"This is so cute," Laura said as she entered Natalie's apartment. "I love the movie posters, but I hope that doesn't mean you're still suffering from insomnia."
"Most of the time I'm so exhausted I just conk out, but on my days off, my brain likes to stay up and worry about the rest of my life. What smells so good?"
Laura held out a large brown paper bag. "I brought Chinese food, ice cream, and chocolate."
"The three most important food groups," they said together, then laughed as their gazes met in a shared memory.
"According to Emily," Natalie added softly.
"Yeah," Laura agreed, a sad note in her voice. "I wish she could be here. I wish we could all be together again."
The phone rang. "I'll get that," Natalie said. "It could be the hospital."
"I hope you won't have to go in to work."
"Me, too. Hello?" Her spine tingled as Madison's voice came over the line. It felt so strange to be looking at Laura and listening to Madison.
"Natalie, I think we should finish our conversation," Madison said. "I'm in my car. I'm just coming from a cocktail party. Do you want to grab some dinner?"
"Why don't you come here? I have Chinese food." She didn't bother to explain that Laura had brought dinner. She simply gave Madison directions, then hung up the phone. "We're going to have company. I didn't get a chance to tell you, but I ran into Madison today."
Laura's eyes widened in surprise. "You did?"
"At Dylan's club. But that's another story."
"I can't wait to hear it. Shall I open the wine?" Laura held up the other bag in her hand. "I thought I'd better cover all the bases."
"Actually, I'm sticking with nonalcoholic these days. I haven't had a drink since—since that night. It was a sobering moment for me."
Laura looked at her with compassion and understanding. They were still connected after all these years. Still able to feel each other's pain. Was that because of the depth of their friendship? Or was it because they'd suffered through a tragedy together?
"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Laura said. "I'll put it away."
"No, it's fine. You can have a glass of wine. It won't bother me."
"Are you sure? I have a hard time sticking to a diet when I'm with someone who orders a piece of chocolate cake. But then you always did have a strong will."
"About some things."
"You can still eat chow mein, can't you?" Laura asked as they unloaded the bags on the card table that also served as a dining-room table.
"Absolutely," Natalie replied.
"Should we wait for Madison?"
"She can catch up."
Catching up was all they did for the next few hours. Natalie had never thought being with Laura and Madison again could feel so perfectly right, so natural. After the initial awkwardness and polite conversation had passed, Madison declared Natalie's apartment a disgrace to the medical profession, and Laura's dirty-blond hair color a disgrace to her stylist. Natalie retaliated by asking Madison how her breasts had grown so much since college, and Laura got even with a crack about Madison's "last season" designer purse. Then they'd kicked off their shoes, flopped onto the couch and chairs, and dug into dinner with an enthusiasm that rivaled their college days.
Without ever consciously declaring an intent to avoid conversation about Emily, they'd somehow managed to do just that, sharing stories instead about their lives in the past few years. Laura talked about her big wedding, her children, life as a suburban PTA soccer mom. Madison related tales of her travels in Europe and more recently her encounters with celebrities and millionaires in the Big Apple. Natalie had skipped over the trials and tribulations of becoming a doctor to entertain them with fascinating stories from a big city emergency room. It quickly became clear that their lives had taken them in completely different directions. They had little in common now, except where they'd been.
"You've certainly lived a glamorous life," Laura commented when Madison finished sharing the details of her last trip to Paris. "But I notice you haven't mentioned any significant men in your life, and I'm sure there have been many."
A cloud passed through Maddie's eyes before she tossed her blond hair over one shoulder and said with a shrug, "There have been a few. I almost got married last year. I had the dress, the church, the hall, and had sent out the invitations."
"You didn't leave him at the altar, did you?" Laura asked, clearly horrified at the idea.
"I thought about it," Madison said candidly. "But that would have been really mean, and he was a nice guy. Too good for me, really. Now he's probably thanking his lucky stars that I ran out on him. We wouldn't have worked."
"Why not?" Natalie asked. "What went wrong?"
"He bored me. I looked at him one night and saw my life flash before my eyes. He wanted a wife, children, a dog, a house in Connecticut." She shook her head. "I realized I didn't want any of that. It was too easy, too predictable. Years from now, I'll probably realize I made a huge mistake. My mother certainly seems to think so."
"Maybe you didn't make a mistake," Laura said. "If it felt wrong to marry him, it was probably wrong. If you'd gone ahead with it, you might have found yourself in a huge mess, with kids in the middle of it all. Then you'd really be stuck."
"Are you talking about me or yourself?" Madison asked bluntly.
"You, of course."
"Liar," Madison said. "What's happening with you and Drew?"
Laura picked up a throw pillow from the couch and wrapped her arms around it. "He travels a lot for work. He's distracted all the time, especially by this woman in his office, who's beautiful and smart and not his wife."
"Is he cheating on you?"
"I'm sure he's not. I mean, I'm not exactly sure. He might be or he might just be thinking about it. I don't know what to do. I try to be the perfect wife, but I'm falling short. I don't want my marriage to fail. It's the only thing I've ever done right in my life. I'm holding on as tight as I can, but it still feels like it's slipping away from me." She paused. "And I can't believe I just said that out loud."
"Have you told Drew how you feel?" Natalie asked.
"I've tried, but he's too busy or uninterested to care. He keeps saying he's working all these hours for me, for the family, to be the provider I always wanted. He makes me feel guilty."
"Oh, honey, you were born guilty," Madison said with a laugh. "And Drew knows just which buttons to push. He always has. Why did you marry him so quickly anyway? Why not shop around a little?"
"I was afraid I'd still be shopping when I was thirty."
"Ouch," Madison said. "I think she's referring to us, Natalie."
"I wasn't," Laura said hastily. "Please, don't think that. I actually look at the two of you and feel incredibly jealous. You both have great careers. You're making something of yourselves. Your lives matter."
"So does yours," Natalie interjected. "You're raising two daughters. That's the most important job on earth. Believe me, not everyone can do it," she added, thinking of her own mother. "Don't sell yourself short."
"My girls are great," Laura said with a proud smile. "I want you to meet them someday. They're beautiful and special and smart, too. I'm determined to raise them to believe in themselves and not to take shit from anyone."
"That's great," Natalie said. "Now, can I get anyone anything?"
"Not so fast, Dr. Bishop." Madison turned to her with purpose in her eyes. "We haven't heard about your love life yet."
Natalie shook her head. "I have no love life. I spend all my time at the hospital."
"Not all your time. Some of it you spend with Cole," Madison said.
"I told you earlier today that we're just together because of the book."
"And the old feelings aren't coming back?" Laura asked. "Because he is one good-looking man, and he's still single. Maybe this is your second chance."
Natalie refused to admit that the same thought had crossed her mind. "Cole broke my heart once. I'd be a fool to put myself out there again.
I don't think I could live through it." She looked at Madison and Laura and confessed something she'd never said to another soul. "It almost killed me to lose him before, especially after losing Emily. The pain was excruciating." She paused, taking a deep breath. "And I can't believe I just said that out loud, either," she added, repeating Laura's earlier comment.
"Especially without any wine," Madison said lightly. "Speaking of which, I think I'll have another glass. All this baring of souls is making me thirsty."
Natalie kicked her feet up on the coffee table crates and rested her head on the back of her chair, wondering if she'd just lost her mind, confiding in two women she hadn't seen in a decade. Maybe she was giving one of them more fodder for a second book, the sequel to Fallen Angel, probably to be titled, Natalie Bishop Loses Everything.
"We should talk about Emily and the book," Laura said as Madison returned, her glass of red wine filled to the brim. "Although I have to tell you that Drew gave me orders not to discuss it with either of you."
"Why not?" Natalie asked.
"I'm not sure. He doesn't like to explain his orders. It was all about legal ramifications and stuff. He wants to protect me."
"And himself," Madison said.
"What do you mean?" Natalie asked.
"Yes, what do you mean?" Laura echoed. "Drew wasn't even mentioned in the book. He doesn't have anything to protect besides my reputation."
"Drew was in Emily's room that night." Madison took a sip of wine before adding, "Did he ever tell you that?"
Natalie was as shocked by Madison's words as Laura was.
"He wasn't anywhere near Emily's room," Laura replied. "He was in our room, setting up a private party for us. You know that. He said you helped him with the candles and the wine." She paused. "We were going to make love that night. It was going to be our first time."
Natalie hadn't known that. "In the sorority house? You were going to do it in your room in the sorority house?" She'd known Drew was pressuring Laura to have sex, but doing it right there in the sorority house was something Madison would have done, not Laura.
"Madison said we'd have complete privacy. It would be better and safer than Drew's apartment where there was always a party going on," Laura said defensively. "I thought she was right. I wouldn't have felt comfortable using the guys' bathroom."
"Oh, don't look so judgmental," Madison said to Natalie. "It's what Laura wanted. I wasn't talking her into anything."
"You weren't talking her out of it, either. And you were always telling her to loosen up," Natalie said. "You told us all that."
"Laura came to me and said she wanted to have sex with Drew."
"I said I wanted to make love," Laura corrected.
"Whatever."
"Okay, fine." Natalie tried to remember the point of their conversation. "If Drew was planning Laura's seduction, why was he in Emily's room? Did she know about it, too?"
"Did she?" Laura echoed.
"No, that was about something else," Madison replied.
"What?" Natalie asked.
"I don't know. Drew said he had to speak to Emily before Laura came upstairs, and I should go downstairs and stall. So I went to find Laura."
"But you didn't find me. I didn't even see you downstairs," Laura said in confusion.
"It was crowded. I got distracted by some guys. The next thing I knew everyone was screaming and running outside ..." Her voice drifted away as they were all taken back to a time and place where they didn't want to go.
"So you never actually saw Drew in Emily's room," Laura said finally. "You don't know if he spoke to her or not."
"He told me he wasn't upstairs at all," Natalie said. "He told Cole and me that this afternoon when we were at your house. Why did he lie?"
"Probably because he thought you would accuse him of something," Laura said. "Look, he may not be the world's best husband, but he's not a bad person, and he didn't have anything to do with Emily's death. I know that for sure. You have to trust me."
Natalie wondered how any of them could trust each other. They had a decade of distance between them, and despite the warmth of their reunion, there were lots of things they no longer knew about each other. In fact ... Her gaze drifted over to Madison. "There's something else I've been wondering about since this afternoon," she said. "Dylan."
Madison set down her wineglass. "What about Dylan?"
"I remember seeing him at the sorority house that night. Was he with Emily? Or was he with you?"
"He sure as hell wasn't with me," Madison replied. "He wouldn't give me the time of day back then. Actually, he's not too crazy about me right now, but I'm working on him."
"Why?" Laura asked. "Why would you want to work on him?"
Natalie knew why. Because Madison had always had a thing for Dylan, and now that they had found themselves in the same town, she was determined to change his mind about her. "Because she hates to lose when it comes to men, isn't that right, Maddie?"
"I haven't lost yet."
"What are you two talking about?" Laura asked.
"Madison wants Dylan," Natalie said, looking Madison straight in the eye. "She wanted him when we were in Santa Cruz, and apparently she still wants him now."
"That's not completely true," Madison replied with a wicked smile. "I want him to want me. Then we'll see what I want."
"You're playing a dangerous game," Natalie said. "Dylan was never an easy man. He was moody, unpredictable, rude, and from what I can see that hasn't changed. He certainly doesn't care for me. He told Cole he wouldn't be surprised if I had pushed Emily off the roof."
"He didn't like you because you were always getting in his way, encouraging Emily to study instead of going to the magic club with him," Madison pointed out. "And I only play games that are dangerous. The rest are just too boring."
Her comment struck Natalie wrong. "Is this a game for you? Are you the one who did this, Madison? Is this book one of your dangerous games? Because if it is, your life from here on out will not in any way be boring. I can promise you that."
"If I was playing a game, do you think I'd tell you?" Madison answered. "But as it happens, I'm not."
Natalie searched Madison's eyes and saw nothing but the truth. "I don't want it to be you, Maddie. Not you. Not Laura. I couldn't take it if either of you was the one sticking the knife in my back."
Her words lingered in the air long after she'd said them, and the fact that neither Madison nor Laura immediately jumped into the silence did not reassure her of their innocence. Still, if one of them had gone to so much trouble to hide themselves behind Garrett Malone, it was ludicrous to think they would suddenly come clean now.
"It wasn't one of us," Laura said finally. "How can you think that? And it's not just you who's getting hurt here. There are things in the book about me that I'd prefer no one else know, like that pot-smoking incident with Eric and Anthony next door. I don't want my daughters or my parents, for that matter, to know I smoked pot in college. And I'm sure Madison doesn't want her coworkers to know she once stripped and ran naked through the Sigma Chi house. That wasn't her finest moment."
"Hey, I looked damn good," Madison said. "But you're right. It's not an incident I would have chosen to publicize. So who else could have done this?" She picked up her wineglass again and took another sip while she considered the question. "What about Jessica Holbrook? That bitch hated us."
Jessica Holbrook was Emily's official "big sister" in the house. Jessica had loved Emily but had never been a big fan of the Fabulous Four. She'd told them on more than one occasion that the sorority was all for one, one for all, and that smaller cliques like the Fabulous Four should not exist. "I wonder what happened to her," Natalie murmured.
"I know," Laura said. "She's still in Santa Cruz. In fact, she works with Diane Thomas at the Panhellenic Office. She's the current adviser to the Gamma Delts. It was in the alumni newsletter."
"That figures," Madison said. "Jessica was the ultimate sorority girl." She paused, a m
ischievous smile spreading across her face. "We should call her."
Natalie immediately shook her head. "Absolutely not."
"You want to find out who has the knife in your back, don't you?" She turned to Laura. "I bet you have her phone number, don't you? Probably in that big purse of yours."
"I might have my address book in my purse," Laura admitted. "But I can't just call Jessica out of the blue. What would I say? I haven't talked to her since she graduated. And it wasn't like we were ever friends."
"You can say you're planning a reunion for everyone in the house during the four years you were there. And since she's now the adviser for the Gamma Delts, you wanted to start with her. It's perfect."
"What do I say after we get past the fake reunion thing? I don't want to bring up the book if she doesn't know about it. That would just add to the publicity."
"That's a good point," Natalie put in.
"Just wing it," Madison advised. "If Jessica knows about the book, she'll probably bring it up. If she doesn't bring it up, try to find out what happened to some of the other girls who were there that night, like Marie or Danielle."
"Drew is not going to like this," Laura muttered as she reached for her address book. "This isn't exactly staying out of it as he ordered me to do."
"You're a grown woman. You can make your own decisions, can't you?" Madison asked.
"You make it sound so easy, but Drew and I—our lives are complicated by our children, and my parents have practically adopted Drew. If we divorced, they'd probably take him in the settlement. They like him and respect him so much. They don't feel the same way about me."
"Maybe you haven't given them a reason to respect you. People treat you the way you ask to be treated," Madison said. "If you let them walk all over you, they will."
"I don't have as much confidence as you and Natalie do. You're both so smart."
"So are you, Laura," Natalie interjected. "And Madison is right. If you don't stand up for yourself, no one will stand up for you. If you want change, you have to make change."
All She Ever Wanted Page 12
