“It’s okay. I’m going inside to get dressed. You two play catch,” I say.
I head into my room to change. Will and Juan are coming over for our John Woo movie marathon. For once, we’re going to hang at my house instead of Cloudbank, Will’s McMansion of ridiculous proportions, and I’m psyched about it. It’s nice to be back home.
The Mexican wedding dress is lying in a heap at the foot of my bed. I pick it up and finger the frayed hem, smooth out the wrinkles. It’s a lovely dress. I was going to toss it in the trash because I didn’t want any reminders of my night with Max. But now, looking at it—the delicate embroidery, the hand-dyed color, the beautiful cut—I want to keep it. Or maybe I’ll have it chopped into a mini and wear it with platform sandals in New York City.
I throw on my familiar uniform of jeans and a T-shirt and check myself in the mirror. My hair is back in a tight ponytail. My face is scrubbed clean of Lily’s makeup. It’s all so familiar. This is the reflection that has stared back at me for as long as I can remember. But is this the me I want to show the world? I can do better. What’s the harm in putting a little effort into it? Tonight may only be Will and Juan, but, hell, I just graduated high school, rocked out my valedictorian speech, and I’m off to New York City in two months. Life is just getting started, and I’m dressing like I’m retired. I pull my hair out of the ponytail and muss it up. I grab a stretchy black minidress off a hanger, one of the many gifts from Will that have been going to waste in my closet. I throw off the jeans and T-shirt, and shimmy into the dress. It’s formfitting in all the right places. I probably should have listened to Will a long time ago. I add a belt, flip-flops, and a little gloss. Better. Much better. I spin around in front of the mirror. I can look hot if I try. Why have I been trying so hard not to?
My phone buzzes with an incoming text. It’s Charlie inviting me to his party. I don’t bother to respond. I can’t imagine feeling very welcome there with everyone toasting Max and Lily, the prince and princess of the ball. Thanks, but no thanks.
No texts from Max. But what did I expect? A note proclaiming his undying love? He and Lily are most likely having sex right now.
There’s a knock on my door and Mom pokes her head in.
“Can I come in?” she asks.
“Sure.”
Mom takes in my outfit. “You look so pretty. You should go to a party. You don’t need to hang out here tonight.”
“I thought I was grounded.”
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s really necessary anymore.”
She sits down on the bed and puts her hands on my cheeks, like she used to do when I was little. “Kylie, I’m sorry I’ve put so much pressure on you.” She’s gearing up for a big talk, the kind of talk we never have. Normally, I’d love it, but I’m kind of talked out today. I just want to kick back and turn off. “It wasn’t fair to rely on you to take care of your brother every day. I should have figured something out so you had more freedom.” She’s determined to have the talk.
“Don’t beat yourself up, Mom. Seriously. I like hanging out with Jake.”
“I feel like you should have been hanging out with friends more, and I didn’t make that enough of a priority.”
“Maybe that’s my fault as much as yours. I kind of used all the stuff I had to do at home as an excuse to hide away. I mean, I probably should have pushed back a little, right? Maybe said no every now and then, like a normal teenager. But I didn’t. Because it was safer to be here than dealing with everyone at school.”
“I hope you won’t do that at NYU.”
“I hope so too.”
Mom smiles. “You can be just like your dad sometimes.”
“I know.” I say this like I’m not thrilled with the similarities, and Mom picks right up on that.
“That’s not such a bad thing, you know. He loves you and your brother very much. He’s just been hurt by life and he’s still picking up the pieces. But he’ll get there. And, you know, we’re going to be okay next year. I don’t want you worrying about us. We’re going to miss you a whole lot, but you just need to focus on making the most of NYU and New York City.” Mom puts her arms around me and pulls me close. “You make us so proud, Kyles. You always have. And I know you always will.”
Tears pool in my eyes. I wrap my arms around Mom and squeeze her tightly. I can’t remember the last time we held each other like this. It’s nice to be with her when she’s not distracted or in a rush or worrying about Jake. Those moments have been few and far between over the years.
The doorbell rings, and thank God for that, because another second here with Mom and I would have turned into a blubbering idiot.
“I’ll get it,” I say, releasing Mom. “It’s Will.” I rush out of the room, wiping away the tears with the back of my hand.
I fling open the door to find Max standing there. Oh my God. My heart flips around in my chest like a fish out of water. I struggle to breathe.
Max smiles, his cheeks dimple, and I fall in love all over again. Man, what is wrong with me? I’m such a sucker. How will I ever make it in the big city?
“What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk.”
“Let’s go outside,” I say.
I step outside and close the door so we are alone.
Max doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He’s nervous and fidgety as his hands try to find a place to rest comfortably. They finally slip inside his front pockets. It’s jarring to see Max like this.
“You look…really nice,” he finally says.
“Thanks.”
“Listen, Kylie, if you don’t want me here, I get it, I just…”
“Who says I don’t want you here?”
Max takes a deep breath; I can see him steeling himself.
“I can’t stop thinking about you. I know you might not feel the same way. But I had to tell you that. I wanted to say something after the ceremony. I looked for you—”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Did you look for me?”
I can see the fear in Max’s eyes, and it surprises me. The fact that I have this power, any power, really, over Max is shocking. “I went to find you as soon as it was over, but you were with Lily and everyone. I couldn’t even penetrate the circle.”
“Lily and I were breaking up. Actually, she broke up with me. She kind of got there first. I think she knew, after seeing us together, that it was over.”
This jolts me. Maybe I read everything wrong. “You were going to break up with her?”
“I told you last night. There was no way I could stay with her after being with you. It didn’t feel right anymore.”
“Yeah, but this morning you seemed—”
“This morning I was half out of my mind. I was just doing damage control. I thought Lily would go berserk, so I tried to appease her. I screwed up.”
I had convinced myself that I didn’t care about Max, but as soon as I hear that he and Lily are really over, the walls come tumbling down. Maybe next time I shouldn’t build those walls so quickly.
“In the parking lot, I ran after your car like a maniac.”
“You did?”
“You didn’t hear me?”
“No.” I’m not sure what to say. It feels like this isn’t really happening. Girls like me don’t get the guy.
“Will told me to leave you alone,” Max says. “Said you were pretty adamant.”
“Well, that’s true. Then again, I’m adamant about everything.”
“Yeah, so I’ve gathered.”
“Honestly, I didn’t think you cared,” I say. “Or I had convinced myself that you didn’t.”
“I care. A lot. I kind of thought you didn’t.”
We both smile at the classic misunderstanding. It’s all so cliché-ridden, it’s embarrassing. I wish our story could have some more original twists and turns. Maybe one of us will turn into a vampire or something.
“We were both wrong,” Max says. He lets out a deep breath, and his body seems
to relax from the strain. He looks more like the cool, confident Max I’m used to.
“So, where does that leave us?” I ask. I’m not trying to be dense. I really don’t know what to do. I’m scared to take the next step. Max is going to have to lead.
“I want to be with you, Kylie. I’ve been trying to say that for a while now, but you kept shutting me down.” He takes my hand in his and pulls me to him. A swell of heat rises in me. I feel like I could burst into flames at any minute.
“But I’ve got an internship this summer,” I say. “And you’re supposed to be in Europe and then I’m off to New York and you’re at UCLA—”
“And the world could blow up. Or I could get hit by lightning. A lot of shit could happen, Kylie. Don’t spin things out and start making problems before we have to. I’m not going to Europe. I’m hanging here. So let’s just start by, I don’t know, going out for dinner? A movie? Figure the rest out later. I mean, we’re already married. We should at least go on a date.” Max smiles with his whole face.
I laugh nervously. “Wait, we aren’t really married, are we?”
“No. Not really. It wasn’t legal. I asked my dad.”
“I didn’t think so.” Still, I breathe a small sigh of relief.
“But I’ve still got my ring,” Max says, pulling the cheap piece of gold out of his pocket and slipping it onto his finger.
“Me too. As a souvenir, you know? I forgot to pick up a snow globe.”
“So, what do you think about dinner? A movie?”
Max is right. I’m jumping way too far ahead, as usual, finding things to worry about when there aren’t any. I throw my arms around him and pull him as close to me as I can.
Max kisses me.
Yes. Yes. Yes, I want to shout. Of course we can go on a date. And another. And another. And another. As long as you promise to kiss me like this every time.
I hear the door open. It’s Mom and Dad. I quickly disentangle myself from Max and take a giant step away. Awkward.
Mom’s never seen me with a boy. I’ve never seen me with a boy, so I can only imagine how she feels.
“Do you want to invite your friend inside?” she asks.
“Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Flores. I’m Max. A friend of Kylie’s from school.” Max extends his hand and shakes both Mom and Dad’s hand. “A pleasure to meet you.”
The boy has manners. Nice.
My parents, slightly in awe of the beautiful boy on our front porch, stare at him like he’s Prince Harry.
“Do you want to come in, Max?” Mom asks again.
“Sure, thank you.” Max begins to step inside, but I pull him back by the arm.
“Actually…I think Max and I are going to go out to a party, if that’s okay.”
Both Mom and Max look equally surprised by my announcement.
“Really?” Max says.
“You’re missing the biggest party of the year, and so am I.”
“You hate parties,” Max says.
“Yeah, I’m thinking of changing my position on that.”
“Don’t do it for me. I can live without it.”
“I’m not just doing it for you.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Max turns to my parents. “Would you mind if I took Kylie to the party?”
“It’s fine by us,” Mom says. “It’s really up to Kylie.”
“I just need to do one thing before we go, okay?” I head back into the house and find Jake in front of the TV watching Star Wars.
“Jakie, I want to go out to a party tonight. I know I said I’d stay here with you. But we could hang out all day tomorrow instead. What do you think?”
“You can go, Kylie. Just come back.”
“I will. Promise.”
I give my parents a peck on the cheek and head out of the house with Max before I can change my mind.
ouch me. I’m going to scream if you don’t…
The lyrics to the My Morning Jacket song keep going around and around in my head as Juan and I sit in the car, driving to Kylie’s. It’s been an hour since we kissed in my bedroom, and I’m literally going insane. Juan is my drug and I need a fix. My phone buzzes with an incoming text. Despite the fact that I’m on the 405, I take the phone out of my pocket, but Juan snatches it out of my hand before I can read it. “Kylie says she and Max are going to Charlie’s party and she wants us to come,” Juan says.
“Girlfriend, say what? That is insane!”
“Why?”
“For starters, we don’t do Freiburg parties. I hate to break this to you, but I wasn’t exactly the prom king. And secondly, we just bought a boatload of In-N-Out burgers for the John Woo film festival. What are we supposed to do with them?”
“We’ll throw them out and probably live ten years longer,” Juan says.
Throw out In-N-Out burgers? I’m horrified by Juan’s suggestion. Nobody’s perfect, I suppose.
“Tell her we’ll be there. With bells on,” I say.
“Bells?” Juan asks.
“Kidding.”
“I never know with you.”
“No bells. Promise,” I say. “But you’re sure you’re good with going to a high school party? Isn’t it all a little juvenile?”
“If it is, we’ll make our own party.”
I take it back—my man is flawless. In fact, everything’s been kind of peachy since I met Juan. To be honest, it’s kind of freaking me out. I’m not used to life going so swimmingly. I’m kind of waiting for the other high heel to drop.
At lunch with my parents today, I almost had a heart attack as I watched my dad yakkity-yak architecture with Juan. I know my parents were thrilled to see me in pants, but that doesn’t really account for the way my dad just sat there chatting it up with my new boyfriend as if he’d known him for years. I think at one point he even invited him to play golf at the club. And now I’m off to the graduation party of the year with my boyfriend, and Kylie is going with Max. It’s opposite world. At least for the moment, I’m not the huge, wonking loser I’ve played my whole life. I’m a leading man. Hopefully, it all won’t end tragically. Like maybe with some kind of shoot-out at Charlie’s.
hen Max and I pull up to Charlie’s house, which is a monumentally large Spanish-style villa, I feel my body stiffen with tension. Anxiety floods my system. This is the sort of place I avoid, the kind of situation that makes me want to crawl right back into my corner and scowl at everyone. There are cars everywhere—on the street, in the vast driveway (that looks more like a helicopter landing pad), and on the lawn—Range Rovers, BMWs, and Audi sports cars. I’m in a foreign land without a guidebook, despite the fact that I’m with Max. This is his country. I wish Will was here, waiting to greet me as I step out of the car, but he’s not. And who knows when and if he and Juan will get here.
I briefly consider asking Max to turn around and take me home, but something in me shuts that idea down. If not now, when? I survived Mexico, I survived my speech, I can survive this.
Charlie comes out of the house to greet us, but before he can say anything, Jason Simon rides up on a beach bike and nearly runs Charlie down. “Duuude! We need more salsa and chips at the beach!”
He’s drunk, wearing a wet pair of surfer shorts, and his eyes are rheumy. I don’t really know Jason, but I assume he’s surprised to see me here. I gird myself for a rude comment.
But all he says is: “Hey, Kylie. Rockin’ speech.”
“Thanks,” I say.
“I’ll let someone know,” Charlie tells Jason, and then he turns to us as Jason zooms out of sight.
“Hey, hey, hey.” He and Max bump shoulders. “Glad you guys are here.”
“Thanks for, uh, having me,” I say. Jesus, I’ve got to stop thanking people.
“Um…about what I said in the car…I don’t really want to get into it tonight,” Charlie says to me, after throwing Max a significant look. I gather he and Max have already discussed this.
“I would never say anything,” I pro
mise.
“I just need to do this in my own way, in my own time,” he says.
“I get it. Totally,” I say. And I do. I respect Charlie enormously for what he’s done, but I’m aware that it’s a long road and he’s only at the beginning of it.
Charlie leads us through a lush courtyard and into the house.
“I need a beer,” Max says.
“Outside by the pool, bro. But it’s a friggin’ packed house, so it could take a while. I’ll catch you guys later.”
Charlie disappears into the crowd. Max takes my arm and leads me through a sumptuous hallway and into a living room the size of my whole house. There are people everywhere, hanging out on huge leather couches, their feet splayed across heavy wooden coffee tables. The room bleeds into a high-tech open kitchen and dining room, with a table that must seat twenty. This place could seriously give Cloudbank a run for its money.
I feel like I’m getting the stink eye from people as Max and I make our way through the living room. Maybe I’m imagining it. People are going out of their way to say hi to Max, but no one really acknowledges me. Sonia Smithson rushes over and hugs Max. She pulls back and stares at me.
“What are you doing here, Kylie?” she asks. I guess I’m not imagining it. What did I expect? I hate her.
“I’m a part of the catering staff—you know, summer job,” I say.
“That’s awkward,” Sonia states, without any sense of irony.
Max laughs. “She’s here with me, Sonia.” He throws a proprietary arm around me.
Sonia’s eyes go wide, like she’s seen a ghost. And then she sort of backs away.
“Ignore her, she’s an idiot,” Max tells me.
He ushers me out to the back patio, which has an unimpeded view of the ocean that momentarily takes my breath away. Wow. I can’t even fathom waking up to this view every day. There’s a pool on the expansive lawn, and a guy wearing a chef’s hat is barbecuing at a huge outdoor grill, flipping burgers and shrimp kebabs.
“Pretty awesome, huh?” Max asks as he sees me taking in the scenery.
“Yeah. Totally.”
Max and I take a seat on a lawn chair, looking out at the pool. Lacey Garson and Richie Simson play tongue hockey on chairs across from us. Other couples lie on the lawn, drinking and making out. A few guys toss around a football out by the cabana. A small crowd of people are dancing on the far side of the lawn, where a DJ is set up. It’s my first high school party. Possibly my last. Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.
From What I Remember Page 31
