There was a pause in her story now and she looked directly at him before continuing. “I think that’s when Jackson realized I wasn’t a little girl anymore because I’ll never forget the look on his face when I jumped into his arms, and how he held me just a little tighter than he had ever done before.”
Drew shifted in his seat uncomfortably and broke eye contact with her. He really did want to know her story, but hearing about how another man felt about her, and how much she felt for another man wasn’t easy to swallow. As if she could read his mind, she reached out and put her hand over his on the table.
“I’m sorry Drew. I know hearing this can’t be easy for you.”
He turned his hand so that their palms met, and he wrapped his fingers gently around her hand, noticing how small it felt. He shrugged and frowned slightly.
“I did ask.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No, I’d like you to keep going if you don’t mind.”
She nodded her head and then began to speak again.
“The boys stayed home for three weeks. Jackson and I spent almost every moment of that time together. We fell madly in love with each other. When Danny and Jackson had to leave, I almost didn’t know if I could bear it. I had no idea when he would be able to come home again. We wrote each other a lot, and he would call when he could. He managed to come home for two short leaves over the next year. On the last leave, he asked me to marry him. I was only nineteen years old. But I knew. I had known since I was fifteen that I was going to marry him. It took two more years, but we were finally married. He was home on leave and we only had five days together so we went to a justice of the peace and stood under the most beautiful summer sky and got married.”
Drew released the hold he had on Hannah’s hand and brought it to his lap, wiping his palm on his jeans. Hearing her talk about being so profoundly in love with someone else, and then holding her hand while doing it just felt wrong. Her hand remained on the table, but it clenched into a tiny little fist before she pulled it back in front of her.
Her voice came out soft as a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head, “no, don’t apologize. Please, keep going.”
Drew watched Hannah’s chest rise as she inhaled deeply and then let out a long sigh.
“After he left this time, he was gone for almost a year. I had moved into a little apartment, and tried making it into a home for us. I was so young. And I was so lonely. I didn’t hear from him very often, so it was hard. He finally got leave, and was able to come home and stay with me for a whole month. It was so perfect. It was what I thought our life was supposed to be like. When he had to go back again, I didn’t know if I was going to be able to live without him again. But then, about six weeks after he left, I found out I was pregnant.”
Drew watched as Hannah looked down and placed a hand over her stomach as she remembered.
“I hated that I had to tell him in an email, but when he found out, he couldn’t have been more excited. And when I found out it was a girl, he actually cried. He came home two days before I had Grace. He was home for two weeks. He promised me that after that tour he would come home for good so we could be together as a family.
Grace was ten months old the next time he came home. And he only came home because he lost several men in his unit and wanted to be here for their funerals. He was so angry. I almost didn’t recognize him. His Humvee struck an IED, and two of the men in his unit died and another almost died. He didn’t understand how he could have come out of the accident with barely a scratch when his friends had died.”
He watched as tears rolled down her cheeks and could feel the pain that she was going through just telling this story. He couldn’t imagine what she must have went through when she was actually living it.
“He spent nearly every day at the hospital with his friend. I barely saw him. When I did, he wouldn’t look me in the eye. I knew. Before he even told me, I knew he was going to go back. When I finally confronted him, he told me he had to go back to honor those he had lost. He couldn’t stay here. He said he had to make things right. It was as if Grace and I didn’t exist for him anymore. I begged and pleaded with him not to go. Tried to tell him that God had given him another chance, and it was so he could be here with us. Even my brother, who was home now, tried to reason with him. But it didn’t matter. He couldn’t see beyond his grief.”
Drew wasn’t sure how much more he could stand to see her in pain. It was obvious that this wasn’t an easy story for her to tell, and he was starting to feel selfish in asking her to continue.
“Hannah, stop.” He took her hands between his and held them. “It’s enough.”
As tears continued to fall down her cheeks, she responded, “No, just let me finish. I want you to know. To understand.”
He brought her hands to his lips and kissed the tips of them before letting go. Then he reached for one of the napkins on the table and handed it to her. She took it gratefully and wiped her cheeks and nose.
“He went back. He left us. And three months later he was dead. I’m still not sure exactly what happened. No one really ever wants to tell us at home the whole truth. His commanding officer said he was on a patrol in a small town performing a reconnaissance detail and met with resistance and was shot and killed. All I know is that I never got to see him again because I was advised to have a closed casket funeral.”
Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks, even though her voice remained steady. Drew couldn’t stand it any longer and pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her as she furrowed into his shoulder. He stroked her hair softly and placed small kisses on her forehead.
“I’m so, so sorry Hannah.”
After ten minutes of sitting on Drew’s lap, Hannah started to feel stupid. Stupid for crying. Stupid for wanting his comfort. Stupid for being weak. She had worked too hard to get to a good place. She pushed herself up and off Drew’s lap and moved back to the chair she had been sitting in only to be met with a look of confusion.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have….” She wasn’t sure how to finish her sentence but it didn’t matter because Drew cut in.
“You shouldn’t have what? Leaned on me? Let me hold you, comfort you? You just told me about losing your husband. I think it’s okay if you needed a little support.”
Hannah looked down at her hands that she was wringing nervously in her lap before responding.
“There’s more though. And this is the part that I’m not proud of.” She looked up then because she wanted to see how Drew responded. His face remained neutral though, not giving away anything he may have been feeling.
“Hannah, you’ve told me enough. I don’t need to know anymore. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through. That loss and trying to raise a little girl by yourself.”
“But I want you to know Drew. As much as I’m ashamed and afraid to tell you, I want you to know it all. Then maybe I can make you understand why I can’t be with you.”
She watched as his expression hardened.
“Yes, then tell me. Because I don’t understand why you can’t be with me if you aren’t married anymore.”
Hannah shook her head sadly as she spoke softly, “I’m still married Drew. Don’t you see? I didn’t get a divorce. I didn’t leave Jackson. We never said goodbye.”
Before he could protest further, Hannah continued talking.
“After the funeral, which I barely remember, I didn’t know what to do or how to cope. I felt so angry, and so empty. I couldn’t believe I would never get to talk to Jackson again. Or that Grace would never get to know how wonderful her father was. My brother came and stayed in our little apartment with us. He tried so hard to help. But I couldn’t look at him. Or even look at Grace without only seeing Jackson. So, I disappeared. I just didn’t come home one day. I went to a bar and started drinking. And I kept drinking for the next two months. And going home with anyone who would have me, as long as it meant I didn’t have
to go to my home. And doing drugs. Anything that would keep me in a state of permanent haze so I wouldn’t have to feel. I was walking a tightrope and barely hanging on. But the thing was, at the time, I didn’t care. If I had fallen, I wouldn’t have cared one little bit.”
She was afraid to look up at Drew for fear of the disgust she might see on his face, so she just kept going.
“After about three months of this, my friend Tammy found me, dragged me kicking and screaming out of a bar, and straight into a mental health center. I wanted to kill her. But of course, she did the right thing. And after another month of getting sober, and dealing with my anger and my loss, I went home. And I promised myself that from that point on, everything I ever did would be for me and Grace. I will never let myself be vulnerable like that again. Ever.”
She timidly raised her eyes up to meet his, hoping she would finally see understanding in them, but instead was met with an expression of disdain and his head shaking back and forth.
“No.”
“No? What do you mean no?”
“I’m sorry your husband died, and I’m even sorrier that you had to go through so much pain because of it, but I’m not going to let you push me away because you’re afraid to get hurt again. That’s not living.”
“But I am living. I’m living a life that I chose for myself. It’s safe. Grace is happy. I’m happy.”
She watched as he stood up then and walked over to one of the full length windows, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jeans before close his eyes and lifting his face into the sun.
“Hannah, come here and stand next to me.”
Because she wasn’t sure what else to do, she did as he asked and rose from the chair and went and stood next to him. He glanced over at her, one eye barely peeking open, before turning his face back towards the window.
“Close your eyes.”
She did as he asked, somehow never being able to deny his requests. After a moment he spoke again.
“Do you feel it Hannah?”
“Feel what?”
“The sun. The heat. Do you feel it?”
She could feel the warmth radiating through the window and onto her skin, her closed lids bright, her body feeling relaxed.
“Umm, yes. I can feel it.” She nodded slightly as she responded, even though she knew Drew’s eyes were probably still closed as well.
“Keep your eyes closed.”
She heard Drew’s footsteps walk away from her and then the soft electric sound of a motor. The light behind her eye lids grew darker and the warmth from the sun left her skin and she realized the window shades were closing.
“Drew?”
His voice was suddenly behind her, talking quietly into her ear.
“Don’t open your eyes yet. Just tell me what you feel now.”
“Cooler. Darker.” She could feel the soft breaths leaving his lips as it tickled against the back of her ear, causing goose bumps to break out along her skin.
“Is it better?”
“Better than what?”
“Than the sun and light you felt?”
She opened her eyes then and spun around only to come face to face with Drew. Instead of stepping back though, he leaned down and grasped each one of her arms gently.
“To me, you are the sun and the light. You brought warmth into my life again. Wouldn’t you rather feel that? No matter how scared you are?”
She bit her lower lip nervously, and with a shaky breath responded. “I’m scared. So scared Drew. Sometimes being in the shadows is just easier. I can’t go through that kind of pain again and I think… I think being with you could break me.”
He leaned in then and ever so tenderly, kissed her. As his lips met hers, she sighed, and felt herself returning his kiss. Gently at first, but then reaching her hand up and around his neck, while the other bunched the fabric of his t-shirt where it fell on his chest. His hands had left her arms and were now wound in her hair as he held fast to her. She parted her lips and darted her tongue out to swipe it against his mouth which opened in response. As their kiss intensified, she felt herself grow warm once again and moaned from the pleasure of it.
Drew broke the kiss, but continued to hold her in his hands while looking down into her eyes. “Let me show you the light again Hannah. I know you’re afraid, but I promise you, we can go as slow as you want. And I promise you, I’ll never hurt you.”
Surprising even herself, she looked back up at Drew and said, “okay.”
Chapter Four
“Okay?” Drew couldn’t believe his ears. She was agreeing to see him again.
She nodded shyly. “Yes, okay. I’m terrified, but I’m more terrified of not feeling the way I do again when I’m with you.”
Instead of speaking, Drew pulled her back to his lips and kissed her with more passion than she could ever remember feeling before. His hands stayed tangled in her hair, but he gently turned her, and using his body, pushed her until she felt her back hit the shades covering the window. His body was now flush with hers and she could feel his hard length pressing into her. Her hands moved to wrap around his neck and shoulders while she lifted one leg up to hook it around his waist, trying to fuse herself to him. In reaction, he slid his hands out of her hair and moved them down under her bottom, lifting her up, her other leg also finding it’s way around his waist.
He pushed himself into her core and a low moan left her lips as her head fell back against the window. Drew took advantage of her exposed neck and moved his lips in a slow trail down to her bare shoulder, his hand reaching up to pull her shirt down further, his lips skimming down to the top of her breasts. He could see her hardened peaks beneath her shirt and wanted nothing more than to pull one into his mouth and suck.
Grabbing her firmly around the waist, he spun around and started walking towards the living room. “Hold on Hannah.”
He felt her grip around his neck tighten before he lowered himself into a seated position on the couch, her legs adjusting so that she was now straddling him. They looked at each other for only a moment before their lips crashed together once again. Their tongues danced together in a swirl of insatiable desire. Drew grabbed a handful of her hair, pulling her head back to expose her neck again. Hannah’s mouth formed an ‘O’ in surprise, but then moaned in approval when he ran his tongue up her neck to her lips again, nipping and pulling the bottom one gently.
Keeping her hair fisted in one hand, he used the other to pull her shirt down below her breast, looking up at her in surprise when he saw she had no bra on.
“Well, aren’t you a wicked little minx?” He grinned wantonly, not waiting for her to respond before bringing his mouth down and around her nipple. He ran his tongue around and then over the hardened tip before covering it completely and sucking hard. Hannah rose up slightly on her knees, grasping onto his head and pulling his mouth tighter to her while sliding her core up and down against his hard cock.
Drew let go of Hannah’s nipple with a small pop and hissed out a low, “fuck…. Hannah, you’re killing me here.”
“But what a way to go, right?” She drawled out continuing to rub up and down his shaft, but took hold of her shirt and pulled it over her head. Drew’s eyes lit up in delight as she then moved her hands to the hem of his shirt and peeled it off him.
“I want to feel you against me.” She whispered and then moved forward, wrapping her arms around him to bring her body flush with his.
Drew’s face was buried in Hannah’s hair and he inhaled deeply, savoring the floral smell he had remembered so well.
“Oh how I missed this smell. Your touch.” He reached up and stroked her hair and then brought his lips back to hers in a scorching kiss.
Drew rose up off the couch just enough to turn and lower Hannah’s back to the couch, making sure to never break contact with her skin. He surged his hips harder into her center, his cock throbbing through the material of his jeans. He wanted to be inside her now. He pulled back from her, eliciting a moan of prote
st from Hannah, but when he began to unbutton her jeans, she understood and reached to do the same to his.
“BZZZZZZZ. BZZZZZZZ.” A deep vibration came from under Hannah and they both stopped what they were doing.
“My phone.” Hannah replied, placing one hand on Drew’s chest to push him back gently so she could reach into her back pocket and retrieve it.
Drew moved to sit back on his hind legs as he watched her look at her screen and then her brows furrow in question before she answered.
“Hey Tammy. What’s up?”
The expression on her face went from mild curiosity to alarm, her head bobbing up and down as she spoke.
“Okay.” Silence for a moment.
“But is she okay?” Panic on the edge of her voice now.
“Alright, alright. I’m downtown so I’ll get there as fast as I can.”
Hannah hung up, then reached for her shirt, pulling it quickly over her head before standing up.
“I have to go. Grace fell off the monkey bards at the playground and cut her head open. Can you have George call me a cab?”
Drew stood up, pulling his shirt back on again as well.
“Hannah, don’t be silly. I’ll drive you. Let me just get some shoes on.”
Hannah was pulling her jacket on now and pacing at the same time.
“Okay, but hurry Drew. She’s hurt.” A small cry of worry escaped before she clamped her hand over her mouth to quiet herself.
Drew walked over and pulled her into his arms. “Hannah, it’s going to be okay. Kids fall all the time.”
She pushed herself out of his arms in frustration.
“How would you know Drew? Do you have kids? Were you the one sitting here about to fuck someone when your child was bleeding on a playground somewhere? This. This is why I can’t do this again.”
The Final Bid (The Auction Series Book Two) Page 4
