by Kallysten
The glance up was brief; she would have missed it if she had blinked. But the look in his eyes, the sudden twitch in his jaw, the cold tone of his voice when he grumbled a stern, “He's a good fighter” all pointed out to the same thing. He was jealous. Mierna grinned.
"I said no."
He gave her a longer look this time, full of surprise and confusion. “You did?"
"I'm in love with ... with someone else."
She had wanted to say “with you” but at the last moment the word refused to pass her lips. She thought her hesitation would give her away, but Elden seemed to deflate as he looked down at the board again.
"Oh."
His empty reply almost made her smile. It was just like him to make things as difficult as they could be without even realizing what he was doing.
"The first time I saw him,” she said, each word slow and measured, “I thought he was the best looking man I had ever met."
His eyes remained on the board although it was still Mierna's turn. His brow furrowed, but he didn't say anything.
"And then I saw him fight,” she continued, “and I learned he was courageous."
She could still remember the first time she had seen Elden fight demons. He had been teaching her and the others a new move in the barn when the horn had called them to battle. She had almost gotten herself hurt when she had paid a little too much attention to the way he moved when he fought. It had been like watching him dance.
"And he helped us plan to keep the village safe, and I could tell he was clever, even if he was always so quiet."
Finally, he looked back at her. He was beginning to understand, but there was more she wanted to say.
"And with time I realized he was quiet because he hurt, and I wanted to help him, but I didn't know how, so I tried to be a friend. The best friend I could be."
"You were,” he murmured.
His hand moved toward hers on the table until their fingers wove together. Words were so inadequate, and yet they were all she had—that, and the touch of their hands—to tell him how much he meant to her.
"And I've fallen in love with him, after so many nights. It always makes my heart jump in my chest when I think of him. On the nights I know I'll see him, I can barely breathe. When he kissed me, it was like ... like I died and was reborn in the same moment. And when we part, it's always like I'm cutting myself in two."
"Mierna..."
Her name was so soft, on his lips, no more than a caress. She wanted to hear him answer, but more than that she wanted to finish, let it all out after weeks of planning her words.
"And I've thought it out, you see. There are two things I care about. Being with him, and keeping my people safe. I'd do that better if I were a vampire. If I healed faster, and moved better, and were stronger. And I could be with him...” She took a deep breath and tightened her fingers over his. “I could be with you forever."
She felt lighter, suddenly, as though the words had been weighing her down and voicing them had freed her. She tried to control her breathing, but her heartbeat drummed in her ears, faster with each passing moment of silence. When Elden pulled his hand free and stood, she thought her heart would stop.
"Forever isn't a word I use anymore."
She watched his back as he went to the fire and needlessly prodded the logs. She couldn't panic, not now. He wouldn't take her seriously if she seemed hysterical. The last thing she wanted was for him to call her a child.
"Then I won't use it either,” she said as calmly as she could despite her dried throat. “I could be with you. Period. Without having to wait for training nights, or worrying when I know you're hunting on your own."
And she had worried a lot, in the past months. It seemed that every few weeks, one of his fights would take a turn for the worse and leave him with bruises or broken bones.
Still facing the fire, head down and back hunched, Elden seemed smaller than he truly was. When he answered, his voice was almost too quiet for Mierna to make out the words, yet the pain in them was all too loud.
"I won't watch you die like I did my other Childer."
Her mind raging with too many thoughts at once, she stood and joined him. She raised a hand to rest it on his back, but he faced her suddenly and her hand landed on his chest. She left it there, amazed to find that he was trembling.
"You said I loved them, earlier, and you were right. Some vampires take the first pretty face that volunteers as their Childe without caring about who hides behind that face. I didn't. I knew each of them before I offered them to join me, and I knew what kind of vampires they would become. I promised them a life of battles. I promised them the night would be theirs, along with the respect of their people. I promised them forever.” His voice broke down, and his last words were rough as gravel. “And instead of forever, all I gave them were graves."
She could feel his pain, could understand, better than ever, why he still mourned after more than two centuries, but she couldn't give up so easily.
"There haven't been reports of vampires dying since the Great Death,” she said gently. “You don't know that it would happen again."
"But I don't know either that it wouldn't.” The fire that burned so often in his eyes when he took her blood lit up all at once. “I won't risk losing you."
It took Mierna a few seconds to realize what he wasn't quite admitting, and when she did she couldn't help smiling widely. He didn't want to sire her, but it wasn't because he didn't care enough about her as she had feared, quite the contrary.
"You like me,” she breathed, giddy and incredulous all at once.
Elden blinked, and then, very slowly, started smiling back. “I do. I more than like you. Are you so surprised?"
"I had hoped, but..."
He brought a hand to her face and brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, reveling in the feel of his fingers combing through her hair. The overload of emotions was making her lightheaded.
"But what?"
"You only kissed me that one time."
"I wanted to do it again. I wasn't sure you did."
Her hand clenched on his tunic, bunching the fabric between her fingers. Opening her eyes, she looked up at his face. A tiny part of her couldn't help but worry that he might be teasing her—but no, that wasn't like him. She could see nothing but truth on his features.
She raised herself on her toes and pressed her mouth to his. Immediately, he wove his arms around her waist and pulled her tighter against him, deepening the kiss. Mierna made a small sound at the back of her throat, exhilarated. His mouth was cool at first, but it slowly warmed up at her contact, like the rest of his body.
When their mouths separated, she rested her cheek against his shoulder, unable to pull away completely. All she could hear was the rapid thumping of her heart and the fire crackling behind her; all she could feel, the soft material against her cheek, covering his strength without hiding it, and the light run of his hand up and down her back.
"I wasn't sure either,” he murmured against the top of her head, “that I'd be able to stop with just a kiss."
His words sounded, all at once, like a promise and a plea. Mierna bit on her bottom lip for a second. Everything she had been taught asked that she pull away now before she disgraced herself and her family. But she had also been taught that women did not bear weapons, and yet the entire village recognized her for her actions as a Fighter. And while they had blamed her at first for seeking the help of a vampire, they had done the same in time and learned from Elden. Maybe it was time for her to let go of what others thought was the right thing to do and follow what her instincts told her was right.
"Maybe,” she whispered, and her voice trembled a little, “you don't have to stop at just a kiss."
The hand stroking her back stopped and remained still for a moment. Very gently, he placed a finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up. He searched her eyes even as he asked: “Are you sure you know what
you're saying?"
Mierna's cheeks felt as though they had caught fire. “I am. I want this.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I want you."
Without warning, he bent down, slid his right arm behind Mierna's knees and picked her up. Startled, she threw her arms around his neck. She held on, perhaps more tightly than necessary, as he carried her to his bedroom. After the warmth of the common room, his chambers seemed cooler, but Mierna didn't mind, not when she felt heat everywhere her body touched Elden's. Like the first time she had entered the room, it was only lit by a couple of sap candles. The near darkness helped soothe Mierna's nerves, yet at the same time she wished she could have seen Elden's face better.
It didn't matter long, however, not when he was kissing her again and stealing her breath with the passion of his kiss. He let her legs go but kept her close even as she continued to cling to him.
"You can still change your mind, Mierna.” He trailed his lips over her cheek them down her neck, pressing small kisses along his path. “All you need to do—"
She couldn't form a word, not when her throat was tight and her mind swept by the storm of emotions he had roused, but she could show him she wasn't changing her mind. She slid her hands to the collar of his shirt and feverishly started tugging at the laces that held it closed. Her hands shook as she did, both from the realization that she was undressing a man and from her impatience at touching his skin. She was grateful when he helped, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it over his head before letting it drop behind him.
Still trembling, she let her hands slide over the smooth plane of his chest. He let out a small humming sound when her fingers skimmed over his flat nipples. She retraced her path just to hear him again, then continued to explore his chest. She searched for a scar on his abdomen where she had wounded him just a year earlier, but could find nothing and moved on to caress the sides of his body. The entire time, he remained immobile in front of her. She could feel the tension in his body, all his muscles coiled and ready to act, and so she felt even more privileged that he was giving her this moment to discover him. Sliding over his shoulders, she let her fingers follow his arms down to his hands and took them in hers. With a deep, shaky breath, she guided them to the fastenings of her frock.
"Did you wear this for me?” Elden asked, his deft fingers unbuttoning the row of small buttons.
It wasn't just a frock, she wanted to say, but her best one, the one she wore on festivals and for big occasions. She only replied with a nod, however, still unable to say a word.
"I wish I had told you before how beautiful you are.” The buttons now undone, he slipped his hands to her back and tugged loose the large bow that served as a belt for the frock. “When we train, sometimes I have to force myself to look away because of the way you move. You can be very ... distracting."
He pulled her frock up on the last word. Left to stand in front of him in nothing more than a shift, stockings and shoes, Mierna shivered.
"Cold?” he asked right away. “I can light a fire."
"Or we could get under the blankets."
The words didn't rise higher than a whisper, but Mierna felt a bit of pride at having overcome her shyness enough to make such a bold statement. Bending down, she pulled off her shoes, then her socks, but couldn't finish undressing with the weight of Elden's gaze on her.
"Close your eyes,” she requested.
She could see Elden smile, but he did as she asked. She pulled the shift over her head in one quick motion and hurried to get beneath the bed's thick covers.
"You can open your eyes now."
He did, and looked toward her, still smiling. “Will you close your eyes? Or will you look?"
Before she could answer, he was leaning down to tug his boots off. She closed her eyes quickly—and had to open them again seconds later, too curious to resist. She swallowed hard at the sight of him, standing nude in front of the bed, his cock jutting away from his body. A strange sensation slid over her, warming her skin and making her yearn for Elden's touch. She shifted back into the bed, making room for him, and he climbed in next to her. Lying on his side, he leaned toward her and pressed his lips to her mouth for a chaste, quick kiss, then kissed his way down to her collarbone.
She startled when he rested a hand on her knee, tensing in anticipation, then relaxed again when his fingers remained light and gentle as they skimmed up and down her thigh. She wanted to return his touch. Her nerves, however, were getting the best of her again, and all she could make herself do was rest a hand on his shoulder.
"Can I?” he murmured.
Her mind a little fuzzy, Mierna breathed her assent even though she wasn't sure what she was agreeing to. It wasn't long until she knew. The same hand that had been caressing her thigh slid farther up, tickling gently along her ribs and then coming up to cup her left breast. Her hand tightened on Elden's shoulder. Without thinking, she shifted a little closer to him. His cock brushed against her thigh and she held her breath for a second. He was so hard...
His thumb flicked over her nipple. She gasped at the sensation, then again when he did it a second time. Pure heat was running through her, and again she tried to get closer to Elden. He slid his hand back to her thigh. Before she had time to miss it, his mouth descended on her breast and sucked lightly on her hardened nipple. She moaned. The feel of his lips and tongue was unlike anything she had ever imagined and she arched up into his touch.
It couldn't get better than this, she thought. The next second, it did.
While she was lost in the caress of his mouth, now gently torturing her other nipple, his hand had moved to the apex of her legs and done ... something. Something that he did again, and again, stroking his thumb to that small, hardening nub above her slit. She closed her eyes. The heat burning her body only intensified until she was writhing under Elden's touch. His mouth left her and she opened her eyes again. His face was above hers. He was watching her with such intensity ... She reached up to kiss him. His thumb pressed in a little harder. Mierna cried out against his lips, overwhelmed with pleasure, then went slack against him.
She was still breathing hard when he picked up her hand and guided it to his cock. She left it there, immobile, for a few moments, then started running her fingertips against the length of it, as softly and delicately as Elden's fingers against her folds. He spread out the wetness he found there, coating his fingers and then sliding one past her nether lips. Surprised by the new feeling, Mierna stilled and tried to decide whether she liked it. A second finger felt a little uncomfortable, but as Elden caressed her, lightly stroking her inner walls, she got used to it and relaxed into the touch. It still felt strange, but it wasn't unpleasant at all.
"Ready?"
She answered Elden's tense question with a quiet hum. With a tender hand he pulled her legs apart and rolled into the space between them, supporting his weight on his forearm. Weaving her arms around his neck, Mierna pulled him down for a kiss. She parted her lips and licked along the seam of his mouth. He responded by sliding the tip of his cock against her folds. She pushed her tongue into his mouth, and at the same time, Elden slid inside her, slow and smooth. The width of his cock stretched her beyond what his fingers had hinted at, but as he took shallow thrusts, she got used to the feeling. The pain, however, took her by surprise and she moaned against Elden's mouth.
He stilled completely inside her and soothed her with small kisses all over her face. His hand caressed her hair. After a few moments, the pain had faded to a dull throb. She gave a small nod, and Elden began moving again, gradually increasing the pace and depth of his thrusts.
It was exactly what Mierna's cousin had described, in hushed tones and amidst embarrassed laughs, a few weeks after her wedding. At the same time, though, it was like nothing Mierna could have imagined, nothing she could ever describe to anyone. She felt as though she had found a piece of herself she had never known was lost until that instant.
She tightened her arms around Elden's back, pulling him
down to her chest where she could feel all of his body along hers.
"I love you,” she murmured.
Elden jerked inside her as though he had lost control on himself. Mierna grinned and repeated the words, then again, until he covered her mouth with his and kissed her with the same desperation of his thrusting hips. Abruptly, he broke the kiss and groaned as he arched deep inside her. She caressed his back, feeling him shaking against her, and delighted in the pleasure she could just barely see on his face.
After a few moments, he slid off her body to rest by her side. “I'm sorry."
"Sorry?” she repeated, unsure what he meant. She turned toward him, but he now had his back to the candles and she couldn't make out his face in the near darkness of the room. “Sorry for what?"
He shifted a little against her. She could almost have thought he was fidgeting.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it any better for you. All I can say is that it had been a very long time since I had anyone in my bed."
She wasn't certain she liked to hear him hinting at his past lovers, but she still didn't understand why he was apologizing.
"It gets ... better?” she asked, a little embarrassed by her naiveté. “This was ... nice. Really."
She was grateful now for the lack of light. Her face had to be as brightly red as the roses she had left on the tombs outside. To call ‘nice’ the warmth and pleasure still coursing through her felt grossly inadequate, but she didn't know how else to describe these new feelings.
"It can be better than nice,” Elden assured her. He leaned into her to press a kiss to her shoulder then added self-deprecatingly: “When your lover has a little self-control, it can be."
Very slowly, still feeling shy even after what they had shared and yet at the same time emboldened by his sheepishness, she slid her hand to rest over his cock. It was soft beneath her fingers, but when she dared stroke it, oh so lightly, she could feel it begin to harden under her touch. He let out a quiet moan and pushed into her hand. Mierna smiled, delighted that she could have this effect on him.
