this way. In slow motion, I let Xander relive this moment in excruciating detail. We all watch as Puriel’s soul extinguishes, marking the true death of an angel.
The expression on Xander’s face in the memory matches the one on his face now—total devastation.
“I don’t see why you still feel guilt over this,” I say, “unless you actually thought Puriel was right.”
“No,” Xander replies, his voice gravelly with pent-up emotions. “I knew he was wrong.”
“Then is it the fact that you never told anyone you were the one who killed him that’s haunted you all this time?” I ask, wanting to discover the source of Xander’s self-hatred.
When Xander continues to stare at the scene and doesn’t make a reply, I know I’ve found the root of his problem.
Zane walks over to his brother and places a hand on Xander’s shoulder.
“It wasn’t your fault,” he tells him. “He didn’t give you any choice. You had to kill him or he would have killed you.”
Xander turns his head to look at his brother. “If it was the right thing to do, why did I feel like I had to hide it from all of you?”
“Oh, oh!” I say, holding up my hand and wiggling my fingers, because I’m sure I know the answer to this question. “I would have to say you felt embarrassed that you couldn’t change Puriel’s mind and that he thought so little of his relationship with you that he tried to kill you. I have to admit his actions were a little underhanded. Since you wouldn’t join him, he was going to use your feelings for him against you so he could slay you. Honestly, I don’t see why you still feel guilt over executing such a nasty piece of work like Puriel.”
“I hate to agree with Helena,” Gideon says to Xander, “but she’s right. You shouldn’t feel shame over Puriel’s death.”
“He was my first friend and the first angel I ever killed,” Xander confesses. “I’m not sure I’m meant to forget what I did.”
“No, you’re not supposed to forget it,” Ethan tells him, sympathetic to his fellow War Angel’s plight. “But you need to let go of your guilt. Puriel made you fight him. He would have murdered you if you hadn’t defended yourself, and that’s all it was, Xander: self-defense. I just wish you had confided to one of us what happened. I guess I should have been a better leader so you would have felt like you could come to me with this.”
“Oh, good grief,” I say in exasperation, shaking my head. “You angels and your guilt complexes. Sometimes things just happen and it’s no one’s fault. Have you ever tried to think about it that way?”
None of them makes a reply, giving me an answer with their silence.
“Anyway,” I say, making the scene of Xander and Puriel disappear, “only one of you has the right to feel true guilt over something.” I look over at Atticus and smile beguilingly. “Would you like to share with the class, Atticus, or should I tutor your friends about your treachery?”
All eyes turn to Atticus, who is looking delectably guilt-ridden.
“What is she talking about, Atticus?” Ethan asks.
Atticus’ face mirrors the shame he’s been hiding in his heart for thousands of years.
“I …” He stops as his gaze drifts to the ground at his feet, unwilling to look his brothers in the eye.
When it appears he isn’t going to continue with his confession, I do it for him.
“He worked with Lucifer for a time,” I say, filling in the blank to move this along a little bit faster. “Atticus, here, gave away a few secrets to the enemy, if I remember correctly.”
I have to giggle at the shock on Ethan’s face after learning about Atticus’ disloyalty.
“Come on,” I have to say in disbelief, “not one of you knew this already? No one suspected that you had a traitor in your midst? Surely you guessed something was going on when Lucifer started picking the exact right moments to attack the veil where all those precious human souls were residing.”
“Why would we suspect one of our own?” Cade asks me. “We’re a family.”
“Families are overrated; trust me,” I tell him. “They can turn on you faster than strangers most of the time.” I look back at Atticus. “But you, what’s your excuse? Why did you take Lucifer’s side?”
“I let his words bore their way inside my soul,” Atticus finally answers. “I didn’t understand why God seemed to love humans more than He did us.” He looks over at Ethan for understanding. “He made us to win the war, but it was almost like we were just a means to an end for Him. He didn’t seem to care that most of us would end up dying in battle. Our souls weren’t as important as the humans were to Him.”
“Atticus,” Ethan says reproachfully, “you know that isn’t true.”
“I know it now,” Atticus says, “but when we were first born, all I saw were my brothers dying to protect a race that God treasured more than His angels. We were expected to lay down our lives for them. It didn’t seem fair to me at the time, and I rebelled against the idea that my life meant less than a human one.”
“But you understand that wasn’t true, right?” Ethan asks.
Atticus nods. “Yes. It took me a while, but I finally understood that God made us to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves against Lucifer.”
“The information you gave Lucifer still led to a lot of deaths in the war,” I remind Atticus. “Let’s not forget that little detail.”
“I never will,” he says. “It will haunt me for all eternity.”
“How nice for you,” I quip.
Atticus looks around at his brothers. “All I can say is that I’m sorry for what I did. I came to realize how wrong I was, but by then, the damage had been done. I was too ashamed to admit it to any of you. When I told our Father what I did, He forgave me, even though I didn’t deserve it.”
“I wish you had trusted us with your secret, Atticus. At least this explains why you’re always so hard on yourself,” Ethan says. I can see by the look in Ethan’s eyes that Atticus’ actions in the war have added to his own guilt. Brilliant!
I feel a group hug coming on, so I do something before they can make me want to regurgitate my supper.
I change the scenery to the one in which I made our intrepid group of heroes fight themselves over and over again during the first few hours of their stay here.
The parched earth landscape and the dark, lightning-filled sky bring just the right amount of gloom to their next trial.
I place a shimmering purple barrier right in front of their goal: the castle.
“Who’s ready for a little fun?” I ask them. With a snap of my fingers, a legion of angels forms a protective line in front of the castle on our side of the veil. “As you can see, the castle Anna is in is right behind the purple veil. All you have to do is defeat the angelic army protecting it. You have to kill every single one in a timely manner or the bar
rier won’t drop.”
“What’s the catch?” Roan asks. “This seems a little too easy.”
“Thank you for asking,” I say to him. As the ground beneath their feet begins to tremble, a loud crack can be heard directly behind them. When they turn to follow the noise, all of them see the crevasse that’s forming, slowly crumbling the earth to form a deep chasm of nothingness. “I’m afraid you’ll need to use those nifty new wings I just gave you to fight my army in the air. Now, be careful of the veil. It has a nasty sting to it. I’m sure you’ve all been told how painful my hellhounds’ bites can be. Trust me … this will be a hundred times worse for you. You’ll be in so much torment, you’ll beg for death. And there’s a time limit, of sorts. You only have so much time to kill them all before they begin to respawn; so be quick about it, or you’ll never win.”
“Is that all?” Gideon asks sarcastically. “Would you like to tie our hands behind our backs, too?”
I smile and not nicely. “Don’t tempt me.”
I walk over to Cade, grab one of his arms, and snap my fingers, signaling to my minions in front of the veil that they should begin their charge toward the War Angels.
“Have fun, boys!” I say, teleporting Cade with me to a more secluded area: my bedroom.
I’ll admit. The room could be more colorful. It’s very similar to the one I have Anna resting in. I can’t help it if I like black and silver.
Cade takes a quick look around the space before saying, “You need to take me back, Helena. They need my help.”
As I take a couple of steps to stand in front of Cade, I slide my hand up his arm and across his chest. I love how silky smooth his skin feels against the tips of my fingers, yet the muscle underneath makes it taut to the touch.
“They’ll survive without you,” I tell him, thinking him handsome with the wings I’ve placed on his back. They give him a regal look.
“Why have you brought me here?” he asks, yet his words don’t match his tone. He knows exactly why I’ve brought him to my bedroom. “I can’t do this with you right now.”
I lift a questioning eyebrow. “If not now, then when, Cade? You know as well as I do that we’ll end up in a bed together at some point. It’s inevitable. What’s wrong with giving in to what we both want now? We belong to one another, right? Isn’t that how the whole soul mate thing is supposed to work?”
“My friends are fighting to win this sadistic game you’re making us play. Do you honestly think I’m the kind of person who would rather take you to bed than help them? If you do, then you don’t know me at all.”
“No, I don’t know you, and you don’t really know me.”
“I’m beginning to wonder if I want to.”
I feel a tightening in my chest after hearing Cade’s words.
“I don’t think either one of us has a choice in the matter,” I say, ignoring the pain. “You may not like what I am or how I do things, but this is me, Cade. I’m heartless, and I do what I have to in order to survive.”
“You don’t need Anna or Lucas, Helena. You would survive just fine without them. Why can’t you let them go without making us play this stupid game of yours?”
“I will let them go, you fool. I just need some more time.”
“Time for what?”
“For my real plan to unfold.”
“And what is your real plan?”
“Why would I tell you that?”
“Why are you telling me anything?” Cade questions, eyeing me curiously. “You didn’t have to tell me what you just did. I think you want to tell someone what you’re planning. You may even want someone to stop you from doing it.”
“I’m not sure it’s going to work, and if it does, I certainly don’t need you telling my sister about it.”
“I won’t let you hurt her children,” he says stubbornly.
“Good grief!” I yell. “How many times do I have to say that I’m not going to hurt them? I have no intention of killing any of them! None whatsoever! In fact, if it wasn’t for me, they would probably already be dead. I’ve been protecting them since Lucifer left to live the good life with Amalie. Why can’t any of you see that?”
“Because nothing you do is for unselfish reasons. Yes, you’re protecting them, but why? What’s your endgame here, Helena? Are you planning to steal their souls? Can you even do that?”
“I can’t steal souls. They can only be given to me.”
“Then, what is this? A long con? Are you planning to twist them in some way so their souls end up here in Hell when they die? Will that give you enough power to do whatever it is you want to do?”
“If they want to give me their souls, then I will gladly take them. Don’t bother trying to get me to tell you more, because I won’t.”
“Then take me back to my brothers so I can help them. You can’t force me to make love to you.”
“Make love?” I scoff. “I just wanted to have sex. Who said anything about love? Would you rather I let Levi satisfy my needs in his bed? He’s been begging to have the privilege of pleasuring my body for quite some time now.”
“You wouldn’t let a mangy mongrel like him inside you,” Cade says with certainty. “I know you at least that well.”
“True enough,” I admit, unable to make myself pretend otherwise. “I’m not that desperate yet, but if you keep denying me, I might find someone else willing to satisfy my needs.”
“You can do what you want. I’m not your keeper.”
“No, you most certainly are not.” This conversation is not going in the direction that I wanted it to. “Very well, go back to your brothers. Just remember to stay away from the barrier.”
I send Cade back to the fight. I feel more frustrated now than I did before. Despite myself, I begin to miss the self-righteous fool.
I teleport back to where the War Angel fight is taking place. As I watch them battle against my minions, even I have to admit that they’re the best warriors I’ve ever seen. It’s no wonder Lucifer’s followers didn’t have a chance against them. Even without being able to phase in and out of the fight, they move with incredible speed and precision. Of course, my attention centers on Cade. Watching the way his muscles move as he wields his silver great sword makes me imagine how it would feel to have his body wrapped around mine. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that he rejected my offer of sex. His memories are so pure it should have been plain to me that he would think of it as “making love.” His thinking is so quaint it borders on disgusting to me. I’m still puzzled as to why the two of us were paired together. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. I could understand God wanting to punish me, but why punish Cade? What did he do to deserve such a doomed fate?
I vow that the next time I invite him into my bed, I won’t take no for an answer. I’ll find a way to make it happen.
Cade notices me watching him fight, and for a second, his focus is split. It’s just enough time to give his opponent an opening to kick him in the stomach and propel him toward the purple veil. Without even thinking, I stop Cade from spinning through the air—inches away from a lifetime of pain. He looks down at me in shock but quickly recovers and smiles as he flies back into the fray.
“Damn him,” I mutter to myself, feeling weak because I let my feelings for him interfere with the natural course of events. If it had been anyone else about to fall into the veil, I would have just laughed. But it was Cade. I couldn’t let him get hurt.
I ponder this for a moment but decide not to dwell on the matter. It might give me a headache or make me realize something I’m not ready to face yet.
Anyway, I have someone I need to go see. I’m sure Lucifer is wondering where I am right about now. His return here shows how much he truly loves Anna. She’s always been his favorite, but we’ll see how long that lasts.
Chapter 12
One of the loveliest things about my home is that I can transform it into whatever I want. The laws of physics bend to my will here, and I know exactly what’s going on in every
section of it at all times. It’s almost like being omnipotent, except my power only reaches as far as my domain.
As I stand at the center of an old-world dirt crossroads, awaiting Lucifer and Jess’ arrival, I feel my heart begin to pound with anticipation. I can’t wait to see my father again and tell him exactly what I think of him. He may try to deny that I’m his child, but it’s time he acknowledged that he created me. Hale and the other rebellion angels weren’t the only ones Lucifer abandoned on this stupid rock hurtling through space. He left me behind, too, and I’ll never forgive him for that.
The scene I’ve created for our reunion is one Lucifer has used many times before on unsuspecting travelers. During a time when humans still walked most places, they would almost always end up at a crossroads at some point in their lives—literally and figuratively. Lucifer may have never directly made humans sin, but he definitely liked to push them in that direction. A whispered word of encouragement can go a long way in the human psyche. Their minds are so pliable when they’re confused about whether they should go left, right, or straight ahead. The crossroads is a symbolic representation of human choice. You can go left and give in to your desires, go right and rise above your basic instincts, or go straight with blinders on and never choose a side. Generally after Lucifer talked to someone, he or she typically chose to go left in their lives, recklessly throwing caution to the wind and giving in to their deepest and darkest desires. Lucifer was a master manipulator, and he used that skill effectively every chance he got.
The first sign of their imminent approach is the glow from the hellhound’s blazing coat in the semi-darkness of night I’ve recreated. I remember Lucifer selecting her out of a newly born litter of hellhounds to take up to Anna. Levi had just ripped off the head of her robotic dog, and it was questionable whether her down-world friend would be able to restore Vala to working condition. Fortunately for my sister, Vala was repairable, but not before Lucifer gave her one of my puppies. He didn’t even ask if he could take her! He just grabbed the pup and left. Typical Lucifer: always doing whatever he wants without thinking about the repercussions for others.
