Fragile: Book One in The Everett Gaming Series

by Sera, Drew

  We just placed our orders when Gina was busy texting Matt to let him know that we had just ordered and were at Tuscany. She smiled and turned her phone to face me so I could see. She loved Matt and it was very obvious that he adored her.

  “I told Matt to tell Colin and Anthony so they won’t worry.”

  “They won’t.”

  Hearing their names made me instinctively reach for my stomach to stop the falling into a bottomless pit feeling. I looked away. My stomach felt like I was falling off a building.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Gina gestured towards my hand on my stomach. I saw she was concerned and didn’t want to worry her or ruin the shopping trip. Maybe I could explain it to her. It was a weird feeling though and I wasn’t even sure how to really explain it.

  “I’m fine, I think. It’s hard to explain.”

  “So how do you like staying at Colin’s?”

  “Um, it’s really nice, actually. Colin has been so helpful and caring. They both know a lot about the lifestyle. I’m learning a lot about how to make myself better so I can possibly find a better Dom. And I’m learning that a lot of what I thought I knew, really wasn’t accurate at all.”

  I didn’t want to tell her about all the nice amenities that I had gone without for so long. Like instant hot water for showers, or warm bedding. The heated towel rack was incredible. Being able to wrap up in a warm, soft towel after a bath was wonderful. There was a fireplace in the guest room where I was staying. I didn’t even know where to begin with the kitchen and the soft bed. And I loved his yard. The patio was covered but there was also a small table and chair set that sat between his spa and the edge where the golf course started. It was so peaceful out there. It was a dream being there but I knew I was on borrowed time.

  “Colin’s very giving and helpful. He helped Matt with me. I was a mess with Matt in the beginning. But we stayed at his place for a while and he worked with Matt and I non-stop. Even when I didn’t think I could push myself further, he proved that I could.”

  That, I knew all too well. Colin has a lot of faith in me, or he did at least. I messed it up though. I hated myself for taking such a good opportunity to learn and screwing it up.

  “How’s it been with Anthony?”

  Anthony. Oh, my stomach had that familiar ache again. The falling sensation was back mixed with feeling like I had been kicked in the stomach. Was it because she said his name? When I didn’t say anything she looked up at me and a huge smile spread across her face. She put her bread down on her plate and put her hand out in the center of the table towards me.

  “Syd! No way! Anthony?”

  “What?”

  She continued to smile at me and tilted her head sideways.

  “You’re knotted up over Anthony!”

  Oh no. I sat up straight and thought about denying it but thought better of it. Gina was nice and seemed to genuinely care. I think she and I could be good friends so I didn’t want to blow that opportunity. I felt cold all of a sudden and told her about all of the time I’ve been spending under his direction and care.

  “I feel funny when I think about him. And Colin. It’s hard to explain.”

  I told her about last night and she stared at me with an open mouth as I talked about my first threesome with two very capable Doms. It made my stomach hurt more and I felt cold. I wanted to be home. Home? I didn’t even really have a home anymore.

  “Yummy, Sydney. Next to my Matt, Colin and Anthony are mega hot. Next to Matt.”

  “Of course.” I smiled and then we both burst out laughing.

  “Seriously though, they definitely know what they’re doing. They only do threesomes or scenes where they co-top.” Gina said as we ate. I wasn’t hungry anymore but had to move food around to make it look like I was eating.

  The thought of Anthony and Colin doing threesomes with other women made me feel like I’m just one in a bunch. I’m so stupid. What had I even been thinking? Colin is a CEO of his own company and Anthony is his CFO. They are incredible men who can have anyone. I was just another one of their many.

  We walked around some shops that I had heard of but never been in. Mostly because they were too expensive. In fact, the sweatshirt I had on under my jacket was from one of the trendy stores that I had thought was too expensive. Anthony picked it out for me. I remember seeing the price tag on it when he brought it over to Colin’s. Ninety dollars for the zip up sweatshirt. I will admit though that it’s the warmest thing I have. I can tell it’s made really nice. Thoughts of Anthony made me put my hand over my stomach again.

  Anthony. As we walked around I started getting colder and pulled the zipper up on the sweatshirt. I wish Anthony were here. He’d hold my hand and he’d keep me warm. He’s good at that. He’s good at everything. My stomach was doing those flips again. He smells so good too.

  Gina wanted to go into the lingerie store. I had actually never been in this store but because of Anthony, all of my bras and panties were from there. I followed Gina around the store feeling very out of place.

  “You should get something sexy to wear for your Dom.” I stared at her blankly and reached for my stomach when Howard popped in my mind. “Anthony,” she added. I shook my head at her and moved off towards some tables fighting the tears in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry but everything in me was telling me that I should cry because Anthony or Colin would never in a million years want me. I didn’t deserve them. I got Howard instead.

  “Syd, oh Sydney. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I continued to shake my head trying to let her know that she hadn’t and that I was okay. I didn’t want her to feel bad. I realized tears were running down my cheek and I quickly wiped them away. What was wrong with me?

  “Come on, lets go sit outside on a bench.”

  I let her lead me outside and we sat down near one of those heat lamps. I was freezing and buttoned up my jacket. I just started rambling through my tears.

  “He isn’t my Dom. Anthony. He’s not.” Stupid tears just kept falling. “Or Colin.”

  “Sydney, the five of us have been out to dinner several times and to Irons together and Matt and I have been over to Colin’s since you’ve been there. Each time we see you guys, Anthony is right next to you. If he doesn’t have his arm around you, he’s touching you somehow. He’s very protective of you. Dom’s protect what’s theirs. He cares about you.”

  “He’s just playing. Colin asked him to help. I’m a puzzle for Colin and he’s letting Anthony play too.”

  I was close to tears again. I didn’t know if that’s how I felt or if it was just how things seemed right now. Saying the words out loud made me feel worse.

  “No, Sydney. Doms, especially Anthony and Colin, never do anything because they feel like they have to. They only do things because they want to. You guys had a wonderful time last night. Didn’t they stay with you afterwards?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t think it means anything. I wasn’t anything special to them last night. And where would Anthony have gone anyhow? Besides, neither one of them would ever take me as a sub. You said so yourself that they do lots of threesomes. I was just another one for them.” I wiped more tears away with my jacket sleeve. I must look hideous. “It’s like you said, they do that sort of thing all the time. I’m just a number. Another girl to train and toss out to another guy. They didn’t even want me around today. Colin gave me money to go away today.”

  “Sydney, you’re not just another one. Anthony doesn’t play outside of Irons. He never has.”

  What did that mean? Maybe she was right. I pushed feelings of hope down though when I remembered back to this morning how he could barely make eye contact with me. He didn’t even want me to suck on him in the shower. Probably couldn’t endure that again. Tears spilled out of me uncontrollably. What was wrong with me?

  “Anthony and Colin couldn’t wait to get me out of the house today. Anthony wouldn’t even look at me much. Besides, I’m bad at everything.”

  “No, Sydney. You
misunderstood.”

  I shook my head but wiped away the tears. Enough of being a baby. Gina looked concerned and I didn’t want to alarm her anymore. No more crying, I told myself.

  “Sorry, Gina. I’m ready to shop some more.”

  “Okay. Do you want to go back to the lingerie store?”

  Nothing could make me look sexy. Poor Anthony and Colin have had to stare at my hideous body and soon Seth or Evan will have to look at my disgusting body.

  “Uh, no. No, thanks. I think I have enough from there for a while.”

  We continued to walk by some stores and the wind picked up. I put my hands in my pocket and pulled out a small bag of M&M’s. I stopped walking and stared at them. Gina stopped and turned to look at the candy in my hand. My eyes were watery again. Anthony.

  “What’s wrong, Syd?”

  I held up the candy and smiled as the tears welled up in my eyes. She took the candy from my hand and turned it over to see the sticky note that was attached to it and she read it out loud.

  “Sunshine, have a good time with Gina. I’m so proud of you for trusting us last night.” Gina looked up and me and I met her smile with one of my own. I nibbled on the candy as we walked around.

  “Hey, what are you going to buy? Colin said he wanted you to get something.”

  Oh yeah. I wasn’t going to take his money. He’s been so generous with me and saved me, though I’m not sure I was worth saving. I could never repay him for that. And I wasn’t taking his money.

  “I don’t need anything.” We walked some more and I realized that I was shaking from the cold. I was freezing, yet Gina seemed fine. Maybe I was coming down with something. I ached. A couple walked by us and I smelled the same cologne that I think Anthony wears. It made my stomach hurt and eyes water.

  “Do they have one of those make up and perfume stores here?”

  “Yes! I love that store. Come on I know right where it’s at.”

  I knew what I wanted to buy. I walked in and found the men's cologne section and immediately started pulling caps off and smelling them.

  “Are you looking for a particular one?”

  “Yes, but I don’t know what they are. I want to get Anthony and Colin the stuff they wear. As a thank you for helping me.”

  Gina helped me search and handed me one in a bottle that was clear at the bottom with a gray top. I took a whiff and smiled. This was Colin in a bottle. Prada called it Luna Rossa. It smelled just like Colin. I shut my eyes and inhaled the scent. It was like being wrapped in a hug from him, only I felt cold.

  I pulled off another cap and felt a pang in my stomach. Anthony. The bottle looked ominous and looked like something he’d like. The bottle was black and you couldn’t see through it to the liquid inside. Anthony.

  “Did you find Anthony’s?” I nodded while handing her the bottle. She smelled it and smiled. “Yep, that’s him.”

  Anthony’s was called Polo Double Black. It was spicy and sexy. While I stood in line, Gina went to look at nail polishes. I wasn’t going to use Colin’s money and paid with my debit card. The cashier was really nice and put each one in a gift bag that had a small card that I could write something on it.

  After that store we went and got some coffee and I wrote on each of the black cards attached to the gift bags.

  “Syd, you’re shaking. Are you cold?”

  I looked up at Gina after I finished the card for Anthony. I sipped on my coffee but it didn’t taste very good. I felt sick and wanted to go home. Only it wasn’t my home. My home was downtown. I choked on a sob that I was trying to keep inside and wrapped my arms around my stomach.

  “Lets go home, Syd.”

  I couldn’t seem to think anymore. I gave in and we headed back to her car. She probably couldn’t wait to get rid of me either.

  I ate some more M&M’s on the way to Gina’s car and got emotional just thinking about the M&M’s that Anthony would leave for me with a little picture or note attached to them. They always made me smile and I’ve kept each one taped to the inside of my journal that Colin gave me. The notes and pictures are actually the nicest thing someone has ever given me. He took the time each day to draw me a little picture. Some people probably wouldn’t give them a second glance but to me they were something special. Suddenly I was hit with the sick feeling of what it will be like when he no longer leaves me candy and his pictures. I folded the M&M’s bag and shoved them into my sweatshirt pocket.

  The weather was getting cooler and the sun had set. I felt myself shivering from the inside out. As we approached Gina’s silver Mercedes I was reminded that I don’t belong in this circle. The car was a welcome place because it was warmer.

  Chapter 64

  Saturday, November 16th

  Colin

  Matt and I carried some food and drinks out to the patio. I was hungry and I was sure Anthony was. He was knocking some golf balls around in hopes of avoiding Matt and I. Getting Anthony to talk about anything where his feelings were concerned was never an easy task. He was always strong and supportive and the best friend anyone could ask for. But he wasn’t comfortable sharing painful things or feelings about himself. Matt sat quietly while I shoveled food in my mouth.

  When Anthony swung the club, he reached for his side. That side of his bothers him every now and then. Matt’s offered to give him something for it but he won’t accept.

  “What has you and him climbing the walls? Does it have anything to do with your talk with Evan?”

  I told Matt about how Anthony and I found out Sydney had been curious about threesomes and was obviously turned on by watching the scene with Francis last night. Matt sat quietly and listened to me explain our evening and when I finished he took his sunglasses off and set them on the table.

  “Are you kidding me?” He asked as I turned and just stared at him. “You’re serious. Fuck. This changes things, doesn’t it?”

  He leaned back in his chair while I went back to watching Anthony on the golf course. I wanted it to change things. I just needed Anthony to be on board with it.

  “So she was calm through everything? No shakes or hesitant moves?”

  “She was turned on, Matt. There wasn’t any hesitation from her. Anthony and I went over her safe word multiple times with her and made her repeat it.” I paused and looked out at Anthony. “Matt, I swear. He’s perfect for her. He just won’t fucking admit it.”

  We watched Anthony swing and then grab for his side. Enough of this. I stood up and hollered out to him. He used his hand to shield the glare from the sun and then began walking towards the patio.

  “He can be such a child sometimes,” I added and sat back down across from Matt.

  “Remember, Col. I don’t think he had a very easy childhood. He probably never threw around attitudes and is used to keeping it all in.”

  Anthony grabbed a Coke from the ice bucket I brought outside and sat next to Matt.

  “Anth, when are you going to let me give you something for your side?”

  “It’s fine.”

  Both Matt and Anthony’s tones were tense. I knew Matt would push Anthony but I didn’t know how much Anthony would take right now. He’s obviously struggling with things internally and I didn’t want Matt to push him too hard. Pushing Anthony too much causes him to retreat and a retreating Anthony isn’t something that I needed right now. Especially if I was trying to get him to admit his feelings for her.

  “Colin was telling me about your evening last night.”

  Matt was hoping that by starting the conversation that Anthony might contribute. But Anthony continued to eat chips from the bowl and just nodded as if it wasn’t a huge deal. He was trying to play it off as nothing. But all three of us knew better. Matt looked pissed and irritated now.

  We talked about how Sydney is getting stronger but still needs to be handled very delicately. Tension continued to build between Matt and Anthony. I think Sydney reminds Matt of how Gina was when he first got together with her and was recovering. Matt has be
en going in big brother mode over Sydney.

  “I don’t think Evan knows how to handle her,” Matt volunteered.

  Matt went on to explain that the past two times he’s seen Evan near Sydney that she retreats towards Anthony. We all agreed though that we needed to figure out why she was reacting like that around Evan. Matt was also trying to point out to Anthony what he fails to see. Sydney goes to Anthony whenever she’s nervous or uncomfortable.

  “Does Evan fit into the picture anymore?” Matt asked as he looked back and forth from Anthony and I. He was baiting Anthony into getting him to say that Evan didn’t matter anymore because he was in the picture.

  I leaned back in my chair and looked out over the golf course while Anthony remained silent. I wanted to continue down the threesome road with Sydney. Many months have gone by with me dreaming of getting the opportunity to see her skin turn pink under my attention. Now my body ached with the possibility of being able to give and take pleasure from Sydney. I played along with Matt though.

  “I’ll still talk to Evan about a scene. But if Sydney still wants to play, then I’ll gladly go along.”

  Matt seemed satisfied with my answer. It was the truth. I knew above all that Sydney wanted a good Dom and I was training her for that. But I definitely wasn’t going to turn her down either.

  “Anth, what do you think?” Matt asked him directly.

  Anthony sat quietly for a few moments and then said that he was there for Sydney and would support whatever it was she wanted. He wasn’t volunteering his true feelings. He was pushing his own feelings aside for what he thinks is best for Sydney. It’s escaping his notice that he’s what is best for Sydney. If we continue to have threesomes with her, he’ll get deeper and deeper with her until he’s not able to shut it off. Matt was annoyed with Anthony’s answer.

  “Didn’t you at least enjoy your night with your fragile kitten?”