by Jess Buffett
I watched as Law opened the door to his classroom, his eyes never leaving mine as the whispers turned into all out shrieks from the girls in the front row.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“Hey,” I choked out, looking between him and my class. “What are you doing here?”
“Came to see you,” Law answered simply, like it was something so natural.
A chorus of oh my God and holy shit echoed in the room, and I had to agree.
Law came to stand beside me, turning a cocky grin on the class.
“Hey, I’m Law.” The kids all laughed at his simple introduction. There wasn't a chance in hell that any of them didn’t know who he was. “So you all have this guy as your teacher, huh?”
My students all answered in varying degrees.
Nodding, Law smirked at me. “Well, you’re all really lucky. This man is the best. Seriously. You’d be crazy not to listen to him. He’ll never steer you wrong. Be grateful to have him in your lives.”
The bell ringing interrupted anything else Law had planned to add, and I watch in stunned silence as my class slowly filtered out of the room, most of them taking a moment to speak to Law. For his part, Law took it all in stride, even when a few of the females of the group let their hands wander.
When we were alone, I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
“Was that okay?”
I frowned at the question. “What?”
“Interrupting your class.” Law let out an uneasy chuckle, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. “I didn’t think classes were still going, as otherwise I would have waited outside, and then they saw me, so I…”
He trailed off with a shrug.
“Yeah. It was okay. It will keep them interested in my lessons at least.”
Law nodded, shuffling a foot and remaining quiet.
The awkward silence drove me insane. “What are you doing here, Law?”
“Came to see you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Obviously, but why? It’s not like we left things on a good note, and I haven’t seen you since.”
If I hadn’t been paying close enough attention, I would have missed Law slightly flinch. “I saw you.”
I squinted at him. “When?”
The flush that crept up his cheeks was endearing, and I had to momentarily close my eyes and compose myself. Now wasn’t the time to crumple into a complete mess. I had already done that and had spent the last few months picking myself back up again.
“About four weeks ago. You were in that café on the corner of Wellington and York Street. You were with a guy, tall, brunet. Seemed like the two of you were on a date.” The whole time Law explained he focused his eyes on the back of the classroom, not once glancing at me. There was a faint tremor in his voice as though some emotion had touched him.
I frowned, trying to remember and smiling when I recalled exactly who I was with. “That was no date.”
“You sure?” Law asked hesitantly, tilting his head to look at me.
“Seriously?” I outright laughed at that, but when I spoke again, my voice was tender, almost a murmur. “I’m sure. I think my sister might take issue with it if it were. Seeing as how it was her husband I was with.”
The heavy lashes that shadowed his cheeks flew up. “Your brother-in-law?”
“Yup. Emma’s dad.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.”
I saw him struggle with his uncertainty, and I wanted nothing more than to reassure him. Was that what he wanted from me? Reassurance? Was Law jealous? Could he forgive me enough to be?
It had taken a good while, but I had acknowledge, at least to myself, that I had overreacted. I had expected so much, so quickly from the younger man who lived his entire life in the limelight. I had briefly forgotten how difficult that must have been, and I had forced my own feelings and fears on to him.
By the time I had come to terms with this, however, it had been too long, and Law had shown no interest in reaching out. Not that I blamed him. I had seriously fucked up. No one had the right to forcibly out a gay man, least of all another gay man.
How did I say that to Law though, after what I had done?
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out, just as Law did the same.
We both looked startled, a small grin creeping onto his face as Law snorted. “What are you sorry for? I’m the one who acted like an arse, denied who I was to the point of hurting you, and then had the nerve to get jealous over your brother-in-law. Fuck, I’ve been acting like a miserable jerk to everyone since I saw the two of you. I think the lads were ready to throw me over a bloody rail.”
“So you were jealous?” I failed at hiding my happiness at his admission.
Rolling his eyes, he sighed. “Just a little.”
In that moment there were no shadows across my heart. “I probably sound really shallow, but I kind of like the idea of you being jealous. Even if it’s just a little.”
Law’s expression was full of strength, shining with steadfast and serene peace all of a sudden. “I’ve missed you, and I’ve wanted to talk to you so badly, but I convinced myself that staying away from you was for the best. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, what you clearly need, and it wasn’t fair for me to let you think I could. All this time away from you though has been complete and utter torture. Staying away from you, not being open and honest, it’s not worth how much this hurts any more. And I don’t know if you could ever forgive me, but I had to find out.”
Every word he said chipped away more and more at walls until I felt them crumbling down around me. “There’s a lot of pressure to be you, isn’t there?”
His brows drew together in an agonized expression. “You think?”
“I just mean, you seem to handle it all so effortlessly on the surface, but behind the scenes…”
“That's the thing, no one stops to really see. They all think they know. You know, I have fifty percent of the people out there saying that there’s no way I’m not a closet coke addict or something. That I must be hiding some seriously kinky love life to not be flaunting it all around the place. The other fifty percent want to congratulate me for being such an outstanding role model. They say I have morals and virtue in a corrupt industry. They don’t know that I hide my love life because I’m scared that everyone who claims to love me would actually hate me if they found out I were gay. That I’d rather die than touch drugs because my mother’s a drug addict. That I spent the first part of my childhood in perpetual fear. While the rest of the kids were terrified of the dark outside their home, I was paralyzed by the monsters that lived inside mine.”
A tumble of confused thoughts and feelings assailed me. “But I met your mother when you were in school. She never—”
“She’s not my mum. Not biologically. Miranda is my foster mum, my last foster mum that is. I had a few.”
“I never knew.”
“Of course you didn’t. No one did.” Law pressed both his hands over his eyes, as if they burned with weariness. “That’s the way I prefer it. I spent years bouncing around from one foster family to another after my dad died fighting overseas. Mum couldn’t handle it or something, and numbing her feelings was easier than facing them and being there for her own bloody kid. And really no one is more surprised than I am that that hasn't come to light yet. I guess, everyone is so focused on what I do now that none of them have stopped to ask who I was before. Small blessings right?”
I edged closer to him, raising a hand to cup the side of his face. I smiled in wonder when he didn't flinch and attempt to draw back in any way. There was no quick looks to the door to check for people, and Law’s eyes never left me. Leaning in, I pressed my lips to his, caressing his mouth more than kissing it. “There really is a lot I don’t know about you, isn’t there?”
“People think that if they read enough tabloids that they can get a general picture. They have no clue.”
I kept my hand where it was, even though I pulled b
ack a little. “It’s my turn to be sorry.”
“For what?”
“You’ve dealt with so much shit and you just keep going, but no one stops to ask if you’re okay, do they?” Law tried to say something, but I stopped him by slipping my hand to his mouth, my fingers covering his lips in hopes that he would just listen. “And here I was solely focused on what I want or what I think I need, and once again you’re letting someone get their own way. The consequences to you be damned.”
“Byron, no, I—” The muffled words were silenced when I pressed my hand firmer to his lips.
“You have sacrificed enough, Law. I’ve had it so damn easy. Maybe it's time I work for something, huh?” I removed my hand, using it to push back some of his wayward hair that had fallen forward. “Maybe I take the time needed to prove this, what we have, is worth the risk before I demand you take that risk.”
Law started at me for a moment, and something intense flared through our entrancement. There was an invitation to the smoldering depths of his blue eyes as a smile tipped the corners of his mouth, a depth to it that had seemed to be missing for too long. “Maybe you could just shut the hell up and kiss me?”
“Now that, that I think I can do.”
Epilogue
Law
Two years later
Sitting in a comfortable high back lounge chair, I smiled cordially as our interviewer, Georgina, asked us another question left by a fan on her show's website. We had agreed to answer a number of small and mostly innocently requests by fans, and for the most part it was pretty entertaining. Especially when they skirted topics that left both Zeck and Dillon more than a little embarrassed. Alec and I seemed to be coming out pretty unscathed.
The label had set up a number of these types of interviews leading up to our next world tour, the first one we had been on since our group had been rocked by one scandal after another. It had been a rough two years, but the results were definitely worth it.
“So, our next question left by a fan is for you, Dillon,” Georgina stated with a sly grin.
Dillon moaned and covered his face with his hands dramatically. “Oh man, can one of the others take a turn?”
“Nope, afraid not,” she said sweetly, though we could all tell she was taking great pleasure in watching the normally cocky man squirm. “It seems that with Issy’s pregnancy and news of her carrying twins has spread, rumors of baby number two are in the wind for you, and this fan wants to know if that’s true. Is little Grace going to be a big sister any time soon?”
I chuckled when Dillon sighed, looking relieved and even a little giddy as he responded. “That would be a yes.”
The audience erupted into a mixture of applause, whistles and a few misplaced but expected boos.
Georgina’s face lit up. “How wonderful for you. I know a few more hearts break each time one of you boys settles down, but you must be so excited.”
Dillon nodded, but it was Zeck who answered, and by the wink he sent me, I knew he was about to give me the opening I had been waiting for. “Yeah, it’s going to be amazing. Five babies in the group by Christmas. We can’t wait.”
Our host froze, her eyes widening when she looked at Dillon again. “Well that doesn’t add up. Are you saying Ashlyn is having twins as well?”
“Nope.” Dillon shook his head emphatically. “I doubt I’d ever have sex again if I did that to her.”
The crowd laughed and cheered at his response, and I hid my amusement behind my hand when Georgina’s eyes latched back onto Zeck. “Zeck, something you want to tell us?”
Zeck raised a brow at the woman, shooting her an incredulous look. “You kidding? If Issy were having triplets I’d be celibate right alongside Dillon for the rest of my life. I mean, clearly we wanted to catch up with Dillon and Ashlynn, but not pass them. Damn.”
Georgina peered at Alec and me, as if trying to size up which one of us was more likely to have knocked a chick up. “Law, Alec? Something either of you want to share?”
I could see the strain in Alec’s expression at her question. Jo had decided to focus on finishing university and becoming a doctor, and Alec was supporting her one hundred percent of the way, which I respected deeply. They were sick and tired of the expectation and pressure they were getting to get married and have kids, and I knew I had to say something.
It is time, I thought.
“It’s me,” I announced, almost laughing when the entire studio went quiet. I sat there patiently waiting for it to all sink in, absently twisting my wedding band that I hadn’t removed for the interview, which no one had seemed to notice.
Wait until they find out I’m married … to a man, I thought with a great deal of amusement.
I had to give Georgina some credit when she recovered a lot quicker than I thought she would. “Ah, I have to admit, I’m a bit surprised. Law, have you been holding out on us?”
Zeck snorted. “You have no idea.”
I nudged the wanker in the ribs, as I smiled at Georgina. “You could say that. I have a daughter.”
“A daughter?” Georgina asked bewildered.
“Yes. My husband and I started the process for adoption a little over a year ago, and just last week everything was finalized and we were able to bring our baby girl home.”
“Husband?” This time as Georgina asked the question she looked a little dazed.
“Yes, my husband,” I answered holding up my left hand and indicating the wedding ring sitting there.
Over the last few months the lads and I had decided how we were going to handle my coming out. After a year together Byron and I had tied the knot in a private ceremony that we had kept under the radar. At the time we had considered making the announcement then, but when talks of adoption began surfacing we had agreed to wait. Not because we were afraid, no, I hadn’t been afraid of how much I loved Byron for a long time, but because we were concerned the public scrutiny could adversely affect our chances.
With another full year under our belt, a solid marriage, and our baby girl, Madeline, safe at home, we were ready for the world to know. Dillon, Zeck, and Alec supported us as we had known they would, as did the record label, surprisingly enough.
“Sorry, can we just cover that again?” Georgina requested, staring out at the audience and then back at me.
I chuckled, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my thighs. “Let me break it down. Two years ago I reconnected with someone I cared deeply for. His name is Byron. Those feelings grew, and a year later we got married. We chose to keep it to ourselves partly to make sure nothing interfered with our plans to adopt, and partly because it was no one’s business but ours. We now have a beautiful baby girl named Madeline who you will all get to see pictures of in the next issue of Who Magazine, and ah, yeah … that about sums it up. Did I miss anything, lads?”
I turned to the others, seeing matching sets of amused grins.
“You forgot the part about that time when you—”
I slapped my hand across Zeck’s mouth to stop him and glared. “I really didn’t forget that part.”
Behind my hand Zeck grinned and licked me, making me draw back and wipe my palm across his pants.
“Bloody disgusting.”
Everyone, including the audience, laughed at our antics.
“Well, you certainly have kept a lid on things,” Georgina finally said, trying to get the ball rolling again but still focused on my reveal.
“That’s true, but now I’m a parent, and I’m more concerned with what kind of a role model I am for my child. I’m not exactly doing a very good job if I can’t be honest about who I am. I’m proud of who I am, I’m proud of my husband. He’s been a support of mine, of ours, from the very beginning. I tried doing this without him, and I never want to do that again. This is who I am, this is who we are.”
“I have to ask, what made you decide to come out now?”
I grinned winking at the others as I answered. “I guess it was just the right time.”
; The End
www.jessbuffett.wordpress.com
Other Books by Jess Buffett:
www.evernightpublishing.com/jess-buffett
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Evernight Publishing
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