The doctor she saw once in Tamworth recently said speaking to people who knew her before that night might help to unlock that part of her mind. He said talking about it was the only way for her memory to return, if at all. When she visited him there wasn't anyone to help her with the past, and she didn't dare broach the subject with her aunt. Now, she had Jordan, Jade and the sergeant.
She spent the following half an hour studying the photographs and tried to recognise something. Failing, she pushed upward to her feet, clutching the album close to her chest. With a last surveillance of the area, she walked toward her ute, turned back and stilled. Her heart squeezed. She was a shell, an empty shell. Without a past how could she move forward?
Chapter Five
On the way back to the motel, she decided to do a little shopping. She needed more toiletries and coffee, perhaps some biscuits, Tim Tams. Her aunt said they were an overindulgence they couldn't afford. Zoe wanted to indulge, and then overindulge. She grinned. She didn't shop with her aunt, but she'd spotted packets of Tim Tams at the Pattersons, and had her first treat at seventeen, thanks to Lily Patterson. They were the most divine taste, one she'd never forgotten.
Zoe owed it to herself to have a treat occasionally. After all, life was for enjoying. It was about time she tried to enjoy her life.
***
Jordan veered his car up beside the primary school and jumped out the second he saw his son Luke running from the school gate.
'Dad.'
'Yeah mate.'
'Guess what? I'm invited to a party. I got an invitation.' He held it in his left hand as it waved all over the place.
'Let's look at it when we get home. Come on.'
Luke stopped beside his father, and Jordan took his bag. 'How was your day?'
'Mrs Fletcher is nice, but she's married.'
Jordan wondered if his sister's matchmaking skills were rubbing off on his son. He seemed to be mentioning women a lot lately.
'Yeah, mate. I know she's married. Why do you say that?'
'Well sometimes—'
Jordan opened the car door and Luke climbed in. He was a replica of himself when he was a kid. Dark hair, and blue eyes, except Luke's eyes were deeper; almost midnight blue. He was already a winner with the girls.
'See you tomorrow Luke.'
Jordan chuckled when he heard a little girl call out. He glanced up as he rounded the front end of his car to the driver's side and climbed in. The girl waved and he spotted Luke waving back.
Luke appeared lost in thought. 'What're you thinking mate?'
'Ah, nothing. I was talking about Mrs Fletcher.'
'Sorry. What were you saying?'
'Well everyone has a wife or girlfriend. Dad, you don't have a wife or a girlfriend. You never have a wife or girlfriend. How come?'
Talk about kill his manhood. He'd had a few women since Michelle's death, but that was when he frequented the city a few times. And those days were long gone. He didn't broadcast his sexual life to the small town of Munna, especially to his sister or his son.
'I'm happy the way we are. Aren't you happy?'
'I sure am Dad. A girl would spoil things anyhow.'
Jordan grinned. 'Sure would.' And he thought of Zoe. God she wouldn't spoil a thing, in fact it'd be the opposite. He pictured running his hands down her arms, kissing those luscious lips a thousand times over, and holding her naked against him. He stifled a moan.
'Dad, Dad. What's the matter?'
Jolted from his temporarily lack of awareness, he turned his gaze toward his son.
'Thinking about the job today. Sorry mate.'
And Luke didn't stop chatting about the girl’s birthday party scheduled for that weekend. Jordan usually worked on Saturdays to compensate for the early knock offs during the week. Perhaps Jade would be able to drop him off, as she had already offered to babysit on the Saturdays while he worked on the Montgomery job.
'We need to do some shopping before we head home.'
'More groceries?'
'Yeah more. A hungry animal lives at our house and eats so much.'
'Aw Dad. You eat lots too.'
'Well, two hungry animals that have holla stomachs.' He chuckled, before reversing his vehicle against the kerb in front of the supermarket. He snapped the automatic lock after Luke climbed out.
Jordan stood beside the meat section thinking a good steak on the barbeque was something he and Luke hadn't had for a while. As he selected two T-bone steaks and placed them in the trolley, he glanced up, snagging Zoe in his vision. She headed toward him.
She pulled up with a smile. 'Hi ya'. Doing a little shopping?'
'Yeah. You know what it's like.'
'I'm pretty limited...with...'
Luke skidded to a halt when he spotted Zoe talking to his dad. He held up a book with pink pictures covering the front cover, and glanced from Zoe to his father. 'Look what I've got, look?'
Jordan shook his head. 'I'm not sure mate. I don't know what girls like?'
'Well it's pink, and don't girls like pink?'
'Yeah they do,' Jordan agreed.
'Can I help with something?'
Jordan glanced at Zoe. Luke mimicked his father.
'Well.' He leaned forward over the trolley. 'We need a present for a birthday party. She's a girl.' He grinned.
'Naturally she's a girl.' Zoe smiled at his son.
'Is she your age?'
'No, she's turning six this Saturday. I'm already six.'
'Six. Wow that's getting old.'
Luke puffed out his chest in response.
'I saw a handbag set when I passed the toy section. I think a six-year-old girl would love that. There is also a set of beads with it as well. A necklace I think.'
'Can I go and have another look?'
'Only to the toy section, okay mate.'
Luke tore off as though the party was within minutes.
'He's cute. The reason for knocking off work early I gather. I didn't know you babysat.'
Jordan straightened. 'Luke's my son.'
'Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were sing... Never mind. Well, I shouldn't be keeping you. Um...your wife is probably wondering where you got to.'
'My wife died six years ago while giving birth to Luke.'
***
One of the best things in Jordan's life was his son. When Luke was born his priorities had changed overnight. He had to learn how to bottle-feed a baby, learn how to change nappies, shop, and get up late at night when he cried. It took a while to tackle a routine, but he'd done it.
At that time, Jordan had worked for his father. He needed to have the freedom of knocking off work early, and being available for his son. It'd worked out well so far.
Jade collected Luke from school two afternoons a week, which helped him get on with any backlogs at work. He'd come to love this small town and its people. Although his father and he didn't see eye to eye on all projects, his mother was the glue that had kept the family together.
Jordan turned up the road heading home. It was a good thing Luke had interrupted him at the supermarket. He was on the verge of asking Zoe out for a barbeque, and his mind ran over the possibilities of where that could lead. But with Luke about he doubted much would have come of it, although it would have been nice to have her over at his place.
After some time, he sucked back a breath of frustration, and concluded there was no one else he'd rather be with than with his son. Luke had settled into school, his life was good and he wanted it to stay that way. After all, he had a responsibility to uphold.
God, who was he trying to kid? Six years was a mighty long time to be alone, not have that one woman beside you, someone to laugh with, to share the day's load, to curl up beside each other in bed at night, and to fall asleep in each other's arms. His palms grew sweaty over the steering wheel.
His mind told him he was looking forward to working at Montagreen, but his heart warned him to take care even though something had already begun. He put it down to lus
t. God, any sane man would want to have Zoe in his bed. But he wasn't looking for that. Zoe had meant the world to him when he was fifteen. Deep inside something insisted he get to know her all over again. He'd wondered at times if the girl he used to know was locked away in there, and wondered if he'd ever see her again.
His gut churned. He was stuck in between the fence and the bull. Running wouldn't get him anywhere, climbing the fence might make him too late, and he couldn't stand around and get pulverised while some other guy walked right on in and claimed her as his own.
Jade's words came to mind. 'Before someone else snatched her up.' Over his dead body.
'Dad.'
He jerked from his thoughts.
'Yeah, matie?'
Zoe felt like sticking her head in a paper bag when she received Jordan's answer about Luke's mother.
There was one thing she admired about Jordan, and that was his ability to take control of his life, especially when a child was involved. It was a rare quality to have. Jordan was a family man.
Zoe's heart missed a beat, and a touch of sorrow edged to her heart. She feared trusting people again. She'd trusted her aunt and look what had happened. She didn't want to risk facing more lies in the future. Her life had run smoothly without any hiccups since she escaped her aunt's clutches. She'd gotten this far, but her determination was wearing thin.
The moment she got through the front door of the motel room, her mobile rang and she dug her phone from her bag, noticing it was Jade's number. She hit answer and pressed the phone to her ear.
'Hi Jade.'
'Hey Zoe. What'd ya' been you up to?'
'Nothing much. I only just got in.'
'Do you want to catch up for a coffee? It's only four and Mum is looking after the kids.'
'Sounds great.'
'Meet you there in half an hour.'
'Do you mean across the road?'
'Yes. The one and only, remember?'
Zoe smiled. 'Okay. See you soon.' She hung up, took a quick shower, and changed into a pair of jeans and a snug fitting white top. She twisted her shoulder length hair up into a loose knot at the nape of her neck, and applied a light lip-gloss.
As she walked through the doorway, she thought meeting with Jade would give her a chance to find out more about her parents, and about Jordan. Or maybe not about Jordan. Asking too many questions about her brother may hint she'd taken a fancy to the man. Which wasn't the case. Who was she trying to kid? Jordan warmed her heart and body in places that had never been touched. She could always say it was because he worked for her, and the more she knew about him the better. As for her warming parts, they had to stay put and she hoped they wouldn't ignite when he was close by.
She crossed the street, and spotted Jade sitting at the same table they shared when they first met. Jade waved, and Zoe waved back.
'I hope you haven't been waiting too long.'
'I only arrived. It's been a warm one today.'
'I'll say.' Zoe pulled out a chair and sat.
'So how do you find my brother's work?'
Zoe smiled. 'He's a good worker. He's finished the exterior, but cleaners are needed to do a thorough clean out. The place is a pigsty.'
'I can imagine. Do you need a hand?'
'Thanks, but no. Jordan suggested cleaners. I expect he's already booked them. Their last name is White.'
'Beth and Jo. They'll do a great job. They have four women working for them. It won't take long.'
'That's a relief. I want to move in as soon as possible. I can't stand waiting around. I need to get into action, into work mode.'
'You sound like your parents. They were good workers, so Mum says. Your mother helped here in town on occasion at the haberdashery store over there.'
Zoe turned to look at the dilapidated shed tucked beside a bakery store.
'Apparently it was a great store in its days. It closed five years back. Old Mrs Munroe couldn't run it any longer and then she died of a heart attack. Your mother was a quilter and apparently really good at sewing. Mum said she'd whip up a dress with a scrap of material. Her needlework was well known all round this way.'
The excitement that brewed in Zoe's stomach fizzled fast. She’d hoped to speak with the woman, hoped to find someone else that knew her mother. She suspected there would be many people in the small town of Munna that could tell her snippets of information about her parents. She'd fit the pieces together.
Zoe turned back to Jade. 'I was hoping to find out more about my parents.'
'I think as time goes on the townsfolk will mention things.'
As Jordan drove toward his property, his mind wouldn't keep still. One minute it was in fast forward, the next slowly rewinding everything he knew about Zoe. He wanted to ask her why she hadn't said anything to him the night of the fire, why she only stared out through the back window screaming as the car veered away from him for good, but he knew she had no answer. Her screams had echoed through his mind for years. He'd finally gotten over the nightmares when he met Michelle. When she'd died they returned with a vengeance.
He thought he could learn to love Michelle as time went on. When she died, he had no other choice than to pick himself up and care for his son, although Jade had helped, doting over him like a mother. He owed her big time. He didn't know what he would have done without his sister’s or mother's input. He grimaced at the thought.
Michelle didn't show much at all when she confessed she was five months pregnant. He hadn't believed it at first, but as the months went by she made up for the growing boy inside. She'd even mentioned speaking to the Doctor about an abortion, but it was too late, not that he would have agreed. The Doctor said after twenty weeks she'd need a medical reason. She had none.
After they married, Jordan didn't know if it was the pregnancy that took over or if she was being a complete bitch. Michelle was going to leave him after the baby was born. She admitted that the only reason she married was due to her pregnancy. The feeling was mutual. She'd even told him she disliked the dirty little rats sicking up all the time, and the smelly nappies, telling him she wouldn't cope.
In the delivery room, she spoke about leaving him and the baby the following morning. Talk about a kick in the guts. But he held on. Held her hand until her last breath vanished and she left him with tears in his eyes and a tiny bundle of male flesh that had one sole parent. A parent that was scared to death of holding him in his arms, fearing he'd drop him and cause injury. Jordan frowned. Why was he doing this to himself? He cursed in an undertone.
His mind reverted to Zoe. He'd get on the internet tonight, do a bit of research on the subject of memory loss and find out what he could.
He manoeuvred his vehicle over a cattle grid onto his property and glanced up at the house. At least four rooms were liveable. When he finished the job at Zoe's, he'd do more here. They were living on top of each other, and it was impossible to hide anything from a six-year-old child.
After dinner, and when he was certain Luke was sleeping, he switched on his computer that sat in the corner of a large room used as the kitchen, lounge room, dining, and office area. He had plans of using this area as the kitchen and dining room only. The adjoining room would become a lounge room with an office off to one side. The bathroom and bedrooms would sweep toward the back of the house. He had it all planned, but he needed to find the time to get the job done. Working at Zoe's had put him behind, but he didn't mind so much. He hadn't expected to land such a big carpentry job so soon and it paid well. He glanced about. His abode was comfortable and reasonably clean. Although lacking a woman's touch, it was his and his son's domain.
Doing a Google search, he spotted what he was looking for.
'Amnesia due from extreme trauma. Such memories can be recovered gradually, through active search and reconstruction, or they can come to mind spontaneously, without active search.'
Interesting. Without active search. It appeared Zoe wanted to remember and she hadn't, as yet, remembered a single thing.
'Sometimes suggestive therapy sessions may help. Advise them to get professional help. Get the person concerned to open up, talk all you can about the events before the incident. Anything. With the sessions and having someone to help along the way is half of the battle.'
Jordan re-read those lines aloud. 'Talk all you can about the events prior to the incident. Advise the affected person to seek professional help.' Yeah, how could he do that? Come right out with it. Nar. They'd only kicked off as kissing friends. He grinned with that thought, and he hardened. God, she'd chucked him a wicked curve ball that's for sure. His mind was all over the place.
He leaned in closer to his computer, turned back to check if Luke remained asleep and hadn't wandered into the room. Swinging back to his computer he read some more.
'Under extreme stress, the body releases a hormone called cortisol which can affect the brain's ability to make the nerve pathways needed to form new memories. Too much cortisol damages the part of the brain responsible for making memories.
'This is how traumatic events can cause temporary loss of memory. Psychologists call it dissociative or psychogenic amnesia. External events can affect the brain's ability to form memories because of extreme instances of stress to the brain. This is why victims of traumatic situations, such as car accidents and crimes, often do not remember the incidents.'
His stomach tensed. He rested his elbow on the desk, ran his fingers through his hair. At least he had some information on how to deal with her situation. He hoped to hell that in the end everything would work out the way he intended. He'd have to tread carefully if he was ever to earn her trust, but one thing was certain, he had to open up and talk about her past, talk about her parents, anyone. He had to do anything he could think of to make her remember him, before it was too late.
***
Jordan had spent the following week in a foul mood. Where in the bloody hell was she? She organised the joint, took off without telling anyone and he was expected to continue as though she didn't exist. His guts were on fire. No one could put it out except Zoe, and that meant having her in his arms. For crying out loud. Sure mate. She'll walk up and plant a beauty on your lips just like that. He must be mad.
Outback Flames: Australian Rural Romantic Suspense Page 5
