As they neared the busy chow hall, Sarah noticed how many would turn their heads and stare openly at him. Black ops kept a low profile on this base of twenty thousand people. SEALs were a very small unit compared to all the other military branches based there. And SEALs always stood out because of their distinctive walk, their in-your-face confidence and the way they wore their weapons. Everyone gave way to him as he walked through the crowds in front of the chow hall. SEALs were accorded a respectful place in the military world, Sarah was discovering firsthand, as she followed him into the large two-story building.
Inside the huge chow hall, there were at least four hundred people at tables. A line of about fifty people stretched around the wall, waiting to go through the chow line. The noise was high. Ethan touched her hand and pulled her down a hallway before they reached the long line.
“This way,” he coaxed, releasing her hand.
“You know this place?”
“SEALs know all the stealth places,” he promised, smiling over at her. “There’s a smaller chow hall in the rear of this building. The cooks usually handle officers, warrants and us. We don’t like eating out in the public.”
“You’re special,” she teased.
“Yes, we are. No apologies for it, either. We’ve earned that status in blood and lives.”
Curious because Bagram was so huge—it would take weeks to know it all—Sarah followed Ethan into a very small, secluded and much quieter chow hall. It was about three thousand square feet and felt intimate to Sarah. There were two Army cooks at the rear, waiting for customers to give them their orders. Only ten other men were in the place, and they all looked up when they entered. Ethan ignored their curious looks and zeroed in on the cooks. Sarah could feel the eyes of the officers checking out Ethan. He was the only black ops male in there that she could tell. Most of the men were Army officers.
As she halted and Ethan drew her in front of him to give the cooks her request, Sarah felt the eyes of the men checking her out. A woman in civilian clothes. This time, their stares didn’t bother her half as much as they would normally. Maybe because Ethan was there, lending her his invisible SEAL protection, she didn’t feel like the usual bug under the microscope.
As they sat at a table near the wall, away from the entrance, they enjoyed fresh eggs, bacon and toast. Sarah sighed when she was finished and pushed the tray aside. She picked up her coffee, absorbing Ethan’s nearness at her elbow. He had ordered a dozen eggs, ate a pound of bacon and still had ten slices of toast stacked nearby on another plate. Sarah understood SEALs could burn calories like a training Olympic athlete. No wonder Ethan was wolfing down the hot food with relish.
“How’s your Kevlar bruise?” she asked.
“It’s good,” he said between bites. “Just a big ugly yellow-green bruise is left. Nothing to write home about.”
Dragging in a deep breath of air, Sarah forced herself to speak. To step up to the plate. “Emma and Khalid have invited me over for dinner tonight. Could you come with me?” She felt her heart cringe. And Sarah tried to prepare herself for him saying no. Ethan had every right to do that. She’d put him in that position.
Brows raising, Ethan wiped his mouth with the paper napkin. “Try and stop me.”
Sarah hoped they would be able to stay overnight in their villa. That would be an opportunity to confess her mistakes to him. To apologize for what she’d done to Ethan. She felt heat sweep into her face. Sarah wasn’t used to a man letting her know she was desirable and cherished at the same time. Even though she saw Ethan wanting her, she also saw his tenderness. In some ways, he wore his heart on his sleeve. That was a surprise, given he was a SEAL. Perhaps Ethan became vulnerable around her. It made her heart flutter with anticipation.
“Do you have duties here on base for your platoon?” Sarah hoped they had the entire day to themselves, which would be an unexpected godsend.
He slathered blueberry jam over six pieces of toast, sat them in a row in front of his tray and picked up the first one. “Master Chief Hunter gave me some requisition orders to fill over at the Navy supply depot. I’ve got to get the order together, get it trucked out to the helo airstrip, get it strapped on a pallet and then make sure it comes to Bravo with me tomorrow morning.”
“Can you get that all done before Emma’s driver picks me up at 1600 today?”
“I’ll make it happen,” Ethan said. God, Sarah was giving him a chance. She didn’t have to say a thing about dinner at Khalid’s home. He felt a break between them. A whisper of possibility that they could repair what was torn. He’d never wanted anything more.
“I don’t think SEALs take no for an answer,” she said before sipping her coffee. Because it had been Ethan’s determination to win her back that had given her the courage to approach him once again.
Ethan polished off three more pieces of toast in a row, licking his fingers where the jam had collected. “You’re right. Words like no and can’t don’t exist in our world.” He shared a smile with her, enjoying Sarah so close to him. His voice went low and gritty as he held her shimmering gaze. “I’ve got Khalid’s sat phone number. I’ll call him and let him know I’m coming for dinner tonight. I’ll ask him if it’s all right if we stay over if you want. I’m sure it will be, but they should know ahead of time.”
Her body flamed with possibility. How badly Sarah wanted to apologize for her actions, but she couldn’t do it here. It would have to wait until tonight. “Yes, let’s stay overnight if we can.” There, the words, the truth, was out. Sarah had never been so scared. It was a fear she had to walk through. Ethan deserved her courage, not her cowardice. All Ethan had to do was give her that hungry, hunterlike stare and Sarah could feel dampness collecting between her thighs. How was it possible that one look could make her so hot? He was utterly male in every sense of the word. An alpha male who feared nothing and no one. Ethan’s gaze locked on hers.
“I want to talk with you tonight,” he said quietly so no one else could overhear them.
“Yes,” she whispered, her voice filled with regret. Sarah tried to send him a look of apology.
*
After they said good-night to Emma and Khalid, they remained in the living room. They sat on either end of the couch. Sarah felt her heart beating wildly in her heart. All day, she’d waited for this moment.
“Ethan? I—I need to apologize for what I did to you at Bravo.” Her hands were cool and damp as she clasped them in her lap, forcing herself to hold his warming gaze. “I was scared. Everything was moving so fast. I have such a hard time thinking I’m beautiful because I don’t feel that way inside myself.” Sarah briefly touched her stomach. “I don’t see how you can see me like that.”
Ethan sat very still. He heard Sarah’s soft, painful words and it made him want to cry for her. She looked like a young child right now, so wounded and hurt and so unaware of her own beauty. “Come here.” He extended his hand toward her. “Please?”
His low timbre flowed through her tense body, touching her aching heart. Sarah stared at his hand, unable to believe Ethan wouldn’t hold what she’d done to him against her. Hesitantly, she placed her hand into his, watched it be swallowed up, warm and strong. Scooting toward him, she held his hooded gaze. Felt how much Ethan wanted her. When she was close enough, their knees touching one another, he continued to hold her hand against his thigh, his gaze never leaving hers.
“I’m sorry for pushing you so fast, Sarah. I knew you were gun-shy of me…of a relationship with me.” Ethan gently squeezed her hand. “I did this—you didn’t. It was my fault.” He swallowed around his closing throat. “I’m sorry, Sarah. God, I knew better. You had enough courage to tell me about your past. I should have slowed down. I should have given you time to get used to being around me.”
Tears filled her eyes, and Sarah closed them, her lips compressing. “Oh, God, Ethan…” Her voice broke. She pulled her hand out of his, pressing it against her eyes, forcing herself not to cry. “I’m the one who did t
his. Not you.” She sniffed and her hand fell away as she stared miserably into his anguished eyes. “It’s me, Ethan. You called me beautiful. And I’m not. I’m not.”
“What do you mean, Sarah?” he asked, pain in his voice as he searched her eyes. “I don’t understand.”
How could he? Sarah barely got out, “I’m ugly inside. I don’t know why you don’t see it.”
Stunned, Ethan sat back, digesting her words. Frowning, his mind spinning, he said, “Who told you this?” Someone had to have told Sarah she was ugly inside and out. His hands slowly curled into fists, rage soaring through him because he saw the damage in her eyes, in her expression. The struggle in Sarah’s vulnerable face ripped him apart.
“Someone…” she managed. “M-maybe later I can talk about it, Ethan.” She gave him a pleading look. “Almost dying…I woke up knowing I’d run for all the wrong reasons from you, Ethan. But I’m still scared. I don’t see how you see me but…it’s so hard…I can’t—”
To hell with it. Ethan pulled her gently into his arms, not knowing what to expect. He loved Sarah so damn much, wanted to protect her, give her that safe harbor to sort out the trauma she’d experienced as a young child. Ethan knew he could do this for Sarah, knew he had the strength, the love, to support and help her heal from those tragic wounds. She flowed into his opening arms, whispered his name, her arms sliding around his shoulders, face pressed against his neck. Her heart beat like a wild, trapped bird against his chest, and he pressed his face against her hair, dragging in her scent like a dying man just given a reprieve.
“Tell me what you want, Sarah. Just tell me,” Ethan coaxed huskily, a catch in his throat. He tightened his grip around her, relief flooding him because despite her terror, her distorted belief she was ugly, she’d come to him. He felt her tremble. Felt her breath against the column of his neck. She had burrowed up against him like a frightened child, not a woman. He was her protection against an inner storm only she could feel. That lived within her.
“You, Ethan. I want you. You made such beautiful love to me…I want that again if you could forgive me for what I did to you.” Sarah pulled out of his arms enough to lift her head and meet his stormy eyes. “I want to love you. I want you to love me. I’ve never felt so wonderful. So happy…”
Cupping her cheek, Ethan leaned down and brushed her lips. “There’s nothing to forgive, Sarah. I’m as much at fault in this. It’s not you. Just give me a chance to show you how beautiful you really are.” He eased away, holding her blue gaze, noting the tears swimming in them. He held back telling her he loved her. Sarah couldn’t be rushed. They would go at a pace that was right for her.
Her lower lip trembled and then his heart melted as she tried to smile but failed.
“I need you, Ethan….”
*
Ethan picked Sarah up into his arms and walked her down the hall to their suite. Sarah gave a soft sound of surprise, caught off guard.
“I’m sweeping you off your feet,” Ethan rasped as he pushed the door open with the toe of his boot. Inside the suite, the darkness was chased away by the stained glass lamp on the dresser. After setting Sarah down onto the bed, Ethan walked over and shut and locked the door. Anyone looking at Sarah right now in the civilian world would think she was a college graduate, not the hell-bent-for-leather medevac pilot she was. Looks were so damned deceiving. And, regardless, she was his.
Sarah sat tensely on the edge of the bed, watching him, anticipation thrumming through her. All evening, her body ached, wanting Ethan. There was such incredible male grace about him she would never tire of watching Ethan move, dress or undress. He came over and eased her thighs apart, his hands remaining on each one as he knelt on one knee between them.
“I need a shower. Want to join me?”
Sarah hesitated marginally.
“What is it?” he coaxed, cupping her cheek.
Sarah drowned in his dark, searching look. “I’ve never taken a shower with a man, Ethan.”
He framed her face, his voice gentle. “You’re my woman.” He held her soft gaze. “And I want to show you just how much. A shower is just another way to love one another. You don’t have to take a shower with me if it doesn’t feel right to you. You’re in control here. And if you don’t, I won’t be upset about it. Okay?”
Sarah worried her lower lip. “No…it’s not that, Ethan.” She gave him a wry look. “I just don’t know what you expect of me.” Instantly, she saw Ethan’s expression soften.
“I want you to enjoy it, Sarah. I’ll teach you as we go along?”
The tender look, the patience in his eyes, swept away all her concerns. “Sort of like learning how to fly?” she ventured softly.
Ethan’s mouth drew into a very male smile. “Yes, exactly like that.” He released her.
Sarah moved her fingers through his very short, dark hair, allowing them to trail to his corded neck and come to rest across his broad shoulders. “I will go anywhere with you, anytime, Ethan.”
Sarah met his hooded gaze, which was stormy with desire for her alone. Settling her mouth against his, she felt his arm move around her waist, drawing her forward, taking her without apology, his lips driving hers open, his tongue sliding commandingly into her mouth. It sent a sheet of instant fire arcing down through her, and she sighed, surrendering to his arms.
Tearing his mouth from hers, Ethan urged her. “Come on. Let’s get undressed and get into the water.”
Her lips throbbed with the power of his mouth. “SEALs love water,” she teased, her voice a little breathless, husky with desire.
“Water is our home,” he agreed with her. Ethan stood and quickly opened his shirt and discarded it. He grabbed the ends of his tan T-shirt and pulled it over his head, exposing his deep chest, the muscles flexing across his broad set of shoulders. He got rid of his boots and trousers. Off came the socks and his boxer shorts. “Come swim with me,” Ethan teased, his eyes glinting with challenge. His heart would burst open, the joy so intense and powerful. He wanted to yell at the top of his voice that Sarah was giving him a second chance.
Sarah gave him a challenging look and took off her sneakers with shaky fingers. “If anyone is beautiful, it’s you, Ethan.” His body was ripped, tight and strong. She could see the vestiges of the huge yellow-and-green bruise on the left side of his chest. The light in the room accentuated the hard angles of his body.
Ethan stood naked before her. He eased his fingers through her silky hair. There was no guess about him wanting her. “Need some help undressing?”
Struggling out of her jeans, Sarah lifted her feet as she leaned back on the bed. He obliged her by pulling the jeans off. Sarah sat up and pulled off her tank top, revealing her white cotton bra. Before she could get to it, Ethan leaned over, sliding his hands around her back, his fingers quickly unfastening it. Her full breasts tumbled free, and she saw his eyes go feral as he slowly slid his hands around the curves. A soft gasp escaped her, and she closed her eyes, wanting even more of Ethan’s touch. Sarah leaned forward into his large, calloused hands. Her skin ignited with blazing fire as he grazed her nipples with his thumbs. A soft, delicious sound slipped from her lips and she automatically gripped his powerful biceps.
Opening her eyes, she watched Ethan give her that stalking look of a hunter coming after his prey—her.
Chapter 16
“Come on,” Ethan urged, his voice thick. “Let’s get your panties off and we’ll go get in that shower. Otherwise,” he growled, “I’m taking you here. Right now.”
Sarah’s knees felt incredibly shaky as they walked into the huge bathroom. Within minutes, the shower nozzles were like warm raindrops sliding softly across her hair, soaking the strands and then her. Ethan quickly washed himself, and the dirt and sweat slid off his hard, lean body. After he washed his hair and rinsed it, he turned to her.
“Your turn,” Ethan said, sliding his hand around Sarah’s waist, drawing her close so he could nibble her delicate earlobe. Ethan felt her res
pond and arch against him. He released Sarah and allowed her to lean against the warm, wet tiles of the shower. Smiling down into her half-closed eyes that were already drowsy with arousal, Ethan took the soap, lathered it between his large hands and gently moved the bubbles across her face. Sarah closed her eyes, her hands coming to rest on his narrow hips, leaning languidly against the tile wall.
A look of satisfaction flared in her expression, telling him she was enjoying his hands as they teased her brow and slid down across her high cheekbones. He ached so damn much, but he placed steel control over his own desire. Sarah came first. Always.
Sarah opened her eyes, beads of water catching on her lashes as Ethan began to lather the soap and follow the slender length of her neck. Then, his fingers kneaded her shoulders, erasing the tension. She moaned, feeling his fingers work magic against her tight muscles. Ethan’s gaze moved to the reddened, puckered flesh of her arm where she’d had surgery. A flash of pain came into his eyes. His fingertips grazed the area as he carefully washed her skin. Neither of them would forget the night it had happened. Ethan leaned down, placing a soft kiss across the healing area after he rinsed it.
Sarah’s breath hitched, and her eyes shuttered closed as Ethan kissed her injury. It was as if his love were strong enough to pull the experience of her almost bleeding to death before she landed at Bagram out of her memory. His hands then glided across her torso and gently cupped her shoulders. She felt incredibly cherished in that moment, the warm water falling around them, the steam beginning to gather like fog between their bodies.
Ethan lifted his head and took her parted lips, wanting to give back to Sarah. The water slid into the corners of their mouths, the heat inside them building like a wildfire, their breathing changing. He tunneled his fingers through her wet, glistening hair, watching her blue eyes open, seeing the feverish, smoky quality awaken in them. He realized once more that Sarah had almost died. His heart wrenched in his chest. She was such a damned courageous woman. Fearless. As Ethan held her melting gaze, he kissed her gently. Tenderly. With all the love he had inside him, trying to share it with her as their mouths met wetly in exploration. He silently promised her he would make her feel the beauty he saw and felt inside and outside herself.
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