Sarah and I didn’t talk about feelings, or make plans for the future, so this honesty and vulnerability was new. For a long while I’d avoided pushing her to talk, but now that she was, I wanted more of it. I just wondered how I could avoid having to do the same. “How’d that work?”
“Not very well. I like being with you. It’s one of the things I look forward to the most, and not having it—you… I didn’t like it.”
This rationale might explain what happened the last time she stayed here, but it sure didn’t answer any of the other questions Candy had raised. “So you asking for a break didn’t have anything to do with serving left stage?”
Her eyes went wide, and a hint of irritation colored her voice when she said, “I guess Candy told you about that.”
“Seems to coincide pretty nicely with what went down that night.”
“I knew you wouldn’t be happy about it, but that wasn’t the reason I panicked. Not really.”
My stomach twisted as I considered that maybe Sarah hadn’t been opposed to serving there. “How’d you end up on left?”
“I had car trouble, and I was late for my shift. It was either Xander send me home or I take left stage, so I did it because I needed the money.”
I’d been after her for a while to get her car looked at. The rattle under the hood had been a sure sign it was in need of repairs, or a trip to the junkyard. I’d even offered to make an appointment with Hayden’s mechanic, but she’d kept putting it off, saying she’d get it taken care of. Obviously she’d waited until it was too late.
“Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve come to get you. I would’ve driven you in.”
“You were with a client. Remember how you stopped by to see me before my shift?” Her cheeks flushed pink.
I sifted back through my memories and understood exactly why she was blushing. We’d had a frantic make-out session, cut short by my early client and her having to go to work. I’d still managed to get her off, though.
“Was I the reason you were late?” If she’d been forced to serve left stage because I’d been looking for an early-evening orgasm, it served me right that she’d broken up with me in the first fucking place.
She shook her head. “I would’ve made it on time if my car hadn’t broken down. It wasn’t like you dropping everything to pick me up would’ve changed that, so I called a cab. Xander was pissed that I was late, and all the other sections were taken, so I took the one still available.”
“And that’s all you did? Serve left?” I didn’t want the answer to be anything but yes.
“I just served the tables.”
“You didn’t get pushed into anything else?” I wondered if I could get past security to punch Xander in the dick.
She held my gaze. “No. I mean, someone asked for a lap dance, but Xander told him I wasn’t available.”
Of course he did. Sarah was stunning, and she didn’t need all the caked-on makeup to look that way. She was girl-next-door meets Barbie—an incredible commodity to a guy like Xander. He wouldn’t waste her like that.
If he was anything like the owners of The Dollhouse, he’d be wanting to make her into something only the very privileged could have, like they’d tried to do with Lisa all those years ago. And those men were the worst kind. They would ruin a woman like Sarah. I was almost surprised Xander didn’t want Sarah for himself. Or maybe he did.
I gave in and picked up a lock of her hair, letting the pale strands sift through my fingers. “Xander been looking for you to serve there again?”
She kept her eyes down when she said, “He’s always pushing some angle.”
She wasn’t going to give me more, which meant there was likely something happening that she wasn’t willing to share. It frustrated me that in protecting myself, I’d helped create the wall between us. During and after the trial Sarah had pushed, albeit gently, for me to talk to her about things, but I always shut her down. I hadn’t wanted to taint the thing we had by revealing any more of my shit. In doing so, I’d closed off the possibility of real connection. But that was mostly okay. Even if this thing between us lasted a little longer, it wasn’t going to go on forever.
“Was the money good?”
Sarah lifted a shoulder and let it fall. “It’s all relative. You get paid for what you put up with.”
It was a loaded response. I threaded my fingers through hers. Seeing Candy had ended Sarah’s silence, as I’d hoped. But I didn’t like what had caused it.
“You know he’s going to keep pushing until you break, right?”
She bit her lip, her expression sad. “I’m not going to be there long enough for something like that to happen.”
“So you’re quitting?”
“As soon as my internship is over, I’m out. Hopefully I’ll get a job from my placement.”
“That’s a couple of months away, though, right?”
A lot could happen in that time. I didn’t want to think too far ahead, because Sarah getting a job in her field would change a lot of things. Still, getting her out of The Sanctuary was something I’d wanted since she’d taken the job. “Why wait so long? What about that friend of Tee’s, the one who works at that bar? You could try to get a job there.”
“I’m supposed to see Tenley and Lisa tomorrow night. I can talk to her then.”
I nodded. “That’s good.”
Sarah focused on our twined fingers. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Why’d you see Candy in the first place?”
“You weren’t talking to me or the girls, and she started messaging. Things weren’t adding up.”
“And you thought Candy was a good source of information?”
“Not particularly, no. But she was willing to see me when you weren’t.”
“And you knew I’d find out.”
Lying was pointless. “I was banking on it.”
“So you used Candy to get my attention?”
“I’m not going to apologize for it. Candy was using me to get to you, and I used her back. It might’ve been an underhanded way to go about it, but she presented the opportunity, so I took it. Candy’s nothing if not a manipulator, and she always wants the things she can’t have the most.” Ironically, I was the same in a lot of ways.
I probably belonged with someone like Candy rather than Sarah, but Sarah seemed to be choosing me, and I’d take it, for however long it might last. Whether it was for the right reasons or not, I decided not to analyze.
“Well, your plan worked.”
“Good. Then it was worth having to sit through breakfast with Candy.”
Sarah breathed out a laugh, then gave me a shy look. “You’re not seeing her again?”
“Fuck no. Once was painful enough.”
“So no more break?”
“Not if you don’t want one.”
“I don’t.”
“Then me neither.” I leaned in to kiss her.
She put a palm on my chest. “I still smell like the club; I should shower first.”
I tilted her head up, barely touching my lips to hers. “Let’s wash away everyone else’s sins so we can commit our own.”
A wave of goose bumps pebbled her arms. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard in the past two weeks.”
I stood up, our hands still laced, and led her to the bathroom. I closed the door, not because we needed the privacy, but because I wanted the heat and warmth for Sarah.
She waited while I turned on the faucet and adjusted the temperature. Sarah liked hot showers. Her pale skin was always an angry pink when she was done. I toned it down a bit, since I assumed the heat was a sort of punishment for other people’s transgressions.
Once I was satisfied, I turned to Sarah. She stood on the bathmat, hands clasped in front of her. A lot remained unsaid between us, but what she’d given me in words I’d thank her for with touch, because I couldn’t match her honesty. Not yet.
I brushed her cheek with the back of my hand and t
raced the contour of her lip. Sarah’s tongue peeked out. I knew why she was so popular at the club; she exuded a kind of purity that made her both desirable and unattainable. Except I had her. She’d let me put my hands all over every part of her perfect body.
“Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” I made another pass with my thumb, this time wiping away residual lipstick—a garish red too severe for her fine features and pale skin. I followed with my mouth, sucking that pouty bottom lip.
Sarah gripped my shoulders, but I didn’t take the kiss any further. First we’d shower, then I’d take her to bed and show her how much I’d missed having her there. I backed up, and she whimpered.
Trailing gentle fingers down her side, I found the hem of her shirt and slipped my palm underneath, lifting the fabric over her head. Her bra was white cotton, with a front clasp. I carefully unfastened it, hooked my fingers under the straps, and pulled it down her arms.
Sarah’s nipples tightened in the warm, damp air. I caressed the swell of her breasts, but moved on to her jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping, then dropped to my knees in front of her so I could drag them down her legs.
Her panties matched her bra, a pair of white Hanes bikini briefs. I pulled those down, too. I took a few moments to appreciate that she was here with me again, and that in the past two weeks no one had touched her like I was about to, that my worries had been unfounded. For now.
I ran my hands down her sides and over her hips on a deep exhale, then kissed below her navel before I stood. I was already shirtless, having fallen asleep on the couch.
As my sweats hit the floor, Sarah’s eyes dropped to my hard-on, which had been hiding, tucked into my waistband. She ran her hands down my chest, but I caught them before they could get past my navel.
“Let’s get wet.”
She laughed, helping to temper the heavy mood, and let me pull her into the shower. I checked the spray before I put her under it. Her pale hair turned dark blond as water cascaded over her. I passed her the shampoo first, letting her take care of the important stuff while I lathered up her sponge-poof thing and dropped to my knees again.
I started at her feet and worked my way up her shins in slow circles, then moved around to her calves and up along the back of her thighs, coming around to the front again. I didn’t pause to get between her legs, even though she’d parted them. I had plans.
By the time I was done washing her legs Sarah had finished with her hair. Showers were usually functional for her. I stood and washed the rest of her while she trailed her fingertips over the ink on my shoulder and the dragon running down my side.
I didn’t spend a lot of time on her breasts, or the other sensitive areas where I knew she liked my hands. Instead I skimmed and teased, appreciating her soft, slightly impatient sighs.
When I’d been over every inch of her body, save one part, I stepped back to watch the suds pool at her feet and swirl down the drain. “Okay, all clean.”
“You missed a spot,” she said softly.
“I did? You look perfect to me. What’d I miss?”
Sarah’s already flushed cheeks darkened further. She took my hand and dragged my fingertips from her navel to the neatly trimmed triangle of blond, guiding me to that sweet spot between her thighs. Her eyes fluttered as I went lower.
Sarah’s lips parted as she swayed forward, grabbing the back of my neck.
“Is this what I missed?” I asked, gliding my fingers back and forth over slick skin.
Sarah nodded. I caressed her cheek with my not-busy hand. “Let me see those baby blues.”
Sarah’s eyes opened slowly, and I smiled when they finally met mine. “Feel good?” I asked.
“Uh-huh,” she whispered.
“We almost finished washing away all the bad things?”
She nodded, her grip on the back of my neck tightening as I increased the pressure but not the speed.
I kept rubbing, slow and steady, and Sarah’s eyes stayed on mine. My name formed on her lips, but it never came out as a sound. When she started to tremble, I backed her against the wall to help her keep her balance. Her mouth dropped open, eyes rolling up as the tremble became a quake. I eased a finger inside and used my palm to keep the pressure on her clit, feeling the heavy pulse within.
When she finished coming, Sarah wrapped her arms around me, her face pressed against my chest, lips moving in a slow path up my neck. “I missed the way you make me feel.”
“You should let me make you feel even better then, don’t you think?”
She nodded against my shoulder. I cut the water and wrapped her in a towel, then grabbed one for myself. We dried off and left them in a heap on the floor, too interested in getting back to the good stuff to care about the mess of wet clothes.
We ran naked through my apartment, Sarah shivering as she climbed up onto the mattress. The fan was on, the fluctuation in May temperatures making it difficult to sleep sometimes. I threw back the covers, flicked on the bedside lamp, opened the top drawer, and slapped the box of condoms on the nightstand so I wouldn’t have to fumble around for it later.
Once prepared, I faced Sarah and propped myself up on my elbow. She lay on her side of the bed, wet hair soaking the pillow. She palmed the back of my neck and drew me down for a kiss. Her skin was pebbled, and she shivered again, so I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her against me.
Sarah’s small moan vibrated against my lips. She threw her leg over my hip and pressed her warm, strong body along the length of mine, trapping my cock between us. We stayed like that for a while, kissing, hands roaming, until hers went to my ass and she pulled me on top of her.
“I want you.” She smoothed her hands up my arms.
“You’ll get me.” I dropped a kiss on her chin. “First I need to reacquaint myself with this gorgeous body of yours. You down?”
She smiled and bit her lip. “Totally down.”
Grinning, I lowered myself so we were chest to chest. I took my time kissing along Sarah’s jaw while she ran her hands down my back. She pushed on my ass, maybe hoping to encourage me to grind up on her, but I was saving that for later. It had been too long since I’d been inside her, two weeks of uncertainty.
I pushed up again, hovering above her. “Show me where you want me to kiss you.”
Sarah wasn’t a talker in bed. She wasn’t silent, but she was more prone to soft sounds and encouraging actions than exuberant affirmation that she was getting off on what I gave her.
She pointed to the spot below her ear, so I ran my tongue over the sensitive skin, following with gentle teeth and lips. The tightening of Sarah’s legs around my waist indicated I was on the right track.
“Where to next?”
Sarah walked a trail down her body with her fingers. I skirted her nipples on purpose, because I wanted her words, not just gasps and moans.
“Chris,” she whimpered, arching her back.
“Yeah, baby?” I kissed the center of her stomach.
She touched close to her nipple. “You missed right here.”
I licked a line over the swell of her breast. “Here?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Here.” This time she brushed her nipple with a fingertip.
I covered the peak with my mouth, applying suction. Her hands went to my hair, holding me there. I waited until she loosened her grip before I moved to the other nipple, then continued my guided descent.
Sarah’s lip was between her teeth when I finally reached her pussy. “Now where?”
She parted her legs and touched the juncture of her thigh, so I kissed her there, following with a slow lick that barely missed her clit. She moved her finger to the other side, so I did the same thing again. Sarah’s eyes were on me as she grazed her clit, so I kept mine locked on hers as I pressed a tiny, soft kiss there. Then I waited.
A hint of a smile tugged at her mouth. She touched the same spot. I kissed there again and drew back.
Sarah propped herself up on an elbow and swept her f
inger across my bottom lip before she tapped the spot again. “French me,” she whispered.
I grinned and closed my lips over her clit, stroking her with my tongue, doing exactly as she’d asked. She stayed propped up on one arm so she could run her fingers through my hair until she was close to coming. Then she dropped back down and writhed against my mouth, her faint moans growing louder. Her toes curled under my forearms, and I slipped two fingers inside her while I licked, once again feeling the pulse as she came on me, for me.
Then I eased back up her body and reached for a condom. I lost myself in her, in the way she whispered my name and kissed my neck and bit my shoulder, asking for my mouth. I gave her what she wanted, because it was the same thing I wanted. Just her. For as long as she wanted to keep making this mistake. At some point she’d figure it out, find someone who could give her all the things I’d never be able to, but until then, I’d love her, even if I couldn’t tell her that’s what I was doing.
CHAPTER FIVE
Chris
Sarah took off early the next morning for class. I didn’t go back to sleep after she left. Instead I stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out why things still didn’t feel quite right. Everything was tied up too neatly. Sarah was back in my bed, where I wanted her. Maybe the problem was me wanting something I wasn’t going to get to keep, and being mostly okay with it.
New texts from Ivy made my phone buzz on the nightstand, distracting me from my continued worries. The first message apologized for not getting back to me sooner—she’d been at work—and the second said she’d be home until eleven this morning. It was barely past eight. I didn’t have to be at work until 10:45 since I’d set up for my first appointment last night. I got dressed and grabbed my keys and my spare helmet.
Warm May sunshine greeted me as I stepped outside, but it didn’t lift my mood. Hopefully whatever was going on with Ivy was less complicated than what was happening with Sarah.
I left my neighborhood and headed south toward Midway Airport. Rather than taking the rush hour-snarled highway, I took surface streets past Pilsen’s bodegas and indie art galleries, then through Chinatown before I angled west on Archer and eventually found myself in an area that hadn’t changed much since the 1960s. Dated apartment buildings and tiny houses in various states of upkeep crowded next to storefronts as I rode down potholed streets.
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