by Isabel North
“Meaning your father is nobly releasing me into the wild to go and seek a mate who can impregnate me.”
“Um. Yes?”
Lila got to her feet. “I’m going to kill him.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Who’s winning?” Kurt asked as he threw himself down on the couch beside Burke.
Burke stared blankly at the television screen. “The robots,” he said after a few seconds. “I think.” Some loud, ridiculous action movie was playing. It had been commercials when he sat down. What was he watching?
“Cool.” Kurt handed Burke a beer and settled in. Propping his boots up on the coffee table, he took a long pull at his own beer.
On the screen, a robot snatched a weapons-blazing helicopter out of the sky and flung it across a busy city street. Tiny humans ran screaming.
Wasn’t going to do them any good.
“Burke? Burke.”
“Huh?”
Kurt removed the sweating bottle from Burke’s slack grip and put it on the coffee table. “Where’s your head at, man?”
A twenty-minute drive away, in Lila’s house, where he was imagining all her stuff packed up in boxes.
She took the job in Seattle, Derek had informed Burke with great indignation. Derek had taken it very personally, and seemed astonished that Lila had gone through with it after all.
She took the job, and her house was for sale.
Burke, indulging the deep masochistic streak he had until recently been unaware of, had driven past her house the same day Derek had broken the unwelcome news.
He’d regretted it the moment he’d turned down her street and seen the sign planted on her front lawn.
He hadn’t gone back.
Kurt grabbed Burke’s knee and shook it. “C’mon, buddy. Talk to me.”
Burke rubbed both hands over his face, rough stubble scraping his palms. He cleared his throat. “Got a lot to think about, that’s all,” he said. “With the move and everything. Thanks again for putting us up.”
“It’s the move that’s bothering you? That’s all?”
“Yep.”
“Nothing to do with the fact Lila’s leaving town next week?”
Burke’s head snapped around to Kurt. “Next week?”
“I don’t know the date. Trying for a reaction. That woke you up, didn’t it?”
“Asshole.”
“I’m the asshole? Why the fuck are you letting her go, Burke?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Did you two fight?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t get it.”
“You don’t have to. What with it being none of your business.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. It is my business. I’m making it my business.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind. I’m distracted, not depressed. It’ll all be fine in a few weeks.”
“Other than David, I’ve never seen you care about anything as much as you care about Lila. And I don’t understand how you can stand back and let her go. It doesn’t make sense.”
“Lila and me together, that’s what doesn’t make sense. And I’m not ‘letting’ her go. No one ‘lets’ Lila do anything. I’m simply refraining from holding her back.”
“Fuck me,” Kurt said, thumping back against the couch in frustration. “Are you being noble?”
Burke scowled, but didn’t have time to reply. The front door opened and banged shut with David’s usual heedless enthusiasm. He came into the living room and gazed at Kurt and Burke on the couch.
David put his hands on his hips, and blew out a breath. “Okay. I have something to say, and you can’t get mad.”
Burke and Kurt stared at him.
“This is gonna be good,” Kurt muttered, and sipped his beer.
“What did you do?” Burke asked.
“My intentions were pure.”
Kurt started laughing.
“David,” Burke said warningly.
David rolled his lips. “I was trying to help, and it obviously didn’t work because I didn’t see her car outside.”
Burke’s heart sank. “Whose car?” He knew whose car. Lila’s car.
“Um, Lila’s?”
“Why would Lila’s car be outside?”
“I thought she’d come over.”
“And she’d come over because…?”
“I’m not super sure about that bit, but she was pretty mad when I left hers, so probably for some yelling?”
“David! Why would Lila come over here to yell? And would she be yelling at me? Or him?” Burke hitched a thumb at Kurt, who stopped laughing abruptly.
“Wait,” Kurt said. “I didn’t do anything. She hasn’t got anything to yell at me for.”
“David.”
“Don’t freak out,” David said. “It’s just…it’s possible that I might have let slip about your testicles.”
Kurt choked on his beer and turned wide eyes in Burke’s direction.
Burke sighed. “Is it possible? Or did it happen?”
“Yeah, it happened. Lila already gave me the lecture about sharing your personal medical information. I have been chastised. But, uh. Well, you should know that she seemed madder at you than me.”
Great.
“She didn’t come over, then? She ran out of her house like she was on a mission. Kinda expected she’d come here, shout at you a bit, you guys would have make-up sex and then you’d marry her and it’d all be good.”
Kurt and Burke stared at David.
“God, I miss being young and stupid,” Kurt said.
“Not sure I was ever this stupid,” Burke said.
“Hey. Right here, guys.”
They both shook their heads.
“At least I tried,” David said, and flounced out.
Kurt gave it about three whole seconds before he turned to Burke. “I gotta ask. You know that, right?”
Burke grunted.
“Why would David go over to Lila’s house and discuss your testicles?”
Burke leaned forward and rested his arms on his thighs. Then he clasped his hands over the back of his neck. “He’s got it in his head that the reason Lila and I aren’t running hand in hand to the courthouse right this second is because I can’t give her children.”
Kurt was silent for a beat. “Oh,” he said.
“Yeah.”
“You never said anything.”
Burke pinned Kurt with a glare. “Exactly how often do we sit around discussing our manly potency, Kurt?”
“Fair point.”
“Yeah.”
Kurt fidgeted, his eyes on Burke’s lap.
“Hey,” Burke said sitting back and widening his legs. “You want a look?”
“Yes.”
“Well you can’t. That was sarcasm. Goddammit, Kurt.” He squeezed his legs closed.
“I’m sorry! I’m imagining all sorts of shit. Do you still have them? Do you have both? Were you in an accident?” He winced. “Are they—”
“Yes, I still have my nuts! They’re perfectly normal! They don’t…fuck…they just don’t work so good. All right? David had the mumps when he was a toddler. Mike was out of town, I was looking after him. I got infected and it messed shit up. It happens. It’s not common, but it can happen. I have a low sperm count, as in rock bottom, and thanks, buddy, for making me say that one out loud.”
“I’m here for you, Burke.” Kurt clapped him on the back. “And it’s low, right? Low is not no.”
“Really? You want to discuss this?”
“Have you discussed it with anyone else?”
Burke gritted his teeth. “Oddly enough, it almost never comes up in conversation.”
“You’re defensive. I get that. I was asking if you’re in a support group, or if you ever got a second opinion, or a recent opinion, that sort of thing.”
“A support group? Where I sit around and share my emotions with strangers? Have you met me?”
“Stupid quest
ion. Withdrawn. But the second opinion? How long has it been since you had them, uh, counted?”
“How long has it been since you had yours counted?”
“Okay.”
“It isn’t important. It’s not something I’ve even thought about, from one year to the next. I never expected to find someone I wanted to share my life with, or who’d want to share their life with me. I never expected to have any more kids.” He sighed. “I never expected Lila.”
“You’d like kids with Lila?”
“I’d like everything with Lila.”
“Tell her!” Kurt punched his arm.
“That I love her? I already told her.”
“And she’s still going?”
“I told her I didn’t want to love her.”
“Oh, man. You did not. Why the fuck would you do that?”
“Because it’s the truth! I don’t want to love her. I don’t want to hold her back.”
“From what, happiness?”
“From everything she wants! She said before we ever got together that Emerson didn’t have what she was looking for, and she was leaving. She quit her job, she’s selling her house. What am I supposed to do, say please change your mind, and stay with me? Oh, and by the way, it’s extremely unlikely I can give you the kids you want without medical help, which will probably wipe out our finances, and did I mention, we could spend every dime we have on IVF and there’s no guarantee it will ever work?”
“Yes! That! Say it like that.”
“No.”
“Ask her.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“She deserves better than me.”
Kurt shocked Burke by twisting toward him and taking Burke’s face between his hard palms. He held him, firmly, and looked him right in the eye as he said, “Burke. There isn’t any man better than you.”
Burke tried to pull away. Kurt tightened his grip. Feeling awkward with the close, intense eye contact, Burke looked down.
“Look at me,” Kurt said.
“No.”
“Look me in the eye.”
“Cut it out.”
“Look me in the eye, or I will fucking kiss you.”
Burke’s gaze flew up to Kurt’s.
Kurt grinned, triumphant. “There is no one better than you, buddy. There isn’t. I know it. David knows it. Lila knows it. Yes, she does,” he said when Burke snorted.
“Stop touching me.”
“When I’m done. Lila loves you, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. You love her. Give the woman a chance. Ask her. If she says no, I will be here. I will pick up the pieces and I will put you back together. But you cannot let her walk out of your life because you don’t feel good enough for her. That’s Lila’s choice. Let her decide if you’re good enough.”
Burke managed to wrestle free and he scowled at Kurt.
“You have to do it,” Kurt said. “I don’t care what the biggest issue is with you, your testicles or the fact you don’t want to ask someone to give up a job, a location, a dream or whatever to be with you. It doesn’t matter. We both know that Lila is a woman who knows her own mind. Be honest with her. Trust her. Ask her. Or she’s gone.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Lila’s house was dark. The curtains in the windows facing the street hung open. The FOR SALE sign on her lawn mocked him.
It was eleven o’clock at night again, except Lila wasn’t home. She wasn’t at the bar—he’d checked the parking lot on the way to her house. The gym was closed.
Had she gone to Seattle already? He’d told her he needed space. Had she taken him at his word, and gone without saying goodbye?
No. Lila wouldn’t do that.
Burke knew how she felt about proper goodbyes.
He hesitated, then put his truck in gear and pulled away from the curb.
Twenty minutes later, he switched off the engine and sat looking up at Derek and Jenny’s house. Lila’s car was in the driveway.
Doing this in front of his friend and employer wasn’t his first choice, but there was no turning back. Burke strode up to the porch and tapped on the door. He didn’t pound, like he wanted to, or yell, “Send her out!” because their daughter, Kate, would be sleeping.
No one answered.
Burke dug out his cell phone and called Derek.
“Hi, Burke.”
“Hi. Answer your door.”
“Huh?”
“Your front door, answer it. I’m on the porch.”
“Hang on.” Derek disconnected, Burke heard footsteps, and seconds later Derek opened up. “Didn’t hear you,” he said, standing aside and motioning Burke in.
“I didn’t want to wake Kate.”
“I appreciate that. What can I do for you, Burke? Whyever could you be here at this time of night?”
“Like you don’t know.” Burke shifted. “Is she here?”
Derek pointed. “Living room.”
“Thanks.”
Burke brushed past Derek and walked into the living room. He stopped at the foot of the couch.
“They look so cute, don’t they?” Derek whispered.
Lila and Jenny were asleep. Lila had her head on one arm of the couch and was drawn up into a ball. Jenny was sprawled out as much as she could be while still being on the couch. Someone, presumably Derek, had dropped a blanket over them.
Burke moved toward Lila, and Derek caught his arm. “Approach with caution,” he said.
Burke raised a brow.
“They look cute. Lila wakes up like a demon. A flailing, screeching demon.”
“She sleeps like the dead.”
“Yes.” Derek nodded. “And arises like a demon in search of blood and vengeance. I once tried to wake her up after a margarita and movie night like this.” He fingered his throat. “She damn near crushed my windpipe.”
“Getting her awake is tough. But she never went for my windpipe.” She’d stiffened and the instant she’d blinked up into Burke’s eyes, she’d relaxed in his arms and…snuggled. “Could be she just doesn’t like you.”
“Could be she just does like you.”
“Yeah.” Burke tilted his head to the side and considered them. “Is Jenny a light sleeper?”
“Watch this.” Derek crouched beside Jenny. “Mom,” he whispered, pitching his voice high and soft.
Jenny sat bolt upright. “I’m coming, sweetie.” She looked around and saw Derek. “You asshole. You promised you’d stop doing that.”
Derek grinned at her.
Mid-yawn, Jenny registered Burke’s presence. “Oh,” she said. “You’re here.”
He dipped his chin. “Jenny.”
“Jerk. I’m sorry. Burke.”
He smiled and eased past her.
Jenny lunged. “Don’t wake her up!”
Burke removed Jenny’s hand from his arm. “I won’t.” He slid his hands under Lila and picked her up instead.
“You put her down this instant,” Jenny commanded.
Burke shifted Lila until she was comfortably against his chest. “Where are her shoes?”
“In the hall,” Jenny said. “Put her down!”
Burke walked out and located Lila’s shoes by the front door. He bent and scooped them up, then unhooked her coat and bag from the coatrack.
Jenny yanked at the back of his shirt. “Give her back right now.” She turned to Derek. “Derek, make him stop. This is kidnapping. I’ll call the police.”
Derek gave up trying to hide his laughter and went with it.
Jenny whirled on him. “I’m not joking. I’ll do it. Are you going to stand by and let him walk out of here with her? Because I’m not.”
Burke rearranged Lila and her things, freeing a hand long enough to open the door. He caught the shoes before they dropped to the floor. The bag slipped off his shoulder, and Derek helpfully hooked it back up. “Jenny.” Burke held Lila close. “Where do you think Lila wants to wake up? On your couch with you? Or in her bed with me?”
Jen
ny frowned horribly.
“Your call,” Burke said.
“So now I’m the one who has to give you permission to kidnap her? That makes me an accessory.”
Burke waited.
Jenny reached out and adjusted the bag strap over his shoulder, then her hand flitted over Lila’s hair before she stepped away. “Ugh. Fine. If I hadn’t spent the last three hours listening to her talk about how much she wanted you to… Never mind. You may leave.”
Amused, Burke smiled at Jenny, nodded at Derek, and left.
By the time he had settled Lila in his truck and buckled her in, the living room light turned off, then the light in the hall. Jenny and Derek off to bed, he assumed.
Bed was where he’d wanted to be with Lila when she woke up, where he at least had a chance of distracting her before she started yelling. In his experience, a sated Lila was more likely to let him get a word in edgewise. But…
“Lila,” he said, voice low. He smoothed her hair behind her ear. “Baby. Wake up.” Nothing. He raised his voice to the stern tone that seemed to get her attention. “Lila.”
She jolted, looked around wildly, and her gaze landed on his face. She stared at him for a moment, then smiled. “Mmm.” She leaned toward him.
Burke met her halfway and kissed her softly. “We’re at Jenny’s,” he said. “I’m taking you home. Okay?”
“Mm-hmm. Wait. M’car?”
“I’ll sort it tomorrow.”
She kissed him again, then flopped back against the seat. “Drive on.”
By the time they’d made it to Lila’s house, she’d fallen asleep again. Burke extracted her, her bag, her shoes, got the truck all locked up and Lila high against his chest, turned around, and came face to face with Mrs. Kowalsky.
Motherfucker.
“Evening, Mrs. Kowalsky,” he said.
She didn’t reply. Her German Shepherds were sitting at her feet, heads cocked and tongues lolling as they panted.
“Taken out of context,” Burke said, “I can accept that this looks bad.” Did the woman do anything other than walk her dogs when Burke came over to see Lila?
Mrs. Kowalsky pursed her lips. “I was thinking it looked secret-lover-romantic. Now I’m thinking it’s stalker-bad.”
“It’s romantic.”
“Uh-huh.”
Burke sighed. “You want me to wake her up and have her tell you herself?”
