by Roy Glenn
“Yeah, yeah, I'm just trying to get a mental picture. Go ahead.”
“Chocolate, she ain't got on nothing, but a thong and platform shoes. They go outside, plugged up the box and they start dancing. I ain't talking about no side to side night club dancing. They was shake dancing, dog. I'm talking tittie swinging and ass spanking their asses off, dancing. Like they were having a contest.”
“And you’re just sitting there taking it all in.”
“Boy was I. Then Porsche Temple comes in.”
“Shows over?”
“No, it's just getting started. Have you met her.”
“Who, Porsche? No. She was talking to Carmen at the bar at Goosebumps. I didn't get a good look at her.”
“She's a bad mutha fucka, too. She comes out in this little silk robe. You know the kind with the oriental pictures and writing, and she got nothing on under it. And she doesn’t have it tied real tight, so every time she moves, I get to see her pretty dark nipples. Man! So me and her are talking and I'm sneaking looks out the door at them dancing, but now they chasing each other around the pool. I don't know how they running around in them shoes, but it damn sure was worth watching. So Chocolate pushes Misty in the pool. And while she's standing there laughing, Misty pulls her in. Next time I look at them, they're all up in each other’s face, arguing.”
“I guess Misty didn't like getting her outfit wet.”
“You gonna let me tell this or you gonna keep interrupting'?”
“Just trying to keep my visual going, man, go on.”
“So I go back to the Porsche show and she goes Sharon Stone on me. She uncrossed her legs and crossed them again. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I look back outside and Chocolate's got a towel and she’s drying Misty off. Next thing I know, she got the towel on the ground, she's on her knees, eating Misty out.”
“You bullshitting?” Marcus said in disbelief.
“I bullshit you not, Marcus. Chocolate, on her knees, yodeling in the valley.”
“And I know they gotta know you're watching.”
“And I am,” Garrett boasted. “But then Porsche calls me on it. She says, 'I could ask them to stop if they're distracting you.' I was like, hell naw!”
“You had a real show.”
“Yeah, but they saved the best for last, because that's when Simone came out.”
“She's bad. That's who I was looking at while Carmen was talking to Porsche.”
“Well she walks in, butt naked and soaking wet, talking about 'where are the clean towels.' I tell you what, Marcus.”
“What's that?”
“The next time I got some time to kill, I'm gonna make up some questions and go back over there.”
WE ARE FAMILY
After Garrett drove off, Marcus went back inside to pick up where he left off with Carmen, only to find her gathering her things together to leave. Carmen looked up as he came through the door. “You're leaving?” Marcus asked Carmen.
“Yeah, I gotta go.”
“Was it something I said?”
“No, Marcus, it wasn't anything you said. But I promised Dominique that we could get finished going through Dez's things today.”
“You seem to have worked things out with her. That's good.”
“We have,” Carmen smiled. “It's like she stopped trying to be my mother, and I stopped trying to be her daughter, and now I think we both feel free to be friends. And I found out that she's not bad, actually she's kinda funny. She used to be so stiff and rigid when we were growing up. So I'm gonna pick her up today so we can get done with it.”
“I thought we were going to get an early start on our nocturnal activities?”
Carmen saw the disappointed look on his face. “Don't look like that, Marcus. I'll come back later if you want me to.”
“I want you to. I don't want you to go.”
“And I don't want to go.”
“Then why are you?”
“Because I think I need to. To be honest with you, Marcus, I feel like I need to pull up a little. I need to give myself some space.”
“I don't want to crowd you, Carmen.”
“It’s not you, Marcus. You've been wonderful. It's just that I've been with you the better part of everyday since I got here, and all of the last four days. And I've enjoyed every minute of it. But I don't want to rush things with us. I know this is a very emotional time for both of us. I just want to be sure that what I'm starting to feel for you is real.”
“I understand, Carmen. And if I wanted to be honest with myself,” he said stepping closer to Carmen. Close enough to kiss. “And I usually don't at times like this, I'd have to admit that I've been thinking the same thing. Because I'm starting to have very strong feelings for you, too. So you go ahead and do what you gotta do. And maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll see you later.”
“You might,” Carmen said stepping closer to Marcus. Her body pressed against his. “I think chances are good that you will.” She touched his face gently and kissed him on the cheek.
“What about the late lunch you made?”
“I forgot all about that.”
While Carmen warmed up the food, Marcus went and changed out of his suit into some shorts and a tee shirt. They sat and ate quietly, after which Marcus walked Carmen to the door. She gave him a good-bye kiss on the cheek at the door, which led to another, which led Marcus to kiss Carmen's lips. That kiss led to another, which was a bit more passionate and much longer. And as it always does, one thing led to another and Carmen left an hour later.
Once she was in the car, Carmen called Dominique and told her to be ready when she got there. Roland wasn't at the house when they got there, but Melissa gladly let them in. When they got to Desireé's room, Dominique picked up where she'd left off. Carmen stood and looked at the computer.
“What're you standing there for, Carmen, we still have a lot to do.”
“I know, but I want to see if there are more letters to me on her computer.”
“What letters? You're sister never wrote a letter in her life.”
“I know, but she would start these letters to me and never finish them,” Carmen divulged, as she sat down in front of the computer. “Much less mail any of them. But they read like a journal. She doesn't write them every day or anything like that, but when she had something on her mind, she'd write it in the form of a letter to me. I've probably read a hundred of them. They've made me feel closer to her.”
“You two were closer than any two people I know.”
“Yeah, but there's a lot of things about Dez that I never knew. Some things that you don't know about her.”
“You mean about her being bi-sexual?” Dominique said matter-a-factly.
“She told you?”
“No, Carmen, of course she didn't tell me,” Dominique said, noticing the hurt look in her eyes. “I dropped by here unannounced one afternoon. I rang the door, but no one answered. So I got back in my car and was about to leave when Desireé came out with a woman. I got out and was walking toward the house when Desireé kissed her. And I'm not talking about a little peck either.”
“Did they see you?”
“No they didn't. So I walked up like I didn't see anything. They were surprised to see me standing there. Desireé introduced me to her. She was a tall pretty woman. What was her name? It was some country or something like that. I want to say Paris, but that's not it.”
“India.”
“India! That's it, India.”
“I met her. And she’s been calling me all weekend. I hate that I gave her my cell number.”
Dominique stopped what she was doing. “Carmen.”
“Yes.”
“Are you gay, too?”
“No mother.”
“Then why has she been calling you all weekend?”
“She likes me. And she’s a nice person, very friendly and she’s so funny. But she's starting to get on my nerves, always talking about how I'm making her clit hard.” Carmen looked wide eyed at Domin
ique and covered her mouth. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that in front of you, mommy, I'm sorry.”
Dominique laughed. “It's all right, Carmen. I've heard talk like that before. In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I had one of those long before you were born.”
Carmen laughed. “I am so embarrassed.”
“Please don't feel like that, Carmen. I'm just glad that you feel that comfortable around me to say something like that. It's all I want, Carmen, is for us to be friends. You're all I have now,” Dominique expressed on the verge of tears. She turned away from Carmen and picked up one of Desireé's dresses and began to fold it.
“No I'm not, you still have daddy,” Carmen said as she turned on Desireé's computer. Dominique sucked her teeth, but didn't comment.
Once Windows opened Carmen searched for more letters. As she looked she thought that there had to be an easier way to find what she was looking for. Once she changed the search parameters, she found 2471 files.
“There's more than two thousand files here.”
Carmen modified it to sort the items by date, and then she scrolled down to the oldest file. The dates went back five years, almost to the day when Desireé married Roland. She knew she would have to at least look at each file. Not only did they make her feel closer to Desireé, but Carmen never could get past the last words from the first letter she read. I think somebody is. Carmen was convinced that Desireé knew what was going on and she would find it in these letters. But there were too many files for her to copy to disk and she didn't want to spend days at Roland's house reading. She thought about asking Roland to let her borrow the computer, but she didn't want to explain why. In spite of what Marcus and Garrett felt, she still thought that Roland could be responsible for Desireé's death.
FROM INSIDE THE SOUL OF DESIREÉ TAYLOR FERGUSON
Hi big Sis,
There is a bright side to the turmoil that's going on in the life of Desireé Marie Taylor. Guess what Carm?
I'M IN LOVE!
Now, I know what you are going to say, but Dez, you're already married. But it's true, I'm in love with a wonderful man. His name is Rasheed Damali. The down side is that I know Roland will never let me go. I signed a pre-nuptial agreement and I refuse to leave with nothing after all I've given of myself to that man. So for the time being, Rasheed and I will have to keep playing Roland's game until we can figure a way for me to get out from under his thumb. Sometimes I hate the day I met him. He is so controlling. I should have listened to you and never married him. Rasheed is good to me, Carmen, he treats me with respect, not like some object for his entertainment. Porsche keeps trying to tell me he's no good, but I think she just wants him for herself, because he is so fine. She's been getting more and more scandalous since she's been smoking that rock. She doesn't know that I know, I may be naïve but I'm not a fool. And that pain in the ass India, she just wants to keep me for herself. Sometimes I wish I had never given her any. She is riding hard on my very last nerve and if I have to listen to how hard I'm making her clit, I'm gonna slap the black off her pretty black ass.
Carmen tapped the keyboard while she studied the dates. It all began with Suzanne's death. She looked for dates two weeks before Desireé's murder and opened it.
FROM INSIDE THE SOUL OF DESIREÉ TAYLOR FERGUSON
Hi big Sis,
Something happened to Suzanne yesterday and I just don't know how I'm going to deal with it. Damn, I can't even write the words much less say them out loud. But I have to, at some point I have to stop hiding from reality and face it. But I don't know if I'm strong enough. It made me think about Mercedes. Go ahead and say it, not again, Dez? Can't you move on from that? I can and have, but it's what I was thinking. Anyway, what happened to Suzanne has something to do with Frank, Suzanne's husband. Suzanne told me that he's into something. She didn't tell me what it was, but Frank knows, and he knows what happened to her is his fault. I could see it in his eyes when he told me, so I know it's not what they think. Suzanne doesn't like pain. I wanted so badly to ask him what he was doing, but I was too scared. Scared that what happened to her will happen to me.
I love you, Carmen, and I miss you so much. Come home soon and save me from this life you told me I would hate living.
When Carmen finished reading the letter she rechecked the dates of the files her search returned. There was a gap of four days where she didn't write anything. Which made sense to Carmen, seeing that she was in denial about Suzanne's death. Her first thought was to call Marcus and tell him what she'd read, but she had to laugh first at what Desireé said about India.
You were right, Dez, India is a pain in the ass.
Then she remembered that she was giving herself some space, so she decided to read on. Most of the letters were just a line or two about something that had happened to her on that particular day. Then she read a letter that she had to let Dominique read. “Dominique, there's something here that I think you should read.”
“What does it say, Carmen?”
“I think you should read this for yourself,” Carmen said getting up from the chair to allow Dominique to sit down.
FROM INSIDE THE SOUL OF DESIREÉ TAYLOR FERGUSON
Hi big Sis,
Well, it's finally happened, I am officially a mental case. But not to worry, big Sis, I'm just seeing someone to talk things out. I've been a little depressed lately and I even thought about suicide once or twice, so before I get completely off the chain, I thought I should see somebody. Roland doesn't know and I'm not going to tell your mother either, she is much too judgmental about everything for me to share this chapter of my life with her. Besides, Carm, you know what she'll say, You are a Taylor, Desireé. You must be stronger than the forces around you. No daughter of mine is crazy. And believe me, Carmen, I'm not crazy, but I just think this is a good thing for me right now. SO DON'T JUDGE ME!
My shrinks name is Dr Phyllis Parker, she’s a nice white woman, in her late thirties I guess. I had my first session two weeks ago; we met last week and again today. We talk for an hour. More like, she asks me leading questions and I talk. It's incredible how much I remember about us growing up. To be honest with you, that was the last time I was really happy was when we were one big happy family. I wish you never left. I never told you this and I would never say it to your mothers face, but I think she was dead wrong to leave you locked up the way she did. Anything could have happened to you. And when that woman tried to feel you up in the shower, she could have killed you if you hadn't kicked her ass first and got yourself separated from the rest of those people. I wouldn't have survived that. I would have let her have my body, as long as she didn't hurt me. Anyway, we spend a lot of time talking about your mother. I think I know where she's going with all this, I've always been seeking her love, and doing things to get your mothers attention, and at the same time seeking but never earning her love or approval. And since you've been gone and I wasn't getting it from her, I'd seek the love of others. I think that's why I let the people in my life take sexual advantage of me. It seems that because of her lack of affection, I equate love with sex. I give my love freely. But it's not love that I get in return, so I continue to seek, but never earn their love or approval. Damn, Carm, I sure hope you’re not as fucked up in the head as I am.
By the time Dominique finished reading the letter on the screen, tears were rolling down her cheeks. She looked over her shoulder, Carmen was crying, too.
“Is that what you girls thought of me?”
“Yes, mother. I can see now what you were trying to do. But then, it seemed like nothing we did was ever good enough for you.”
“I just wanted you girls to always strive for more.”
“To never be satisfied, to always want the next rung on the ladder,” Carmen recited the words Dominique had said to them so many times.
“You remembered.”
“Of course I do. You'd be surprised how often I hear you talking to me. I used to hate it, but it's made me stronger, made me push myself, work hard
er. But not Dez. I can tell from reading these letters that I was holding Dez together. I was her strength.”
“Desireé never was as strong as you, Carmen. You to were so close and she depended on you too much. That's why I pushed you harder, because I thought Desireé would gain something from your example.”
“But the way we saw it, you were making us compete against each other.”
“Did you think that I didn't love you, Carmen?”
“I know you loved me. And I guess Dez knew it, too. But I remember us having fun with Daddy. I've had more fun talking to you in the last week, then I ever did when you were my mother.”
“I did what I thought was right.”
“But you were always our mother and never our friend. I'm glad I've gotten to know you as a friend. I was just telling Marcus that you're actually kind of funny.” Carmen turned off the computer.
Dominique wiped the tears from her eyes and allowed a smile to peek through. “So when am I going to get to meet Mr. Marcus Douglas?”
“Maybe I'll bring him by the house to meet you and daddy next time he's in town.”
“Is there something going on between the two of you?” Carmen smiled the type of smile that answered Dominique's question without words. “I guess the answer would be yes. I haven't seen that many of your teeth since that stupid photographer said you had a cavity.”
“I remember that day,” Carmen smiled excitedly. “You made him show you, because you insisted that your daughter did not have a cavity.”
“I was right, wasn't I? It was just a piece of that black licorice I told you not to eat.”
“You were right, but you gotta admit, you were a trip those days.”
Dominique smiled. “I was a trip, wasn't I?”
INFUSION
After having dinner at Oscar's in College Park, Carmen and Dominique talked over cocktails. While they sorted out some of the issues between them, they got to know each other and were starting to enjoy one another's company. They both had to laugh when Dominique asked, “You told Desireé that she would hate her life being married to Roland?”
