by Kir Bulychev
There were no antelope to be seen. Nor did we find any other animals. And when I exited the ATV and went down on my hands and knees to find the mice that had been running in the grass not all that long before, it turned out that there were no mice either. This time I released a bioscout over the plain. The bioscout came back after flying to the horizon; there was no doubt here was not a single animal on this planet.
“What are we going to do now? I asked Poloskov in desperation when we had loaded the ATV back onto the Pegasus and were seated in the crew’s lounge. “This really is an empty planet, and I really don’t want to leave here until we discover its secret.”
“There is no way we can remain here forever.” Poloskov said. “And we’re not the first who’ve come face to face with this mystery. Perhaps the secret of the empty planet is going to remain unresolved for a while longer.
“It’s too bad Zeleny forgot to close the lock.” Alice said suddenly “If we just had one of those fish left.”
“It’s too bad he was so excited.” I cut off Alice. “Something really is surprising here; we landed yesterday, it was raining and the lake was full of fish. In the morning the sky was filled with birds, but as soon as the wind picked up the birds vanished and the animals came out…” “Papa,” Alice said suddenly. “But I just guessed the secret to this planet.”
“O course!” The gloomy Zeleny said. “No one has determined it, but a Sherlock Holmes named Alice has!”
“Be a little bit more careful, there.” Poloskov said. “I’ve already lost one wish to Alice when we were searching for the tadprowlers.”
“Correct!” Alice agreed. “My way of thinking is not entirely scientific.”
“Well daughter, tell us then.” I said.
“With your permission I’d rather demonstrate than tell.”
“Whatever you prefer.”
“Then I’d like you to sit here for a few minutes; I’ll be right back.”
“You’re going outside? But it’s raining.”
“There is nothing to fear. I won’t even get wet. If you are afraid that something might happen to me look out the ports.. I’ll just be to the lake and back.”
I went over to the port and watched Alice, her head covered with her plash, run toward the lake and dip a bucket into the water. Once. Twice. A third time. Then she ran back to the ship.
Alice came into the crew lounge running and placed the bucket on the table.
“Take a look.” She said.
A small fish was slowly swimming around in the bucket.
“Oh-ho!” Zeleny said. “I completely forgot that here samyj klev in the evening. Where is the fishing rod?”
“Wait a moment.” Alice plunged her hand into the bucket, pulled out the fish, and threw it onto the table.
“What are you doing?”
“If I’m right….” Alice began, and immediately our eyes beheld a remarkable transfiguration. The fish turned itself over once or twice with powerful smacks from its tail, then the fins began to turn into wings, the scales into feathers, and a minute later a small bird sat preening and smoothing his feathers on the table.
As our mouths dropped from astonishment at having witnessed a fish become a bird, the bird shook its wings and flew up. It struck the ceiling of the crew’s lounge.
“Catch it!” I shouted. “It will break its wings!”
“Stop, papa! That’s not everything yet.” Alice said.
The bird struck the ceiling a few times and fell back onto the table. And, coming erect, began to change once more. But this time the feathers vanished, wings grew into the body, and in front of us sat something like a rodent. The rodent-oid darted past the tea cups and hid in the corner where the table came out of the wall.
“Is everything clear now?” Alice asked.
My daughter was preening. It is not every day that one is able to solve a mystery that had eluded so many other biologists.
“But how did you guess it?” I asked.
“You suggested the idea to me. You mentioned how when it was raining there were only fish, when the sun was out there were birds, and when the winds blew there were animals everywhere.”
“You’re right.” I said. “It is a remarkable adaptation, but perfectly suited to this planet. The living creatures take on the forms most suitable to the circumstances. They need fear neither wind, nor rain, nor sun. When, when winter comes, they must think of something…”
“That can be checked.” Alice said. “Just put the fish in the freezer.”
We did not put the fish in the freezer, but we did construct a cage containing an aquarium where the animal could spend the hours when it wanted to be a fish, yet tall enough that it could fly out of the water into the air and broad enough that it could run from corner to corner for feeding.
Chapter Eight
What the Audities said
All collectors and fanciers of anything wild in Galactic Sector Seven eventually find their way to the planet Blooke. There, once a week, in the city of Palaputra, a bazar is held.
In our Galaxy there are some billions of collectors. For example, the collectors of Sol System gather on the first Sunday of every month on Mars, on the tablelands beside the Grand Canal. They tell me that even in the Andromeda Galaxy there is an enormous community of collectors, and on one of its planets they are so numerous they have taken control of all industry and that world produces only stamp albums, tweezers, and aquariums.
I’’ve spent time with Martian collectors; I found rare flying fish for the Zoo through them. But I had not yet had a chance to spend any time at all on Blooke.
Palaputra turned out to be a medium sized city, but filled to overflowing with hotels and warehouses. And the Palaputra space port was the envy of most major planetary capitols.
As soon as the Pegasus settled to the vast concrete expanse a ground vehicle filled with guards approached.
“And where have you flown in from?” They asked Poloskov, who had stopped at the top of our extendable stairs.
“From Earth.” Poloskov answered.
“And where is that?”
“In Sector Three. Sol System.”
“A-ha. I thought as much.” The Chief border guard said.
He was very similar to a fan. He had three enormous round ears, and when he spoke his head bobbed up and down so much it produced a wind. That’s why, out in the Galaxy, they called the inhabitants of Blooke Audites.
The guards climbed on board the ship and came into the crew’s lounge.
“And what is it you will be selling?” A guard asked.
“We’d rather be looking.” I answered. “We’re here in search of interesting animals for the Moscow Zoo.”
“Does that mean that you have nothing you will be selling?” The guard asked.
“Yes.”
“Then you have aboard here no sorts of animals?”
“We do have animals.” I said. “But they’re not for sale.”
“Show them to me.” The guard said.
“Why?” Poloskov was surprised. “We’re here as your guests. Isn’t our word good enough for you?”
“We would rather believe you,” the Audity said, “but you know little of the collectors. They drag various critters all about the Galaxy and we then must deal with the resulting infelicities. Once upon a time we were polite and never bothered to check starships, but now we do. We have learned through bitter experience.
And the security guard, raising a constant wind with his ears, told us the sad story:
Not that long ago a trader had been observed in the market. He had come to the bar with a small carpet bag and a can. In the can were white grubs. Collectors with birds to feed quickly came to value these grubs. The grubs were high in calories and the animals loved them. One of the collectors purchased the can of grubs. A second followed, then a third. So the merchant undid his bag and drew out a new batch. The collectors stood in line for the grubs. The two hundredth and twenty third in line was the famous colle
ctor of exotic fish Krabakas of Barakasa; he stood in line and watched the merchant pull cans out of his bag, and he calculated that there could be at most space for three and a half such cans of grubs in the bag. Then Krabakas of Barakasa reached the conclusion that something untoward was going on. He went up to the merchant and asked: “Could it be that you have a bottomless bag?”
“No, your excellency,” one of the chief security guard’s assistants interrupted him at this point of the story, “He asked: ‘Where do all the grubs come from?’“
“Quiet.” A third guard said. “Nothing at all like that. What Krabakas of Barakasa said to him was: ‘Give me your bag so I can look inside.’“
“Silence!’ The Chief Guard shouted at his aids. “I will bite your ears off if you interrupt me again! The merchant did not pay any attention to Krabakas’s words, possibly because Krabakas’s diameter is just about a half a millimeter and even if he is seven meters long he real does resemble a very thin blue worm himself. Then Krabakas turned to the collectors who stood in line and shouted: ‘I don’t like this suspicious merchant!’“
“I beg your forgiveness most humbly our excellency,” One of the aids could not stand it and had to speak, “but if I may be so bold as to say that Krabakas of Barakasa then said to the other collectors: ‘Grab that thief!’“
“You’ve gone mad!” The third guard whispered. “Krabakas said: ‘I am no less a rational being than you are, merchant, and I ask you to pay attention to me. And give me your bag, by the way.’“
“That’s all!” The Chief of Customs Inspection started to flap his ears in frustration. “I’m going to retire!”
The Customs Officers began to argue among themselves, switching over to their own, utterly incomprehensible language, which quite cunningly involved the flapping of their ears. A storm was rising in the crew’s lounge, and how it would have ended no one can tell, but a gust of wind blew the coffee maker from the table. The coffee machine shattered, and the Customs agents became very embarrassed for their behavior.
“Oh, I do beg your pardon.” The chief Audity said. “I fear we’ve gotten rather heated.”
“It’s nothing, nothing.” I said, trying not to break out in laughter gathering the remains of the coffee machine from the floor while Alice ran for a rag to wipe up the brown puddle.
“Krabakas of Barakasa,” the Chief Audity continued, “explained his suspicions to the collectors, and they took the small bag from the merchant. In the small bag they found two hands full of grubs. But when they extracted a part of the grubs, they immediately, with their own eyes, saw the remaining grubs divide in half and grow. Suddenly, from the far end of the bazar, they could hear a frightened cry. One of the song bird collectors had sprinkled some of the grubs in a cage and seen them reproduce in front of his eyes.”
“No.” The second Customs Agent said as he flapped his ears. “Let me be so bold as to express, your nobility….”
But the chief Customs Agent had no time to listen to expressions. He grabbed his aids by their ears and dragged them out of the crew’s lounge, slammed the door shut, and said with some satisfaction:
“Now I can tell you in peace.”
But the door suddenly slide slightly aside and the ear of a recalcitrant Customs Agent edged inside:
“May I be so bold as to…”
“No, this is impossible!” The Chief Customs Agent pressed his thick back to the door and started to finish the story:
“It turns out that these grubs reproduced with unbelievable rapidity. So quickly in fact, that in ten minutes they had doubled in mass, and in an hour were six hundred times as many as when they began.”
“But what did they eat?” Alice couldn’t understand it.
“Air.” The Custom’s Agent answered. “As unbelievable as it sounds, they consumed air.”
“Oxygen!” The second Custom’s Agent shouted from behind his back.
“Nitrogen!” The third responded.
The Chief Custom’s Agent covered his face with his ears from shame at the behavior of his own subordinates. It was another five minutes before he had calmed himself down enough that he could finish the story.
“In general, I would say, but three hours after it began the entire market in Palaputra was filled with grubs to the depth of one meter; the collectors and hawkers had fled to wherever.”
“And what happened to the trader?” Alice asked.
“In the commotion the trader vanished.”
“He ran away.” came from the other side of the door.
“The mountains of grubs were spread out everywhere. Toward evening they reached the center of the city. All the Fire Engines, which poured water and foam, and fire from flame throwers, onto the grubs, could do nothing to contain their advance. We tried to burn the grubs, we tried to poison them, we used DDT and other insecticides, we trampled them under foot, but all was in vain. The air on the planet began to get thinner and thinner. They had to pass out oxygen masks. The planet Blooke sent out emergency signals to all the ends of the Galaxy. However, it was the bird fancier Krabakas of Barakasa who saved the planet. He set gluttonwings on the worms, little birds but so voracious is their appetite that not a single self-respecting collector would keep one. They destroy everything! In the final analysis we were rescued from the grubs, but the gluttonwings on their own also consumed all ants, beetles, bees, wasps, flies, butterflies, spiders, bumble bees and dung beetles. Now we have to rebuild the whole ecology!”
“But why did that merchant sell such dangerous bugs?” Alice asked.
“And why not? He wanted to make money. After all, his supply was endless.”
“No.” Alice said. “It can’t be that. He couldn’t be such a fool. All the collectors would soon guess what was going on.”
“Of course he wasn’t a fool!” Another Custom’s Agent shouted from the other side oft he door. “He wanted to destroy our planet.”
“But why?”
“We don’t know ourselves,” The Chief Custom’s Agent admitted. He left the door and admitted his assistants. “We don’t know why, but since that time we have examined all in-coming ships, especially those from the Sol System.”
“But why especially from the Sol System?”
“That’s a secret.” Said the first Custom’s Agent.
“It’s no secret at all.” The Second Custom’s Agent interjected. “It’s just because the trader was from the Sol System. He was a human being.”
“That’s very odd.” I said. “Do you have a description of him? What did he look like.”
“No. All your people look alike to us anyway.”
“Despite that, shouldn’t he have any distinguishing characteristics.”
“Yes, he did.” One of the junior Custom’s Agents said.
“Silence.” His chief ordered.
“I won’t.” The aid said. “The creature walked around in head attire with a horizontal field and a transverse trench in the peak.”
“I don’t understand.” I said. “What do you mean by a transverse trench.”
“Oh divinely earspired, show him the photo. Perhaps they can help us.” The aid said.
“No. The photo is too secret”
“And you don’t want it said of you that you gave away state secrets”
“Definitely.”
Then his most Earnestness pulled a photograph from his pocket. The photo was creased, it was amateurish, stained, but without a doubt anyone could tell it depicted Doctor Verkhovtseff with a can in one had and a medium sized carpetbag in the other.
“That can’t be!” I was so surprised I spoke aloud.
“What do you mean Do you know this human?”
“Yes. He lives on the Three Captain’s World.”
“Alas, for such a lovely planet to have such a nefarious inhabitant. When did you see him?”
“Three days go.”
“Our encounter with him took place last month. Now we shall have to subject your ship to a thorough investigatio
n. Do you have any bugs aboard”
“No, we don’t have any bugs aboard,”
“They’re holding out.” The second Custom’s Agent whispered to is chief. “They don’t want to talk.”
“Then we cannot permit them to go out into the city.” The Chief Custom’s Agent said. “Where is your telephone. I shall have to assume that all of you are sick with a galactic plague. Then you can leave voluntarily. Otherwise, we must begin the disinfection, which is certainly far less comfortable than just leaving.”
“Let me assure you we are not contemplating anything criminal.” I tried to calm the Custom’s Agent down. “We’ve only seen that individual one time. And perhaps that was not even him. There are certainly a lot of people who look like him. And what reason would a scholar, the director of a museum, have for trading in grubs.”
“I don’t know.” The chief Audity said sadly. “We’ve had so many woes! We’ve already started to distrust our guests.”
“And what else happened?”
“You shouldn’t ask. Someone exterminated nearly all the Blabberyaps.”
“Blabberyaps?”
“Yes, Blabberyaps. They’re our favorite birds.” /P>
Chapter Nine
We Need A Blabberyap
Alice and I set off for the bazar on foot, but told the ATV to stop by there in two hours.
The morning was fine, the sky was bright and clear and orange tinted, the clouds were few and green, the sand beneath our feet was soft and blue.
We strode down the city’s main street. On both sides of the avenue rose hotels. No two hotels were at all alike in terms of architectural details or materials; each had been constructed specially for the inhabitants of this or that stellar system.
The hotel Krak, which resembled a children’s balloon although it was more than a hundred meters in diameter, floated in the air above an antigrav field. The hotel catered to stellar wanderers used to zero gravity or who lived in space permanently and had no planet of their own, the comet dwellers and the meteorite miners.
Then we passed the Heaven Point Hotel; it also resembled a sphere, but heavy, massive, inserted halfway into the planet. The sign read ‘Methane Breathers Only.’ From an improperly secured door came the hiss of gas.
