The Dom with a Safeword (Badass Brats #1)

by Silverwood, Cari

  “You know that song, Big Yellow Taxi by Joni Mitchell? Counting Crows did a cover of it in the early two thousands, I think. It was a good cover. I almost like it better than the…”

  Q’s soft laughter made her trail off. “A serious conversation and you talk about pop songs. Figures.”

  Sabrina squeezed her arm. “I have a point. Anyway, the idea of the song is that you don’t always know what you have until it’s gone. And I…”

  Her voice cracked and she had to stop.

  “I…I didn’t know.” Tears flowed down her cheeks, forming a wet pool on the pillow. “I don’t know if I’m bi or straight or lesbian or asexual…” She snorted a silly, tearful laugh. “And I don’t really care. I just…I want to go back to the way things were. Before Jude left.” She couldn’t stand facing away anymore – she needed to see Q, to see her face. Carefully, so she didn’t shake the bed too much, she rolled to her other side.

  Q was there, with big watery blue eyes. Sabrina smiled and placed her forehead against hers. “I want to be your girlfriend again. And I want to be your sub. Your little girl.”

  Q’s hand came up and wiped the falling tears from her cheeks.

  “I’m sorry, Q.” Her tears came faster. “I’m sorry I didn’t say something sooner. I didn’t know. I thought I knew what I wanted but…” She had to pause because she was sobbing so hard. “Please say you forgive me.”

  “Shh.” Q petted her head. “Of course I forgive you.”

  “And…and…” Dear god she was blubbering like a baby. “And you’ll be my girlfriend again?”

  She frowned and dropped her gaze. “Sabrina, I…” Her expression told of a war going on inside her head. “I know you say you love me, but…”

  “You don’t love me back?”

  Q shook her head. “No. Never that. I always loved you, Sabrina. It was just hard living with you when I couldn’t show it.”

  She slowed down her sobs and took a few deep breaths. “It was awful!”

  “Yes. So you know it’s hard for me to believe you love me. To take that risk again.”

  Sabrina nodded and bit down on her lip. “I know. But I’ll do anything to prove it to you. You’ll see.”

  “You’ve done a lot tonight. I’m sorry I dragged you into that. I didn’t mean for my –”

  “Stupid act of recklessness,” she filled in for her.

  Q gave her a small smile. “Yes. That. I didn’t mean for it to affect you. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “Well, you did.” She looked over her best friend’s face – which used to be familiar but now seemed so strange. “And so does all this…punk, goth, whatever you call it stuff.” She pointed to her hair then the piercings.

  “You don’t like my new look? And here I thought you were tired of black.”

  “It’s fine if you’re going to wear blue shirts from now on. But if you keep wearing black, you’ll always clash.”

  Q laughed. “Funny girl. I’ll dye it back if you want me to. But there’s still one thing I have to know before we go any further.”

  “What?” Sabrina froze. She really couldn’t take much more tonight.

  Q smirked. “You really think you might be asexual?”

  A big snort escaped her and they both giggled. Then they held each other, runny noses, tears and all, until the sun came up the next morning.

  Chapter 20

  Sabrina

  The smell of sautéed onions filled the small kitchen, bringing a smile to Sabrina’s face. Q stood in front of the sizzling pan, stirring the onions with a wooden spoon. Sabrina was giving her a cooking lesson. And so far, it wasn’t going too badly.

  “That’s good for now, Q. Slice the peppers and we’ll add those next.”

  Sabrina moved to the other counter and unwrapped the sausage then started to cut it into round pieces. “So I made a lunch date with my mom. I’m going to start dropping hints about us.” She glanced at Q, trying to gauge her reaction. “No, no, no!” She took the knife out of Q’s hand with a sigh. “Lengthwise. Like this.” She flipped the pepper around and cut a few pieces to show her.

  Q rolled her eyes but copied her instructions.

  Sabrina smirked. “You need lessons on being a girl.”

  “I thought you liked me the way I am.”

  She walked behind her and pressed a kiss to the back of Q’s neck. “I love you the way you are.”

  Q’s shoulders tensed and the knife froze in place, hovering over the vegetable. It’d been a week since Q’s bad night with that jerk Dom. Sabrina had used the L-word dozens of times since then yet she still acted as if she didn’t believe it. She’d known it would be hard to prove to her friend after what she’d put her through. All she could do now was keep at it, until she finally gave in and accepted her love.

  A long sigh then Q said, “I know, beautiful.”

  Sabrina paused halfway to the fridge. She knew? A big grin stretched across her face. It was about time! Though they’d been acting like girlfriends, something was still missing. The last week had been the best they’d had since Jude left, but it wasn’t perfect. Things were tense between them. They hadn’t done anything kinky and she was beginning to crave it. She’d even bratted a bit last night, hoping Q’s inner Domme would rise to the surface and deliver a smack-down. But it hadn’t. Though moping less than before, Q was still unhappy. What would it take to get the old Q back?

  Sabrina felt it too. An emptiness. Like a piece of them was missing. She had Q on her right but her left was gone. Jude. She still got choked up when she thought of him. His song had been on the radio a couple days ago and she’d had to pull over the car to cry.

  She sighed and wiped her eyes. Damn onions. They had to force themselves to move on. At least now they had each other.

  She threw some ingredients on the table then grabbed her mp3 player and docked it. Picking some quiet background music only took a few minutes, but she kept checking on Q anyway. The girl was next to helpless in the kitchen. It was both amusing and sad. Funny because Q needed adult supervision to attempt an omelet. Sad because Q’s older brothers raised her through her teens – meaning that beer in her morning cereal had been common, whereas real food hadn’t.

  A knock at the door startled her. She turned to Q. “You expecting someone?”

  Q shook her head. “It might be the neighbor looking for his cat again.”

  “Hmm. I’ll get it. Keep stirring the onions.” She left the kitchen but called over her shoulder, “Take them off in a minute though if I’m not back.” At the door, she wiped her hands on her jeans then gripped the doorknob, swung it open, and gasped.

  Six plus feet of masculine beauty stood in her doorway. He hooked his thumbs in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, his expression pained.

  “Jude,” she breathed. She couldn’t move. Never in a million years had she expected him to show up on her doorstep.

  “Hi.” When she just stared, he pressed his lips together and gave her a tiny smile that spoke more of discomfort than humor.

  Sabrina gave her head a little shake. Swallowing down the words that were dying to spill out was almost impossible. Her jaw worked. Saying, you bastard, where the fuck have you been, would not endear her to him.

  He’s here. But why?

  “Um… come in. We’re cooking.” She backed out of the way. Then she couldn’t resist it anymore. “If you left a toothbrush behind, it’s long gone.”

  Those eyes of his, focused down on her. Had he even registered what she’d said?

  He stepped closer, then tentatively reached out and took a lock of her hair between his fingers. The nearness, the scent of him – it sent some indefinable emotion spiraling down inside her. She should speak, slap him, do something.

  When she didn’t pull away, he played with her hair then released it. “God, I missed this,” he whispered.

  She blinked, opened her mouth then closed it again. “Look, whatever it is you want…” Tears brimmed in her eyes but she tens
ed, blinking to make them go away. “You can’t just…”

  So damn confusing…showing up like this. The possibilities confounded her. Was he truly back? Or just visiting? If she asked him bluntly if he was staying and he said no again, she would break. If she let him in, Q would think it too. And twice might shatter her friend. She couldn’t let that happen.

  “I can’t just what?” He searched her face then straightened a little and took a breath. “I missed you. Both of you.”

  “Who is it, Sabrina?” Q asked from the kitchen.

  But when he raised his head to reply, she put the flat of her hand on his chest. She looked directly at him, blinking back more stupid tears. She wanted to wrap her arms around his waist, lay her head against his chest, inhale his familiar scent, feel his heavy hands on her back…she wanted to stay like that forever. But she had to protect Q.

  “Don’t… Don’t you hurt her. Please. Go away now if you’re not staying. You don’t know what this did. I won’t have her hurt again –”

  “Shh.” For a second, he gently laid his finger across her lips. “I won’t. I promise, Sabrina. I’m sorry.” Regret surfaced in his eyes.

  “Okay,” she said softly then raised her voice. “Q. It’s Jude.”

  A moment of silence then, “Ha, ha. Very funny.”

  Jude smiled. “You’re not going to come say hi, brat?”

  A loud clatter in the kitchen made Sabrina run in to check on Q. She stood, eyes wide, cooked onions around her on the floor. If she’d burned her bare feet she hadn’t noticed. Sabrina went to the counter for a towel, when she turned around, Q was gone.

  “What are you doing here?” she heard Q demand from the living room.

  Sabrina dropped to the floor to clean up the mess.

  “I need to talk to both of you,” Jude answered.

  After scooping the onions into the towel and tossing them in the garbage, she placed the pan into the sink then rushed back to Q and Jude. She came to a decision. No matter what Jude had said, she couldn’t put her hands back in his – couldn’t trust him that easily.

  World War Three was about to break loose. She stood between them, but closer to Q – she knew her allegiance.

  “Jude.” Q sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You can’t just pop in like this. You don’t know what it does to…” She paused. “Sabrina.”

  Sabrina tossed her an irritated look.

  “I’m not just popping in,” he said. He inhaled deeply then exhaled. “I want to take you two home.”

  “Home?” Sabrina snorted.

  Q tilted her head, looking skeptical. “Home? What do you mean?”

  He shrugged then stared at the floor. “Well. When I have one. Which I’m working on. And some contracting jobs.” Lifting his head, he gave both of them a long look, his eyes pools of hope. “But none of that matters right now.” His brow furrowed as he zeroed in on Q’s neck.

  Sabrina followed his gaze and saw it. A bruise, leftover from jerk face Dom, right next to her collarbone. Q’s face turned pink as she placed her hand over it.

  “Is there someone else?” he asked, his voice husky.

  Q shook her head. “No. There’s no one else, but…” She swallowed hard.

  Sabrina jumped in to help. “I agree with Q,” she said, stepping toward Jude, placing herself between him and Q. “I just got her put back together. It’s been…difficult.” She felt her voice start to choke up too. Oh god, and here she was trying to be strong for Q!

  “I messed up,” he blurted, frowning. “I’ve been miserable without my girls.” He took a step toward them. “I missed you so much. I didn’t realize how much you meant to me until…” His voice trailed off with a funny sound. And were his eyes watering?

  Sabrina looked at Q. “If he starts singing Big Yellow Taxi, I’m gonna faint.”

  But Q only had eyes for Jude. Not googly ones – guarded but hopeful. Maybe…maybe, could she hope too?

  “I quit school,” he said. “I made Fredrick an offer on the house.”

  Kerthunk. That statement hit home. He meant this then? He quit school. Can’t go back after that, right? She felt her body lean a little, toward Jude.

  Q said nothing. She wished she was telepathic and could know what she was thinking. Taking her lead, she just stared.

  Jude shifted. He lunged and captured Q’s hand, ignoring her gasp. Then he grabbed Sabrina’s. Oh fuck. She closed her eyes, enjoying the rough feel of his skin against hers. She felt the sting of rising tears.

  His grip tightened, like he didn’t want to give them a chance to get away. Like he was desperate.

  Like I am.

  “I know I’ve been an ass, but I just couldn’t respond to your emails. I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to let go like I needed to. Or thought I needed to. It was supposed to be just for the summer, but I can’t get the two of you out of my head. Could we try again? See if we can make things long-term?”

  Sabrina couldn’t hold back big sobbing tears. “I missed you so much.” Her lip trembled.

  He beamed at her, then turned, bent his head as if to meet Q’s downcast gaze. “Q? Will you give us a chance?”

  “You quit med school because of us? Are you an idiot?” When Q’s eyes came back up, an angry storm brewed. “And you might have won Sabrina back fast, but I’m a harder sell.”

  “I never wanted to go to med school, Q. Quitting was about me, not about you two. If anything, you made me realize that being happy and being successful don’t have to be mutually exclusive. The fact that I’ve been miserable without you both – that I realized I made a huge mistake by leaving like I did – well, I guess that’s about me too. Would you even think of taking me back? How can I prove to you that I’m a mess without you two? I think about you day and night. I can’t eat. I feel like there’s a hole where my heart was.”

  Q’s jaw clenched and she wiped tears away with a gesture of annoyance. Sabrina waited. Jude sucked in a breath. Finally, she nodded. “If you break Sabrina’s heart again, I’ll do worse than knee you in the balls.”

  His joyful grin made Sabrina laugh, even while tears rolled down her cheeks. He was back! In a startling move, he yanked them both closer then dipped, pushed forward, and threw each of them over a shoulder. Sabrina screeched.

  “Jude!” Q yelled and smacked his back.

  He lumbered into the first bedroom on the right – Q’s room though they’d both been sleeping there since she had the queen-size bed. He lowered them onto the mattress then followed them down, landing half on top of them.

  “Ow!” Sabrina rubbed her arm where someone’s knee had landed. They settled, wriggling, untangling their bodies. “That was not so graceful,” she said with a scowl.

  Jude maneuvered them, one on each side, until they were tucked under his arms. “Quiet, brat two. I’m in my happy place.” He closed his eyes, inhaled a breath of each of their hair then did a double take at Q. “What on earth did you do to your hair?”

  She glanced up at him then mumbled, “Long story.”

  “She left in the tongue piercing.” Sabrina sighed happily. “I bugged her to take out the other rings in her face, though.” She rested her head against his warm chest, smiling blissfully at his rumbling laugh.

  “Mm,” he purred, kissing Q’s head. “I want to hear every detail of your lives while I was gone. But first…”

  He kissed each of them long and deep, reminding Sabrina exactly why things hadn’t been the same without him.

  Now she had her right and her left – and she was whole again.

  “We’re going to make this work.” She sat up and wrapped her arms around him, just below the shoulder. Then she laid her cheek on his shirt sleeve and said softly, but with determination, “We will. Or I’ll send my ghost after you.”

  Epilogue

  3 months later

  Q officially loved February. Not that she liked winter – snow was the mortal enemy of a woman who was perpetually cold. But this one was the best. It ha
d proven so cold that none of them strayed far from home unless they had to. Instead of dragging Q out skating and skiing, they spent time goofing around in bed – not just having mind-blowing sex, but cuddling, talking, and watching old movies. There was nothing worse than company showing up, because everyone had to get decent. However, their landlord, Fredrick, had told Jude that he was welcome to keep the girls as naked as he liked when he was over to collect the rent. Jude had yet to take him up on the offer.

  They’d been lucky to get the house back. Fredrick had managed to rent it out to a young couple the week Jude had moved out, but their friendly neighborhood ghost had shown up one night. The couple had not only moved out, they’d demanded all of their money back.

  By the time Jude had asked to rent it again, Fred was just happy to have it taken off of his hands. He’d set up a rent-to-own agreement with Jude then added Sabrina and Q when they’d moved in at the end of December. With recommendations from Fredrick, Jude had started a small home renovation company, and had a few contracts already. Between the three of them, they were doing well for themselves.

  The worst, though, was waiting for him to get home from work. He’d been at their disposal over the summer, and they weren’t used to sharing him with a j-o-b. Juggling schedules around the three of them working full-time was tricky, but they were getting the hang of it.

  In bed, they waited for him with a monster movie cued up and a bowl of popcorn at the ready. For now they were snuggling. Q was having trouble warming up – grocery shopping in the slush today had been the worst. Her only hope was that cuddling under the duvet with her best girl might thaw her out before spring.

  They’d showered together when they’d gotten home, and had played a little, but they were under orders that things weren’t to get too involved in Jude’s absence. He’d also ordered them to dress in matching lingerie. Since it was freezing in the old, still mostly empty house, she was hoping he meant the matching flannel PJ bottoms they’d gotten from him for Christmas. She’d bossed Sabrina into going along with the idea. If she was wrong, they’d be in for it when Jude got home.