by Anna Brooks
“I know,” I whisper.
He holds me a little tighter, and I nestle my head on his shoulder. My jaw drops open at the view he’s carried me to. The entire city is nonexistent, no cars or buildings, only crystal clear blue water, rocks, and trees are before us.
“How did you find this?”
He hit the jackpot bringing me here. By the smirk on his face, he knows it.
“This,” he sets me on the edge of a cliff, “found me.”
Sitting down, he extends his hand for me to do the same. Before my butt hits the grass, he pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me. Words aren’t spoken because they’re not needed. A silent tear runs down my face when I realize this is it. This is my one chance at happy, and it’s going to be over way too soon.
I look up at him, and he silently wipes my tear. His hand stays on my face while he leans down and caresses my lips with his own.
***
Every day for the next three weeks, I spend as much time with Travis as I can. We go for walks on the beach, out to eat, the movies, and spend time together at his apartment. We talk about everything and anything. He makes me laugh so hard I cry. Makes me think about things in ways I never have before. I’ve never felt as close to another person in my life, not even Caroline.
He tells me he’s going to get fat since he hasn’t been to the gym, and I’ve been lying to my parents telling them I’m with friends. I’ve become something I hate, a liar. I know my dad won’t approve of Travis. Mom won’t either, but Dad’s the bigger obstacle.
We really haven’t done more than heavy make out sessions since that night on his couch. I’m fine with that because he’s always finding ways to touch me, and that’s all I need. He’ll wrap one of his fingers around mine, brush hair away from my face, or have a hand in my jeans pocket. Being near him is enough for me.
We’re lying on the couch watching Backdraft because it was his turn to pick. I made him sit through some pretty bad girlie movies, and he was a trooper, never once complaining.
“What are you going to school for?” Shit. Shit. This would be the time to tell him the truth. I feel like there’s an angel and a devil on my shoulder right now. I turn my head to look at him and get all the answer I need in his eyes. They look back at me with the same longing I feel for him. We have a connection, and I don’t want to cut that any shorter than it’s already going to be. I only have another two weeks here, and I want to make the best of it. I’m almost eighteen… well in another ten months I will be. Ultimately, the devil wins out.
“General studies.” There, that wasn’t necessarily a lie.
“Yeah? That’s cool. What year are you?” He laughs. “I feel like I should already know this.”
Clearing my throat I answer, “I’m going to be a senior.”
***
I must have fallen asleep because I feel myself being lifted. I open my eyes to Travis’ handsome face and run my hands along his jaw. He hasn’t shaved today, so there’s a bit of stubble on it.
“What are you doing?” I whisper.
“You’re tired, I don’t want you driving home. You can stay with me tonight.”
“’Kay.” Curfew doesn’t matter right now, but being with him does. He lays me down in his bed and stands over me for a minute, studying me. I feel self-conscious until he slowly moves so he’s lying on top of me. His forearms are supporting most of his weight, and his rough hands frame my face.
“You’re so goddamned beautiful.”
He spends the night showing me just how beautiful he thinks I am. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect first time. He’s gentle, doesn’t rush, and he’s not selfish… at all.
After lying in his arms for a couple hours after, I sit up to leave. I wish I could stay here with him, but I can’t. I’m already running late, and as much as I loved what happened, I think I made a mistake by lying to him. When he finds out, he’s going to hate me.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks through a yawn.
“Home.” I smile and kiss his chest.
“Can’t you stay with me until you leave? You only have another couple weeks, right?”
“Yeah, but I can’t. I wish I could, but my parents…” I trail off.
He shoots up in bed and grabs my arms. “I don’t give a fuck about your parents. You’re a grown-ass woman, not a teenager.”
Tears well in my eyes, not because I’m scared of him, but because I’m lying to him. He immediately lets me go, and I quickly wipe away the tears before they fall.
“Shit. Sorry. I just. Fuck.” He gets up and throws on a pair of boxers, pacing the room. “I don’t want you to leave tonight. Or ever.”
6
Travis
After walking Charlotte to her car last night, I couldn’t fucking sleep. That girl makes me feel things, intense things I never thought I’d feel again. One month. I’ve known her for one month, and I feel… shit, I don’t know what I feel. Love? Maybe. Hell if I know the name for it. All I know is I don’t want it to ever stop.
And last night? Last night was un-fucking-believable. I knew she was inexperienced, but I had no idea she was a virgin. How the hell sex on legs like her wasn’t taken advantage of by some college douchebag is beyond me. The fact that I’m the only guy who’s ever been in there makes me hold my head a little higher.
With her, I can finally move on from all the shit that happened with Tammy. My mom thinks talking to a shrink is the best way to heal, but it’s not. The best medicine comes in the form of a five-foot-five, blond-haired, blue-eyed angel.
I walk into the gym and spot Pierce right away, pounding the bag with such force I’m afraid the thing is gonna fall out of the ceiling, all with a smile on his face.
“Hey, man,” I shout. He responds by lifting his head at me, not slowing down the speed of his blows.
I head over to the treadmill and run a few miles before he shows up next to me. “What’s with the face, my man?”
“Huh?”
“Your face, you’re smiling. That’s not normal,” he grins.
I laugh and contemplate how much I should tell him. I mean, I'm sure he’s going to find out eventually. I slow my strides until the machine stops. “Yeah, well. I actually have a reason to smile, so.” I shrug my shoulders and hop off the treadmill.
“And the reason is?”
“I know she’s leaving in a couple weeks, but fuck, man. I’ve never wanted to be around someone so much. The past month has been the best of my goddamned life. We haven’t talked about the future, but she only has another year left of college-”
“Who the fuck are you talking about?”
“Charlotte.” I smile thinking about her.
“Hold up. My cousin Charlotte? You’ve been seeing her?” he seethes at me.
“Yeah, man, but I swear, it ain’t just a hook-” I’m cut off when he punches me in the gut three times so fast I didn’t even see it coming.
“The fuck, man? Jesus. I know she’s your cousin, but shit.” I cough and sit down on the free weight bench.
“What the fuck are you thinking, you asshole?”
“Her. I’m thinking about her, that’s it, I swear. She’s different.”
He doesn’t know my history with Tammy, but he’s seen me lose my shit on more than one occasion. The incident with Johnny being the last. I also got in a fight at his family’s bar once… maybe twice. It’s easy to give into your anger when you don’t have anything to lose.
“If you're apprehensive about the fights you’ve seen me in at the bar, you really don’t need to worry. I got it in check; I’d never allow that shit to touch her.”
“No shit, you won’t, because she’s not even legally allowed to drink in the fucking bar!” he shouts at me, pulling his hair.
I flinch as if he hit me again. Not legal? “What?” I whisper.
“She’s seventeen, you sick fuck. Christ, Travis. What the hell do you expect me to do with this?”
“No.” I
shake my head in denial, but then it hits me. Never letting me pick her up, staying away from everyone else. I thought she just wanted to be alone with me, but now I find out it’s because she couldn’t be caught with me.
She lied to me. She fucking lied to me. All I ever asked from her was honesty, and she fucking lied.
“I didn’t know, man. I swear, I thought she was in college. She said she was going to be a senior.” Then it dawns on me. “Aw, fuck, a senior in high school. Are you fucking kidding me?”
I stomp over to the same punching bag Pierce left and pound the shit out of it. Jab, jab, cross. I can’t believe she lied to me. Cross, cross. I actually felt something for this girl, and she lied. Hook, jab, jab. Like Tammy. Jab, hook, hook. Lying by omission is still lying. Cross, hook, hook.
After my knuckles split open and blood drips down my hand, I hang my head in shame. I could go to fucking jail.
Pierce puts his hand on my shoulder. “You done?”
“Yeah.” He hands me a towel, and I wipe off some of the blood. “I swear, man, I didn’t know,” I choke.
I tell him how it happened, the first night on the beach, everything. He should know. I leave out the sexual details, obviously, but I tell him how easy she was to talk to, and I seriously think I’m falling in love with her. He tells me I have to end it. That’s it; cut and dry. Done. It sucks because I know he’s right.
I leave the gym and go home. My mind is a jumbled mess, and I enter my apartment on autopilot and take a shower. I think about how mad I am at her, but then I think about how good she feels in my arms and how being in the same room as her makes me feel whole again. I think about how I could go to jail for fucking her, but then I think about how good she feels wrapped around my dick.
I’m exhausted from staying up late with her last night, and my body aches from the beating I gave the punching bag. Plus, my stomach is killing me from Pierce’s fists. Before long, I fall asleep.
I wake to a soft knock hours later. My stomach turns, knowing I have to end it. All thoughts of being mad at her leave me as soon as I open the door and see her beautiful face.
“Hey.”
“Hey, Charlotte,” I say flatly. She flinches, and I open the door farther for her to walk in. “I gotta take a shower, I’ll be right out.”
I don’t need another shower; I have to get some space to think. Once I emerge from the bathroom, with no more answers than when I entered, I find her staring out the window. I startle her by wrapping my arms around her and resting my head on her shoulder.
“Why?” I stifle out.
“Why, what? I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. Did I do something wrong last night?” She sniffles, and her body tightens.
“No, sweetheart. Last night was perfect. It was the absolute best thing I’ve ever felt in my life,” I tell her honestly.
“I don’t understand. You never call me Charlotte.”
“You lied to me. This whole time, you’ve been fucking lying.” I say it quietly, but the anger in my voice is palpable.
She doesn’t answer but hangs her head as her shoulders start to shake. Her tears fall on my arm, and I have to walk away from her. I can’t stand to see her like this. I grab my keys and stop at the door. It’s my place, but I need to get away from her, and I don’t want to kick her out and have her driving this upset. She needs time to calm down.
“Look at me.” I’m almost afraid to see her face now. I know my resolve will break down the longer I prolong this, but I have one more thing to say to her. She slowly turns and wipes her tears.
“I feel something for you. Something fucking huge. But you’re seventeen, Charlotte. It’s so wrong. God, it’s wrong.” I shut my eyes and tilt my head up, willing the right words to come out. I gotta get it over with and leave. Make it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid. “I have to walk away.As much as I don’t want to, I have to let you go. I only wanted honesty, and you lied. I can’t be with a liar, not again.”
Since my eyes are still closed, I don’t see her move, but her body crushes against mine, and I instinctively reach down to wrap my arms around her. She climbs me like a tree and sobs in my arms. I have to talk myself down from crying right along with her. She’s fucking tearing me apart right now.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. But if you knew…”
“You’re right, if I knew last night would have never happened. Christ, Charlotte, if anyone finds out I could get arrested.”
“No. Nobody will find out,” she insists.
“Pierce already knows.”
“I’ll talk to him. Please don’t leave. I only have two more weeks then I have to go back to Texas anyway. Please stay with me.” She squeezes me harder, and I have to pry her away from me. Once her feet are back on the floor, I take a step closer to the door.
“No. I can’t.” Then I do the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and walk out of the door.
Charlotte
It’s been three months since he walked away from me. I try to pretend that it was for the best. I punish myself for being a liar; it’s my fault he hates me. I don’t deserve to be sad. I’ve decided the only way for me to get by is indifference. I fake a smile when needed, I engage in conversation, but I’m dying inside. I fell in love and lost him. I’m not sure what’s worse – loving and losing, or knowing that he’s ruined me from ever finding happiness. Nobody will ever compare to him.
It’s also been three days since my dad died from a heart attack.
I’m sitting at his burial site – alone, cold, empty. The funeral ended, and everyone but me left hours ago. My mom didn’t make it out of the house. She hasn’t gotten out of bed in three days. I picked out his casket, I found a plot, and I said goodbye. I haven’t even had time to cry. The realization hasn’t hit me yet, and I’ve been too busy to allow myself to feel anything. My family came to town yesterday, and even though they’re trying to help, there’s only one person I want right now. And since I drove him away, I’ll suffer in silence.
Leaves rustle behind me, and my skin prickles. I smell him before I feel the warmth of his body surround me. His legs cage me in, and his arms wrap around my shivering frame. My head falls forward, unable to stay upright with the heavy emotions weighing it down. He holds me tighter, but I fall apart. Everything I’ve been holding in rushes out. Earth shattering sobs overtake my body, and even though one of them is holding me, I cry for losing the only two men I’ll ever love.
This is the final goodbye. So, I’m going to hang on as long as I can. I turn around and wrap myself around him, bruising his skin with my grip. He rocks me gently, strokes my hair, and tells me everything will be okay.
The blue sky begins to turn grey, and I finally lift my head to see him. He’s so handsome, but his eyes don’t look the same. They’re not bright and promising as I remember, but rather blank and dismal. My lips parts to speak but words die on my tongue.
He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear and tilts his head. “Let’s get you home.” I nod and remain lifeless when he picks me up and sets me in the passenger seat of a rental car.
He pulls in my driveway, and I watch out of the corner of my eye as his hands tighten on the steering wheel. I can’t look at him because I don’t want to see pity or regret. His knuckles turn white before he shuts the car off and comes around to my side. When he opens the door, I robotically get out and walk to the back door. It’s not locked, so I turn the knob and walk in, Travis on my heels.
In my room, I take off my jacket and boots. I’m too exhausted to even care that Travis is watching me, so I pull my black dress over my head and throw it on the floor. I crawl in bed and close my eyes.
A few minutes later, the weight of the mattress shifts, and his warm arms surround me again.
He kisses my temple and his lips tickle my ear when he speaks. “I didn’t want it to be like this. I wanted to come see you but not like this. I’m so sorry about your dad, sweetheart.”
I nod in acknowledgement.
/>
“I can’t stay, but I want you to know I’m here.” He places his hand over my heart, and I swallow the lump in my throat from his words. “I’ll always be here. I was an ass the last time I saw you.”
I shake my head and try to sit up. He wasn’t an ass. He was mad, and I don’t blame him.
“Shhh.” He holds me and lays my head back down. “I didn’t mean what I said. I do want to be with you, but we have to wait. You’re going through a lot right now, and I don’t want to put any pressure on you.”
I stiffen. Is he saying he wants to be with me, even after I lied?
“What?”
“You let me know when you’re ready, sweetheart. I’ll be waiting.”
***
When I wake up in the morning, there’s no sign of him ever being here. I can faintly smell him on my sheets, but if I didn’t know better, I would think I imagined Travis holding me until I fell asleep.
The doorbell rings, so I grab my robe and shuffle downstairs. I open the door, and my cousin, Declan, is standing on the porch. He has a box of donuts and chocolate milk. He holds them up and gives a shake. I try to smile but fail miserably. I join him on the step and silently take a bite of the offered pastry.
“How are you holding up?” he asks, concerned. Declan does not show emotion. If you look up strong, silent type in the dictionary, his face would be plastered next to it. His job is to save lives, he can’t let emotion get in the way, and that carries over to his personal life.
“I’m okay,” I lie.
“Pierce wanted me to ask if your friend helped last night.”
I snap my head up. “What?”
“He said he called a friend of yours, and they would be able to help you. I know you wanted to be alone after the funeral, but you know we’re all here for you, right?”
I smile, probably the first real smile in three months. “Pierce sent him.”
Declan’s back stiffens. “Him?”
