“Put me down Jerrod, we gotta find them muthafuckas. Denise and Lee are out here somewhere and we gotta get them!” I yelled as the lights in my mama’s broke down Taurus, which was parked on the street, suddenly came on and she sped away from the curb.
“See, we gotta catch that bitch,” I said to Jerrod as I ran down the street with my gun in my hand and Buddy right behind me, shooting at my mother the entire time.
We got to the end of the block still shooting, as my bullets ripped into the car and my mama swerved before going up on the curb and sent Lee airborne out of the car and her directly into a pole. Terricka and Jerrod pulled down the street, just as the back wheel on my mama’s car stopped spinning, and her moans could be heard over the roar of the engine as it died.
I looked at Terricka as she jumped out of the car and she and I walked over to get our mother out of the rubble, as Jerrod and Buddy disappeared to find Lee. We showed no mercy or sympathy for the pervert, sadist who burned us with cigarettes as babies, fed us rotten food when she would feed us at all, sold us for drugs, and beat us mercilessly every day, as we looked down at her crumbled body stuck under the steering wheel.
“OH, look at what we have here. DO you know this woman, Tisha Lewis? Have you ever seen such a pitiful bitch in your life before?” Terricka asked me in a joking manner, as she leaned on the door to the driver’s side and further crushed my mother’s leg that was wedged in it.
My mother’s screams filled the night air as Terricka continued to lean on the door, and I laughed as I listened to the devil beg.
“Please girls, don’t do this, Please. I’m changing. I promise I’m fina do better, I promise. I just got word today that Sha is doing great and is out of the hospital and is ready to start a new year and new life. I’m fina get right yawl and be a family like we used to be. Just give me a chance yawl, please. Don’t be like me, yawl. Don’t do something stupid that you will later regret. Let the Lord deal with my soul yawl. Please girls, you don’t want to live with the sins I carry,” my mother said and made me so angry, I couldn’t see straight.
Before I could even think about it, I had pushed Terricka out of the way, pulled the car door open, and yanked my mother out by her broken legs, and caused her body to crumble on the concrete. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to talk to me about saving my soul when she had done everything in her fucking power to crush my spirit. I couldn’t believe she even thought that bringing up Sha’s condition and saying she wanted to be a family again would work at that moment. We already knew how Sha was doing, we didn’t need her fake ass concern.
Not long after I got back home with the Robinson’s, the doctors called Tania on Thanksgiving and said he would be released the following week, so we already knew Sha would pull through. Shakeim had brought him over too, right after that, wheeling our little energetic brother into the house in a bright blue wheelchair with helmet to match.
Although my baby brother was alive and I could still see his light inside, I noticed that he was so different, as he struggled to learn everything over again and be who he once was. I enjoyed every moment with Sha that day and barely wanted to let him go when Shakeim said their flight to Florida was leaving. He promised to bring Sha back in the summer before leaving and I hoped he was telling the truth, as I watched him wheel a piece of me down the walkway and out of my life. Standing there over my mama in that moment, remembering how I still hurt for my little brother, I could do nothing but lash out when my mother continued to cry out for us to stop.
“STOP, STOPPP! That’s what you want me to do Denise, stop? We asked you to stop all those times too, didn’t we, but you didn’t hear us. Well, today bitch, I don’t hear you. I will stop for a minute though, so I can get you to the spot I need you to be in. So, goodnight for now, you evil, worthless, bottom feeder bitch,” I said to my mother before I stomped her in the face with my shoes over and over, as Terricka kicked her too.
“NOOOO...STOPPPP!” The sound filled the air as I suddenly stopped what I was doing and turned around to see Jerrod dragging Lee’s little fat ass face down in the middle of the street, as Buddy kicked him in the head and he, too, yelled for us to stop.
“Stop pussy, that’s what you want? Okay, we’ll stop for now. I just need you to go to sleep, like your bitch,” Buddy said before he straddled the fat bastard’s back and looped his forearm around his neck and choked him until he passed out.
As soon as that fat fucker was out, we were up and loaded them in Jerrod’s car before I grabbed the gas can out the back. I quickly poured gas all over the car and set it on fire, just as the sound of police sirens could be heard approaching in the distance. Buddy decided to stay and peep the scene for us, so him and Terricka exchanged an intimate kiss before we crunk up and prepared to pull off. We were gone before the smoke from the fire could even reach higher than the light poles, headed to the last place my mother’s evil ass would see alive.
We rode to my grandma’s house in silence, as Jerrod pulled me close to him and kissed the top of my head and my sister Terricka smacked my mother’s unconscious face in the backseat. By the time we made it to my grandma’s house on Eighth Road, some of my hate started to fade as I thought about what would happen to A’Miracle if Jerrod and I went to jail. I didn’t reveal my thoughts to Jerrod and Terricka as they both dragged a victim out of the car and we carried them into the house.
Inside, I had a room fixed up for my mother, just like the one she held me in for months. I had Jerrod to throw her down on the metal frame before I ripped her clothes off and Terricka tied her arms and spread her legs. Flashbacks of being tied up like that and raped endlessly filled my mind, as I secured my mother’s legs and those thoughts helped me to fight my conscious that was beginning to kick in. Terricka could see it in my eyes too, as I tried to look away from her after I secured the ropes.
“What’s wrong little sister, are you getting second thoughts? Not you. You called me a pussy just a week ago, so I know you’re not getting second thoughts,” Terricka said and antagonized me as Jerrod put his arm around my shoulder.
“No, I’m not having second thoughts. I just want to save the best for last,” I lied to Terricka as she eyed me with her suspicious gaze.
My sister knew me like a book, so it wasn’t a surprise to me when I heard her suck her teeth as she followed Jerrod and me out of the room and into the living room, where Lee was strapped to a chair. Just the sight of him sitting there glaring at me and remembering all the nasty things men like him represented, caused all of the hate I had built up inside of me to return to the surface. Those feelings fueled my drive and caused me to jump right into the torture with Jerrod and Terricka.
I enjoyed sticking hot stick pens into the head of Lee’s penis as Terricka got pennies fire hot and dropped them on his neck and face, while Jerrod dipped his feet in ammonia and paint thinner. The screams that came out of that man’s mouth were like no other, all loud and shrill enough to wake the dead. That’s exactly what they did too as my mother suddenly screamed for help from the bedroom. I looked at my sister Terricka, who wore an amused look, similar to the one that I was sure was on my face, as I scrolled over to the door to give my mother a taste of her own medicine.
“So, you want help, huh Denise. You want help from the people you hurt the most? Well, that ain’t gonna happen. I feel no mercy for you, bitch. I want you to suffer like we did lying naked, cold and afraid in a dark room, not knowing when someone was going to come in and hurt us or violate us. I want you to know how I felt lying in one room suffering and hearing my brother suffer in another. I am about to give you everything you gave me and then some. Then, we’ll be ready for you. Okay? Okay Denise, can you hold on?” I yelled through the door in a calm, yet psychotic voice that made Terricka have to stop and look at me.
In that moment, I felt like I had lost my fucking mind as my heart raced and violent images danced in my head. My mother must have sensed that I had snapped too because she switched her attention from me and tried to ration
alize with Terricka instead.
“Please, Terricka, help me. Let me go. Tisha has lost her damn mind again and I don’t know what she will do. I know you not crazy but you do have a record though. And I don’t want you to go down. Think about it, dumb ass. Who you think they gonna blame this all on, the crazy girl who always gets out of trouble or you, the bad seed? Be smart and think about yourself for once, Terricka. You can’t protect them forever, so it’s time that you protect yourself. Help me out of here and I will tell the police it was all them,” my mother pleaded with Terricka as I watched the fire in my sister’s eyes burn bright red.
Testing our loyalty to one another and pitting us against each other was a tactic my mother had tried all of our lives, and it had never worked. Terricka had taken beatings for me for as long as she could walk and I was known for defending my sister to the end, that was our bond. That moment was no different as my sister walked closer to the door while she huffed like a dragon and spit as she talked. Terricka kind of scared me when I heard the deep, evil voice that came out of her mouth.
“I am my sister’s keeper, you rotten bitch. It’s Loyalty Over All with us. You wouldn’t understand that though, would you? Well, you about to see how we get down soon enough. You will see that we really are your kids soon enough. Just hold on. In the meantime, listen as we kill this bitch nigga. Another nobody muthafucka you put before us. You are truly a sorry bitch, so I’m gonna enjoy killing this nigga knowing that you’re listening to this!” Terricka screamed as she ran over to Lee, who was being punched in the face repeatedly by Jerrod and stuck the taser she had in her hand to his neck.
The sound of the electrical charges filling Lee’s body and his screams made my head ring, as I walked over to where everyone was. Terricka continued to taser him as Jerrod beat him like a piñata. I quickly grew tired of hearing him scream and listening to my mother plead for the worthless pedophile she loved more than me, so I ended it all by giving him a single shot to the forehead. The sound of the bullet rang in the air for a few minutes, as everyone remained quiet and still in their place. I stood there and my hands trembled, while I held the gun in the air and stared at the huge hole I had put in the middle of Lee’s forehead.
I felt like I was looking at the world through a fish bowl as I peered around at Jerrod and Terricka’s concerned loving faces and remembered the look in Lee’s eyes when I ended his life. I had never actually killed anyone before and in that moment, with a whirlwind of emotions surging through me, I suddenly knew why. I even forgot to breathe as I stood there stuck in my position and reevaluated the past few hours of my life. Jerrod could see that I was struggling as he took the gun out of my hand and handed it to Tisha, before he took me into his arms. Jerrod hugged me and rubbed my back until all of my emotions burst forward. I cried like a baby for about five minutes, still wrapped in Jerrod’s arms as he reassured me everything would be okay.
“It’s okay, baby. We’re about to go home and pretend nothing ever happened. You did what you had to do Tisha, remember that, and you never have to talk about this day again. It’s almost over baby, just hold on,” Jerrod said and kissed my forehead and then my lips passionately.
Jerrod’s kiss did what it always had done and that’s renew my spirit and gave me the strength to push forward. I held the door open for Jerrod as he took out cleaning supplies to clean the backseat of his car. After that, I watched him drag Lee’s body in the back room of the house to wash him down with cleaner and destroy any evidence. By that time, Terricka had gathered different items to torture my mother with and called me over as she opened the door.
When we quietly entered the room, my mother was out cold, after she passed out from screaming so damn much. My sister and I used her unconsciousness as an opportunity to set up our devices without her opposition and quickly got to work. Before long, I was using the very sharp cheese grater Terricka had brought to slice thin slithers of skin off my mama’s titties and stomach, and she woke up and screamed to the top of her lungs.
“OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP, GIRLS. PLEASE, I’M SO SORRY FOR EVERYTHING I DID. JESUS SAVE ME, PLEASE MAKE THEM STOP,” my mother begged as Terricka used the curling iron she had plugged up for forty-five minutes to penetrate my mother’s wound.
I watched as my sister stuck the curling iron deep and forcefully inside of my mother, and she howled like a wounded wolf. The stench of burning flesh and smoldering hair filled the air as I tried to stay focused on the task at hand. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of sympathy for the woman who gave me life though, as she pleaded with me to just kill her.
“Just kill me, please. Kill me, Tisha,” Denise begged as Terricka left the hot iron inside of her while she poured salt into the wounds in her chest at the same time.
Suddenly, I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t breathe, as my mother continued to scream. I had to run out of the room to catch my breath as Jerrod met me at the door.
“What’s wrong baby? What’s going on?” Jerrod asked me as I sobbed on his shoulder.
I didn’t think twice about telling him how I was thinking about what would happen to A’Miracle if we were arrested. Jerrod assured me that wouldn’t happen and told me he would take the charges if it did, as my sister continued to torture my mother in the room.
“You gotta move past your compassion for a minute baby. All that time we were happy and living stress free, you couldn’t rest because you wanted her dead. Now, you are in the position to finish what you started, don’t miss out. I made this for you. I remember when I found you that night, came and rescued you from your mama’s hell. You had all those fucking lashes on your back, like you were a lead character in Roots and I knew right then, yo mama was on some real slave, torture type of shit. I knew that I would someday be in this position too, helping you slay your demons and hoping that I don’t create some of my own at the same time. I don’t care though because I would walk through fire for you Tisha, and I know you will do the same for me. So, go in there and finish what you started, so we can go home and finally be happy,” Jerrod said to me and handed me a thick cattle belt with razor blades stick through it.
I held the heavy leather in my hands as I stood facing the door and Terricka suddenly came out sweating. She had a satisfied, yet shocked, look on her face as she stared at me from head-to-toe and wiped the blood off her face.
“Wassup sister, you done? Don’t tell me you pussying out Tisha, after all the shit this bitch did to you. She chained you to a bed and had men fucking you while you were pregnant. She did that to you, not me. She the reason Jr dead now, if you want to be real, so you fina be that pussy Tisha you were as kids and let this shit slide?” my sister asked and yelled in my ear, like she used to do when we were kids.
I knew Terricka was trying to hype me up and make me see the big picture, which is why I waved Jerrod off when he attempted to step between us. He walked to the front door instead and turned to look back at us when I responded to Terricka.
“Hell naw. I ain’t gonna let it slide. I’m gonna make her pay for what she did to me, you, Sha, Jerrod, Buddy, and my baby. She has to pay,” I said to my sister as I cried, and she hugged me tight while she whispered in my ear.
“That’s right, sister. Never again will we suffer for her sins. We have our own crosses to bare, and now that I’m gonna be a mommy too, I want to make sure the evil she is will never be what my child becomes. Let’s finish this sis,” Terricka said to me as I looked at her crazy, happy to hear the news that she was pregnant.
After our brief hug, my sister and I burst into the room to find the metal frame empty, the window open, and our mama gone. I rushed over to the window to look out with Terricka right behind me when I suddenly got the feeling I was being watched. Just as I turned to look, I heard Terricka yelp as I piece of wood came crashing down on the back of her head and I turned to see my mother trying to run.
I forgot all about remorse in that moment as I Kunta Kinte sliced my mother down the back wit
h the belt covered in razor blades. I dragged the piece of leather down her back and ripped open her flesh at the same time. Blood flew everywhere and splatter was all over my face and the walls as I went crazy and landed lash after lash into the center of my mother’s back. In a couple of minutes, Terricka was up on groggy legs and ran over to kick and stomp my mother in the head and face as she cried and begged.
I continued to lash her like a slave owner, while I drowned out that still loving voice inside of me that was telling me to stop. I stopped only for a second, as my mama struggled to turn on to her back and looked up at us through those bloody, red holes that used to be eyes. I blocked my sympathy by trying to remember the things she had done to deserve to be in that position. After seeing and feeling my baby dead in my arms again, I delivered 15 to 20 more lashes to the front of my mother’s body and cut up her breasts, stomach, face, and vagina with each lash.
Her pleads began to die down as Terricka continued to stomp her, but I could still hear the words.
“Please girls, stop it. You don’t want a murder on your soul. Stop it, yawl gotta be better than me. Stop it, please,” my mother begged.
However, after a few more kicks from Terricka, she saw that her pleads meant nothing and accepted her fate.
“Okay, I guess yawl are just like me. See you two in hell,” my mother said and caused me to stop from unleashing my last lash across her throat in mid-air.
At that moment, my morals overtook everything I felt and wouldn’t let me kill the woman who had given me life, even though on numerous occasions she had tried to take mine. No matter what she had done to me in that moment, as I looked down at the bloody blob of ripped and torn flesh lying in front of me, I realized I had already gotten my revenge. I got my revenge by moving on and still living, despite what she had done.
I realized, at that moment, that nagging feeling wasn’t because I wanted her dead but was because I needed to kill that hateful side of me. That realization hit me hard as I dropped the belt and looked at my sister as she rolled her eyes. I walked towards the door as the gurgling sound my mother made trying to breath filled my ears. I stopped at the door and looked back at my sister, as she shook her head while walking over to the dresser to grab a gas can. I could tell by the look in Terricka’s eyes that there was no talking her out of it, but I couldn’t leave without giving it a try.
SINS OF THY MOTHER 3 Page 13
