by E. F. Benson
But her mood changed; the thought at any rate of administering some nasty little jabs presented itself in a growingly attractive light. The two sillies had been wanting to dance to their own tune; they should dance to hers instead, and by way of striking up her own tune at once she wrote as follows, to her husband.
‘MY DEAREST LYNDHURST,
‘I can’t tell you how glad I was to get your two letters, and to know how much good Harrogate is doing you. What an excellent thing that you went to Dr Evans (please remember me to him), and that he insisted so strongly on your taking yourself thoroughly in hand.’
She paused a moment, wondering exactly how strong this insistence had been. It was possible that it was not very strong. So much the more reason for letting the sentence stand. She now underlined the words ‘so strongly’.
‘Of course the waters are disgusting to take, and I declare I can almost smell them when I read your vivid description, but, as you said in your first letter, what is a bad taste in the mouth when you know it is doing you good? And your second letter convinces me how right you were to go, and when things like gout begin to come out, it naturally makes you feel a little low and worried. I want you to stop there the whole of August, and get thoroughly rid of it.
‘Here we are getting along very happily, and I am so glad I did not go to the sea. Millie is here, as you will know, and we see a great deal of her. She is constantly dropping in, en fille, I suppose you would call it, and is in excellent spirits and looks so pretty. But I am not quite at ease about Harry (this is private). He is very much attracted by her, and she seems to me not very wise in the way she deals with him, for she seems to be encouraging him in his silliness. Perhaps I will speak to her about it, and yet I hardly like to.’
Again Mrs Ames paused: she had no idea she had such a brilliant touch in the administration of these jabs. What she said might not be strictly accurate, but it was full of point.
‘I remember, too, what you said, that it was so good for a boy to be taken up with a thoroughly nice woman, and that it prevented his getting into mischief, I am sure Harry is writing all sorts of poems to her, because he sighs a great deal, and has a most inky forefinger, for which I give him pumice stone. But if she were not so nice a woman, and so far from anything like flirtatiousness, I should feel myself obliged to speak to Harry and warn him. She seems very happy and cheerful. I daresay she feels like me, and is rejoiced to think that Harrogate is doing her husband good.
‘Write to me soon again, my dear, and give me another excellent account of yourself. Was it not queer that you settled to go to Harrogate just when Millie settled not to? If you were not such good friends, one would think you wanted to avoid each other! Well, I must stop. Millie is dining with us, and I must order dinner.’
She read through what she had written with considerable content. ‘That will be nastier than the Harrogate waters,’ she thought to herself, ‘and quite as good for him.’ And then, with a certain largeness which lurked behind all her littlenesses, she practically dismissed the whole silly business from her mind. But she continued the use of the purely natural means for restoring the colour of the hair, and tapped and dabbed the corners of her eyes with the miraculous skin food. That was a prophylactic measure; she did not want to appear ‘a fright’ when Lyndhurst came back from Harrogate.
Mrs Ames was well aware that the famous fancy dress ball had caused her a certain loss of prestige in her capacity of queen of society in Riseborough. It had followed close on the heels of her innovation of asking husbands and wives separately to dinner, and had somewhat taken the shine out of her achievement, and indeed this latter had not been as epoch-making as she had expected. For the last week or two she had felt that something new was required of her, but as is often the case, she found that the recognition of such a truth does not necessarily lead to the discovery of the novelty. Perhaps the paltriness of Lyndhurst’s conduct, leading to reflections on her own superior wisdom, put her on the path, for about this time she began to take a renewed interest in the Suffragette movement which, from what she saw in the papers, was productive of such adventurous alarums in London. For herself, she was essentially law-abiding by nature, and though, in opposition to Lyndhurst, sympathetically inclined to women who wanted the vote, she had once said that to throw stones at Prime Ministers was unladylike in itself, and only drew on the perpetrators the attention of the police to themselves, rather than the attention of the public to the problem. But a recrudescence of similar acts during the last summer had caused her to wonder whether she had said quite the last word on the subject, or thought the last thought. Certainly the sensational interest in such violent acts had led her to marvel at the strength of feeling that prompted them. Ladies, apparently, whose breeding - always a word of potency with Mrs Ames - she could not question, were behaving like hooligans. The matter interested her in itself apart from its possible value as a novelty for the autumn. Also an election was probably to take place in November. Hitherto that section of Riseborough in which she lived had not suffered its tranquillity to be interrupted by political excitements, but like a man in his sleep, drowsily approved a Conservative member. But what if she took the lead in some political agitation, and what if she introduced a Suffragette element into the election? That was a solider affair than that a quantity of Cleopatras should skip about in a back garden.
She had always felt a certain interest in the movement, but it was the desire to make a novelty for the autumn, peppered, so to speak, by an impatience at the futile treachery of her husband’s Harrogate plans, and an ambition to take a line of her own in opposition to him, that presented their crusade in a serious light to her. The militant crusaders she had hitherto regarded as affected by a strange lunacy, and her husband’s masculine comment, ‘They ought to be well smacked, by Jove!’ had had the ring of common sense, especially since he added, for the benefit of such crusaders as were of higher social rank, ‘They’re probably mad, poor things.’
But during this tranquil month of August her more serious interest was aroused, and she bought, though furtively, such literature in the form of little tracts and addresses as was accessible on the subject. And slowly, though still the desire for an autumn novelty that would eclipse the memory of the congregations of Cleopatras was a moving force in her mind, something of the real ferment began to be yeasty within her, and she learned by private inquiry what the Suffragette colours were. Naturally the introduction of an abstract idea into her mind was a laborious process, since her life had for years consisted of an endless chain of small concrete events, and had been lived among people who had never seen an abstract idea wild, any more than they had seen an elephant in a real jungle. It was always tamed and eating buns, as in the zoo, just as other ideas reached them peptonized by the columns of daily papers. But a wild thing lurked behind the obedient trunk; a wild thing lurked behind the reports of ludicrous performances in the Palace Yard at Westminster.
August was still sultry, and Major Ames was still at Harrogate, when one evening she and Harry dined with Millie. Since nothing of any description happened in Riseborough during this deserted month, the introductory discussion of what events had occurred since they last met in the High Street that morning was not possible of great expansion. None of them had seen the aeroplane which was believed to have passed over the town in the afternoon, and nobody had heard from Mrs Altham. Then Mrs Ames fired the shot which was destined to involve Riseborough in smoke and brimstone.
‘Lyndhurst and I,’ she said, ‘have never agreed about the Suffragettes, and now that I know something about them, I disagree more than ever.’
Millie looked slightly shocked: she thought of Suffragettes as she thought of the persons who figure in police news. Indeed, they often did. She knew they wanted to vote about something, but that was practically all she knew except that they expressed their desire to vote by hitting people.
‘I know nothing about them,’ she said. ‘But are they not very unladylike?’
Mrs Ames had excellent reasons for suspecting romance in her son’s account of his exploits.
‘Tell me exactly what happened in the backs at Cambridge, Harry,’ she said.
Harry slightly retracted.
‘There is nothing much to tell,’ he said. ‘Our club felt bound to make a protest, and we went down there, as I said. It seemed to cow them a bit!’
‘And then did the proctors come and cow you?’ asked his inexorable mother.
‘I believe a proctor did come; I did not wait for that. They made a perfect fiasco, anyhow. They told me it was all a dead failure, and we heard no more about it.’
‘So that was all?’ said Mrs Ames.
‘And quite enough. I agree with father. They disgrace their sex!’
‘My dear, you know as little about it as your father,’ she said.
‘But surely a man’s judgement - ’ said Millie, making weak eyes at Harry.
‘Dear Millie, a man’s judgement is not of any value, if he does not know anything about what he is judging. We have all read accounts in the papers, and heard that they are very violent and chain themselves up to inconvenient places like railings, and are taken away by policemen. Sometimes they slap the policemen, but surely there must be something behind that makes them like that. I am finding out what it is. It is all most interesting. They say that they have to pay their rates and taxes, but get no privileges. If a man pays rates and taxes he gets a vote, and why shouldn’t a woman? It is all very well expressed. They seem to me to reason just as well as a man. I mean to find out much more about it all. Personally I don’t pay rates and taxes, because that is Lyndhurst’s affair, but if we had arranged differently and I paid for the house and the rates and taxes, why shouldn’t I have a vote instead of him? And from what I can learn the gardener has a vote, just the same as Lyndhurst, although Lyndhurst does all the garden-rolling, and won’t let Parkins touch the flowers.’
Mrs Evans sighed.
‘It all seems very confused and upside down,’ she said. ‘Do smoke, Harry, if you feel inclined. Will you have a cigarette, Cousin Amy? I am afraid I have none. I never smoke.’
Harry was a little sore from his mother’s handling, and was not unwilling to hit back.
‘I never knew mother smoked,’ he said. ‘Do you smoke, mother? How delightful! How Eastern! I never knew you were Eastern. I always thought you said it was not wicked for women to smoke, but only horrid. Do be horrid. I am sure Suffragettes smoke.’
Mrs Ames turned a swift appealing eye on Millie, entreating confidence. Then she lied.
‘Dear Millie, what are you thinking of ?’ she said. ‘Of course I never smoke, Harry.’
But the appeal of the eyes had not taken effect.
‘But on the night of my little dance, Cousin Amy,’ she said, ‘surely you had a cigarette. It made you cough, and you said how nice it was!’
Mrs Ames wished she had not been so ruthless about the Suffragettes at Cambridge.
‘There is a great difference between doing a thing once,’ she said, ‘and making a habit of it. I think I did want to see what it was like, but I never said it was nice, and as for its being Eastern, I am sure I am glad to belong to the West. I always thought it unfeminine, and then I knew it. I did not feel myself again till I had brushed my teeth and rinsed my mouth. Now, dear Millie, I am really interested in the Suffragettes. Their demands are reasonable, and if we are unreasonable about granting them, they must be unreasonable too. For years they have been reasonable and nobody has paid any attention to them. What are they to do but be violent, and call attention to themselves? It is all so well expressed; you cannot fail to be interested.’
‘Wilfred would never let me hit a policeman,’ said Millie. ‘And I don’t think I could do it, even if he wanted me to.’
‘But it is not the aim of the movement to hit policemen,’ said Mrs Ames. ‘They are very sorry to have to - ’
‘They are sorrier afterwards,’ said Harry.
Mrs Ames turned a small, withering eye upon her off-spring.
‘If you had waited to hear what they had to say instead of running away before the proctor came,’ she said, ‘you might have learnt a little about them, dear. They are not at all sorry afterwards; they go to prison quite cheerfully, in the second division, too, which is terribly uncomfortable. And many of them have been brought up as luxuriously as any of us.’
‘I could not go to prison,’ said Mrs Evans faintly, but firmly. ‘And even if I could, it would be very wrong of me, for I am sure it would injure Wilfred’s practice. People would not like to go to a doctor whose wife had been in prison. She might have caught something. And Elsie would be so ashamed of me.’
Mrs Ames gave the suppressed kind of sigh which was habitual with her when Lyndhurst complained that the water for his bath was not hot, although aware that the kitchen boiler was being cleaned.
‘But you need not go to prison in order to be a Suffragette, dear Millie,’ she said. ‘Prison life is not one of the objects of the movement.’
Mrs Evans looked timidly apologetic.
‘I didn’t know,’ she said. ‘It is so interesting to be told. I thought all the brave sort went to prison, and had breakfast together when they were let out. I am sure I have read about their having breakfast together.’
A faint smile quivered on her mouth. She was aware that Cousin Amy thought her very stupid, and there was a delicate pleasure in appearing quite idiotic like this. It made Cousin Amy dance with irritation inside, and explain more carefully yet.
‘Yes, dear Millie,’ she said, ‘but their having breakfast together has not much to do with their objects - ’
‘I don’t know about that,’ said Harry; ‘there is a club at Cambridge to which I belong, whose object is to dine together.’
‘Then it is very greedy of you, dear,’ said Mrs Ames, ‘and the Suffragettes are not like that. They go to prison and do all sorts of unladylike things for the sake of their convictions. They want to be treated justly. For years they have asked for justice, and nobody has paid the least attention to them; now they are making people attend. I assure you that until I began reading about them, I had very little sympathy with them. But now I feel that all women ought to know about them. Certainly what I have read has opened my eyes very much, and there are a quantity of women of very good family indeed who belong to them.’
Harry pulled his handkerchief out of the sleeve of his dress coat; he habitually kept it there. Just now the Omar Khayyam Club was rather great on class distinctions.
‘I do not see what that matters,’ he said. ‘Because a man’s great-grandmother was created a duchess for being a king’s mistress - ’
Mrs Evans and Mrs Ames got up simultaneously; if anything Mrs Ames got up a shade first.
‘I do not think we need go into that, Harry,’ said Mrs Ames.
Millie tempered the wind.
‘Will you join us soon, Harry?’ she said. ‘If you are too long I shall come and fetch you. We have been political tonight! Will it be too cold for you in the garden, Cousin Amy?’
Left to himself, Harry devoted several minutes’ pitiful reflection to his mother’s state of mind. In spite of her awakened interest in the Suffragette movement, she seemed to him deplorably old-fashioned. But with his second glass of port his thoughts assumed a rosier tone, and he determined to wait till Cousin Millie came to fetch him. Surely she meant him to do that: no doubt she wanted to have just one private word with him. She had often caught his eye during dinner, with a deprecating look, as if to say this tiresome rigmarole about Suffragettes was not her fault. He felt they understood each other …
There was a large Chippendale looking glass above the sideboard, and he
got up from the table and observed the upper part of his person which was reflected in it. A wisp of hair fell over his forehead; it might more rightly be called a plume. He appeared to himself to have a most interesting face, uncommon, arresting. He was interestingly and characteristically dressed, too, with a collar Byronically low, a soft frilled shirt, and in place of a waistcoat a black cummerbund. Then hastily he mounted on a chair in order to see the whole of his lean figure that seemed so slender. It was annoying that at this moment of critical appreciation a parlourmaid should look in to see if she could clear away …
