by E. F. Benson
‘How right to ask!’ he said. ‘Because the sea is His, and He made it! Also, they will build sandcastles, and pick up shells. You must come too, my dear Harry, and help us to give them a nice day.’
Harry felt that this was a Philistine here, who needed to be put in his place. He was not really a very rude youth, but one who felt it incumbent on him to oppose Christianity, which he regarded as superstition. A bright idea came into his head.
‘But His hands prepared the dry land,’ he said, ‘on the same supposition.’
‘Certainly; and as the dear mites have always seen the dry land,’ said Mr Pettit, with the utmost good humour, ‘we want to show them that God thought of something they never thought of. And then there are the sandcastles.’
Harry was tired, and did not proceed to crush Mr Pettit with the atheistical arguments that were but commonplace to the Omar Khayyam Club. He was not worth argument: you could only really argue with the enlightened people who fundamentally agreed with you, and he was sure that Mr Pettit did not fulfil that requirement. So, indulgently, he turned to Mrs Altham.
‘I saw you at Mrs Evans’ garden party yesterday,’ he said. ‘I think she is the most wonderful person I ever met. She was dining here last night, and I took her into the garden - ’
‘And showed her the roses,’ said Mrs Altham, unable to restrain herself.
Harry became a parody of himself, though that might seem to be a feat of insuperable difficulty.
‘I supposed it would get about,’ he said. ‘That is the worst of a little place like this. Whatever you do is instantly known.’
The slightly viscous remains of the strawberry ice were being handed, and Mr Pettit was talking to Mrs Ames and his sister from a pitiably Christian standpoint.
‘What did you hear?’ asked Harry, in a low voice.
‘Merely that she and you went out into the garden after dinner, and that you picked roses for her - ’
Harry pushed back his lank hair with his bony hand.
‘You have heard all,’ he said. ‘There was nothing more than that. I did not see her home. Her carriage did not come: there was some mistake about it, I suppose. But it was my father who saw her home, not I.’
He laid down the spoon with which he had been consuming the viscous fluid.
‘If you hear that I saw her home, Mrs Altham,’ he said, ‘tell them it is not true. From what you have already told me, I gather there is talk going on. There is no reason for such talk.’
He paused a moment, and then a line or two of the intensely Swinburnian effusion which he had written last night fermented in his head, making him infinitely more preposterous.
‘I assure you that at present there is no reason for such talk,’ he said earnestly.
Now Mrs Altham, with her wide interest in all that concerned anybody else, might be expected to feel the intensest curiosity on such a topic, but somehow she felt very little, since she knew that behind the talk there was really very little topic, and the gallant misgivings of poor, ugly Harry seemed to her destitute of any real thrill. On the other hand, she wanted very much to know where Major Ames was, and being endowed with the persistence of the household cat, which you may turn out of a particular armchair a hundred times, without producing the slightest discouragement in its mind, she reverted to her own subject again.
‘I am sure there is no reason for such talk, Mr Harry,’ she said, with strangely unwelcome conviction, ‘and I will be sure to contradict it if ever I hear it. I am so glad to hear Major Ames is not ill. I was afraid that his absence from lunch today might mean that he was.’
Now Harry, as a matter of fact, had no idea where his father was, since the telephone message had been received by Mrs Ames.
‘Father is quite well,’ he said. ‘He was picking sweet peas half the morning. He picked a great bunch.’
Mrs Altham looked round: the table was decorated with the roses of the dinner party of the evening before.
‘Then where are the sweet peas?’ she asked.
But Harry was not in the least interested in the question.
‘I don’t know,’ he said. ‘Perhaps they are in the next room. I showed Mrs Evans last night how the La France roses looked blue when dusk fell. She had never noticed it, though they turn as blue as her eyes.’
‘How curious!’ said Mrs Altham. ‘But I didn’t see the sweet peas in the next room. Surely if there had been a quantity of them I should have noticed them. Or perhaps they are in the drawing room.’
At this moment, Mrs Ames’ voice was heard from the other end of the table.
‘Then shall we have our coffee outside?’ she said. ‘Harry, if you will ring the bell - ’
There was the pushing back of chairs, and Mrs Altham passed along the table to the French windows that opened on to the verandah.
‘I hear Major Ames has been picking the loveliest sweet peas all the morning,’ she said to her hostess. ‘It would be such a pleasure to see them. I always admire Major Ames’ sweet peas.’
Now this was unfortunate, for Mrs Altham desired information herself, but by her speech she had only succeeded in giving information to Mrs Ames, who guessed without the slightest difficulty where the sweet peas had gone, which she had not yet known had been picked. She was already considerably annoyed with her husband for his unceremonious desertion of her luncheon party, and was aware that Mrs Altham would cause the fact to be as well known in Riseborough as if it had been inserted in the column of local intelligence in the county paper. But she felt she would sooner put it there herself than let Mrs Altham know where he and his sweet peas were. She had no greater objection (or if she had, she studiously concealed it from herself even) to his going to lunch in this improvising manner with Mrs Evans than if he had gone to lunch with anybody else; what she minded was his non-appearance at an institution so firmly established and so faithfully observed as the lunch that followed the dinner party. But at the moment her entire mind was set on thwarting Mrs Altham. She looked interested.
‘Indeed, has he been picking sweet peas?’ she said. ‘I must scold him if it was only that which kept him away from church. I don’t know what he has done with them. Very likely they are in his dressing room: he often likes to have flowers there. But as you admire his sweet peas so much, pray walk down the garden, and look at them. You will find them in their full beauty.’
This, of course, was not in the least what Mrs Altham wanted, since she did not care two straws for the rest of the sweet peas. But life was scarcely worth living unless she knew where those particular sweet peas were. As for their being in his dressing room, she felt that Mrs Ames must have a very poor opinion of her intellectual capacities, if she thought that an old wives’ tale like that would satisfy it. In this she was partly right: Mrs Ames had indeed no opinion at all of her mind; on the other hand, she did not for a moment suppose that this suggestion about the dressing room would content that feeble organ. It was not designed to: the object was to stir it to a wilder and still unsatisfied curiosity. It perfectly succeeded, and from by-ways Mrs Altham emerged full speed, like a motorcar, into the high road of direct question.
‘I am sure they are lovely,’ she said. ‘And where is Major Ames lunching?’
Mrs Ames raised the pieces of her face where there might have been eyebrows in other days. She told one of the truths that Bismarck loved.
‘He did not tell me before he went out,’ she said. ‘Perhaps Harry knows. Harry, where is your father lunching?’
Now this was ludicrous. As if it was possible that any wife in Riseborough did not know where her husband was lunching! Harry apparently did not know either, and Mrs Ames, tasting the joys of the bull-baiter, goaded Mrs Altham further by pointedly asking Parker, when she brought the coffee, if she knew where the Major was lunching. Of course Parker did not, and so Parker was told to cut Mrs Altham a nice bunch of sweet peas to carry away with her.
This pleasant duty of thwarting undue curiosity being performed, Mrs Ames turned to Mr
Pettit, though she had not quite done with Mrs Altham yet. For she had heard on the best authority that Mrs Altham occasionally indulged in the disgusting and unfeminine habit of cigarette smoking. Mrs Brooks had several times seen her walking about her garden with a cigarette, and she had told Mrs Taverner, who had told Mrs Ames. The evidence was overwhelming.
‘Mr Pettit, I don’t think any of us mind the smell of tobacco,’ she said, ‘when it is out of doors, so pray have a cigarette. Harry will give you one. Ah! I forgot! Perhaps Mrs Altham does not like it.’
Mrs Altham hastened to correct that impression. At the same time she had a subtle and not quite comfortable sense that Mrs Ames knew all about her and her cigarettes, which was exactly the impression which that lady sought to convey.
These tactics were all sound enough in their way, but a profounder knowledge of human nature would have led Mrs Ames not to press home her victory with so merciless a hand. In her determination to thwart Mrs Altham’s odious curiosity, she had let it be seen that she was thwarting it: she should not, for instance, have asked Parker if she knew of the Major’s whereabouts, for it only served to emphasize the undoubted fact that Mrs Ames knew (that might be taken for granted) and that she knew that Parker did not, for otherwise she would surely not have asked her.
Consequently Mrs Altham (erroneously, as far as that went) came to the conclusion that the Major was lunching alone where his wife did not wish him to lunch alone. And in the next quarter of an hour, while they all sat on the verandah, she devoted the mind which her hostess so despised, to a rapid review of all houses of this description. Instantly almost, the wrong scent which she was following led her to the right quarry. She argued, erroneously, the existence of a pretty woman, and there was a pretty woman in Riseborough. It is hardly necessary to state that she made up her mind to call on that pretty woman without delay. She would be very much surprised if she did not find there an immense bunch of sweet peas and perhaps their donor.
Mrs Ames’ guests soon went their ways, Mr Pettit and his sister to the children’s service at three, the Althams on their detective mission, and she was left to herself, except in so far as Harry, asleep in a basket chair in the garden, can be considered companionship. She was not gifted with any very great acuteness of imagination, but this afternoon she found herself capable of conjuring up (indeed, she was incapable of not doing so) a certain amount of vague disquiet. Indeed, she tried to put it away, and refresh her mind with the remembrance of her thwarting Mrs Altham, but though her disquiet was but vague, and was concerned with things that had at present no real existence at all, whereas her victory over that inquisitive lady was fresh and recent, the disquiet somehow was of more pungent quality, and at last she faced it, instead of attempting any longer to poke it away out of sight.
Millie Evans was undeniably a good-looking woman, undeniably the Major had been considerably attracted last night by her. Undeniably also he had done a very strange thing in stopping to have his lunch there, when he knew perfectly well that there were people lunching with them at home for that important rite of eating up the remains of last night’s dinner. Beyond doubt he had taken her this present of sweet peas, of which Mrs Altham had so obligingly informed her; beyond doubt, finally, she was herself ten years her husband’s senior.
It has been said that Mrs Ames was not imaginative, but indeed, there seemed to be sufficient here, when it was all brought together, to occupy a very prosaic and literal mind. It was not as if these facts were all new to her: that disparity of age between herself and her husband had long lain dark and ominous, like a distant thundercloud on the horizon of her mind. Hitherto, it had been stationary there, not apparently coming any closer, and not giving any hint of the potential tempest which might lurk within it. But now it seemed to have moved a little up the sky, and (though this might be mere fancy on her part), there came from it some drowsy and distant echo of thunder.
It must not be supposed that her disquiet expressed itself in Mrs Ames’ mind in terms of metaphor like this, for she was practically incapable of metaphor. She said to herself merely that she was ten years older than her husband. That she had known ever since they married (indeed, she had known it before), but till now the fact had never seemed likely to be of any significance to her. And yet her grounds for supposing that it might be about to become significant were of the most unsubstantial sort. Certainly if Lyndhurst had not gone out to lunch today, she would never have dreamed of finding disquiet in the happenings of the evening before; indeed, apart from Harry’s absurd expedition into the garden, the party had been a markedly successful one, and she had determined to give more of those undomestic entertainments. But the principle of them assumed a strangely different aspect when her husband accepted an invitation of the kind instead of lunching at home, and that aspect presented itself in vivid colours when she reflected that he was ten years her junior.
Mrs Ames was a practical woman, and though her imagination had run unreasonably riot, so she told herself, over these late events, so that she already contemplated a contingency that she had no real reason to anticipate, she considered what should be her practical conduct if this remote state of affairs should cease to be remote. She had altogether passed from being in love with her husband, so much so, indeed, that she could not recall, with any sense of reality, what that unquiet sensation was like. But she had been in love with him years ago, and that still gave her a sense of possession over him. She had not been in the habit of guarding her possession, since there had never been any reason to suppose that anybody wanted to take it away, but she remembered with sufficient distinctness the sense that Lyndhurst’s garden was becoming to him the paramount interest in his life. At the time that sense had been composed of mixed feelings: neglect and relief were its constituents. He had ceased to expect from her that indefinable sensitiveness which is one of the prime conditions of love, and the growing atrophy of his demands certainly corresponded with her own inclinations. At the same time, though this cessation on his part of the imperative need of her, was a relief, she resented it. She would have wished him to continue being in love with her on credit, so to speak, without the settlement of the bill being applied for. Years had passed since then, but today that secondary discontent assumed a primary importance again. It was more acute now than it had ever been, for her possession was not being quietly absorbed into the culture of impersonal flowers, but, so it seemed possible, was directly threatened.
There was the situation which her imagination presented her with, practically put, and she proceeded to consider it from a practical standpoint. What was she to do?
She had the justice to acknowledge that the first clear signals of coolness in their mutual relations, now fifteen years ago, had been chiefly flown by her: she had essentially welcomed his transference of affection to his garden, though she had secretly resented it. At the least, the cooling had been condoned by her. Probably that had been a mistake on her part, and she determined now to rectify it. She, pathetically enough, felt herself young still, and to confirm herself in her view, she took the trouble to go indoors, and look at herself in the glass that hung in the hall. It was inevitable that she should see there not what she really saw, but what, in the main, she desired to see. Her hair, always slightly faded in tone, was not really grey, and even if there were signs of greyness in it there was nothing easier, if you could trust the daily advertisements in the papers, than to restore the colour, not by dyes, but by ‘purely natural means.’ There had been an advertisement of one such desirable lotion, she remembered, in the paper today, which she had noticed was supplied by any chemist. Certainly there was a little grey in her hair: that would be easy to remedy. That act of mental frankness led on to another. There were certain premonitory symptoms of stringiness about her throat and of loose skin round her mouth and eyes. But who could keep abreast of the times at all, and not know that there were skin foods which were magical in their effect? There was one which had impressed itself on her not long before:
an actress had written in its praise, affirming that her wrinkles had vanished with three nights’ treatment. Then there was a little, just a little, sallowness of complexion, but after all, she had always been rather sallow. It was a fortunate circumstance: when she got hot she never got crimson in the face like poor Mrs Taverner … She was going to town next week for a night, in order to see her dentist, a yearly precaution, unproductive of pain, for her teeth were really excellent, regular in shape, white, undecayed. Lyndhurst, in his early days, had told her they were like pearls, and she had told him he talked nonsense. They were just as much like pearls still, only he did not tell her so. He, poor fellow, had had great trouble in this regard, but it might be supposed his trouble was over now, since artifice had done its utmost for him. She was much younger than him there, though his last set fitted beautifully. But probably Millie had seen they were not real. And then he was distinctly gouty, which she was not. Often had she heard his optimistic assertion that an hour’s employment with the garden roller rendered all things of rheumatic tendency an impossibility. But she, though publicly she let these random statements pass, and even endorsed them, knew the array of bottles that beleaguered the washing stand in his dressing room, where the sweet peas were not.
The silent colloquy with the mirror in the hall occupied her some ten minutes, but the ten minutes sufficed for the arrival of one conclusion - namely, that she did not intend to be an old woman yet. Subtle art, the art of the hair restorer (which was not a dye), the art of the skin feeder must be invoked. She no longer felt at all old, now that there was a possibility of her husband’s feeling young. And lip-salve: perhaps lipsalve, yet that seemed hardly necessary: a few little bitings and mumblings of her lips between her excellent teeth seemed to restore to them a very vivid colour.
She went back to the verandah, where her little luncheon party had had their coffee, and pondered the practical manoeuvres of her campaign of invasion into the territory of youth which had once been hers. The lotion for the hair, as she verified by a consultation with the Sunday paper, took but a fortnight’s application to complete its work. The wrinkle treatment was easily comprised in that, for it took, according to the eminent actress, no more than three days. It might therefore be wiser not to let the work of rejuvenation take place under Lyndhurst’s eye, for there might be critical passages in it. But she could go away for a fortnight (a fortnight was the utmost time necessary for the wonderful lotion to restore faded colour) and return again after correspondence that indicated that she felt much better and younger. Several times before she had gone to stay alone with a friend of hers on the coast of Norfolk: there would be nothing in the least remarkable in her doing it again.
