by Penny Dee
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be.” I gently brushed her hair from her face as my heart slowly began to break apart in my chest. “We’ll see the doctor and take it from there, okay?”
She nodded and I felt her relax a little. But I needed to get out of there. I needed to process what the fuck this all meant.
“Put your feet up. I’ll go get us pizza for dinner.”
Trying not to look as rocked as I felt, I grabbed my car keys off the coffee table. I bent down and gave her a kiss goodbye and left.
I didn’t want her to see the chaos taking place inside me.
My girl might be pregnant to another man and my baby might not exist.
And I was devastated as fuck.
HONEY
“Explain the situation to me,” Doctor Perry asked.
Caleb and I sat across the desk from my doctor, the one who’d confirmed my pregnancy only six months ago. I’d just confessed to him that I wasn’t sure if Caleb was the father or not.
“I caught my boyfriend of two years with another woman. We broke up and I met Caleb a few days later and we spent the night together.” My cheeks began to burn. “We used condoms but I thought one of them might have been faulty because he was the only person I’d had sex with following my period two weeks earlier. Turns out I was wrong.”
“How so?” Doctor Perry asked.
“Apparently there’d been an incident a few nights earlier with my boyfriend.” My face grew even hotter. “And we didn’t use a condom. Well, I assume we didn’t because we didn’t usually. I can’t remember because I’d taken a sedative following a minor car accident.”
Doctor Perry nodded. “I see.”
“So we’d like to do a paternity test,” Caleb said. I glanced at him. His body was rigid. His easy-going nature gone. “We’re wondering what our options are.”
“Of course.”
“So what are the chances that this is my baby, Doc?” Caleb asked.
Dr. Perry looked at him over his glasses. “You used a condom. The other guy didn’t.” His hands parted and then closed together in front of him on the desk. He didn’t need to spell it out for us. His silence and the hand gesture spoke volumes. I tried to swallow, but the cold lump in my throat made it impossible.
“So how long will it take?” Caleb asked, his jaw clenching as he shifted in his chair.
“We usually have results back in three weeks.”
“Three weeks!” I gasped.
Three weeks.
It was going to be three weeks of hell.
Three weeks of hell to find out it was Charlie’s baby.
Because I knew it was.
Even the doctor had suggested that the odds were in his favor.
The look on Caleb’s face almost broke me. It was rigid, his eyes hard. I watched his throat work as he swallowed deeply. He was trying to hide his feelings, but I could see this was hurting him.
You’ve done this to him.
When he caught me looking, he tried to give me a close-lipped smile but failed. Instead, he just looked remorseful. Disappointed. Hurt. And guilt crashed through me.
“So, if you’re both happy to proceed, we can take some blood from you today,” Doctor Perry said looking at me. He turned to Caleb. “And I’ll get a cheek swab from you. Then we’ll get it sent off this afternoon.”
Caleb and I both nodded.
Within minutes a nurse appeared to take my blood and a swab from Caleb. I watched on, stony-faced as she drew blood from my arm and it was then I realized with absolute clarity that this was going to be a complete waste of time.
This was Charlie’s baby. And we all knew it.
I felt like crying.
I’d put Caleb through all of this for nothing.
When the nurse took a swab from Caleb’s cheek, our eyes met over her shoulder and I could see the hardness in them. I looked away, knowing this was the beginning of the end for us.
During the car ride home, I wrestled with my emotions.
While listening to him try to console me and tell me it didn’t matter either way if this was his baby or Charlie’s, I knew there was only one way to handle the situation.
Three weeks was a long time.
Finally, while making dinner, I made peace with my decision.
And when I woke up the next morning, I told him I needed some space.
HONEY
“Don’t do this,” he said, his face stiff.
But I’d made up my mind, and no amount of talking was going to change it. This bullshit stopped now. I wasn’t going to put him through a minute more of this craziness. Let alone another three weeks. We needed to put some space between us.
“There is no other way.”
“You’re breaking up with me because you’re scared.”
“I’m not breaking up with you. I’m just asking for some space.”
He ran a frustrated hand threw his hair. “That’s breaking up with me, and you know it.”
“Even if I was, I’m pregnant with Charlie’s baby, and one day you are going to be pleased I let you off the hook.”
“I’ve never looked at our situation like that.” He came toward me and gently placed his hands on my arms. “I want to be with you.”
My heart ached.
I want to be with you, too.
But I was done being selfish.
“You were only with me because of the baby.”
“How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true. All of this is because you thought I was having your baby. How long before the resentment unfurls and you can’t stand the sight of me?”
He turned away.
“Please,” I begged. “I need you to go.”
He turned back to me, and with a terrible achy heart, I realized he had tears in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling so they wouldn’t fall. I’d never seen him cry. Never seen that amount of emotion or raw pain in his eyes. And it was with a heartbreaking realization that it was all because of me.
“I don’t want this,” he said, his broad chest expanding with the deep breath he took. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“It has to be this way, Caleb. Because I’ve seen what this does. It breeds resentment and breaks people apart.” It hurt to look at him because he looked so wounded. “I care about you too much to let that happen to you.”
“It won’t—”
“I need you to go!” I exclaimed. And the emotion behind my words stopped him. He stared at me. Angry. He dragged his teeth across his bottom lip. I took a breath to calm my wildly beating heart. “Please . . . I just need some space to catch a breath.”
When he stepped forward his face was set, his jaw hard, his eyes dark. “Fine. I’ll give you your space. I’ll give you what you want. But only because you’re pregnant and I’m not about to make this hurt anymore than what you’ve already went through. I’ll go but it’s not because I want to. It’s because you’re telling me it’s what you want because you’re afraid I can’t love another man’s child.”
He picked up his cut and threw it on.
“But you’re wrong, Honey.” His voice was cold. His anger sharp and hard on his face. “So very fucking wrong.”
With a slam of the door he was gone, and my heart broke in my chest. I didn’t move. Not a muscle. I stood dazed and confused, listening to the rumble of his Harley as he fired it up, and then the roar of it as it took him away from me and disappeared into the afternoon.
I sat on the bed, my world suddenly empty. I burst into tears and cried hard, the heartache spilling out of me with every sob. I was in love with him. But this being Charlie’s baby changed everything.
Finally, my body stilled and I slowly relaxed until sleep pulled me into a hazy and unexpected slumber where I dreamed about a baby with bright blue eyes and a head of dark hair. Then my mom was there holding the baby, and its eyes turned dark brown and his sweet features morphed into Charlie. My mom started to laugh. See, Honey. Doesn�
��t Charlie’s daughter look just like him?
I woke up with a start and sat upright on my bed, struggling to catch my breath. My heart pounded against my chest while my head swirled with the murkiness of sleep. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. As the prickly disorientation of sleep faded away I was able to breathe again. Outside, the sun was working its way toward the horizon, throwing shades of red, pink, and gold across the sky.
I missed Caleb already.
I glanced at the floor and a glint of silver caught my eye. I leaned forward. It was Caleb’s St. Christopher necklace.
I picked it up and studied it, the pad of my thumb rubbing over the tarnished, dented metal. The clasp was broken and I wondered if Caleb had noticed. This meant everything to him. He would hate being away from it. There wasn’t a lot he held sentimental to his heart, but this was something he did.
Because family was everything to him.
I started to cry again and held his necklace to my chest.
He hated me.
But it was better this way.
Better to break his heart now instead of dragging it out over the years when he realized that being with me was a mistake.
CALEB
I drank the fifth of bourbon, cranked Led Zeppelin, and lost myself in my art.
When the music stopped, I looked up to see Pandora standing in the doorway. She looked incredible. Red lips. Blonde hair. Thigh-high boots. And if I thought her dresses were tight in the past, this one was damn well painted on.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
I was slurring like fuck.
“I saw the light on. Saw your bike parked outside. Are you okay?”
It was hard to focus on her. “Sure.”
Her gaze dropped to the empty bottle tipped over on its side on my desk. “You want to talk about it?”
“No.” I looked down at my sketchpad and was taken back by what I saw. Honey looked back at me from the paper. Without realizing it, I’d drawn her with precise detail. “There’s nothing to talk about,” I said, not lifting my eyes from the beautiful face on the sketchpad.
Pandora moved to stand next to me and put her hand on my shoulder as she looked at the drawing.
“She doesn’t love you, you know,” she said.
“What are you talking about?” I asked broodily. My head was murky with too much liquor.
“I’ve been watching this disaster unfold for months. Watching how she tortures you. Watching how she raises you to crazy heights only to kick you behind the knees and drop you to the floor with her craziness.”
“She’s not crazy. The situation is.”
Pandora’s hand slid from my shoulder to the back of my neck. Then the other one joined in and she started to massage both my shoulders.
“She doesn’t get this lifestyle. I’ve seen the look on her face. She’s as out of place as a salmon at a grizzly bear tea party.” Her fingers swept up and down my shoulders and across the nape of my neck. And even though I was hammered, I realized what she was doing was more like a caress than a massage.
I stood up to put some distance between us, but I was more drunk than I thought and dropped down onto the chair in front of my computer.
“Whoa,” I moaned as the world spun and my vision blurred.
Before I could stop her, Pandora hoisted up her already short dress and climbed onto my lap.
“What are you doing?” I mumbled.
She straddled my hips and blanketed her body against me as she leaned forward. “Let me be with you,” she whispered against my lips. “Let me love you.”
When she tried to kiss me, I turned my head away from her mouth but she gripped my chin with vise-like strength and sharply turned my head back to face her. She kissed me hard, her lips devouring mine, her tongue thrusting into my mouth with ferocious desire.
I pulled away. “I don’t want to do this,” I slurred. Christ, when I opened my eyes there were two of her. But when I closed them I felt a wave of vertigo pull me backwards.
“We can be together,” she said, gasping as she rubbed her pussy against the front of my jeans. She pressed down with all her weight and started to get off on the hard bulge of my zipper. But despite all the rubbing, my cock wasn’t interested.
I tried to push her off me, but another wave of vertigo washed over me and my arms fell limp at my side and my head fell back. Pandora lifted my head so she could brush her lips over mine again. “She doesn’t want you. But I do.”
She grabbed my hand and forced it between her legs. She wasn’t wearing any panties, and the moment my fingers felt her slick pussy, she lit up like an atomic bomb. She cried out and furiously rubbed herself against my hand. With a yank I pulled it free.
“Get off me,” I demanded. Despite my extreme inebriation and total lack of coordination I successfully pushed her off me. “What the fuck are you doing? You’re about to get married.”
“Don’t you get it? I’m in love with you, Caleb. I have been for years. And Roger asking me to marry him made me realize I needed to either face up to it or move on.” She slid back onto me and wrapped her slender arms around my neck. “But I can’t move on from you, Caleb. Can’t you see that? I’m so in love with you it hurts. But you’ve never paid me any attention. Why do you think I send you all that stuff?”
My head swirled. I was either going to puke or pass out.
Wait. What?
“What stuff?” I asked, confused.
“It’s me,” she breathed against my lips. “I’m your secret admirer.”
I heard her words, but they didn’t make sense. She was my stalker? The owner of the worn panties and Polaroid? She was the psycho who sent a box of decapitated doll heads to my home?
I went to protest but she mashed her red lips to mine and moaned as her tongue swept into my mouth. Shifting on my lap, she started grinding against me again.
“It’s not your baby,” she whispered into my ear. “But I will give you one.”
Even in the murkiness of too much liquor, her words stung. They reminded me of just how fucking pitiful I was because my heart ached like I was in a fucking country music song.
“How do you know about that?” I asked, confused as fuck by everything unfolding.
“I heard you on the phone to her before I left.” She moaned as she rubbed herself harder against my zipper. “She doesn’t want you now that she knows it’s not your baby.”
“We don’t know that—”
“Shhhhhhh,” she breathed against my lips. “Let me take care of you. I promise I will be real good to you. I will give you everything.”
Honey had given me everything.
And then she’d taken it from me.
Now she wanted me to move on.
But I didn’t want that.
“I said get off me,” I said sharply.
But Pandora didn’t listen. It wasn’t until she heard the voice from the doorway that she stopped.
“You heard him,” it said. “He said get the fuck off him.”
We both turned and looked, and there was Honey standing in the doorway.
HONEY
I stood in the darkness of the studio. I’d taken a chance that this was where he’d go after leaving our apartment and I was right. When I walked in, I overheard Pandora confessing her love to him. Heard her admit to being his secret admirer. Heard what she said about me. Heard what she was offering him.
I’d heard about enough.
I made my way to Caleb’s office and pushed open the door.
Seeing Pandora straddling him made me crazy.
When I told her to get the fuck off him, both of them turned to look in my direction. At first, Pandora didn’t move, but then she slowly slid off Caleb’s lap. Standing up straight, she pushed her hem down and adjusted it.
“You’re making a mistake,” she said to Caleb as she walked away from him. When she reached me she paused. “Do him a favor and let him fucking loose. Let him be with someone who actually wants him.”
&n
bsp; Anger ripped out of me. “Stay the fuck out of my business.”
She went to move away but stopped. Her eyes flashed across at me. “It’s not even his baby.”
I gritted my teeth. “Get. Out.”
She scoffed at me while I murdered her a thousand times over with my eyes.
With a huff, she left and I went to Caleb and knelt in front of him. He was almost passed out.
“I can’t leave you alone for five minutes without you getting into trouble,” I joked, trying to help him to his feet. But being drunk, he was a dead weight and we fumbled.
“I don’t want her,” he mumbled.
“I know.”
“I want you.”
I ignored his comment. Because I wasn’t here to go over the same argument with him. I was here to bring him his St. Christopher.
Well, that’s what I told myself anyway.
Truth was, it was the self-sabotaging part of me that I wanted to see him. You know, the crazy part that just couldn’t let him go without seeing him one last time because somehow it was going to make things easier than if she didn’t.
She was quite demanding. She also wanted to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid while he was drunk.
Like Tiffani.
She also knew she had no right to be there. But now that she was, she couldn’t leave him like this.
“Come on, you should lie down,” I said, guiding him to his feet and leading him over to the couch in the corner of the room. The plan was to get him into the recovery position so he could sleep off his intoxication safely. But as we neared the couch, Caleb became all feet and we stumbled onto the couch. I landed softly onto the cushions, but he fell hard onto his knees in front of me.
“Baby…” he moaned drunkenly. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. I was fine. He was between my legs with his hands on my thighs. The air crackled between us. His hands drifted up to my big belly and I saw the torment in his face as he looked at it. His fingers slid over the roundness and he stared as if he was mesmerized by it.
“It’s my baby,” he whispered. He lifted his eyes and they focused on mine. “And you’re my girl.”
