“Well, I am.”
Ryder took a step closer, before stopping and resting his hands lightly on his hips. “We aren’t going to just leave you alone, Rayna, no matter what you think.”
“It’s what I want,” she insisted.
“I don’t care,” Ryder shot back. “It isn’t what is going to happen.”
Sighing, Rayna sat down on her front steps. “Ryder, no matter what, my life is in danger. If I am here, if I’m in Virginia, that isn’t going to change. But it doesn’t mean that yours has to be too, or that your family’s does.”
Ryder walked over and sat beside her, reaching out hesitantly to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “I don’t know how to stand down when someone I care about is in trouble,” he admitted.
Shaking her head in confusion, Rayna whispered, “You can’t care about me. You don’t even know me anymore, Ryder. The girl that you used to know, the one you were friends with back then, she’s gone. There isn’t anything left of her. She died in that crash with the rest of her family.”
“Then let me get to know you. Show me who you are now, who Rayna Williams is.”
Sorrow flooded her heart as she looked into his intense blue eyes. He would never know how much she wished she could do that. She wanted nothing more than to spend time with the man beside her. He was all that was left of the people she loved from her past. Shaking her head, she murmured, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Ryder watched her closely, before finally rising slowly to his feet. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. “I already knew that would be your answer.” Gazing out over her land, he asked, “Have you talked to your colleagues in Virginia? Do they know if Cortez has eyes on you here yet?”
“Not yet,” Rayna admitted. “I will contact them soon, but as far as I know, he hasn’t taken the bait yet.”
Nodding, Ryder took one last look at her before walking away. She sighed as she watched him get into his pickup and drive away without a backward glance.
Chapter 12
Ryder sat at his mother’s kitchen table, surrounded by family, but not hearing a word that was being said. His thoughts were centered on the beautiful, courageous woman just a couple of miles from the Caldwell ranch, who refused to give any of them the time of day. He had been pissed when she turned him away that morning, but if he were honest with himself, he knew he would have done the same thing if he were in her shoes. He would alienate everyone he loved, or cared about, so that they didn’t end up in a body bag after the mob arrived in town.
He fought back a groan as he remembered the way pieces of hair had escaped Rayna’s ponytail, and how her eyes darkened slightly when he brushed it away from her face, accidentally skimming her cheekbone with his fingertips. Her hair was so soft, her skin so smooth.
Ryder jumped when a foot connected with his ankle under the table, glaring at his sister when she burst into laughter. “What the hell did you do that for?”
Katy raised an eyebrow, cocking her head to the side as a slow, somewhat evil grin spread across her face. “You haven’t heard a word I’ve said.”
“Yes I have,” Ryder argued.
“Really?”
Shit, no he hadn’t. Shaking his head, he returned her grin with a sheepish one of his own. “No, I haven’t.”
He was ready for his brothers to rib him next, and was surprised when all Creed said was, “You may want to start paying attention, Ryder. Your little sister has a hair-brained idea that she wants to leave us.”
His eyes narrowing, Ryder looked over at Katy, “Leave? Where would you go?”
Katy shrugged, her face flushing a dark red. Ryder could not remember the last time he’d seen his sister look so uncomfortable.
“Katy,” Caiden said quietly, “we are all for you following your dreams, wherever they may lead, but I thought your dreams were here, in Serenity Springs?”
“I thought so too,” Katy replied softly, “but I just can’t stop wondering..”
“Wondering what?” Ryder asked, afraid he already knew the answer. When Sloane moved in with Creed and his daughter Cassie a few months ago, Katy rented out her apartment above the bookstore. She said she needed to spread her wings, and get her own place, away from the ranch. He was beginning to see that it was so much more.
“Where I’m from,” Katy finally admitted, “who I am.”
“You are a Caldwell, child,” his mother told her, reaching over to cover Katy’s hand with her own. “You will always be a Caldwell.”
“I know,” Katy whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “I do know that, Mama, but sometimes I just feel empty, like something is missing.”
“Let me finish,” Cara interjected. “You are my daughter, and always will be, no matter what happens. I love all of you children more than life itself, but your father and I knew this day would come. We have been preparing for it since we found you at the orphanage.” Wiping away the tears that slipped from Katy’s eyes, she went on, “We promised ourselves the day we brought all of you home, that when it was time, we would support you when you were ready to find your birth parents. And we will. It would be selfish of us not to.”
Ryder watched as his sister sank into his mom’s embrace, clinging to her tightly. “Thank you,” Katy said hoarsely, “thank you for understanding. It isn’t that I don’t love you. You will always be my parents. I just need to know where I’m from.”
“We do understand, Katy,” his father’s voice was gruff, and Ryder swore he saw tears in the man’s eyes too. “We will help you, baby girl, with whatever you need.”
“What’s the plan?” Creed asked.
Ryder stood, taking his empty plate over to the sink. Rinsing it off, he listened as his sister told them about a private detective she’d hired in April to find her birth mother. According to him, he was unable to find anything, and had no leads for her. Katy didn’t believe him. She was going to go to the orphanage in Nevada and start there. “I won’t leave until you find someone to take my place at the station, Creed,” she promised, “or until we know Rayna is safe.”
“Rayna will be fine,” Ryder told them, walking to the door and grabbing his Stetson from where it hung on the wall beside it. “Go do what you gotta do. I can take on more hours at the station.”
“No you can’t, Ryder. You are already stretched too thin as it is.” Creed’s tone brooked no argument, but Ryder ignored him.
“It will work out,” was all he said before walking out the door. He needed to get out of there. Family was everything to him, and now not only were both Linc and Justice gone, but his baby sister was leaving too.
Rayna sat on the reclining loveseat, her legs up, a paperback by Hope Cavanaugh on her lap, and her 9mm resting on the cushion beside her. The chocolate brown loveseat was the only piece of furniture in her living room, and it was a good thing it was comfortable, because it was also where she spent every night. She purchased a bedroom set with a king-sized bed when she moved in that was now upstairs in her old room, but refused to allow herself the luxury of actually sleeping in it. If she slept too soundly, she wouldn’t hear anyone if they tried to break into the house. Not only that, but she was afraid the memories in that room would be too much for her right now.
The sound of a vehicle pulling into her driveway shook Rayna from her thoughts, and she clicked the mute button on the remote to quiet the television quickly, without actually turning it off. If the person coming down the drive saw it go off, they would know she was on to them before she could find out who it was. She was pretty sure Diego’s men would not just drive in and knock on her door looking for her, but it was better to be safe than sorry.
Picking up her gun, Rayna slipped from the sofa, crouching down and moving swiftly across the floor. When she reached the corner window, she squatted in front of it, her eyes peering out into the darkness just over the windowsill. When the outside light illuminated a truck with the Caldwell Ranch logo on the side as it made its way around the front circle, she took a deep breat
h, lowering the gun and rising to go unlock the front door. Not waiting for his knock, she opened the door and found herself staring into eyes full of confusion and pain.
“Ryder,” Rayna said quietly, stepping aside to let him in. She had no idea what was wrong with him, or why he was there, but there was no way she could turn him away.
Ryder walked in, stopping just inside the entrance to the living room. “Love what you’ve done to the place,” he joked with an empty chuckle.
“Thanks,” she responded lightly, shutting the door and locking it. “I like it.” Rayna watched him silently, waiting for him to speak again. When he didn’t, she said his name softly.
Ryder turned back towards her, removing his Stetson and running a hand through his short hair. He looked exhausted, like he held the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Since you already know that I have been checking on you throughout the day, I thought I might as well just stop by and see you this time.”
Rayna knew there was more to it, but she decided to let him off the hook for now. “Well, you came just in time,” she said with a smile. “There’s a movie coming on soon that I’ve been wanting to see for awhile, and I have ice cream in the freezer calling my name.” Nodding towards the loveseat she told him, “Why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“You’re going to let me stay?” he asked in confusion.
“You seem to need some company right now, Ryder, and as much as I hate to admit it, I could use some myself.” She had no idea why she was letting him stay. Maybe it was the fact that she had been alone for two weeks straight, or that he looked like he’d just lost his best friend...or that she just wanted him near right now. Whatever it was, she was going to ignore the fact that she was going against her own rules about allowing someone to get too close, and let him stay for a couple of hours. “Just until the movie is over,” she said, pointing a finger at him to emphasize her point, “then you go home, and I go to bed.”
“Deal,” Ryder agreed, dropping down into the loveseat, and leaning back in the recliner. When she turned to walk away, she heard him whisper, “Thanks Rayna.”
Smiling to herself, Rayna made her way to the kitchen to get the ice cream, returning a few minutes later with two bowls full of chocolate and peanut butter cups, with chocolate syrup and whip cream on top. She stopped short when she saw Ryder, asleep on the sofa with his Stetson resting beside him. After taking the ice cream back into the kitchen, she returned and covered him with her blanket. Letting her gaze wander over his tired features, she resisted the urge to reach out and trace them with her fingers. He was all that she remembered, and so much more.
Taking one last look at him, Rayna stepped back with a sigh. It looked like she was going to be sleeping in her old room for the first time since she moved back, whether she was ready to or not, because there was no way she was going to sit beside Ryder when her emotions were running wild. She would probably end up doing something they would both regret.
Chapter 13
Ryder raised his arms above his head and stretched, trying to get the kinks out of his back. What the hell? He felt like he’d slept in the back of the truck instead of in his own bed. Grunting, he twisted his upper body, cursing out loud when his hand smacked against something hard. His eyes sprang open quickly, and he looked around, trying to figure out where he was. It took a full thirty seconds for his foggy brain to register that he was in Rayna Williams’s living room, and another thirty to realize that he had missed out on his chance to have a couple of hours alone with her the night before when he passed out on her couch like a fool.
Raking a hand through his messed up hair, he muttered to himself, “You finally get her to spend time with you, and you pass the fuck out. Way to go, dumbass.” A small grin appeared as he ran a hand over the light blue comforter that covered him. She must care a little if she’d taken the time to tuck him in before going to bed herself.
Glancing around, wondering where Rayna was, Ryder put the recliner down and stood up. He was stretching again when his phone vibrated in his pocket. Retrieving it, he grimaced when he saw his sister’s name flash across the screen. Shit, he did not need this right now. Barely resisting the urge to ignore the call and turn his phone off, he answered, “Ryder.” Katy was stubborn, persistent, and a huge pain in the ass sometimes, but he loved her.
“Where are you?” she asked, wasting no time with pleasantries.
That was a loaded question, he thought, wondering how he should respond. What did he tell her? He’d shown up at Rayna’s last night because he was fucked up about another one of his family members leaving, and he didn’t know where else to go? He couldn’t tell his baby sister that. As much as he hated the idea of her leaving, he would never stand in her way.
“Ryder? Are you okay? You’re late for work. You are never late.”
His brow furrowing, Ryder pulled the phone back to look at the time. Shit, it was after 10 in the morning. He never slept past 6 o’clock, there was too much to do. He needed to feed the cattle, check on his pregnant mare, change, and get to work. He should have been there an hour ago. Closing his eyes tightly, he answered, “I’m going to be a little late this morning, Katy. I have a few things I need to finish up at the ranch, and then I will be there. Cover for me?”
After a moment, Katy murmured, “Of course, just get your ass in here.” There was a pause, and then, “You would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?”
No, he wouldn’t. He hardly ever shared his true feelings with anyone. He liked to keep things close and private, even from his family. He never let them know that, of course. He hid behind jokes and a flirtatious attitude, showing only love and laughter on the outside. His problems were his own.
“I have to go, sis. I’ll be there as soon as I can,” was all he said before ending the call. Shoving the phone back into his pocket, he walked quickly through the dining room and kitchen to get to the bathroom in the back of the house. He needed to get to work, and there was so much to do before that could happen.
Making quick use of the facilities, Ryder went back to the living room, grabbed his Stetson off the loveseat, and headed to the front door. His mind on his jacked up morning, he almost missed the soft cry that came from upstairs. His hand on the doorknob, he turned toward the noise, stiffening when it came again, louder this time. Rayna.
Taking the steps two at a time, he rushed down the hall until he stopped in front of Olivia and Macey’s old bedroom. Rayna lay in the middle of a large bed, thrashing back and forth. Her body was covered in a layer of sweat, a look of fear etched into her face.
“No,” she moaned, “no. Please, no!”
“Rayna, it’s okay,” Ryder said, moving quickly across the room. Two seconds later, he was slowly stepping back, his hands raised in the air, held out away from him in a non-threatening manner. She held a gun leveled on him, her eyes glossed over, arms stiff and unyielding. “Rayna, it’s me, Ryder.” When she didn’t respond, he stated more forcibly, “Put the gun down, Rayna. I am not going to hurt you.” She was breathing heavily, the terror of her nightmare still clinging to her, but the hand holding the gun never wavered.
“Rayna, look at me,” Ryder ordered, his hand held out to her in a placating manner. “Look at me. You are safe. It’s just me. Ryder. I would never hurt you.”
Slowly recognition crossed her face, and then a look of horror entered her eyes when she realized what was happening. “Ryder,” she rasped, dropping the gun on the bed in front of her. Her hands covering her mouth, she whispered, “What have I done?”
Ryder closed the distance between them, picking up the gun and placing it on the bedside table. “Rayna, it’s okay. You didn’t hurt me.”
Oh my God, what the hell was wrong with her? This was one of the main reasons why she didn’t allow anyone to get close to her, and she never let anyone spend the night. She had no control over anything when she was under the spell of one of her dreams. It had happened one other t
ime, six years ago, and although she didn’t pull a gun on him, the guy did leave with more than one bruise shortly after she managed to break free of the night terror and fight her way back to reality.
She almost shot Ryder, believing he was someone else. The one person whose memory she had clung to all of these years. The person who helped her get through everything in her past and press on, even though he wasn’t there and had no idea the affect their relationship as teenagers, and what she’d hoped at the time would turn into so much more, had on her.
“You’re okay.”
Rayna just shook her head. What had she done? Her life was so fucked up. Everything about her was fucked up. She would never be able to fall in love, never be able to spend the rest of her life with a man who loved her in return. Who would want to be with her? Someone who could kill them in their sleep without realizing what she’d done?
“Rayna,” The deep sound of his voice interrupted her thoughts, “stop it, now.”
She looked at him, tears slipping from her eyes and falling down her cheeks. “You need to leave, Ryder.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Ryder, please,” she almost begged, “I almost shot you.”
“You are not going to hurt me,” he responded gruffly, sitting down on the side of the bed beside her, “and I’m not going anywhere.”
God, he had no idea what those words meant to her. She could not remember the last time someone wanted to be there for her, especially after what just happened. “I could have killed you, Ryder. I could have...”
“You didn’t,” he said, moving closer to her, “you didn’t, and I don’t believe that you ever could, no matter what you might think.” Cupping her cheeks gently in his hands, he lightly rubbed the tears from her skin. “You would never hurt me, Rayna.”
“Not on purpose,” she whispered.
“Never,” he insisted.
She wanted to believe him. Staring into eyes full of trust and conviction, she really wanted to believe what he said was true. But how could he be so sure, when she didn’t even know herself what she was capable of?
Saving His Soul (Serenity Springs Series, #3) Page 7
