He followed her. “Livi, please hear me out.”
Livi walked back to the sofa and sat down. She settled against the cushions with her arms folded across her chest. “I’m listening.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Livi shrugged in nonchalance. “Blaze, you don’t have to apologize for being truthful. You don’t want to marry me. I get it.”
He released a soft sigh. “I’m not saying that I don’t want to marry you, Livi. I just don’t think we need to rush into it.”
“I never would have moved in here, if I’d known that our marriage wasn’t legal. I do not want to be your roommate, Blaze. I want to be your wife.”
“Our wedding could become a media circus. I don’t think either one of us wants to deal with that all over again.”
“Blaze, I’m not looking to have some formal wedding with five hundred guests. I would prefer something much more intimate. Besides, this isn’t about the media, is it? The truth is that you don’t want to be tied down. You said that in the hospital in Las Vegas.”
His mouth was tight and grim. “I care a great deal for you, Livi. I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. People toss that word around so freely and I vowed never to do that. When I say those words, it’s because I know it in my heart and soul.”
“I guess I have my answer,” Livi responded, “but what I don’t understand is why you want to be in a loveless marriage. I don’t get it.”
“My mother reminded me of the sanctity of marriage. She wanted us to at least try to make this work.”
“You did this for your mother? This was all about pleasing your mother? I can’t believe this.”
“Livi, you misunderstood.”
She shook her head no. “I don’t think so. I know how much you want to make your parents proud of you. I just never thought that included staying in a marriage that you did not want. I have been such a fool.”
“Livi, please listen to me. I really wanted our marriage to work.”
“There is no marriage and even if there was, it won’t work without love, Blaze.”
“We have been doing just fine, Livi.” He sighed in resignation. “I don’t even know how we came to be in this space.”
“I saw your face when we were discussing another wedding ceremony. I saw it in your face, Blaze. You looked horrified at the thought of marrying me again.” Livi blinked to keep her tears from falling.
“Things were great between us before we went to my parents’ house this afternoon.”
“No, they weren’t,” Livi said. “I’ve had this strange feeling that we were in different places for a few days now.”
“You never said anything,” he told her. “I thought we were supposed to talk things out—that’s what we agreed to do.”
“Blaze, we’re talking now.”
“Livi, I never saw myself married. It was not something I was planning on doing for a very long time, if ever. I truly wanted to make our relationship work and that hasn’t changed.”
“I want a man who loves me, Blaze. Someone who will love me as much as I love him.”
“So where do we go from here?”
Chapter 21
Livi fought back her tears as her world began to crumble all around her. Sadly, it seemed that the best thing for them to do was to go their separate ways.
“I’m pretty sure it’s time for me to move back to my own place,” she said as casually as she could manage. Livi rose to her feet and walked toward the front door. “I need some air. I’m going out for a while.”
“Now is not the time to run away, Livi.”
She glanced over her shoulder. “I can’t talk about this anymore. Not right now.”
“Please don’t leave, Livi.”
She turned around to face Blaze. “What is it?”
“I don’t want to give up on this marriage. I thought you didn’t, either.”
Livi swallowed hard, fighting back tears. Throwing a tantrum wouldn’t help her now. She just needed to find someplace private to compose herself.
Livi was afraid that if she talked to Blaze now, she would fall apart. She did not want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that happen.
“Livi...” Blaze called after her.
“I have to get some air.”
“It’s raining,” he said, but Livi did not slow her pace.
She took the elevator down to the lobby and rushed out into the rain. Walking onto Wilshire Boulevard, Livi felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. She wiped away her tears and walked briskly down the street. Rain poured, graciously hiding her tears. Using an old newspaper, she found on a nearby bench to shield her short hair, Livi stepped around a puddle of water. She made her way to the bookstore on the corner to wait out the downpour. She wiped her face with the back of her hand.
Running her fingers through rain-damp hair, Livi gazed upon row after row of bookshelves, a dark walnut color that gleamed under the store’s fluorescent lighting. There were a handful of browsers, a couple of them holding books and other gift items.
She walked in the direction of the small café and ordered iced coffee. She found a chair and sat down. Each time her eyes landed on a couple, a flash of loneliness stabbed at her, icy fingers seeping into every pore of her being. A bitter-cold despair dwelt in the crevices of her lonely soul. Her heart ached terribly.
Livi tried to consider her options, but found that she was not in a space where she could wisely accomplish this. She thought about going back to her condo, but Sybil was still living there.
Livi pulled out her cell phone.
“Mother, I just called to let you know that I’ll be home tomorrow evening. I’m flying out in the morning.”
She wiped away a tear. “No, I’m fine,” Livi lied. “I just need to come home for a few days.”
Livi stayed in the bookstore until the rain stopped.
She slowly made her way back to Blaze’s condo.
Blaze was in his office. She walked straight to the master bedroom and pulled out a suitcase.
“What are you doing?” Blaze inquired when he entered the room.
“I’m packing,” Livi responded. “I’m going to visit my parents for a few days.”
“Livi, I don’t want you to leave.”
She glanced over at him. “I have to do this for myself. Blaze, I need to go somewhere where I can think about everything.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop apologizing,” Livi snapped. “I don’t want your apologies. Blaze, I don’t want anything from you.”
“I didn’t want things to turn out like this. You wanted honesty and I gave you that.”
“I can’t talk about this right now, Blaze.”
“Running away seems to be your answer to everything,” he muttered.
“I can’t believe that you just said that,” Livi sniped.
“It’s the truth.”
“I am leaving because I need to think about what just happened in the last twenty-four hours. It’s not as if I won’t be back.”
“If it’s space that you need, Livi, I can stay at the hotel.”
“This is your home, Blaze.”
“It’s also your home.”
Livi shook her head no. “This has never been my home. All this has been one big beautiful lie.”
“I’ll have them get the jet ready for you.”
“I’m going to drive, Blaze.”
“You are not in the right frame of mind to drive, Livi.” His tone brooked no argument. “You will have the family jet at your disposal.”
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“I really wish you wouldn’t go.”
She met his gaze. “Blaze, I need some time alone. Can you ple
ase give me that?”
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” he responded.
Livi finished packing and then jumped into the shower. The jet was ready by the time she was dressed. Blaze insisted on driving her to the airport.
“Livi...”
She held up a hand to halt his words. “Don’t, Blaze. We have both said enough for right now.”
At the airport, Blaze embraced her and kissed her.
Livi did not respond. It was as if she were too numb to feel anything. She felt tired and weary. There was no more fight in her.
* * *
Blaze tossed and turned in bed most of the night. He was having a difficult time sleeping. He had grown used to sleeping beside Livi. Finally, he gave up and got out of bed. He padded barefoot into the living room and sat down in the dark.
Blaze had expected to hear from Livi upon her arrival, but she did not call him. When he tried calling her, he got her voice mail. Blaze thought about calling her again, but it was late and she was probably sleeping. He felt an ache in his heart. The memory of Livi’s heartbroken expression and eyes filled with tears caused the pain to worsen.
Blaze missed everything about Livi. He could smell her fragrance lingering in the air. Whenever he walked into the kitchen, Blaze could almost hear her laughing and talking about her day as she prepared dinner.
His eyes grew wet.
Blaze walked into the family room and sat down. He picked up one of Livi’s design magazines. He tossed it across the room.
Her presence had been felt and, now that she was gone, there was an emptiness that permeated the condo.
I miss her terribly. I don’t want to lose her.
The thought of never seeing Livi again sent a new ache cutting through him like a knife. His heart felt as if there were a chunk missing. It was this ache that hurt the worst.
For a brief moment, Blaze considered going after her, but changed his mind. Maybe she needed some distance between them for now.
Blaze didn’t feel like watching TV, so he got up and walked to his bedroom. He went to her side of the bed and picked up her pillow. He held it up to his nostrils, inhaling her scent.
Blaze dropped the pillow and walked briskly out of the room. He couldn’t sleep there without Livi.
He stretched out on his sofa, but sleep was the last thing on his mind.
Upon her return, Blaze vowed to make up for all the pain he had caused Livi. He wanted her to know that he had been a fool. It had taken her leaving for him to realize that he loved her as much as she loved him. His whole soul pined for her.
Blaze had never felt the range of emotions for a woman that he was experiencing now. He would not feel complete until Livi was back in his arms.
* * *
Livi was glad to be in San Francisco. Shortly after her arrival, news broke that she was the heiress to Olson Cosmetics.
“It isn’t as if it was never going to come out,” her mother stated. “I don’t know why you tried to hide your identity in the first place.”
Livi shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t care anymore.”
She sank down on the plush sofa in the family room. “Blaze shouldn’t have to deal with all this alone. Have you spoken to him?”
Livi shook her head no. “Blaze has called me every day since I’ve been here,” she said.
“Honey, from everything you’ve told me, it sounds like the two of you make a great team. I don’t think you should just walk away from what the two of you share.”
Livi met her mother’s gaze. “Tell me something. Would you be as supportive if Blaze didn’t have a cent to his name?”
She did not respond.
“I didn’t think so,” Livi said. “The only reason Blaze wanted to stay married to me was to please his parents. It was never about love.”
“How do you know that for sure, Livi?”
She shrugged. “He said as much.”
“Honey, make sure you’re not being too hard on this man.”
“I’m not,” Livi stated. “I just don’t want to keep fighting a losing battle.”
Later that evening, Livi boarded the company jet to return to Los Angeles. Blaze met her at the airport. He greeted her with a gentle kiss on the lips.
“I missed you,” he said.
“I missed you, too,” she responded.
“How was your trip?”
“Good,” Livi responded. “I was able to think about everything.”
“I did a lot of thinking, too,” Blaze said.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to postpone any discussions until tomorrow. I’m really tired.”
Blaze nodded. “Sure.”
She walked into the condo thirty minutes later.
“I’m glad that you’re home. If you’d like, I can sleep in the guestroom tonight,” Blaze offered.
“I won’t kick you out of your bedroom,” she responded. “I’ll sleep in the guestroom.”
She did not miss the flash of disappointment on Blaze’s face. This was not how she would have preferred to spend the evening, but Livi had no choice. Her dream of spending her life with Blaze had come true, but not exactly in the way she wanted.
Now she was left holding the pieces of her heart in her hands.
Chapter 22
Blaze could not escape the uneasy feeling he’d had since Livi’s return. She was not the same woman he had spent the past few months with. Gone was that vibrant smile, and she was quiet—too quiet.
“If you’re hungry, I can order something,” he offered.
Livi shook her head. “I’m not hungry.” She gestured toward the bedroom. “I think I’m just going to call it a night.”
The forlorn expression on Livi’s face said what her words did not.
She once believed in love and romance, but Blaze feared he had ripped all those things away from her.
Blaze wanted more than anything to put a smile back on her face.
The next day brought more of the same.
“I thought maybe we could have lunch together,” he said, walking into Livi’s office.
“I’m probably just going to order something in.”
“Livi, I can’t stand this distance between us,” Blaze said, closing her door to give them some privacy.
“I’m going to be moving out this weekend,” Livi announced without looking at him.
“That’s not what I want.”
“This isn’t about you, Blaze. This is about me and what I want. I am not going to settle for living with you. I deserve better.”
“We’ve been through a lot, Livi. Why do you want to give up now?”
“Because I think that I finally get the message.” She looked at him. “Blaze, I don’t think we’re meant to be. We need to face the truth and just move on.”
“Livi...”
“I really need to get back to work.”
It was a curt dismissal.
That evening, Livi came home with boxes.
“Do you need any help?” he asked.
“No, I have it covered.”
Blaze did not want her to leave, but he also could not force her to stay. He wanted to find a way to prove his love to her. It was the only way she would stay.
He had certainly made a huge mess of things.
I can’t lose her.
Deep down, Blaze feared that he had already lost Livi, but he was not going to give up without one last fight for the woman he loved more than his own life. He had no idea when or how it happened, but Livi had captured his heart and soul.
* * *
Livi was surprised and bewildered by Blaze’s reaction to her moving out. She had assumed he would be thrilled with the news, but he wasn’t. In fact, quite the opposite.
>
She was not about to allow Blaze to unlock her heart. It was just too painful.
The last of her boxes on the moving truck, Livi glanced around the room one last time.
Blaze was in the living room when she walked out. “I really didn’t think we would end up here,” he said.
“Some things a relationship just can’t survive,” Livi murmured.
“That may be true, but we’ll never know if ours can survive if we don’t try. Sweetheart, please stay with me so that we can figure this out together.”
“There’s nothing to figure out,” Livi responded. “You and I both know that it’s not going to work.”
“You don’t want to try any longer?”
“Blaze, you are not in love with me,” Livi stated. “I love you and I want to be loved in return. I won’t negotiate on that.”
“You deserve to be loved, and it wasn’t until you left that it hit me. Honey, I do love you. I want us to be together.”
Livi shook her head no. “You only think that you do. Blaze, you don’t want a wife. I don’t know what you want, but it isn’t me.”
“Okay, so I thought I wasn’t ready to settle down. Can’t you see that you’ve changed all that for me? Those days that you were gone were pure hell for me. I couldn’t see you and I couldn’t talk to you... Livi, I don’t want you to leave.”
“I’m not interested in living with you without marriage.” Livi shook her head sadly.
“I thought you said you didn’t ever give up without a fight.”
“Even a fighter has to know when to walk away.”
* * *
Livi had moved out two months ago and Blaze found he did not enjoy coming home to an empty house. It was one of the reasons he volunteered to fly to San Francisco to oversee the new marketing campaign. Blaze also found it awkward seeing Livi in the office when things were so tense between them. Her absence from his life ignited a gamut of emotions he had not expected. His feelings ran much deeper than Blaze had ever imagined.
He spent his time in meetings most of the day.
After his last meeting, Blaze called his father. “I’m coming home after Arizona,” he announced.
Five Star Romance Page 14
