“For the past few years, all of my relationships with men haven’t ended that well.”
He remained silent but she noticed him flinch, as though bracing for an open-and-honest discussion. Maybe he wasn’t used to that, but that was the only way Haley knew, so he might as well get ready.
“I know that’s not the kind of relationship we’ll have here—we’re simply working together—but still...there’s underlying tension between us that might negatively impact the program. Therefore, I think it might be better for everyone involved if my contact from Willow’s Haven was one of the female counselors.”
“I told you, what happened in the barn had nothing to do with you,” he said, and she finally heard a hint of the compassion she’d witnessed from him last night when he’d told her Eli’s story. “This was all about me. I was handling this morning okay, but then...I wasn’t.”
Haley was clueless. She had done her best to give him a way out of working with her and he wasn’t taking it.
But at least he was starting to talk.
“What do you mean ‘handling the morning okay’?”
* * *
Gavin had not planned to have this conversation today—or ever. Especially not with Haley Calhoun.
Or any other female.
But she’d misinterpreted his reaction to the new filly and, if he couldn’t make her understand, she would ask for someone else to work with on the Adopt-an-Animal program. Even now, as she’d basically trapped him here in the truck for something akin to an interrogation, he knew she wanted only what was best for the kids. He’d seen firsthand what a caring person she was and he couldn’t let her think she’d done anything wrong.
He turned to face her and found that she’d turned completely sideways, propped an elbow on the back of the seat and had her right knee resting on the middle bench. Nothing confrontational about her body language, but easily saying that she was willing to wait as long as it took for him to communicate.
No doubt about it, Haley Calhoun was different than anyone he’d met in a very long time. Most people avoided uncomfortable conversations. However this woman seemed to understand that getting to the truth often meant wading through rough, stormy waters.
He should know. Right now, he was drowning.
“Gavin?”
He cleared his throat. “A lot of things can go wrong when a baby is born.”
“That’s true. But the filly is fine. You saw that.”
“And I was glad for it. But the whole thing... Being there and wondering if everything would be okay, and then the moment when I saw the baby standing by her mother, and seeing her mother taking care of her... It reminded me of the moments I never saw. Moments I never will see.” The vision of the mare with her filly pierced his heart again. “And I had to leave.”
Her lip slowly rolled in as she considered his words, eyes squinted in her confusion. Then her head shook slightly and she admitted, “I don’t understand.”
“Two years ago...” he started. “In fact, two years ago yesterday, my wife went into labor...ten weeks early.”
“Your wife?”
He closed his eyes, remembered Selah’s face, practically glowing when she’d told him she was pregnant. “Her name was Selah.”
Haley’s eyes softened, hand moving to her mouth as she realized what the past tense inferred. Gavin was used to the look. He’d received it often, especially when he’d still lived in Memphis around so many people who had known them as a couple.
“We knew something was wrong,” he continued, “more than the baby coming early. Everything had been going well with the pregnancy, but then Selah had started hurting. Severe contractions that had her doubled over with pain. On the way to the hospital, she had the first seizure.”
She whispered, “Eclampsia?”
He nodded. “Even when I knew something wasn’t right, even when everything went completely opposite of how we’d planned, I thought she’d be okay.” His chest constricted. “I prayed and prayed.” He recalled his body collapsing, knees buckling and hitting the floor as he’d begged God not to take her. “But...she didn’t make it.”
Haley’s head continued to shake, eyes watering. “I’m—so sorry.” And then she zeroed in on the second excruciating part of that horrific day. “Gavin...what about the baby?”
He closed his eyes, vividly saw that doctor, blue scrubs and white surgical mask, walking purposefully toward him. “An hour later a doctor informed me that our baby was dying and that there was nothing they could do about it. It was the coldest, cruelest thing anyone has ever said to me. As if he didn’t care that, when my wife and baby lost their lives...I also lost mine.”
Her heart lurched painfully in her chest.
“They let me hold him. He was so very small, but his little fingers...moved to wrap around mine.” His thumb inched across his first finger and he could almost see his son’s fragile hand against his skin, could almost feel his feather-soft touch. “At that moment I thought maybe, somehow, he would pull through.” He took a deep breath, let it out. “But then my son was gone.”
Her tears spilled over. “I—I don’t know what to say.” She reached out to him, her hand touching his shoulder. “I’m so sorry. I was awful to you, and now I can see how the scare this morning, the rush to the farm and especially Brownie bonding with her baby, reminded you of everything you lost...” Her tears continued to fall. “Can you ever forgive me?”
Gavin had had many people express their sympathy, say they were sorry. But not a single one had actually pinpointed or observed why things that wouldn’t bother someone else...speared his heart and soul.
Like the vision this morning in the barn.
“I forgive you.”
One sharp bark was all the warning they had before an overly excited large dog bounded against the side of the truck, his head easily clearing the bottom of Haley’s open window as he attempted to jump inside.
“Oh!” she yelled, turning toward the high-spirited animal. “Roscoe?”
The chocolate Lab seemed even more elated that she recognized him and increased his barking to a fever pitch, loud enough to echo through the confines of the truck with each jump.
“Roscoe, how did you get out?” She wiped at the tears on her cheeks, her attention moving away from Gavin and to the boisterous animal that had managed to lick those cheeks at least a couple of times in his leaping frenzy.
She leaned away from the dog, even while trying to calm him down. “Come on, boy. Settle down, now. You’re obviously feeling better, but you don’t need to overdo it.”
Gavin said a prayer of thanks, because he suspected God had sent this energized animal to break the tension of that uncomfortable conversation.
“Haley, I’m so sorry!” Breathing hard, Aaliyah, holding one hand to her chest and clutching a bright red leash in the other, appeared from a nearby trail. “I was taking him on his nature walk, and I guess he heard y’all talking. He bolted like he’d seen a snake.” She held up the leash. “I must not have had this clipped on completely.”
“You think?” Haley asked.
Gavin was thrilled to hear a hint of laughter in her voice, confirming they were moving on from the somberness of a moment ago.
Thank You, God.
Aaliyah, laughing, snapped the leash into the D ring on Roscoe’s bright red collar. “Okay, boy. Let’s head back to the clinic. I still need to walk Honey and Sugar.”
“Let’s hope they’re a little less lively than our best customer here,” Haley said, rubbing her hand over Roscoe’s head while the dog looked as though he were smiling at her, his tongue lolling out to one side in his happiness.
Aaliyah guided him away from the truck. “Sorry I interrupted your—discussion,” she said, giving them a smile and turning away.
She’d barely disappeared down the trail before Haley turned toward him and confide
d, “I’m afraid the rumor mill may be hopping a bit over her finding us here...discussing.”
“You think?” he asked, mimicking the tone she’d used to her assistant.
As he’d hoped, she smiled. But then her face sobered. “In case you’re wondering, you don’t need to worry about me sharing your story. I would never betray your trust that way.”
“I believe you,” he said, drawn to her honesty and the fact that he did trust her with the truth of his past.
“And I can control the rumor mill, in case Aaliyah got the wrong idea. Then again, I’m sure everyone in town knows I’m not interested in a relationship, so we shouldn’t have anything to worry about when we’re working together on the program.”
“You’ve decided you can work with me now? You aren’t going to request a female counselor?”
Her shoulders lifted in a small shrug. “Sorry about that. I would like to work with you, if you still want to work with me.”
“I do.”
“And I appreciate you sharing your story, more than you could know. I...understand now why you act the way you do.”
“How do I act?”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Gruff. Grumpy. Irritated.”
He fought the urge to laugh. “Don’t hold back.”
“I might have compared you to a bear,” she admitted, and Gavin set his laugh free.
She joined in. “I really am sorry about that. I shouldn’t have judged you so quickly.”
“I probably deserved it, but why don’t we start from now on with me being less grumpy.”
“And me being less judgmental?”
He smirked. “I wouldn’t have used that word, but if you say so.”
“Deal.” She extended her hand and Gavin shook it, her petite palm easily fitting within his. The warmth of her hand, the touch from someone who seemed to truly understand him, warmed his heart. Then she grinned, one blond eyebrow lifting as she asked, “So are you suggesting we be friends?”
He hadn’t really thought about it that way, but he knew that working together would come a lot easier if they were. However, he hadn’t had a female friend since Selah’s death, and had only had a very limited number of female acquaintances. So could he? Be friends? With Haley Calhoun?
As if she were reading his thoughts, she asked, “Is the idea of being friends with me that hard to comprehend?” She slid her hand from his shoulder and rested her elbow against the back of the seat.
Gavin found that he missed her touch. Probably not something he wanted to analyze...too much.
“Because if you’re afraid I would want more than friendship, you don’t even need to wonder. You know that old saying, ‘burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice, shame on me.’ I’ve been burned by men more than twice. And I’m done.”
“Who hurt you?” He couldn’t imagine anyone intentionally hurting Haley Calhoun.
“Not physically hurt. It’s just that every guy I’ve ever dated ended up deciding I was better friendship material than anything more.” She lifted a shoulder as though it wasn’t a big deal, but Gavin suspected it was. “In fact, the joke at the Cut and Curl, our local gossip hair salon, is that if a guy wants to settle down and get married, he should date me first.” She laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“That...bites.”
Her laugh burst free, and he liked the sound of it.
“That’s probably the best response I’ve heard yet, and you’re right—it does.” She pointed a finger in the air. “So, since it’s already been established that I’m friend material, and since you already know I don’t want a relationship, I’d say we can count ourselves friends?”
Gavin liked the idea of a friendship without the slightest risk of anything more. “I don’t want a relationship again, either.”
“Perfect.” Her smile claimed her face as she extended her hand again. “Then friends it is.”
He took her hand in his, ignored the sensation that seemed to accompany each touch from Haley Calhoun. “Friends it is.”
Chapter Seven
Eli’s first visit with Buddy after school yesterday had gone as well as possible, considering the puppy slept the entire time. But Haley had said that was a good sign because it took rest to heal. That was the only communication she’d had with them since she’d had two other patients. A miniature pinscher owned by Daniel Brantley, the youth minister at church, and a snapping turtle owned by Nathan Martin, Mae’s oldest grandson.
Since those animals were there to see the doctor, and he and Eli had merely gone to visit Buddy, Aaliyah had taken care of them instead of Haley.
Which was fine.
What wasn’t fine, however, was how Gavin found himself wanting to glimpse the pretty vet, listening for her voice and smiling when he heard her laughter from one of the exam rooms.
That realization had kept him tossing and turning most of the night.
He’d decided that he wouldn’t mind having a friend in Haley Calhoun, but he wasn’t so certain friendship should have him thinking about her that much. Consequently he bristled with restless energy. So when he saw “split firewood” on today’s list of discretionary chores, he’d headed to the woodpile.
Most guys would’ve probably learned this type of outdoor task from their fathers. But Gavin’s dad was an English professor at Southern Mississippi, not exactly the camping type. In fact, Brodie had given him his first lesson in cutting firewood three weeks ago, right after he’d arrived at Willow’s Haven.
Gavin enjoyed the task immensely, found it a great way to spend time on his own reflecting on the past, pondering the present...and asking God for answers.
Today was no different.
The pile of wood was higher than it’d ever been, and Gavin was grateful. This would take time and energy, and he was ready to expend both. Sharing the truth of his past with Haley yesterday had left him feeling more exposed than he’d felt in a long time. And he still wasn’t all that certain how he felt about that.
He placed the first log on the cutting block, positioned it in the center and grabbed the splitting ax. With feet shoulder-width apart, he adjusted his distance from the block so that the blade centered the wood when his arm was fully extended. Then he raised the ax and let gravity and the sharp silver blade do the rest.
It sliced and split the wood, the two pieces falling on either side of the cutting block as the strong scent of fresh-cut pine filled his nostrils. He breathed in deeply, relishing the reminder that this was his new life, working each day in a unified effort with other counselors to take care of children God had placed at the home. Chopping wood. Planning devotions. Giving hugs. Teaching the youth in their care that things can get better. That though others may have abandoned them, God hadn’t, no matter how difficult life seemed.
A noise to his right caused him to turn toward the pile, where a jet-black squirrel sat on top of the farthest log, its full bushy tail flickering as he stared at Gavin. He had never seen a black squirrel, hadn’t even realized they existed in any color other than gray. But this one was as dark as night, and fearless, from the look of things.
Gavin wondered what Haley would think of the inky squirrel. Probably wouldn’t surprise her at all, its shiny black fur. She could most likely tell Gavin all about the thing. When it came to animals, she knew her stuff.
But she’d still been so nervous on the way to the farm yesterday. And then she’d climbed out, appearing all confident and secure as she headed toward the barn to help with the delivery.
While Gavin knew she was shaking like a leaf inside.
How often did she hide what she was really feeling? And did she share those fears with anyone else, the way she had with Gavin? Had she confided in anyone else about the reason for her discontentment with men in general?
He’d thought about her explanation of why she’d given up on men, that al
l of her relationships had ended with friendship status. But he suspected there was more to it than that.
Yet she hadn’t provided any details.
An hour passed and Gavin continued splitting the logs, his arms burning and mind churning, thinking about the pretty blonde who proclaimed herself his newest friend and who had a problem with men.
And with God.
Mae Martin’s words had echoed through Gavin’s sleepless night and they again haunted him as he grabbed another huge, heavy log.
What a shame that such a beautiful young lady who’d been so involved in the congregation seems to have given up on God when she gave up on men.
Why had she given up on God?
And what was the real reason she’d given up on men?
Because Gavin strongly suspected that one might very well hinge upon the other. And he also suspected that God had put him in Haley Calhoun’s path to help her find her way to Him again.
He didn’t want to consider the possibility that He might also have intended for Gavin to restore her faith in men.
* * *
“Maybe she had a doctor’s appointment this morning and has her ringer turned off.” Aaliyah performed her usual inventory of the heartworm meds for next week’s order of supplies.
Haley entered Buddy’s daily progress in his file on her computer but couldn’t get her mother off her mind. Obviously, Aaliyah was used to the fact that Haley’s mom called every morning and knew this unusual behavior had her concerned, particularly since Haley kept trying to call...and got no answer.
She picked up her phone and tried again. Nothing.
“Even if she had an appointment and turned the ringer off, she’d eventually turn it back on,” she said. “And that wouldn’t explain why she never called yesterday morning, or why she didn’t answer or return my calls last night or today.”
“Did your granddad not know where she was or what was going on? He lives with her, doesn’t he?”
“He lives in the garage apartment behind her house.”
“The apartment you had?” Aaliyah checked the date on another box. “I didn’t realize he didn’t live in the house with her. That’s nice, that he can be near her but still have his independence. Kind of the reason you lived there, right?”
Finally a Bride Page 7
