The Secret Affair

by Brenda Jackson

  From Jill’s expression he could tell that although he might appreciate it, she didn’t. “I am so upset with you, right now, Aidan. You are—”

  Suddenly he pulled her into his arms. “You were warned.”

  Then he captured her mouth with his.

  * * *

  Push him away. Push him away. Push him away, a voice inside of Jillian’s head chanted.

  But her body would not obey. Instead of pushing him away, she leaned in closer, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  Had it been a year since she had enjoyed this? A year since she’d had the taste of his tongue inside her mouth? Doing all those crazy things in every nook and cranny? Making liquid heat she’d held at bay shoot straight to the area between her legs?

  How could any woman deal with a master kisser like him? She would admit that during the past year she had gone to bed dreaming of this but the real thing surpassed any dream she’d ever had.

  The sound of voices made them pull apart. She drew in a deep breath, turning her back to him so she could lick her lips without him seeing her do so. That had been one hell of a kiss. Her lips were still electrified.

  She turned back around and caught him tracing his tongue across his own lips. Her stomach clenched. “I think you have it all wrong, Aidan,” she managed to say.

  “After that kiss, I’d say I got it all right.”

  “Think whatever you like,” she said, walking away.

  “Hey, where’re you going? The Madrid Room is this way.”

  She stopped and turned. “I’ll order room service.”

  Jillian continued walking, feeling the heat of his gaze on her back.

  * * *

  Aidan watched her walk away, appreciating the sway of her hips. He drew in a deep breath. He loved the woman. If there was any doubt in her mind of that—which there seemed to be—he would wipe it out.

  Turning, he headed toward his own cabin, thinking room service sounded pretty good. Besides, he had shocked Jillian’s senses enough for today. Tomorrow he planned to lay it on even thicker. She had warned him not to be a nuisance. He smiled at the thought. He wouldn’t be a nuisance, just totally effective.

  Tonight they had talked, although he seemed to annoy her and he’d found her somewhat infuriating. But at least they knew where they both stood. She knew he was aware of the real reason she’d ended things between them. He had to convince her that his life as a womanizer was definitely behind him, that he had no desire to return to that life again.

  He would admit getting rid of the lap dancer that night hadn’t been easy. Somehow she’d figured it would be okay to hang around after the party was over. She’d been quick to let him know there wouldn’t be an overtime charge. He had countered, letting her know he wasn’t interested.

  When Aidan reached his suite, he saw the elephant made of hand towels on his bed. Cute. But not as cute as the woman he intended to have back in his arms.

  * * *

  Jillian checked the time as she made a call to Paige. It was around ten in the morning in L.A., so there was no reason her sister shouldn’t answer the phone. Paige was definitely going to get an earful from her.

  “Why are you calling me? Aren’t rates higher on the high seas?” Paige asked, answering on the fourth ring.

  Jillian frowned. “Don’t worry about the cost of the rates. Why didn’t you tell me you knew about me and Aidan?”

  “Why hadn’t you told me so I wouldn’t have to tell you? And don’t say because it was supposed to be a secret.”

  “Well, it was. How did you figure it out?”

  “Wasn’t hard to do. Both of you started getting sloppy with it. Aidan slipped and called you Jilly a couple of times, and I caught you almost drooling whenever he walked into the room.”

  “I did not.”

  “You did, too. Besides, I knew you had a crush on him that first time we met the Westmoreland family at Pam’s engagement party. You kept me up all night asking, ‘Isn’t Aidan cute, Paige? Isn’t he cute?’”

  Jillian smiled as she remembered. She had been so taken with Aidan. Although he and Adrian were identical twins it had been Aidan who pushed her buttons. “Well, no thanks to you he’s here and he wants me back.”

  “Do you want him to get you back?”

  “No. You didn’t see that lap dance. I did.”

  “Didn’t have to see it because I’ve seen one before. I know they can get rather raunchy. But it was a birthday party. His. Thrown by his friends and the lap dancer and the strippers were entertainment.”

  “Some entertainment,” she mumbled. “He enjoyed it. You should have seen the look on his face when the woman shoved her girls at him.”

  “Pleeze. He’s a man. They enjoy seeing a pair of breasts. Anytime or anyplace. Will it make you feel better if I get the Chippendales dancers for your next birthday party?”

  “This isn’t funny, Paige.”

  “You don’t hear me laughing. If anything, you should hear me moaning. Can you imagine a lap dance from one of those guys? If you can’t, I can. And my imagination is running pretty wild right now.”

  Jillian shook her head. “Before I let you go, there’s one more thing. Did you really get a part in a Spielberg movie?”

  “No.”

  “So you lied.”

  “I was acting, and I evidently did a great job. It sounds like you have some serious decisions to make about Aidan. But don’t rush. You have fourteen days. In the meantime, enjoy the cruise. Enjoy life. Enjoy Aidan. He plans on getting you back. I’d like to be there to watch him try. I’ve got my money on him, by the way.”

  “Sounds like you have money to lose. Goodbye, Paige.” Jillian clicked off the phone, refusing to let her sister get in the last word, especially if it would be a word she really didn’t want to hear.

  Regardless of what Paige said, her sister hadn’t been there to witness that lap dance. She hadn’t seen that salacious grin on Aidan’s face while looking up at the half-naked woman sprawled all over him. There was no doubt in Jillian’s mind that he’d enjoyed every minute of it. He had wanted those women there; otherwise, he would have asked them and his friends to leave. And although he claimed otherwise, how could she be certain one of those women didn’t spend the night with him; especially since he didn’t tell Jillian anything about the party, even when she had asked? She of all people knew what a healthy sexual appetite Aidan had, and they hadn’t seen each other in more than three months. And at the time, that had been the longest amount of time they’d been apart.

  Before getting in bed later that night, Jillian checked the ship’s agenda. Tomorrow was a full day at sea and she refused to stay locked in her cabin. This was a big ship and chances were she might not run into Aidan. She knew the odds of that were slim; especially when he admitted his only reason for coming on the cruise was to win her back. Well, he could certainly try.

  She could not deny it had felt good to be kissed by him tonight. Pretty damn good. But there was more to any relationship than kisses. Even the hot, raw, carnal kind that Aidan gave. And when he took a mind to kiss her all over...

  She drew in a deep breath, refusing to let her thoughts go there. He would probably try using his sexual wiles to win her back. And she intended to be ready to disappoint him.

  Twelve

  “Good morning, Jillian.”

  Jillian glanced up from the book she was reading to watch Aidan slide onto the lounger beside her. She was on the upper deck near the pool. Why had she thought he would never find her here?

  “Good morning,” she grumbled and went back to her reading. Although she had gone to bed fairly early, she hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep. The man stretched on the lounger beside her had invaded her dreams not once or twice, but all through the night.

  “Had breakfast yet?”

  She glanced away from her book to look over at him. “Yes.” She remembered the pancakes and syrup she’d enjoyed. “It was tasty.”

  “Um, bet it wasn’t
tasty as you. Want to go back to my cabin and be my breakfast?”

  His question caused a spark of heat to settle between her thighs. Something she definitely didn’t need after all those erotic dreams she’d had. “You shouldn’t say something like that to me.”

  “You prefer I say it to someone else?”

  She narrowed her gaze. “Do whatever you want. At breakfast I happened to notice a group of women on the cruise. All appeared single. I think I overheard one say they’re part of some book club.”

  “You want me to go check out other women?”

  “Won’t matter to me. Need I remind you that we aren’t together?”

  “And need I remind you that I’m working on that? And by the way, I have a proposition for you.”

  “Whatever it is, the answer is no.”

  He chuckled. “You haven’t heard it.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  “You certain?”

  “Positive.”

  He smiled over at her. “Okay then. I’m glad. In fact, you’ve made my day by not accepting it. I’m happy that you turned it down.”

  She stared over at him and frowned. “Really? And just what was this proposition?”

  In a warm, teasing tone, he said. “I thought you didn’t want to hear it.”

  “I’ve changed my mind.”

  He nodded. “I guess I can allow you to do that.” He shifted and sat up. She tried not to notice the khaki shorts he wore and how well they fit the lower half of his body. Or how his muscle shirt covered perfect abs.

  He took her hand, easing her into the same sitting position he was in, as if what he had to say was something he didn’t want others around them to overhear.

  “Well?” she asked, trying to ignore the tingling sensation in the hand he touched.

  “You’re aware the only reason I came on this cruise was to get you back, right?”

  She shrugged. “So you say.”

  A smile touched the corners of his lips. “Well, I thought about a few of the things you said last night and I wanted to offer you a chance to make some decisions.”

  She lifted a brow. “Like what?”

  “Like whether or not I should even pursue you at all. I don’t want to be that nuisance you insinuated I could be. So my proposition was that I just leave you alone and wait patiently for you to come to me. I hope you know what that means since you just turned it down.”

  She would not have turned it down had she heard him out, and he knew it. Unfortunately, she could guess what the consequences would be and she had a feeling she wasn’t going to like it. “What does that mean, Aidan?”

  He leaned in closer to whisper in her ear. His warm breath felt like a soft, sensuous lick across her skin. “I want you so bad, Jillian, that I ache. And that means I’m not giving up until you’re back in my bed.”

  She immediately felt a pounding pulse at the tips of her breasts. She leaned back to stare at him and the razor-sharp sensuality openly displayed in his gaze almost made her moan.

  “And before you ask, Jillian, the answer is no. It isn’t just about sex with me,” he murmured in a low, husky tone. “It’s about me wanting the woman I love both mentally and physically. You’re constantly in my mind but physically, it’s been over a year.”

  She drew in a deep breath and felt the essence of what he’d said in every single nerve ending in her body. It had been over a year. With Aidan she’d had a pretty active sex life, and although there were periods of time when they were apart, they always made up for any time lost whenever they were together.

  “Your needing sex is not my problem,” she finally said.

  “Isn’t it?” he countered. “Can you look me in the eyes and say that you don’t want me as much as I want you? That you didn’t dream about us making love last night? Me being inside you. You riding me? Hard. My tongue inside your mouth...and inside a lot of other places on your body?”

  She silently stared at him but her entire body flared in response to the vivid pictures he’d painted in her mind. Unlike Paige, Jillian wasn’t an actress and couldn’t lie worth a damn. But on that same note she would never admit anything to him. That would give him too much power. “I won’t admit to anything, Aidan.”

  “You don’t have to,” he said, with a serious smile on his face. “And it’s not about me needing sex but me needing you.” He paused a moment as if giving his words time to sink in. “But this leads to another proposition I’d like to make.”

  She’d set herself up for this one. “And what is the proposition this time?”

  He leaned in closer. “That for the remainder of the cruise you let your guard down. Believe in me. Believe in yourself. And believe in us. I want you to see I’m still the man who loves you. The man who will always love you. But that’s something you have to believe, Jillian. However, at the end of the cruise, if for whatever reason, you still don’t believe it or feel that the two of us can make a lifetime commitment, then when we dock back in Barcelona, we’ll agree to go our separate ways.”

  She broke eye contact with him to glance out at the ocean. Today was a rather calm day outside but inside she was in a state of turmoil. He was asking a lot of her and he knew it. His proposition meant forgetting the very reason she broke up with him. That would definitely be easy on him if she did. Was that why he’d come up with this latest proposition?

  Jillian turned her gaze back to him. “You want me to just forget everything that’s happened, Aidan? Especially the incident that caused our breakup?”

  “No, I don’t want you to forget a single thing.”

  His answer surprised her. “Why?”

  “Because it’s important that the two of us learn from any mistakes we’ve made, and we can’t do that if we safely tuck them away just because doing so will be convenient. We should talk about them openly and honestly. Hopefully, we’ll be able to build something positive out of the discussions. You’re always harping a lot on the things I did. What about you, Jillian? Do you think you were completely blameless?”

  “No, but—”

  “I don’t want to get into all that now, but have you ever noticed that with you there’s always a but in there somewhere?”

  She frowned at him. “No, I never noticed but obviously you have.” Was it really that way with her? As far as sharing the blame, she could do that. But she hadn’t been the one getting a lap dance.

  “My proposition is still on the table,” he said. “I’ve been completely honest with you on this cruise, Jillian. I’ve been up-front with my intentions, my wants and my desires.”

  Yes, he had. Every opportunity he got. And she knew that he would have her on her back in a flash if she were to let him. Jillian inclined her head to look deeper into his eyes. “And you promise that at the end of the cruise if things don’t work out the way we think they should that you will go your way and I’ll go mine?”

  He nodded slowly. “It would be difficult, but yes. I want you to be happy and if being happy for you means not having me in your life then that’s the way it will be. It will be your decision and I would like to have that decision the night before we return to Barcelona.”

  She digested what Aidan said. He’d laid things out, with no fluff. She knew what, and who, she would be dealing with. But she also knew that even if she decided she didn’t want him in her life romantically, he could never be fully out of it; their families were connected. How could they manage that?

  “What about the family?” she asked. “Paige, Stern and Adrian know our secret. If things don’t work out between us it might have an effect on them.”

  “We will deal with that if it happens. Together. Even if we’re no longer lovers, there’s no reason we can’t remain friends. Besides, are you sure there aren’t others in the family besides those three who know? It’s my guess others might suspect something even if they haven’t said anything.”

  She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter who knows now. I had planned on telling Pam anyway.”

&n
bsp; Surprise flashed in his eyes. “You had?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “After I talked to you about it, which I had planned to do when I flew into Portland for your birthday.”

  “Oh.”

  She released a sigh. Evidently the one thing he hadn’t found out was that she’d intended to release him from their secret. “Afterward, when things didn’t work out between us, I saw no need for me to tell Pam anything. In fact, I felt the less she knew about the situation, the better.”

  Aidan didn’t say anything for a moment and neither did Jillian. She figured he was thinking how that one weekend had changed things for them. He finally broke the silence by asking, “So, what’s your answer to my proposition?”

  Jillian nibbled at her bottom lip. Why couldn’t she just turn him down, walk away and keep walking? She knew one of the reasons was that her mind was filled with fond memories of the good times they’d shared. It hadn’t been all bad.

  Would it be so dreadful if she were to give his proposition a try? What did she have to lose? She’d already experienced heartbreak with him. And a year of separation hadn’t been easy. Besides, she couldn’t deny that it would feel good to be with him out in the open, without any kind of secrecy shrouding them. Whenever he’d come to Laramie, she’d always been on guard, looking over her shoulder in case she ran into someone who knew Pam. And he did have a good point about the remaining days on the cruise testing the strength of a relationship between them.

  She met his gaze. “Yes. I accept your proposition and I will hold you to your word, Aidan.”

  * * *

  Later that night, as Aidan changed for dinner, he couldn’t help remembering Jillian’s words.

  “Fine, baby, hold me to my word,” he murmured to himself as he tucked his white dress shirt into his pants. “That’s the way it should be. And that’s the way it will be.”

  Today had gone just the way he’d wanted. After she’d agreed to his proposition he’d been able to talk her into going with him to the Terelle Deck so he could grab breakfast. She’d sat across from him while he ate a hefty portion of the pancakes and syrup she’d recommended. They had chosen a table with a beautiful view of the ocean, and he liked the way the cool morning breeze stirred her hair. More than once he’d been tempted to reach across the table and run his fingers through it.