by Gina Ranalli
She put the box on the counter next to her purse and threw the bag in the trash, wondering briefly if she should hide it. But that was just silly. What purpose would it serve? If the test turned out to be positive, then Josh would have to know immediately and if not...well, what difference would it make then anyway? Just a false alarm. It happened to women all over the world, every day of the week.
No biggie.
Swallowing what felt like a melon in her throat, she opened the box and carefully read the instructions.
It was such a surreal feeling. She'd never in her life had even the slightest suspicion she was pregnant. It had gotten to the point where she'd wondered if she even could get pregnant. She hadn't always been careful. As much as possible, yes, but everyone slipped occasionally.
She'd feared pregnancy exactly three times in the past, but nothing ever came of it and all her trips to the gynecologist had assured that she was perfectly capable of getting pregnant. She just, for whatever reason, hadn't.
And now, here she was, getting ready to pee on a stick, not sure if she should be elated or terrified and, she supposed, that was normal too. She just wished her boyfriend wasn't being a hypochondriac prick at the moment. If there was ever a time when she needed Josh beside her, now was definitely that time.
But, here she was, on her own.
Maybe it was fitting, given what her mother had told her.
She couldn't allow herself to think about that right now though. One thing at a time.
Perching herself on the toilet, she did what needed doing and tried to make her mind a complete blank. When she was finished, she put the test on the counter, washed her hands and stared at the stick, waiting for the magical symbol to appear.
Knowing she should ignore it for a few minutes, go check on Emily, maybe put on the tea kettle to boil, didn't make her move. She was rooted to the spot; almost afraid to blink for fear she'd miss something.
Just when she thought she wouldn't be able to stand the wait any longer, a pale blue + slowly emerged from the stick, like an old Polaroid.
Gillian exhaled, unaware that the she'd been holding her breath until she no longer was. Her stomach turned into a fist, clenching tighter and tighter, and she began to tremble all over.
"Oh my God," she whispered.
It took her a full minute before she had any other clear thought.
Closing the lid of the toilet, she sat down and tried to wrap her mind around the results of the test. How often were these things inaccurate? Was there a chance it could be wrong?
She cursed herself for buying only one. Obviously, she'd have to do the test again and if the next one was positive...well, she'd just go see her gynecologist and get checked out.
But, still...
She knew in her heart that the test was true. She, despite her history and the odds, was pregnant.
Wondering how Josh would take the news, she chewed the cuticle of her thumb and tried to think of the best way to tell him. Should she present it as something to celebrate or would he consider it bad news?
Probably not.
He would probably be happy, right? He already had Emily, so he wasn't completely against fatherhood. Of course, his marriage with Tess had ended, so maybe...
She purposely bit her thumb harder in an attempt to get her mind under control. There was no need to be freaking out just yet. She absolutely was not going to tell Josh tonight anyway. Worry about that part of it later.
Grabbing her purse off the counter, she brought out Josh's cell phone and dialed her mother, Teri. Clearly, she had to talk to somebody-to tell somebody-and hopefully her mother would offer her some reassuring advice.
She listened to the Beatles while waiting for her mother to pick up, fiercely hoping she would pick up and then she did.
"Gillian?"
"Hey, Mom. Are you busy?"
"No, I just finished loading the dishwasher. How are you, darling?"
"I'm pregnant."
There was silence on the other end of the phone. For Gillian, it went on forever.
"Are you sure?" Teri asked finally.
"Well, kind of sure. I guess. I mean, I took one of those over-the-counter tests. They're supposedly pretty reliable."
"Then it's true."
Gillian paused, confused. "What?"
"The flies you told me about, remember?"
"Yes," she replied slowly.
"You should come over right away, Gilly."
Her mother hadn't called her Gilly since she was a child and the sound of that old, but familiar nickname gave her an uneasy feeling. "I..."
"Right away," her mother repeated firmly. "I need to see you."
Frowning, Gillian asked, "What for?"
"You'll find out when you get here."
Teri's voice had taken on a sharp edge and Gillian was uncertain if she was angry or worried. She said, "I can't come over now. Josh isn't feeling well and Emily is here. I can't leave them right now."
Again, there was silence for too long a time. "Josh isn't feeling well?"
"No, he keeps complaining about a fever, but I-"
"Then it's already too late."
"What? What are you talking about, Mother? You're starting to weird me out."
Teri sighed. "Where is Tess? Can't she take her own daughter?"
"Tess is wrapped up in her own world right now, which is why Emily is here. What did you mean when you said it's already too late?"
"I don't want to do this over the phone, Gilly."
"I don't know that you have a choice. I told you, I can't leave and now you're scaring me, so you may as well just tell me what you're being so strange about."
The pause was so long that Gillian had to check the phone to be certain they were still connected. "Mother?"
"The flies are attracted to you because of the change in your hormones," her mother said, resigned. "And Joshua has served his purpose, so he's dying."
Gillian couldn't believe her ears. Had her mother gone stark-raving mad? "What?"
"I told you, I don't want to do this over the phone, Gillian!"
"Well, tough shit, Mother! Do you think you're being amusing right now? Because I don't!"
"I'm not joking, Gilly. There is a reason you've never met your father. There is a reason I never met my father! And my mother never met her father!"
Speechless, Gillian could only listen. She could find no words.
"And your daughter-because it will be a daughter-will not meet her father, either."
Was this what it was all about? Her mother's distrust of men? Of absentee fathers? Before she could ask, Teri added, "They all died once their purpose had been served."
"Josh isn't going to die, Mother. And he's a good man. He wouldn't abandon me."
"Oh, but he will. He doesn't have a choice and neither do you."
Gillian could feel her cheeks burning and because she didn't know what else to do, she said, "I'm just going to hang up now, Mother. Maybe I'll call you tomorrow to see how you are."
"Don't you dare hang up on me, Gillian! You have to know we are not like other women! We have never been like other women! You can't tell me you weren't aware of that fact."
From the bedroom, Josh shouted something about being sick, further agitating Gillian. She said, "I have to go. Josh is calling me."
"What are his symptoms?"
"He-"
"He thinks his body has been infested, doesn't he? He's hallucinating...things."
Gillian hesitated. How could her mother know that? "He...has been...having some odd complaints. He thinks he has a fever, but he doesn't."
"His brain has been infected, Gillian. You can take him to a hospital but I wouldn't advise it. They wouldn't be able to help him anyway and there would be...questions."
Groaning, Gillian replied, "Okay, you have gone over some edge, Mother. I don't know what's wrong with you, but I can't deal with it right now. I'll call you tomorrow."
"How do you think I knew about the flies?
How do you think I knew about the pregnancy? Am I just an exceptionally good guesser?"
"I don't know how you knew, Mother," Gillian snapped. "But that doesn't make these things you're saying sane."
"Joshua has you in his bloodstream."
Someone tapped on the other side of the bathroom door.
"Goodbye, Mother."
"Be careful, Gillian. Things are about to get very...frightening for you."
"Gillian?" It was Emily knocking. "Daddy said you have to come out now."
In Gillian's ear, Teri said, "Please come home when you can. The sooner the better. If not tonight, then definitely tomorrow. You can't go through this alone, with no idea what's happening to you."
Gillian snapped the phone closed, somewhat regretfully. She hadn't hung up on her mother since she was a teenager. Quickly, she disposed of the pregnancy kit, shoving the stick and all its packaging down beneath the other trash in the waste basket.
She forced herself to smile and then opened the door, looking down into Emily's anxious face with what she hoped passed as interest.
CHAPTER 29
Tess struggled not to cry, if for no other reason than for Speck's sake.
The girl sat at the kitchen table sobbing, her blotchy, tear-streaked face currently buried in her hands, her body violently shaking with the power of her agony.
How could this have happened? Tess wondered, absently wiping the blood from the floor where it was already beginning to grow tacky. She'd already gone through nearly half a roll of paper towels, the gory remnants of which sat beside her, balled up and discarded for now.
Once she'd gotten over the shock of seeing Mick laying at the bottom of the stairs, unmoving, bleeding, her neck twisted awkwardly, she'd hurried to call 911, certain that Mick would stir again before she'd even disconnected the phone.
But that hadn't happened.
Mick hadn't moved again and the police and EMT's, arriving only eight minutes after Tess had placed the call, had known immediately that she wouldn't be moving again, ever.
Speck, like Tess, had seen it in their faces and had fallen apart like tissue paper in a rainstorm. She'd sat on the floor the entire time they'd waited for the ambulance, holding her friends hand, whispering reassuringly, tears rolling down her cheeks, but somehow, keeping the majority of her composure intact.
Tess thought now that Speck had been holding it together for Mick, thinking that she'd only been unconscious, but somehow still able to hear her.
Holding onto that same hope had been more difficult for Tess, who was all too aware of the girl's face, stone-still, the same as her chest.
After a few minutes, Tess had gone outside to wait for the ambulance; at least that had been what she told Speck. The truth had been that she hadn't thought she could keep from breaking down if she stayed and watched the two of them together any longer. It had simply been too heartbreaking.
Once the cops had arrived and seen that the girl was dead, they'd insisted that both Tess and Speck wait outside and a coroner had been called.
They'd stood outside on the lawn, not speaking, for what felt like hours and watched the ambulance silently drive away. Eventually, Tess had poked her head back in the house and asked for her keys so they could at least sit in the car.
Bright flashes from a camera could occasionally be seen through the windows of the kitchen and Tess had turned away when the gurney had finally been brought out, a black sealed body bag strapped atop it, looking painfully, impossibly small.
There had been questions, but nothing that suggested anyone thought it was anything but a bad fall, bad luck, a bad, bad day...
She supposed there might be more questions later, especially since so little was known about Mick's life prior to her meeting Speck. Her being a visiting street kid with no past to speak of had earned Tess an odd glance or two, but ultimately, the female officer who'd questioned her had taken down her name and information and said she'd be in touch.
By unspoken agreement, neither Tess nor Speck had uttered a word to anyone about the flies that had attacked Mick, though the fly strips hanging everywhere hadn't gone unnoticed. Both cops and one of the EMT's had asked Tess what was up with them, but seemed satisfied with her lie that animals kept getting stuck in the crawlspace beneath the house and dying and she hadn't yet been able to call animal control to get the critters removed.
Now, two hours later, Speck had barely spoken and Tess was just trying to keep her mind distracted by cleaning. She was just finishing up with the blood pool when Speck surprised her by saying, "I have to get back to the city. I'll have to tell Dobie." Her voice hitched. "Fuck! What am I going to say?"
Tess threw away the blood-soaked paper towels and sat at the table across from Speck. She didn't know what to tell the girl. What was she going to say? Would it be the truth? The whole truth? Tess was pretty sure that wouldn't be such a great idea, but she wasn't about to say so. She hadn't known Mick-whatever would happen regarding her from here on out wouldn't be her business.
Speck rubbed her eyes hard and sniffed loudly, reaching for a new tissue from the box at hand. She was building quite an impressive little mountain of used ones on the table. After blowing her nose loudly, she looked at Tess, her eyes badly swollen and fire-engine red.
"Do you think he'll blame me?"
Shaking her head, Tess replied, "No, of course not. None of this was your fault. If anything, it's my fault."
"She just wanted to help. She was too curious for her own fucking good!"
Tess nodded, not sure what to say.
"She thought there was something wrong here," Speck said. "In your house. She didn't think you and your kid should be staying here."
"I know. And I'm inclined to agree with her."
"So...what are you gonna do?"
Sighing, Tess said, "I have no idea. But I don't think running is going to do any good. I have a feeling that whatever is going on, it will just follow me."
Speck blew her nose again.
"I don't want to stay here anymore, though," Tess continued. "What if what happened to Mick...what if it had happened to Emily?" She gave her head a small shake, trying to derail that train of thought. She couldn't go there. Wouldn't. Wouldn't let herself. Not now. Maybe later, if she had the luxury, but not now. To change the subject, she asked, "Do you want me to take you back to the city?"
"No. Not yet. I need...a little time, I guess. I have to figure out what to tell Dobie and I'd rather not be a blubbering mess when I do it." She paused. "I mean, if that's okay with you."
"Yeah, of course. You can stay as long as you need to. But I should probably call my ex-husband and let him know what's going on."
Almost to herself, Speck mumbled, "I would kill for a fucking joint right now."
Somehow, this made Tess chuckle. "At this point, I'd probably be apt to join you if you did."
She rose from the table and tried calling Josh, but there was no answer. Could they have gone out? After all that talk about Josh being sick?
Shit! Could they have had to go to the hospital?
No. No way. This night absolutely could not get any worse. She wouldn't let it.
But still, she would have loved to talk to Emily right now. Hearing her daughter's voice would have been a soothing salve for her distraught nerves.
Instead of leaving a message on the landline, she called Josh's cell phone, but had no luck there either.
"Dammit." She disconnected and went back to the table where she expected Speck to still be sitting, but the girl was gone.
"Speck?"
She checked the half-bath off the kitchen, but found it empty. Did she go outside for a cigarette?
Tess was just about to open the front door and see if the girl was out there when she heard the upstairs toilet flush.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she relaxed and then immediately tensed up again. Speck was upstairs. Where the flies had attacked Mick.
"Oh my God!"
Panicked, she took the
stairs two at a time, practically shouting the girl's name.
She found her in the hallway, stooping to pick up the soda can she'd dropped earlier when Mick had first been swarmed.
"Sorry about this," Speck said, straightening up, can in hand. "I'll just get a damp washcloth and clean up the spill."
"What are you doing up here?" Tess asked, trying to not let on that she'd nearly just had a heart attack. She felt like the time Emily had wandered away from her in a department store and had to bite back the ridiculous urge to scold Speck for leaving her sight.
Speck blushed slightly. "I...had to puke. I didn't want you to hear me."
Tess just stared at her.
"I puke when I'm upset. Always have."
When it became evident to the girl that Tess was not going to answer, she turned and went back into the bathroom and emerged a minute later with a damp cloth.
Finally, Tess's paralysis broke. "Don't worry about that, Speck. I can clean it up later."
"It's no big deal," Speck replied, already getting down on her knees and patting the spot where the soda had spilled on the carpet.
Tess turned around and saw that Mick had also dropped her can of soda just outside Emily's bedroom door. She bent to pick it up and then also grabbed the first can. She decided to let Speck try to clean the carpet, if that's what she wanted to do. Maybe it was like when Tess herself had needed to clean up the blood downstairs.
"I'm going to go down and put these in the recycle bin," she told Speck, starting for the stairs.
"Uh..."
Looking back, she saw Speck wore a puzzled expression and was feeling the carpet with her free hand.
"What is it?" Tess asked.
"It's..." She shook her head and, suddenly, to Tess's befuddlement, leaned forward to press one ear to the floor.
The girl has lost her mind.
Speck sat up again, just as abruptly. "Holy shit."
"What?"
"You'd better check this out." Her throat moved as she swallowed. She turned her head to the left and as far as Tess could tell, appeared to be studying the baseboard.
Putting the cans on the table, which had only recently held a vase, now broken on the floor, Tess went and crouched in front of Speck. The girl looked at her, then at the carpet.
