by Casey, Ryan
And right then, he felt something.
A change inside him.
He thought about all the fighting Susan had done.
How she’d got up, right when all looked lost.
How she’d stood up and fought, even when she could barely fight anymore.
And if that wasn’t leadership, he didn’t know what was.
He stood up. Turned around. Looked at the road ahead towards Barrow. Towards the place with the helicopters.
“Jack?” Hazel said. “What’re you doing?”
He took a deep breath of the cold winter air.
He looked back at Hazel.
At Candice.
At Mary.
And at Susan.
“I’m going to that place,” Jack said.
Hazel’s eyes narrowed. “But the bloke said—”
“I don’t care what he said. I don’t care if they shoot me at the gates. I’m going there with Susan. I’m getting her help. And if they kill me, then so be it. But you need to do something. You need to do something, and you need to promise me you will.”
Hazel walked over to Jack. Looked at him, tears in her eyes. “What?”
He put a hand on her side. “You need to wait for Trent and Emma. You need to stop them reaching that place. Because for now, it has to be me and Susan. It can only be me and Susan. Until I know for certain. Okay?”
Hazel shook her head. “Jack, I don’t think—”
“You have to do this. You’re strong enough. You. Candice. Mary. And hell. If I were with the bad guys, I would not want to cross Mrs Fuzzles.”
Hazel laughed at that. “I guess you’re right. We’ve got our own little soldier. But I’ll... I’ll miss you, Jack.”
Jack swallowed a lump in his throat.
Then he did something he just had to do.
Something his body and mind cried out at him to do.
He leaned in, and he kissed Hazel right on the lips.
He felt it all flooding back. The first time they’d met in school. The day trip to Blackpool. The holidays to the Lakes. Getting a house. Getting married. Having Wayne and India.
He felt all the happiness of the past returning and none of the pain.
He pulled away.
Then he looked around at Candice and Mary.
And at Susan.
“Come on,” he said, taking a deep breath. “It’s time to get you some help.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Jefe stared at Renae’s body and felt his heart sink.
It was a dark afternoon. A little snow here and there, but nothing compared to the blizzards they’d had to put up with these last few months. They were in the thick of the woods, Jefe and six of his people. All of them were committed to the task at hand. Finding Jack’s group. Destroying them.
Because they didn’t deserve a future.
Not after they’d stolen a future from Jefe’s people.
Renae was in a state. Her scalp had been torn from her head. Her brains leaked onto the forest floor. Her wide, bloodshot eyes stared up with fear. Like she was in the midst of a nightmare.
And the smell. Jefe was used to the smell of death. He’d spent enough time around the dead and the dying to be able to cope.
But when it was someone you knew. When it was someone you cared about...
Flashes of his wife, Cally
The sensation of her warm hand gripping on to his.
The feel of it weakening as he tried to run away.
He turned away from Renae. There wasn’t anything to gain from standing here and staring at her. She was gone. Part of his philosophy was not to get too caught up in other people. Not to get too attached.
He looked at his people, and he saw the dismay on their faces. Every one of them.
He knew right then he had a choice. He could brush this off. Pretend he was stronger than an emotional reaction.
Or he could be honest.
And right now, it felt like honesty was the best course of action.
“I’m not going to stand here and lie,” Jefe said. “Renae... she meant a lot to me. A lot to all of us. There’s no point pretending we’re perfect. We’re not the finished article. Far from it.”
He looked at his people. Saw their pale faces. Saw the tears rolling down the cheeks of some. And it hurt him. Because they were weak. They were all still so weak, himself included.
“But at least we have the strength to stare death in the eye,” Jefe said. “At least we have the strength to face up to what makes us so weak. Only by acknowledging our weaknesses can we begin to work on them.”
All of his people stared back at him.
All of them so still. So quiet.
And then Karl burst into tears.
He dropped to his knees. Covered his face. Crouched there in the mud, blubbering.
And it made Jefe feel sick.
Because as much as he’d told his people to bear their emotions... this was just too much.
“Karl?” Jefe said.
He lay there shaking his head. “I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t go on like this.”
Jefe walked over to him. His people stood around him. Trying not to look at him. Trying not to acknowledge him.
“Hey,” Jefe said.
Karl looked up at him with that weathered face. He remembered the first time he’d seen him. He’d been so eager to join Jefe’s group. So enthused by his vision for the future.
And now he was a blubbering wreck.
One of the guys Jefe thought was strongest, lying on the ground and crying.
“I’ve tried to repress it. I’ve tried to hide the way I feel. I’ve done things I never thought I could do. Things I didn’t want to do. Time and time again. And all that time, I had the hope we were building towards something better. That all the bad things would be forgotten in the grand scheme of things. Because we were building something. We were working towards something. But... but now it’s all gone. It’s over, Jefe. It’s over. And we need to start thinking about survival instead of rebuilding. We need to change.”
Jefe was still. Silent. His heart raced. His jaw tightened. He didn’t want to say anything. Didn’t know what to say. Only that he felt betrayed. Betrayed by a guy he’d thought was so strong. Lied to by a weak little shit.
He looked at the rest of his people. Saw their pitiful, snivelling faces. “Anyone else feel the same way?”
Silence. A few glances away from Jefe. People not wanting to make eye contact. People not wanting to look at him.
An answer in itself.
Jefe half-smiled. He looked down at Karl. Looked at that snotty little fucker and felt such detestation. Such betrayal. Such hate.
“Like I said,” Jefe said, his voice weaker now. “It’s good to bear our emotions from time to time.”
He looked away.
Back at Renae.
Then he turned around and booted Karl right in the face.
Karl fell back against the ground. He hit the muddy snow with a splat. Stared back up with shock.
“Jefe? What—”
And Jefe stood over him and kicked him again.
Every time he lifted his head, he kicked him again and again and again, harder every time.
Until Karl didn’t lift his head.
Until he lay there on the ground, unable to speak for the blood in his mouth and his broken nose.
And Jefe kept on booting him.
Kept on going until Jefe’s cries were like an injured animal.
Kept on going as Karl begged for help in his pitiful, retarded wails.
And then until he stopped crying out completely, and Jefe felt Karl’s skull crack beneath his feet.
He stepped away, then. Stumbled back, the contents of Karl’s head clinging to his boot.
He looked around at his people as they stared on. Eyes wide. Jaws agape.
“Anyone else?” he shouted, sweat pouring down his face. “Anyone else want to question our way of doing things?”
Silence. No words whatsoever.
Jefe took a deep breath. “Good,” he said. He wiped his boot on to the ground. “We keep moving. We find Jack’s people. We don’t stop until we do. And then we destroy them. We show them what happens to people who mess with us.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Emma didn’t say anything to Trent or Hannah.
They were on a long road. Looked like it was once a motorway. The same sight as usual: loads of abandoned cars. Stuff in the cars that reminded her of the past. Greasy iPads. Empty McDonald’s bags. Dirty teddy bears stuffed into baby seats.
But Emma didn’t feel anything when she saw them anymore. She didn’t feel the sadness she used to feel.
She just felt empty.
She felt blood crusting on her hand as she walked through the melting snow. And that was the only thing that made her feel anything right now. The memory of what she’d done to Renae. The way it’d made her feel.
Seeing Renae stare up at her. Hearing her beg for her life.
It had made Emma feel big. It had made her feel good.
But now she felt something else.
Sickness.
Just sickness.
It was a while since they’d passed the signs for Barrow. They were close to the place with the helicopters. But Emma wasn’t even sure how she felt about that anymore. Once, she’d felt a lot of hope about things. Especially when she’d found Jade alive. Because that made her realise everything wasn’t lost after all. There was still goodness out there. Stuff to believe in. A future.
But now Jade was gone too. And who was to say the same thing hadn’t happened to her parents—or worse?
She took a deep breath. Tightened her blood-crusted hand.
“You know, I’m glad we found you. If we hadn’t, I’m pretty sure Trent would’ve killed me.”
Emma glanced around. Hannah was by her side. Smirking at her like always.
“What do you want?”
Hannah tutted. “What is it with you people and not wanting to talk? Jeez. You’d think you had an abundance of people to chat to or something.”
Emma stared ahead. “We’ve got to get to the place with the helicopters. We’ve got to meet Jack.”
“Say it like you mean it,” Hannah said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Hannah sighed. “Come on, Emma. It’s obvious your heart’s not in this. I’ve seen your heart in something. Your heart tore Renae’s skull away. But this... this is different. What’s bothering you?”
Emma stared at the road ahead, and it dawned on her that Hannah was right. She didn’t feel anything about this. She couldn’t imagine a future at the place with the helicopters. She couldn’t imagine starting her childhood again. Making new friends. She couldn’t imagine going back to school, learning Maths and History. None of it mattered. Not now. Not anymore.
“I just don’t know if I can do this.”
“Do what?” Hannah asked.
Emma looked back at Trent. Villain walked by his side.
And then she looked up at Hannah, and she said the most honest words she’d said in a long time. “Start again. I don’t think I can start again.”
Hannah’s face turned, then. She half-smiled. Didn’t look like her cocky smirk. Kind of made Emma feel a bit better, even if she didn’t want anyone’s sympathy or pity. “We’re all in the same boat, kid. Some are just a bit further out to sea than others. But it’s not about coming back to shore. It’s about learning to ride the waves. That’s what life is for us now. That’s how it has to be.”
Emma turned back to the road ahead. There were so many questions she still had. So many things she wanted to know. Where her parents were. Whether they were still alive. Whether they were out there.
And she didn’t want to leave this world until she knew.
She didn’t want to start again until all her questions were answered.
But then there was something else. That knowledge that things were going to be different from now on. She wasn’t going to have a normal life. Nobody was.
But Hannah was right.
She had to ride the waves.
As hard as that might be.
“You’re a tough girl, Emma,” Hannah said. “Way, way tougher than I am. A bit of a psycho, sure. But maybe that’ll be a benefit in the new world.”
Emma looked up at her and smiled.
She looked back at Trent and at Villain. Smiled at them.
And then she looked ahead.
Blood still crusted on her hand.
She was strong enough for this world.
She was strong enough for whatever it threw at her.
She turned around and walked in the direction of the place with the helicopters.
Somewhere in the distance, a storm brewed.
Chapter Forty
Jack held Susan in his arms and ran as quickly as he could.
Afternoon was blending into night. The last few days felt like an eternity. It was cold enough that he could see his breath clouding in front of him, but all this running had him feeling warmer than he’d felt in a long time. He saw buildings pass by him. Cars. And bodies, too. Bodies curled up in doorways, shrivelled and frozen. The smell hanging in his nostrils, the kind of smell you could never forget. Every now and then, he swore he heard footsteps, and kept on thinking he was going to run into Jefe—or someone worse.
His knees ached. His feet were blistered. And Susan’s weight dragged him down even if she was light as a feather.
But he had to keep going. Her life depended on it.
He looked down as she lay in his arms. Her face was pale. Her eyes kept on drifting open and closed.
“Come on, Susan. Stay with me. Please.”
He knew most people would’ve given up by now. After all he’d heard about the place with the helicopters, for one. He was mad even heading there. They’d probably kill him the second they laid eyes on him. And Susan wouldn’t have much chance of survival then.
But then what was the alternative?
The alternative was Susan dying.
Jack wasn’t prepared to lose anyone else.
“Tell her… tell her I love her,” Susan said.
Jack looked down at her. Saw her smiling. Felt the warmth of blood from her belly. “Keep talking, Susan. Keep talking. Stay with me. Don’t drift off. Don’t. Okay?”
She kept her eyes half-closed. Looked up at Jack with a smile. “I feel like I’m… like I’m flying again. But I get there this time. I get there. And everything’s good. Anne-Marie… she’s so beautiful. She’s…”
Jack didn’t know who Anne-Marie was. But he knew Susan was hallucinating or something right now.
And the only way he could keep her mind active was by humouring those hallucinations.
“I’m sure she loves you too, Susan.”
She opened her eyes a little then. Looked up at him. A tear rolling down her right cheek. “You really think so?”
Jack looked back down at her. And as much as he wanted to hold back his tears, he felt himself welling up too. “Yes. Yes, I do. Anne-Marie loves you. I’m sure of it. Because you’re a good person. And you’re not going anywhere. I promise.”
She closed her eyes again. Her smile widened. “Thank you.”
Jack looked up at the road. Narrowly dodged a fallen lamp post. He had no idea how close he was, only that he was close. He’d walked this way before. It was just a case of retracing his steps. And doing it in enough time.
“I never thought I was strong enough,” Susan said. “Especially after Tommy. But… but I see now. I see I am. But it’s only because of our people. It’s… it’s because of all of us, Jack.”
He looked back down at her.
And he saw something different about her, this time.
Her eyes were fully closed.
Her mouth looked relaxed.
Too relaxed.
And her body felt totally still in his arms.
“Susan?”
He stopped. Lowered her to the road. Tapped her face a few times.
“Susan!”
But she didn’t respond.
She was out cold.
He checked her pulse. Held his hand there a while, trying to feel beyond his own racing heart.
Come on. Stay with me, Susan. Don’t leave me. Don’t frigging leave me now.
He kept on feeling for a pulse.
Kept on hoping.
Kept on praying.
And then he felt it.
Just when he was about to revert to classic mouth to mouth, he felt it.
A light pulse in her neck.
He breathed a long sigh of relief. Put his head in his hands. She was alive. She was just unconscious.
Urgency soon replaced relief. Susan might be alive right now, but she wouldn’t be for long the way things were going.
He tucked his arms underneath her. Staggered to his feet. Lifted her with the little energy and strength left in his body.
And then he thought of his people.
Hazel. Candice. Mary. Mrs Fuzzles.
Then of Trent, Emma, Villain, wherever they were.
He looked down at Susan, and he knew they were all with him.
They were all together.
Because that’s when they were at their strongest.
He went to start running through the street again when he heard movement behind him.
He stopped.
Turned around slowly.
Praying it was in his imagination.
Praying he didn’t have to deal with any other damned person right now.
When he saw who was standing there, his stomach sank.
Jefe was here.
There were five people by his side.
And they had Hazel, Mary, Candice and Mrs Fuzzles.
Chapter Forty-One
Emma had no idea how long she’d been walking when she saw the place with the helicopters in the distance.
It was getting dark, which meant they must’ve been on the road for a while. They hadn’t taken a single rest break, something Emma was okay with. Because she just wanted to get to the place with the helicopters now. Not so much for herself, but for the other people she was with. Trent. Hannah. And Villain, too.
