by Macy Farmer
The moment I pulled the covers over me, Seager jumped onto the bed and planted himself beside me. He licked my tear-drenched face before snuggling up as close as he could get.
To be closer to my parents, I spent the night in their guest room, which used to be my bedroom. My apartment is above my parents’ two car detached garage in their back yard. Sometime after I turned nineteen, my mother decided I needed more independence and privacy. So, naturally, my father converted the second floor of the garage into an apartment. He knew she didn’t want me to go and that I didn’t want to leave. I hung out at their house every day, but at night I slept in my own apartment.
The majority of the night I tossed and turned. My parents’ final words repeated over and over in my mind, making it even more difficult to stop the tears. I’m not sure when or how it even happened, but I eventually fell asleep.
When I awoke from my restless hour of sleep, my eyes were puffy and dry. Every blink scratched my eyes painfully.
I heard the clatter of dishes and headed in that direction. Melissa and her mom were making breakfast when Seager and I walked into the kitchen.
“I tried to take Seager out but he wouldn’t leave your side,” Melissa said as she opened the back door to finally let him out.
Seager bolted out the door. Before Melissa could even sit down at the table, he was scratching and whining at the wood. The door barely open, he charged in and ran to my side again. He put his head on my lap and I rubbed his ears. I knew he never left my side last night because the more I cried, the closer he lay next to me. Sleeping in bed with me was usually a big no-no. I would have thought that he’d be soaked from all my tears. The last thing I remembered was hugging him tightly, crying into his fur.
Over the next day or two, with Melissa and her parents’ help, I was able to make all the necessary arrangements. While I wrote the obituary for the local paper, Melissa called a list of close friends and gave them the devastating news. Her parents, after speaking to my parents’ lawyer, handled everything to do with the funeral home, graveyard and headstones. By this point, I was beyond numb with grief and all I wanted to do was sleep it all away.
The viewing and funeral went as well as can be expected. Many people came to see my parents and to give their condolences. Some people I'd never even met before. Even my mom’s sister, Susie, showed up. I didn’t pay her much attention as she never paid any attention to my mother when she was here, alive. I don’t know what happened there and right now I didn’t care.
I thought identifying their bodies was going to be the most difficult thing I’d ever have to do in my lifetime… I was wrong. Laying them to rest had been worse. It forced me to accept their death. My mind raced with the realization that I’ll never hear their laughter again. It pained me even more to know that I’ll never see my father teasing my mother again, or smell my mothers’ cooking or taste her mashed potatoes. All the little things I loved and cherished about them were now forever gone. Memories were all I had and it’s not enough.
Afterwards, back at the house, many people stopped by bringing food, flowers and more condolences. There were a lot of: ‘I’m so sorry,’ ‘They were wonderful people,’ ‘We will miss them,’ and ‘My sincerest condolences.’ The words were endlessly kind and full of sorrow. My parents touched a lot of people. There were stories told of my parents that I’ve never heard before. Some were from before I was born and others from a few months ago. It was nice to hear them, especially the funny ones. I was thankful to have met these people, so that I could see my parents and their love for them radiating through their eyes.
When everyone finally left, I brought Seager back into the house. We just sat there. The house felt so empty. I was too numb to do anything else but sit and stare.
Chapter 2
How do you find the strength to go on when nearly everything you loved is gone?
The next couple of days I spent in bed hiding from the world. At the end of the week, I felt a little better. Good enough to get out of bed and shower, at least. Sitting in the kitchen sipping a cup of coffee, Seager dropped my calendar book on my lap. It was opened to tomorrow. The date was circled in red and a big “V” was written underneath.
A few months ago, I scheduled myself a month long overdue vacation. I’d totally forgotten about it. I needed this vacation now more than anything. I needed it to escape, for real this time, from my reality. Immediately, I grabbed the phone to call Melissa. After I reminded her that my vacation started tomorrow, I asked, “Do you think it would be wrong of me to go?” I didn’t care if people thought I was running. In a way I am. It was my parents. I didn’t want to unknowingly shame them.
“Nat, you should go. Your parents would be disappointed if you cancelled your trip. Remember how excited they were when you told them you were taking a month long excursion?” The memory brought a smile to my face. My mother had been overjoyed that I would be spending time in the forest, as was my father. He bought me a new ATV for my trip. “I’m sure you’re not packed so how about I come over to help you?” I accepted her offer, thankful yet again, to have her in my life.
It was during dinner when I remembered that there would be no one to watch the house. A month is a long time to leave a house vacant. There was no telling what could happen while I was away, and I would be devastated if anything happened to my parents' house while I was gone. My eyes filled with tears as I was thrown back into reality. Reaching across the table, Melissa covered my hand with hers, smiling sympathetically. I smiled appreciatively in return.
“Meliss, would you mind staying here while I’m away? It would mean a lot to me.”
“Really?” she asked, excited. “I would love to. It’ll be like I’m on vacation, a break from my parents.” As soon as she said the words, I knew she regretted it. Her pained expression said it all. She looked away before squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. “I didn’t mean to sound insensitive, Natalia. Please forgive me.”
“No need to apologize. I know what you mean.” I smiled reassuringly. “Do you want to stay over tonight and see me off in the morning? It’s been a long time since we had a sleepover.” Not wanting to be alone, I silently hoped she would say yes. She did without even hesitating.
We packed my clothes after cleaning up from dinner. I debated on whether to take something nice to wear. I hadn't planned on it until she planted the seed of my possibly meeting someone. “Think about it Nat, what if you meet a hot, sexy, handsome stranger and he asks you out to dinner?” So, just in case I met the man of my dreams I agreed to take one nice outfit along with my jeans and t-shirts. Next, we went through the camping stuff. I packed what I needed then went into the kitchen to pack up some food for Seager and myself. We threw it all in the back seat of my crew cab. Since I’d be staying in a cabin, I’d only need the necessities.
The final item to pack is the ATV. Since I couldn’t put the tailgate up, I had to tie the ATV down to the bed of the truck. A little over a month ago, my father showed me how to tie it down securely. “Safety first,” he always said. The thought made me smile.
We spent the rest of the night playing Wii and watching one of my favorite chick flicks, ‘Parent Trap.’ We had a great time. I had forgotten how much fun slumber parties were.
The next morning over breakfast, we went through my checklist. I was going to be five hours away so I did not want to forget anything. Besides Seager, money, and clothes, I needed my cell phone cord. Had we not gone through the checklist, I would have forgotten it.
We said our goodbyes as Seager and I got in the truck. He was literally crying with excitement. It made me laugh aloud. “Okay Seager, we’re going.” I gave one last wave before pulling out of my parents’ driveway.
We were only on the turnpike for ten minutes before Seager fell asleep in the back seat. In preparation for the long drive, I put the seats up and placed his doggy bed on the floor. When we’ve taken long rides in the past he usually slept most of the way, only getting up to switch pos
itions.
While Seager slept, I recalled surfing the net in search of a place to take my month long excursion. My research provided several options, but I felt drawn to only one, ‘Black Forest.’ It was located in the middle-upper part of Pennsylvania. When I found a small cabin, fully loaded, to rent at a place called, ‘Black Forest Campgrounds,’ it called out to me. It also had a few ATV trail options available. It was convenient to three counties: Clinton, Lycoming and Potter. Potter County was known as ‘God's Country.’ I had heard the mountains were beautiful and the forests endless.
As I checked out the scenery I knew we were headed towards God’s Country because the further north we traveled the fewer homes we saw. A canopy of low-density trees, shrubs and grass took over the landscape. It was as if I drove into a Thomas Moran painting. The exquisite rural scenery soothed my very soul. Occasionally, I would see small towns along the mountainsides. In the valleys, farmers were out harvesting their fields and herds of cattle or horses were frolicking and feeding on the greenery in the open fields.
With every passing mile my excitement grew.
Seager finally woke and joined the party when I stopped for gas. Before getting back on the interstate I took him for a short walk. I wanted to stretch our legs but he dragged me back to the truck. He seemed to be more excited than I to get to Black Forest.
The moment we got on the interstate Seager’s nose went into overdrive, sniffing the air profusely. It was quite gross. Every time he exhaled he blew snot all over my clean window. He scratched at the window as if asking for more. When his whines and whimpers became desperate and louder, I couldn’t help but laugh. I gave in and put the window down a little more, just enough so he could stick the tip of his nose out. I’m pretty sure he wanted to put his entire head out the window, but that wasn’t happening. It’s too dangerous at seventy miles an hour. Laughing, I thought, Safety first.
Strangely, I began to feel my parents' presence all around me. I haven’t felt their presence since the day they died. The closer I got to my destination the more I could feel them. I didn’t feel sad, I felt… Comforted. Any doubts I had about this trip were now gone. My instincts were telling me that my destiny was up in those mountains. The air up here revived us both. I’m so excited. I felt like I was going to burst.
“What do you smell boy? Come on, you can tell me.” He looked at me with a huge grin and wagged his tail. Why won’t he talk to me? Now would be a good time.
I remembered the day I brought him home… I’ll never forget it. On the way to the store, I passed an animal rescue shelter and my instincts told me to go inside. It felt like there was an energy pulling me towards the shelter. When I got these feelings, I tried not to ignore them. There has always been a reason for me to follow my instincts even if I didn’t get a vision of what was to come. The vibe had been unlike any I’d ever experienced before. The feeling was undeniably strong and impossible to avoid.
Once inside, the feelings grew stronger, guiding me to where the big dogs were being held. With my hand on the door, I heard a deep bark. I knew right then that it was the dog calling me. The barks ceased as I entered the room. Slowly, I walked past all the other dogs feeling nothing.
In the last kennel to the right sat a beautiful white shepherd. The label on the door read he was six-months old. He had a light tan stripe that started at the tip of each ear then traveled down his neck and the center of his back ending at the tip of his tail. His paws were huge for a puppy his size. When a puppy has paws that big it usually means that they’re going to grow up to be a large dog. I’ve always loved big dogs.
The moment we made eye contact with each other, I knew ‘he’ was the reason I was there. I knelt down for a closer look. When I looked deeply into his sable brown eyes I saw an ancient soul, a wolf-like spirit.
That’s when I heard a voice in my mind, “My name is Seager. I’ve been waiting for you.” My jaw hit the floor and I shuffled back a step, nearly falling on my rear. I couldn’t believe what I heard.
“Did you…” I started to say but at that very moment a volunteer walked up and asked if I needed assistance. Of course, I told her I wanted to adopt Seager.
At first they wouldn’t let me adopt him. Their reasoning was that he is part wolf. That was one of the reasons why I refused to leave the shelter without him. Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted a wolf or wolf/dog hybrid.
My gut told me that if I didn’t take him home today, I’d never see him again. What I didn’t know was why there was such urgency? No visions or premonitions appeared in my mind. Just a feeling that under no circumstance could I leave here without him.
All of a sudden it hit me. We were together in a previous life. I was confident about that. It’s how I knew to come here; he was calling me. It’s another strange gift of mine. When I meet someone, I can almost always tell if we’ve known each other in a previous life. I rarely experienced it, but each time I did, something unique would happen to prove my theory right. My mother said I had many gifts, but my inner psyche had been blocked from allowing me to experience them all. My parents enjoyed teasing me just as much as they enjoyed teasing each other. I used to laugh hysterically when she said things like that.
Anyway, it was when we were out in the parking lot that Seager first spoke to me and confirmed my inner thoughts. Trotting proudly beside me I looked down saying, “I hope you’ll like your new home.”
“I will. I’ve been waiting a while for you. You made me a little anxious thinking you weren’t going to find me.” I nearly fainted right there in the parking lot when I heard him answer. He didn’t bark, nor did he say anything out loud, he spoke to me telepathically. I looked around to see if anyone was near us. We were the only two in the parking lot. I’ve never spoken to animals before, ever.
Wanting to see if it was real, if we could speak to each other telepathically I asked, “Did you really just answer me?”
“Yes,” he answered as he jumped into the truck.
I climbed in the driver’s side and stared at him in disbelief. “Was it you that told me your name?”
“Yes, for as long as I can remember, you’ve always given me this name.” Okay, this is freaky.
Thinking I’m dreaming, I pinched myself. “Ouch!” Nope, I’m awake. “Can you hear my inner thoughts?”
“No,” he seemed to smirk, wagging his tail. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he was enjoying himself. Amazed that I was actually having a conversation with a dog, I almost hit another vehicle while backing out of my parking spot. Luckily, I saw it in time. “Maybe I should have waited a few weeks before talking to you. I’m just excited to be with you again. I’ll wait and give you some time to digest it all.”
That was the last time that Seager spoke to me. I never told anyone, not even my parents, about our conversation, nor about my ability to hear and speak to Seager. After all this time, I was beginning to wonder if I wasn’t just imagining the whole thing.
An hour later, we got off the highway and hit the side roads. I figured we had about an hour of driving left. If I was right, we should be there by noon. That would give me time to unpack, unload the ATV, and go shopping for some last minutes supplies. The last stretch took a little under an hour but in my state of excitement it felt like it took much longer.
Immediately upon our arrival, I headed to the front office, parked the truck out front and left Seager in it with the windows down. The owner, Sam, is a short round man. Papa Smurf popped into my head immediately. He was wearing jean coveralls or maybe they’re called farmer jeans? It suited him. As I signed the paperwork, I noticed him staring out the window at my truck, at Seager. Oops, I forgot to call to see if pets were allowed.
Chagrined, I apologized. “I found Seager at a shelter after I made these reservations. I meant to call you to see if dogs were permitted but time got away from me.” Thoughts raced through my mind. What if we couldn’t stay here? I briefly pondered the thought of telling him about my parents but decided
not to. Telling him about my parents would be a last resort, to avoid having to sleep in my truck.
“Not a problem, pets are welcome. He’s gorgeous. Did you say his name is Seager?” I nodded. “That’s an interesting name. How did you come up with it?”
Shrugging my shoulders, “It just sort of came to me. It just popped into my head.” I grinned. He’d never understand if I told him the truth, that Seager himself told me his name. We chatted for a few minutes. His wife gave me a local map along with a list of places I might be interested in visiting. Finally, he gave me the key to my cabin. I took it without touching him. As I left the office, I thanked them both.
I couldn’t wait to unpack and head into town to get some groceries. Driving down the narrow gravel and dirt road that led to the cabin, I saw the campground covered in tents, campers and other cabins. The direction we were headed in was away from all that.
“All the way in the back is our cabin. It’s perfect, Seager. Plenty of privacy, it’s just what we wanted.”
No response. Nothing.
I threw my truck into park and smiled. Before me I saw a cozy log cabin with a fire pit, grill and a picnic table. On the porch, a bench swing. As soon as I walked into the cabin, I realized I wouldn’t be roughing it at all, which is how I think a vacation should be. It offered all the accommodations a hotel would offer. The only difference was the décor. The rooms in the cabin were painted either beige or white with paintings of wildlife: bear, deer and such, hanging on the walls. The place was perfect.
After a quick walk through, I brought in all my bags and unpacked my clothes into dresser drawers and the closet. I brought a few pictures of my parents and placed them all over the cabin. They seemed to add a cozy feeling to the décor. Having only a week’s worth of clothes, it didn’t take me long to unpack. I’d have to remember to find a Laundromat.
