When Jordan was satisfied he'd collected every newspaper within sight, he returned to where Mike was wiping grease from his hands. He glanced up. 'Looks like I have a customer.'
Jordan glanced out through the workshop to the bowsers, and his breath punched from his lungs. Zoe. He ducked back, and watched Mike walk toward her car. While they were busy chatting he ran the few blocks to his vehicle, dropped the papers on the back floor, and closed the door with relief.
Where in the hell does she disappear to all these times? It was for a week once, or was that two and now all day today. Anyone would think he was a crazy man keeping an eye on her as he was doing. He gave himself a mental shake, shoved his hands in his pockets and casually headed back to the garage to where Zoe's car was parked.
'Jordan. Hello.'
'Hi Zoe. Filling up I see.'
'Yeah. You?'
'No. I came down to see Mike. Um.' He was lost for words. God she looked good even here at a damn garage with her hair falling freely to her shoulders, and a pair of tight jeans and a little red top that showed her cleavage way too much for his liking.
'Jade said you have your memory back.' He kept his voice low, hoping Mike wouldn't be able to hear their conversation.
Zoe looked up at him, gave him a strange look. 'I sure have. Some things are still unclear, but I believe everything will be much clearer as the days go by.' She pressed her lips together, grinned.
'It's great to hear...so you remember...us.'
She nodded. 'Sure do.' A grin lit up her face.
He cleared his throat. 'Do you want to come over for a barbeque at Mum’s this Friday night? You've been back for a while now and you haven't met...well you haven't seen them since you've been back. They'd love to see you.' Hell. Why didn't he invite her to his place? She hadn't been there and it'd do her good to see where and how he lived.
'I'd like that, thanks.' She smiled and God, didn't he treasure her smiles. He walked closer and the previous tension he'd bottled inside began to fade. What prompted him to act so damn stressed out when it was obvious she hadn't gone anywhere, or found out anything?
'I was out at the cemetery today.' Her cheerful disposition changed, and his gut clenched.
'How'd that go?'
'I wanted to discuss something with you but this isn't the place. It's about my little brother, one I had no idea about.'
Jordan's insides duck-dived. He shifted his feet, stepped to one side. He'd wanted to tell her about Benjamin, but he didn't want to witness the hurt, and the pain she would have suffered. He grimaced.
Mike finished filling up the tank, and took a few steps toward them. 'You two know each other?'
'Yeah, Mike. Do you remember Zoe Montgomery? It's been a while since she's been in town.'
'Hell no.' He wiped a hand over his dark hair, glanced at Zoe. 'I'm sorry I didn't recognise you. I've been off with the fairies lately. It's good to see you Zoe.'
Zoe squinted. 'I'm sorry too. Um...Mike.' She glanced at Jordan.
'Mike.... Mike Peterson. He went to the same school as we did, although he's a year older than me.'
'And wiser,' Mike said.
Zoe smiled.
Mike put out his hand but withdrew it. 'A bit on the greasy side. It's good to see you again Zoe. Where have you been all these years? Everyone was concerned. You caused a mighty ruckus through the community.'
'I'm here now and I'm fine. I need to pay for the fuel.'
'Righto, follow me.'
Jordan's gaze trailed after her as she walked beside Mike into the shop connected to the garage. He leaned back on her car and crossed his arms. As he waited for her return, he wondered the outcome, and held himself in check. Musical laughter caught his attention and he glanced up, spotting Zoe and Mike in a bout of laughter. Mike seemed to be enjoying her company. His gut twisted, and the muscles in his body tensed. The sooner the town knew she was his woman, the better off everyone would be.
Zoe opened the door and approached him, coming to a standstill at arms’ length. 'Why didn't you tell me I had a brother?'
'You didn't ask.'
She propped one hand on her hip. 'Don't you think that would have been one of the most important factors to tell me when I returned?'
'Zoe.' He reached out but she ducked from his touch. 'I didn't want to tell you everything up front. It would have been too much for you to take. You had so much going on when you arrived. Well, I thought it better...we thought it better if you found out about things gradually.'
'Oh and there's something else. Do you know why my family weren't buried at Montagreen?'
'No one had the right. So they did the next best thing.'
Zoe shook her head in thought and turned to watch Mike walk from the garage.
'Is everything okay out here?'
'Yeah Mike. We're leaving.'
Zoe stepped closer. 'Can you follow me home?'
'I can't. Sorry. I have to pick up Luke soon. He's at my mother’s.'
Zoe turned and climbed into her ute. She didn't say another word, and when she manoeuvred her car forward she didn't look up or back at him and he watched her drive off.
His guts were on fire. 'I'll be seeing you Mike,' he called out as he turned to walk toward his vehicle.
'Take care, Jordan. We'll be at the pub on Friday night. You want come for a few drinks?'
Jordan raised his hand, and shot Mike a wave. 'Sorry, not this Friday. Can't make it.'
Jordan headed toward his mother's again. At this rate he'd be wearing a permanent path to and fro and pretty soon he'd be able to put his four wheeler on automatic.
His nerves were short-circuiting him out. So much for a safety switch. He cursed repeatedly. He should have told Zoe everything up front and be done with it. He thumped a closed fist down on the steering wheel, gathered his scattered brain cells and pulled up in the front of his mother's house.
***
'Hey Dad.'
He'd been miles away when Luke had climbed into the car, and over dinner that night, he remained in a state of indecision.
'Yeah mate.'
Luke walked up to his desk in the corner of the room and leant on the edge. 'What happened to that pretty lady? She was nice.'
'You mean Zoe.'
'Yeah. I forgot her name. You should ask her to dinner.'
Jordan rolled back on the wheels of his chair, gazed at his son. Wonders never cease. 'I don't know her that well, but I did ask her out for a barbeque at Gran's on Friday night.'
'Cool...You're working for her at her house, and we had dinner with her at the pub. I think you like her.'
Jordan reached out and ruffled his son's crop of dark hair. 'How are you going in the girl department?'
'Aw Dad. Sally loved her present, but she's friends with a boy two years older than me. She said he's mature. What's mature mean?'
Jordan leaned forward to one side and picked him up, settling him on his lap. 'It's when you grow older and, well, are sensible about things.' God he hoped that was good enough for now. What type of questions would he ask when he was ten? Jordan wasn't even going to think about that prospect.
'I'm six and getting mature.'
Jordan grinned. 'That you are. How about some dessert?'
'No thanks Dad.'
'What you're turning down dessert?'
'I don't want to get fat.'
'Who gave you that idea?'
'Sally said that when you eat too much you get fat.'
'You never eat too much.'
'You said I was a hungry animal. Something like that.'
'A joke Luke. It was a joke.' Jordan rubbed the back of his neck. God, the stress was wiping him out. He had to relax a little. Let matters take their course. He grumbled. Yeah, as if? Look what happened when Zoe left. He didn't do a thing. Not one damn well bloody thing. He wasn't about to face something like that again, even if the tables were turning, he wouldn't and couldn't.
Luke jumped down from his father's lap. 'Can I watch a DVD?'
'Sure. You need a hand?'
'I'm not a baby, Dad.'
Luke turned and headed toward the television on the other side of the room, leaving Jordan in a state of incredulity. A six-year-old child and he's asking questions like that, saying things teenagers say. God help him.
He picked up his mobile from his desk and stared at Zoe's mobile and landline numbers. Before he knew it, her phone was ringing and his heart started all over again, pounding against his chest.
'Hi, Zoe speaking.'
'Hi, Zoe. It's me, Jordan.'
'Jordan. Is everything okay?'
'I should be asking you that question. Listen I apologise for not saying anything about Benjamin. It killed me as well remember? We were like one big happy family.'
'I know...it's okay now. I'm sorry. I got over the shock. My memory of Benjamin is returning. One question though; his room. I've never seen or been into it since I got back.'
'Take the stairs up to the main room and walk along to the end. It looks like a window but it's not. It's Benjamin's room, right next to the main bedroom.'
'I'll take a look thanks. Is there anything you wanted?'
He had a list a mile long. Wanted hell yes, her, he wanted to say, but didn't. 'No. I wanted to check up and see how you were doing.'
'Thanks. Night.'
'Yeah, good night Zoe.'
When he clicked end his stomach was on fire. Good bloody night. It wasn't a good bloody night as far as he was concerned. What about the other night when they slept in each other's arms? Had that gone out the window?'
He glanced at the clock. It was seven thirty. His mind stirred.
'Hey Luke. We're going for a drive.'
Jordan stood and walked over to his son just as he was about to put on a DVD. 'Come on mate. We're going to visit Zoe.'
Luke jerked around. 'Wow. Now?'
'Yep. Come on. We won't be long.'
***
Jordan's headlights cut through the darkness as he wove his vehicle down his driveway and headed out towards his mother's. He slowed on approach to the property. 'Hey mate, do you mind staying with Gran for a few hours? I don't think Zoe has a television.'
'Yep. Okay. How come she doesn't have a TV?'
'She's just moved in, and has only been shopping a few times. I expect she'll get one soon.'
'Then I can come over with you while you two talk and kiss and I can watch TV.'
Jordan almost burst out laughing. 'We don't kiss.'
'Why not? That's what adults do when they don't have kids around.'
Jordan chuckled. He'd have to be careful around Luke from now on. It appeared the little squirt knew more than he was letting on. He turned up his mother's driveway.
After leaving Luke, he headed towards Zoe's property. He didn't know what he was going to say, but he had to see her. He had to, otherwise he'd be tossing and turning all night wondering, and questioning so many things.
Pulling up, he noticed the lounge room light on and a light flickered from the main bedroom window. He practically ran from his car and knocked on the door.
He stepped back when he heard a shuffle on the other side. 'Zoe. It's me, Jordan.'
'Hang on. Coming.'
He slipped his hands in his pocket and then out again. Straightened his back and watched as the door opened revealing soft light filtering over her hair. She wore a pair of loose pants tied at the waist and teamed with a lilac top.
'Come in. This is a surprise. Where's Luke?'
'I dropped him at Mum’s for a few hours.'
She closed the door behind him, as she did he turned and slipped an arm around her waist. 'I wanted to kiss you again. I couldn't wait.' And he did without objection.
He came up for air, breathless and heated. 'Zoe I happen to love you. I've never stopped.' They were soul mates who belonged together.
'It appears we made many promises back then.' Her eyes were glassy, reflecting against the light. 'I love you too Jordan. I'm so sorry for being away for so long. If I had known I would have found my way back to you years ago.' Her bottom lip trembled.
'Oh God, this is a dream come true. I wanted so much for you to remember, remember us.'
They exchanged another passionate kiss, her heartbeat matching his as he held her closely for some time. She glanced up into his eyes. 'I remember it all. We were pretty tight weren't we?'
'Yeah.' He chuckled. 'Hopefully we still are.'
She smiled. 'Um...would you like a beer?'
'Yeah, thanks. That'd be good.'
He followed her into the kitchen.
'I found the room. I had no idea. It's concealed well. I remember it now. The window effect was something Dad put in. I have no idea why.'
'I've seen it once before. Window to the sky perhaps. I don't really know.'
'Thank you for cleaning it out, and doing all the work around here.'
'Well the plumbers, electricians, and the plasterers all helped.'
She smiled, and he would never tire of that smile.
'I went to the police station. The sergeant isn't back for a few more days. I've got a heap of newspapers to go through.' She passed the stubby bottle to him. 'I can only offer the dining room chairs at present.'
'That's fine.'
Zoe walked into the dining room and Jordan followed and took a seat.
'I don't recall seeing my aunt before the night of the fire. I've got a weird feeling that she had something to do with it. Perhaps she and Mum had a falling out, an argument. You know the police...'
'Slow down Zoe. I've got something to tell you.' He had the chance to open up but his mind went blank. He couldn't bring himself to tell her. God he had to change his thought pattern. 'You know I was married don't you?' he blurted, although it wasn't what he intended to say, yet his gut twisted as though it was two steps ahead, already knowing the outcome if he confessed to what happened the night of the fire.
'You told me earlier that your wife had died.'
He leaned closer. 'I searched for you for years, Zoe. Every year, twice or more, I'd search every town around here. I ventured as far as Port Macquarie, near the coast, back tracked and went up to the border to Queensland.'
'Really? You did that?'
'It's true. I even went further out west, and down south hoping that I'd spot you, hoping that I could bring you home where you belonged. Years passed, and when I couldn't find you I grew lonely...'
'Jordan. You don't have to explain anything to me. It's only natural that you would have moved on with your life.'
'The thing is, I didn't move on. I couldn't. I might have had a few one-night stands, but when Michelle fell pregnant, I thought I was doing the right thing by marrying her. I thought I could learn to love her, but it was far from love.'
'It's okay. You don't have to explain.'
'I want you to know what happened. Michelle said out right that she hated kids, that they were brats. In the hospital that night, she told me she was leaving the baby and me the following morning, after the thing got out of her. Her exact words. She wanted no part of motherhood.'
Zoe's lips parted with disbelief. She put a hand to her mouth, appalled that a woman could abandon her child so readily, so easy.
'She didn't get a chance to leave. She haemorrhaged that night. I held her hand until she died.'
Tears filled Zoe's eyes at the hurt he'd suffered. 'I don't know what to say.'
'I only married due to her pregnancy. It was a shock. Michelle had her good points, but the bad ones overrode them all.' He let out a deep sigh. 'Luke and I are doing real well.'
Zoe edged closer, and slipped a hand against his chest. She put her other arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. They stayed that way in silence for long moments as she listened to the racing beat of his heart. She moved back, looked up into his eyes.
'Things happen in life that sometimes we have no control over. Look what happened to me!'
Jordan nodded, and ran a finger down he
r cheek. 'You're so beautiful, inside and out. I don't want to lose you ever again.'
'You won't. I'm here for good now. Um...Luke.'
'What about Luke?'
'Well if things go right with us...I don't know how to say this Jordan, but here goes. I'm not sure I could care for a child.'
Jordan dropped his arm and jerked back. 'What do you mean?'
'My brother was in the house the night of the fire. I didn't go back for him. I left him there with Mum and Dad. Mum said to get out through the window...' Tears filled her eyes. 'I did, but I left them all behind. I didn't even try to help my little brother. What kind of person does that make me? I recall hearing him screaming when I was in the front yard. I'll never forget his screams. I failed my entire family that night, Jordan. I failed them all.' She gasped for air.
She pushed up to her feet, crossed her arms against her chest and tried to contain the powerful emotion surging inside. 'What...what if I fail another child?'
'You won't. You were thirteen. You were only a kid. It's only natural that you did what you're mother told you. You couldn't have done anything to help them. It wasn't your fault.'
'I did try my door handle but it was too hot. I almost burned my hand, but that's nothing compared...' She swallowed as uncontrollable tears dropped to her cheeks.
'Hey baby, come on. You're strong. You've got your memory back, and that meant having the bad memories return as well. It'll take time to adjust, to heal.'
She sniffled. 'I hope you're right. I feel so guilty about it now.'
'You didn't start the fire. Don't assume the blame.'
Zoe glanced at him as doubt inhibited any final conclusion.
Chapter Thirteen
Jordan approached her, and slipped his arms around her waist. 'We've got a hell of a lot to get through. Let's do it together?'
A muffled 'okay' rose from her lips.
'It doesn't feel right leaving you here alone tonight, not while you're in this condition. No one should be alone when they're so distraught.'
'Well, stay with me the night.'
'I suppose Mum can watch Luke. I'll give her a ring.' He stepped back, dragged his mobile from its holder on his belt and hit connect to his mother's home number.
Outback Flames: Australian Rural Romantic Suspense Page 12
