He must have sensed my apprehension, because he reached out and took my hand in his. Our fingers interlocked and sparks shot up my arm and straight to my heart. It fluttered in excitement, and my uneasiness floated away with the slight breeze. We were surrounded in trees, and looked to be heading deeper into the woods. I gingerly stepped over stumps and rocks, determined to not fall and embarrass myself. The trees came to life, swaying in the wind, as if the branches were waving to us as we passed. The silence surrounding us made me highly aware that I was in the woods alone with the one and only Cade Kelling.
“Just up here, there’s something I want you to see,” he said, smiling and stepping up to lead me.
My heart skipped a beat and I quickened my pace. We came to a clearing overlooking a huge bluff. The rocks were jacked and aged, but so beautiful. There was a tiny guard rail that I assumed was to ensure no one fell off the edge, but I didn’t see that helping much. Large blooming trees decorated the other side, making the view magnificent. We stopped at a huge boulder, and he pulled me down to sit with him. Now that I was so close, I could smell the faint scent of alcohol.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked, nonchalantly.
His smile disappeared and he looked down, disappointed. “Yeah…I just had a few,” he admitted.
I’d heard the rumors that he drank and did drugs, but he’d never said anything to me about it. I didn’t pry, figuring he would tell me if he wanted me to know. I didn’t say anything, only waited for him to continue.
“Francesca…I’m sorry. You deserve so much better than me. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just a loser that can’t stop drinking or getting into drugs at parties,” he looked at me, desperation in his eyes. “Please, tell me to go away.”
“I can’t. I drove you here,” I said, trying to lighten the mood.
He closed his eyes. “You know what I mean.”
“I can’t,” I whispered.
He put his hand on my face, caressing my cheek. “You’re so beautiful and you don’t even know it. Those girls that are mean to you…they’ve broken your self-esteem. I wish you could see you the way I do. A gorgeous girl with the most amazing brown eyes I’ve ever seen.”
I gasped as he leaned his head forward. I’d never been kissed before and I had no idea what to do. Yes, sixteen years old and never had a boy interested enough to kiss me. And he thought he was a loser. His lips took mine, and fireworks exploded all around me. The sensation of Cade’s lips moving against mine sent an army of butterflies to my stomach. His hand moved up to my hair, pulling me closer. I gently moved my lips in the way he did, growing nervous from my inexperience. I tore myself from him, turning my head away to hide my embarrassment.
“What…?” he asked, slightly out of breath.
“I’m sorry, I’ve never kissed before,” I mumbled.
“You’ve never been kissed?” he prodded gently.
I shook my head no.
He grabbed my chin, turning my face to look at him. “Francesca, I can’t believe that. That was an amazing kiss. You are an amazing kisser,” he said, smiling and pushing my hair out of my face. “I’m honored I was the first.”
I could only smile back. My mouth wouldn’t work because my mind was in overdrive. I’d just had my first kiss…with the boy I may very well be falling in love with. The boy who smelled like alcohol and begged me to tell him to go away. The boy who found me in my dreams most nights.
The boy with the blue eyes that haunted me.
The boy I couldn’t stay away from.
I was a damned idiot. Self control was something I didn’t have and here I was, agreeing to date Jade Smithson. She was easy and liked to do the things I did, leaving no room for a guilty conscience.
Except for when I saw Francesca.
She didn’t know. She had no idea that the day I kissed her was the day my heart felt the fullest. Or that the moment her lips touched mine, I felt more alive than I ever have in my life. She didn’t know I threw away my cigarettes and poured rum down the drain that night.
She also didn’t know that the next day I woke up shaking and drank to stop it. Or that I now smoked a pack a day instead of half. She didn’t know she scared the ever living shit out of me just by being her beautiful self.
She had no idea.
Jade helped me to not gravitate toward Francesca. She was clingy and pushy, someone who wouldn’t allow me to steer far from her when present.
I guess you could say she was desperate.
My heart knew what it wanted, but my mind wouldn’t allow it. I couldn’t be a good guy. I didn’t know how. What was the point in trying? This was high school and I was graduating (maybe) in two months.
I’d probably never see Francesca again anyway.
Francesca’s gaze met mine, hurt and anger gleaming in her eyes. I swallowed, not knowing what to do. She looked at me, then to Jade, and back. Her eyes held questions I didn’t want to answer. Questions I couldn’t answer. She turned and walked back to her locker. I wanted to follow…I longed to drop Jade, hold Francesca, and never let her go.
I couldn’t do that to Francesca. I was like gasoline on fire. More time with me would end in an explosion. I didn’t want to ruin her life. I was a disaster, not able to stop my ways. She deserved better. A prince perhaps, to sweep her off her feet and shower her with the love and devotion she deserved.
I couldn’t be that for her.
I cringed every time I kissed her, so I pictured Francesca and her soft lips. Things had been wonderful after that first kiss, but then I messed up. I’d hurt her and she retreated. It was my fault. I had to distance myself from her. Jade was the perfect way.
Or at least I thought she was until I saw Francesca’s devastation. Everything I did hurt her and it was tearing me apart. It was one thing to ruin every aspect of my life…but her…she deserved so much better. So much more.
A few days later, we ran into each other in the hall. Her books spilled all around, so I bent to get them for her. One look in her hauntingly sad eyes and I knew. I’d broken her heart. “Francesca…” I started, reaching for her.
Shaking her head furiously, she whispered, “No, Cade, no. Don’t look at me like that. Don’t try to make this better. Just don’t.” Her beautiful, wide, bright eyes filled with tears, ripping my heart in two.
“I’m so sorry,” I said lamely. Sorry wasn’t going to fix anything. It wasn’t going to make her feel better. We’d had something amazing and rare, but I ruined it. As usual.
She looked me over, as if this was the last time she would see me, took her books, and walked away. That was the most difficult day of my life up to that point.
Cade graduated and was still with Jade. I kept to myself for the most part, not being sociable unless Daphne dragged me somewhere. I didn’t want to see them.
I didn’t think I could handle it.
Cade fed me a bunch of lies. I believed them, and in the moment, I think he did too. Cade was a druggie and an alcoholic. The things people said about him blew my mind, because that wasn’t the Cade I knew at all.
Maybe he was putting on a show.
But for what? He’d gotten nothing out of the whole thing except a small kissing session with a girl who was new at it. For a guy like Cade, as attractive and popular as he was, it hardly seemed like enough for all the trouble he went to.
I couldn’t figure him out and I didn’t want to anymore. I was going to forget Cade Kelling if it was the last thing I did.
I’d been with Jade for roughly six months. Longest six months of my life. She was controlling and a total bitch. She knew I didn’t care for her, that she was just a way to waste time, but I think she wanted to somehow make me love her. She tried everything in her power, I granted her that, but nothing worked. It couldn’t happen. Her name wasn’t Francesca Taymon.
I sat on the swing at the park, the sun setting, leaving a brilliant golden hue that I would enjoy any other day, but I was in hiding. I swung back and forth, the air
chilling me to the bone. It wasn’t quite winter weather yet, but it snowed last week. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t hear her car pull up, or the door shut when she got out. I stared at the sand below my legs when I almost rammed right into her. She stood in front of me, her hair wavy and wild, her eyes dark and foreboding as she watched me.
“Francesca.” I dragged my feet, stopping.
“Cade,” she said, looking anywhere but my face. “I don’t know why I’m here,” she said, reaching in her pocket and pulling out keys.
“No,” I said quickly, jumping up and grasping her arm. “Please, we need to talk.”
“I’m so stupid,” she said, tears brimming her eyes.
“I’m the stupid one, Francesca. I’m so sorry,” I whispered, pulling her to me tightly. I smoothed her hair, reveling in her scent. I’d missed her so much.
“Sorry for what?” she asked between sniffles.
“For being with that bitch I’m dating. I don’t even like her,” I admitted, moving her face so I could look into her beautiful eyes.
“Then why are you with her?” she questioned, her brown pools full of emotion and intrigue.
“She’s good for the parties,” I said, shrugging.
“I see. I thought…I thought we had something, Cade.” She turned from me, crossing her arms and staring at the playground.
“We have something, Francesca. Not had. We have it.”
She stiffened, then shook her head. “No, we don’t. You have a girlfriend.”
“I’m breaking up with her,” I said. And I meant it, in that moment.
She faced me, eyes widened, “Really?”
I nodded, pulling her closer. I bent my head, gazing at her for a moment before taking her lips in mine. Electrical bolts seemed to have taken over my body. I felt her arms trail up mine, around my neck and into my hair. She moaned softly into my mouth, causing me to kiss her that much deeper, harder. When we finally broke, I leaned my forehead to hers, catching my breath.
“Go on a date with me,” I demanded. I wouldn’t take no for an answer.
“Now?” she chuckled.
I nodded quickly. “Why not?” I held her hands in mine, silently pleading with her to say yes.
She bit her lip, which was incredibly sexy, then nodded slowly. I kissed her again, not as intense this time, then pulled her off to my car.
“Let me drive. I can smell the drinks you had earlier,” she said playfully, swatting at my chest.
I relented, letting her take the keys from me. I instructed her where to go, and though I had been drinking, I was in the moment more than I had been since the last time we went somewhere. I just prayed Jade didn’t find out before I could break up with her.
Cade knew exactly what to say and when to say it. He sucked me back in every time. I knew he wasn’t going to date me, yet I kept going back for more. He was known for getting what he wanted and leaving, but it wasn’t like that with me.
We’d never had sex.
I wasn’t planning on it either. He was with Jade, still, and I wouldn’t be the other woman. A stupid decision was made and we’d gone out once while he was with her, but I wouldn’t do it again.
Or so I kept telling myself.
It was hot. The kind of hot that made your skin stick to everything and your clothes feel like they needed to be spun through the washer one more time. I was driving around, all the windows down, and the air on high. A little counterproductive, now that I thought about it.
I didn’t see her old, white beat up truck get on the road behind me until it was too late. School had ended not twenty minutes before. People were still all around town, talking, laughing, and hanging out. Jade wasn’t in school anymore, she had supposedly graduated the year before with Cade. It was still a little difficult for me to believe, considering she never showed up and when she did, she was sneaking around with some boy or another while ditching class. Being the hopeless case she was, she still came to hang out on school grounds after hours. Pathetic, I know.
The consistent honking jarred me from my concentration. Glancing in the rear view mirror, I saw her hag-like face conforming into awful expressions and mouthing words I couldn’t understand. My heartbeat quickened. Jade was crazy, it was well known, and her following me down the road couldn’t be a good sign. Sighing when I saw the school parking lot come into view, I made the hasty decision to pull in and have witnesses for whatever was about to happen. I parked near other vehicles, seeing the football team running around on the baseball field. My school was odd, the football players worked out there instead of their own field.
A door slammed behind me, an unladylike voice increasingly rising as it drew closer. The working out ceased. The kids hanging out and talking all stopped. It seemed all eyes were on me and Jade. She gripped the window seal, bending to get eye level.
“What the hell, you little whore! You stay away from my man!” she screamed, spitting on my face.
I saw Cason, Cade’s little brother, inching off the field towards us. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I stated as calmly as I could while swiping the spit off of me.
“Like hell you don’t. I know all about your little date with him. He’s mine! Stay away or you will be very, very sorry. He doesn’t like you anyway. He was just drunk and we were fighting. He loves me, little girl. You think you’re woman enough for a man like Cade? Think again,” she ranted. Her voice was screechy and ugly. How could Cade stand her?
“I don’t want him, don’t worry,” I told her, moving the gearshift to reverse. I backed the car out, not even looking to see if anyone was behind me. She jumped back seconds before I ran over her feet. I hid my tears until I got home, but then they fell freely. The slutty girlfriend was right. I wasn’t enough for Cade. The fact that he was still with her was more than enough proof.
It’d been a year since I’d seen Francesca. Jade scared her off being her bitchy and clingy self, and I was too embarrassed to do anything about it.
Add coward to my list of adjectives to describe Cade Kelling.
Somehow I’d gotten lucky and saw Francesca working at a little store in town. I’d waited for her after work, begging her to hang out with me. Hoping my charm would work, I did everything I could to get her to say yes.
I only wanted a few moments with her. Fleeting moments to hold me over in my darkest times.
Francesca’s head lay on my shoulder, her hair cascading around me, coating me with a lavender blanket. Her body was snuggled close to mine, giving off more heat than I’d like, but I didn’t care. She was here, laying in the backseat with me as we watched the glow of the stars around us. I ached for her, longed for her, wanted her to be mine, but it hadn’t happened. I was technically still with Jade, though I hadn’t seen her in days. I kept telling her it was over, but every time, she would show up with my favorite drink, and we’d end up in bed together. It was a bad habit. I needed to break it.
“Cade,” her soft voice said.
“Yes?” I replied. My hand reached up and smoothed her hair.
She wiggled closer, peering up at me. “Kiss me.”
It was so unexpected, so sexy, that I couldn’t say no. My lips found hers, my tongue exploring every inch of her mouth. She moaned into me, moving her body so her leg draped over mine. I needed her closer. My hand found her waist, my fingers digging deep into her hips. She pulled back, her eyes wide and full of desire. I knew she couldn’t be experienced. She bit her lip while she stared at me, then straddled me. One move and she undid my whole being. I gripped her tighter, feeling her skin hot under her shirt. I moved my hands underneath, her silky body shivering at my touch. I leaned her back, throwing our stuff in the floor, and guided her body to the seat. Hovering over her, I stared down into her beautiful face. She reached her tender hand up, caressing my cheek, then arched her body against mine.
Groaning, I bent down to bite at her neck, “You’re trying to kill me,” I growled in her ear before taking the lobe between my teeth.
/> “Cade,” she gasped, her nails sinking into my upper arms.
I kissed her deeper, my hands sliding higher. Her fingers gripped my back, pulling my shirt to my head. I watched, wide eyed, as her trembling hands pulled it off. Her delicate fingers explored my chest and back. My heart fluttered under her touch, my breathing becoming difficult. Her innocence shone in her eyes, but the desire was stronger. Ever so slowly, she pulled up, resting on one elbow, and lightly left a fiery trail from my jaw to my chest. Her lips scorched my skin. Growling, I leaned down, taking her lips with more aggression. She moaned into me, releasing herself from the shirt that covered the body I so desperately needed. I ravaged her skin, my lips touching every inch of her body. My teeth nibbling her most sensitive areas. Eager fingers tugged and buried into my hair, guiding my face back to hers. Our tongues danced, sending tingles all through my body. When her breath hitched and she made a path to my jeans with her fingers, I knew I couldn’t do this now.
My thoughts cleared, and I looked around. I couldn’t take her virginity here in this car, in the middle of nowhere. I bent, kissing her one last time, then sat up. She looked hurt, rejected, and it tore my heart in two.
“Not here, Francesca. You deserve the best. Not this,” I told her, pulling her closer. I didn’t know if she believed me, but we spent the rest of that night talking and enjoying our time together. It was the last time we were alone before the accident that took her sister’s life. The accident she blamed me for, for years to come.
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MANGLED HEARTS
SCARRED HEARTS SERIES #1
Francesca and Cade struggle with loss and addiction on the path to redemption and love.
Table of Contents
Blooming Hearts: Scarred Hearts Prequel Page 4
