by Anna Brooks
“Well, no. I thought since I had your…” I point at his penis, “in my mouth, you wouldn’t want to kiss me.”
“You thought wrong.”
I feel his tongue along the seam of my lips, and I greedily accept. He shifts positions and is now sitting on his heels .In this position, his mouth is level with my breasts, and he takes advantage of that by sucking on them.
His fingers trail down my back and run along the crease of my ass until they stop at my dripping wet entrance. I drop down when I feel his finger, penetrating me. My head falls onto his shoulder and my hands grip his biceps.
“Fuck, you’re wet. All this from sucking my dick?”
He slowly pushes the rest of his finger in, and I shake when he crooks it inside me. He repeats the gesture until I feel like I’m about to combust. This feeling is so foreign to me. Yeah, Todd could make me feel good, but there was no emotion involved. It was never this intense, this all-consuming. I’m connected to Travis, and the thought alone has tremors starting. The water is starting to cool, and my hips begin rocking frantically on his finger, but it’s not enough.
“More,” I whisper.
He complies and slams two fingers in as his thumb rubs circles on my clit. “Come on baby, ride my fingers, make yourself come.” His voice is low and seductive, make me explode.
My thighs shake, my toes curl, and I see stars. I slow my hips, and he pulls his fingers out then ever so slowly pushes one finger back in and out until the tremors stop.
“You okay?” His soft voice pulls me back to reality, and I look around. Both of us on our knees in the shower, neither one actually showered, and a smile forms on my lips.
“Yeah, I’m good.” And for the first time in a long time, I am… I’m good.
***
A continuous light tap wakes me from a very restful sleep, and Travis groans.
“Seriously?” he asks exasperated. Gently, he pulls his arm out from under my neck and gives me a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
Sitting up, I stretch, rested after the best night’s sleep I’ve had in years, and smile. His arms around me all night made me feel content and finally peaceful. I’m determined to put the past behind me. And after last night, I know I’m able to move on. I only have to figure out a way to never see his mom again– ever.
A scuffling sound draws my attention, and I hear the rumble of Travis’ voice but can’t make out any words. I quietly slip out of his bed and tiptoe down the hall. Travis is standing in his doorway, blocking whoever is on the other side. That’s when I see a hand reach up and smack his head. When he goes to rub it, she pushes her way in and almost walks past me. Dr. Reynolds literally skids to a stop and turns to look at me in the hallway. So much for my plan.
“Mom, I said no.” He slams the front door and comes to stand beside me. “When she’s ready, I’ll call you.”
“No, it’s fine, Travis. Really. I need to do this. Go shower and I’ll make breakfast,” I say.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
He kisses the top of my head and goes in the bathroom.
We both watch him walk away, and I avoid eye contact because I don’t know how to start this conversation.
“Charlotte, let me start first by saying that I would never, ever, betray your confidence.” The therapist side of her is comforting, almost nostalgic.
“I know. Come on, let’s sit.” Her reassurance gives me strength.
As soon as we’re in his living room, I plop in the chair, and she sits on the couch. We look at each other and laugh at the role reversal.
“I’m really sorry I ran out yesterday. It was just too much.”
“I know, I understand. You do realize that you can’t be my patient anymore, right? I have a couple friends that I would trust you to see; I’ll give you their names.”
Nodding in understanding, I answer, “Yeah, I know.” I play with the knots in my hair and snippets of last night flash through my mind. I smile and shake off the memory, getting back to Dr. Reynolds. I know Travis will rush through his shower, so I get right to the chase.
“Can we talk about the elephant in the room?”
“What do you think that is?”
“Do you think I’m good enough for Travis? Or does what I did make me someone not worthy of his love?”
She gasps and covers her mouth. “I… no. Never, Charlotte. I don’t judge you. If anything, I know you’re the kind of woman to help my son become a better man. I know how much you love him; it was written all over your face when you talked about him.”
She smiles then continues, “I was actually thinking during one of your sessions, when you were talking about that summer, that I wish my boys had a woman who cared about them as much as you did; the way your eyes lit up, how you didn’t even realize you were smiling at his memory. And look at that, my wish came true.”
I dab my eyes and give a shaky smile back. “What about Todd, what I let him do, wha–”
“No. Don’t you even blame yourself. I’ve told you before; it’s not your fault. I look at you no different, and I don’t want you to think less of yourself. Are we clear?”
“Oh no, she’s using ‘The Mom’ voice.” Travis sits down then pulls me on his lap. He moves the hair off my shoulder and asks, “You okay?”
I nod and lean back into him.
“Oh, hush. Are we clear, Charlotte?”
“Yes. We’re clear.”
“Good, now that that’s settled, I have things to do. You two have a good day.”
We all stand and walk to the door. She gives me a hug, and I hold on an extra couple seconds. I miss the feeling of belonging, and that’s exactly what she’s telling me, I belong.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Travis tells her when we finally pull apart.
I sit on his bed with my legs crossed, holding a picture frame. Inside is a photo of us. We were on the beach; Travis is standing behind me, arms around my waist. My arms are on top of his, as he tickles me. We’re both looking at the camera and laughing.
“I never took that down.” He startles me, and I fumble with the frame.
“Not even when you hooked up?” The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them. “I’m sorry, that was not okay.”
He smiles. “Nobody has ever been here but you.” He walks in his room and sits on his bed, leaning against the headboard. “It’s always been you. Even when it was wrong, I knew you were right.”
“Isn’t that a song?” I smile back.
“I don’t know.” He shrugs.
Silence fills the room, and I decide now is as good of a time as any.
“He was Mom’s doctor, almost double my age, and he came along right when I needed someone.” I stand and put the frame back on his dresser and run my finger along the groove in the hardwood. “It started out innocent enough. He’d call to check on her, then after a couple weeks, he showed up and brought me food.”
I laugh at the memory. “It was Indian food. I remember because I swore never to eat it again. That shit was nasty. Anyway, he was nice to me. For about a month, he came by a few times a week to check on Mom. Then it went down to once a week. Every Friday. The first time he kissed me, I pushed him away.”
“Fuck,” I hear Travis whisper.
“Not because he was forcing me, but because I felt like I was cheating on you. Even though we were never officially together, and I lied to you, I still felt like I belonged to you.”
“You do belong to me.”
I smile. “I know that now, but back then, I was stupid, naive, desperate; pick an adjective. The first time he tried, Mom was really sick, and I was so tired. I cried after I pushed him away because I was so confused. I told him all about you. I missed you, but the comfort he gave me confused the shit out of me. He…”
“What? He what?” Travis’ voice rises, and I can see by the lines around his eyes his temper is starting to flare up.
“He told me how there’s no
way I’d have a chance with you, and you’d already moved on because I was so far away. Long distance doesn’t work, and if you really wanted to have anything to do with me, you would have come to see me.”
“Fucking motherfucker.” Travis’ jaw clenches, but the words manage to come out.
“Please, let me finish.” I have to get this out now; I have to free myself of this. “I believed him, Travis. He was so convincing. So, one thing led to another, and the next thing I know, he was paying my bills and fucking me every Friday. I allowed him to do this, I allowed myself to be a whore, and I allowed him to do deplorable things to me.”
“Did he hurt you?” Anger still at the forefront, but there’s a softness to him when he asks.
“No. Not in the way you’re thinking. He was some type of wannabe Dom. He was also married and had a twelve-year-old daughter. His wife didn’t know about his fetish, and I was there to fulfil it.”
I remember seeing the picture of his wife and daughter on his desk when I was in his office for an appointment with my mom. His daughter looks just like him, curly blond hair, green eyes. “I know it’s disgusting. I don’t blame you if you want me to leave.”
19
Travis
“Excuse me?” I have to ask to make sure I heard her right.
“I said I don’t blame you if you want me to leave.”
Yup, I heard right. “After I tell you I fucking love you. Really, Charlotte?”
“It’s deplorable what I did!” She hangs her head in shame, and I get up from the bed.
I can’t believe we’re having this fucking conversation again. This girl is going to give me a heart attack.
First, she ran away and scared the shit out of me. Then she gave me the best blowjob of my life. I felt like I was going to pass out, it was that good. When she told me about that fucker, I was torn in two pieces. One part of me wanted to leave her to go find him and rip his fucking head off, and the other part wanted to stay and hold her.
I need her to know I’m here for her. Now she’s telling me it’s okay if I don’t want to be with her. She’s giving me an out. Fuck that.
“You done?” I ask with a little more malice than intended.
Her eyebrows scrunch together. Even though I’m pissed she doubts me, I can’t help but smile at her confused expression.
“Done with what?”
“Your pity party?”
Her lips part and I continue before she can spew some more bullshit out of her mouth. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through what you did. I do not blame you, I do not think you’re disgusting or a whore, and I do not pity you.”
Understanding flashes in her eyes, and some of the sparkle that I fell in love with is shining through. “If you want to talk about it with me, I’m fine with that. If you want to only talk to a therapist, that’s fine, too. Whatever you need to move on. I will not pretend you didn’t go through some fucked-up shit, though. I’m sure you’ll have some things that upset you, especially when we make love.”
I search her face and when her eyes connect with mine, I finish. “You have to tell me what you’re feeling without being scared I’m not gonna want you anymore. Because that’s never fucking happening.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head then turn and stop in the doorway. “I’ll be in the kitchen making breakfast.”
I’m standing with the fridge open and haven’t even gotten the eggs out when small arms wrap around my waist and Char’s head rests between my shoulder blades. She’s already here.
“Thank you.” Her voice is muffled from behind me, but the meaning is clear. Finally, fucking finally, we can move on. I reach behind me and give her ass a squeeze before returning to grab the stuff I need from the fridge. We work together making breakfast – this time it’s pancakes and sausage.
She plays on her phone, and I pretend to check my e-mails. I can’t stop thinking about what she told me. I’m hit with a thought that makes my stomach turn and the pancakes taste like cardboard.
Me joking around saying I’m going to punish her.
Her freezing up and bolting away.
That motherfucker punished her.
I don't want to ruin anything, so I’m not bringing it up, not yet. I squeeze my hands into fists and slowly open and close them under the table until I’ve calmed down. Fuck me. She looks up at me and some of her hair falls over her eyes. I reach over and put it behind her ear.
“I’m glad you have your natural color back.” I rub the soft strands between my fingers.
She gives me a soft smile and says thank you.
“What are your plans for today?” I ask.
“Nothing, really. I’m off until Wednesday then I work every night through Saturday.”
“Damn, I had someone stand by for me this morning, so I have to work until Thursday.” I was supposed to work this morning, but after what happened last night, one of my buddies offered to stay and cover for me until I could get there. I’m always at work, and cover for everyone as much as I can, so the guys can attend their kids functions. When I asked for a favor last night, they were not only shocked, but also happy to help me out.
“Shit, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you say anything? I don’t want you to get in trouble.” It’s cute that she’s worried about me getting in trouble, such a girl.
“It’s fine. I need to get there soon, and I have to stay until Thursday instead of Wednesday. Not a big deal.” I link my fingers together and put them behind my head, leaning back.
“I’m sorry.”
“Hey, stop. It’s fine. Don’t apologize. We got everything sorted out, right?” Please let her say yes. I really don’t want anything else holding us back.
“Yeah. We did.” Her cheeks redden, and I know she’s thinking about what happened in the shower last night. Yeah, that was hot. I can’t wait to do it again, but I know even though she’s putting on this act as if she’s okay, she still has reservations. I’ll give her time, no problem. She can have all the time she needs as long as she’s taking it with me.
***
“Hey, man.” I bump fists with Pierce standing outside The Pub.
After I got off work this morning, I really wanted to go see Charlotte, but I knew she was working tonight. She told me she was taking a nap this afternoon in one of the seventy plus texts we’ve exchanged over the past few days. I didn’t want her to miss out on sleep because of me, so I went to the gym and did some laundry.
Plus, my mom has been bugging me to meet her for dinner, so we did that tonight. We talked a lot. She didn’t tell me what was said between her and Char, but she did tell me that she’s really proud of how Charlotte has moved on and is taking her life back. I was worried what Mom would say about how we met, but she didn’t bring it up. I’m hoping it never is brought up… ever. She gave me her support, like always.
Now, it’s about nine, and my palms are sweaty thinking about seeing Char again. I’m not nervous, just anxious. It’s been three days since I’ve touched her, and I’m itching to get my hands on her again. When I can see her, especially when I can hold her, I feel better. She makes me a better person.
“Everything good?” Pierce asks.
“Yeah. Real good.”
“About damn time,” he laughs. “She know you’re coming?”
I shrug. “I told her I’d try to stop by.” I may be in love with the girl, and I’d do anything for her, but I don’t want to seem like too much of a bitch. I’m sure she knows I wouldn’t miss seeing her on my only night off this week. I go back tomorrow morning and don’t get off until Monday.
“So, she knows you’re coming. Better get in there.” He nods toward the door, and I clap him on the back when I walk past him.
“Later, Pierce.”
When I get inside, my eyes fly straight to Charlotte. She hasn’t seen me yet, so I lean against the wall and watch as she serves a few guys in suits a pitcher of beer. They talk for a minute, and she laughs after listening to one of them whose hands a
re flying all over the place. He grabs her wrist, and I push off the wall, but a strong hand on my shoulder stops my movement.
“You gotta let her handle it,” Pierce says next to me.
“Fuck that.” I ball my fists.
His grip tightens.
“Watch. These guys are regulars, they’re not bad.”
And sure enough, she pats his hand, and he lets go. But I see it. I can see from here her eyes are filled with fear. Pierce is right. He didn’t grab her in a rough way. More of a hey, isn’t that funny sort of way. But, still, he touched her.
She goes over to Meara and says something before walking out and down the hallway that leads to the alley.
“That’s all you, man.” Pierce lets go and gives me a little push. No shit, like I need him to tell me to go after her.
Not intentionally, I sneak up on her. She’s got the back door propped open, and her arms are across her chest.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
She jumps and swings around, eyes wide with fear, softening when she recognizes me. “Holy crap, you scared me.”
“What’s going on?”
“Oh, I’m taking a break.” Her words are shaky, and I take the few steps until I reach her. Wrapping my arms around her, I pull her close.
“I missed you,” I say against her lips before kissing them softly.
At my words, her body relaxes, and she kisses me back, gentle, sweet. Just like her.
I pull her back and make her look at me. “Now, really, why are you back here? I saw that guy grab you.”
“Oh.” She avoids my eyes, and I can tell she’s fighting something.
“Yeah, and I know it bothered you and that’s why you’re out here. What I don’t know is why.”
She walks further outside and sits on a stack of pallets. Her feet dangle, and she watches them swing back and forth. “He would restrain me.”
Fuck. I don’t move, but let her finish. My hands remain in my back pockets as I lean against the door. My stance says casual, but I’m fucking furious right now.
