by Мишель Роуэн
I tried to find the words, but they escaped me. How could I tell him that I couldn’t be his girlfriend? Not that I didn’t want to be, not that it was because I cared what his social status was. No, because I didn’t want him to get hurt because of me.
“Michael,” I began, and my voice cracked.
And just like that, he knew. I could see it in his eyes.
He blinked hard. “I think I understand why your father wanted me to go get drinks. Did he talk some sense into you? Remind you of what I am?”
“He reminded me of the rules.”
“The rules that you didn’t care about only an hour ago? The rules that you thought were stupid?”
“They are stupid. This whole place is stupid. But …” My throat felt thick. “But that doesn’t mean we can break them. Not if we don’t want to get in trouble. Do you know what the penalty is?”
“Yes.” He said it with such certainty that it surprised me. “Of course I know. It’s the penalty for breaking just about any major rule in the dark worlds. And they’re even more strict when it’s a Shadow that breaks the rules.” He smiled, but there was no humor there. “Some demons are afraid of Shadows.”
“Afraid? Why?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. But I’m sure it’s why the rule that forbids Shadows and demons … or demon princesses … from being together exists in the first place.”
“Why? To protect the demon?” It didn’t make any sense to me.
“That’s what I’ve heard from some of the other demon servants. But I’ve never met any more of my kind to get the real story.” His lips thinned. “I guess Shadows tend to break a lot of rules. Gives demons an excuse to get rid of us one by one so there’s no risk at all, right?”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it’s true.” He exhaled. “It’s fine, Princess. Honestly. But I guess I thought …” He shook his head, his expression tight. “It doesn’t matter now. You’re making the right decision, of course. Go home. It’s where you belong. I won’t bother you until your father sends me to you again, I promise.”
He didn’t sound angry or upset or even sad about this. He sounded accepting and matter-of-fact, as if he’d been expecting me to break up with him for a while. It made my heart ache.
He turned away.
“Michael …” I grabbed his hands and pulled him closer to me so I could look deeply into his eyes.
His face was tense. It betrayed the major emotions he was trying to hide.
“This is stupid,” I said. “I know it is.”
“I agree completely.” His green eyes were stormy now. “I wish there was another way, but I won’t risk your safety, especially with Kieran poking around in everyone’s business right now.”
I almost laughed at that. He wouldn’t risk my safety? And here I was doing this because I didn’t want him to get hurt.
“Kiss me,” I said.
“One more time before we go back to being only princess and servant?”
I nodded.
He gave me a half smile. “I think I can manage that.”
He put his hands on either side of my face before pressing his lips against mine. I kissed him back this time, feeling an ache in my chest, knowing that this might be the last time. It was too dangerous for him to be my boyfriend — for him—and I didn’t want anyone I cared about to get hurt. Just like my father was protecting my mother, I would protect Michael.
My mind was elsewhere, swept away by the crazy, conflicting emotions I was feeling. I should have remembered why it was a very bad idea to let my mind wander while kissing Michael.
The moment his amulet pressed against me, I felt a bone-jarring zzzaaappp! that nearly knocked me out of my winter boots. As well as giving a Shadow solid form, his green stone amulet worked as a shield, a layer of protection against demons. Or half demons.
“Ouch!” I touched my chest where the shock had made contact and staggered back a few feet. “That really hurt.”
“I’m sorry.” His expression grew pained.
I swallowed hard. “Me, too.”
And I wasn’t just talking about the amulet.
“I’ll contact you the moment your father has more information. I know this is for the best, Princess.” His voice sounded thick. “But I do wish it could be different.”
“So do I.” Tears pricked at my eyelids, but I commanded myself not to cry as I turned toward the gateway.
I liked Michael more than any guy I’d ever known in my life, and he liked me in return — but he couldn’t be my boyfriend, not even a secret one. And that just completely and totally sucked.
“Good-bye, Michael,” I said.
“Good-bye, Princess.”
I walked through the gateway that led me back to my seminormal life.
Michael didn’t follow me.
7
I stomped against the snow-covered sidewalk, feeling more upset about what happened with every step I took. My winter coat hung open, but I didn’t even feel the cold.
Had I been wrong to break up with Michael? Should I have been braver and continued my — up until now — silent revolution against stupid and ridiculous rules?
I sighed. If I was only risking myself, then maybe. But my decision affected Michael as well. I’d already seen firsthand what the punishment for a Shadow could be. When my aunt Elizabeth took away Michael’s amulet, he’d nearly died, nearly faded away to nothing. I knew it hurt him badly, too. I didn’t want to cause him any pain, now or in the future. Not because of me.
This still hurt. Just in a different way.
Stupid rules.
And I was at the mercy of some demon council I’d never met before. I didn’t ever want to meet them. They sounded horrible.
But they hadn’t met me, either. So how were they supposed to know what to make of this prophecy? They didn’t know I was the kind of girl who read the directions when I microwaved popcorn. I followed the recipe exactly to make chocolate-chip cookies. I didn’t do anything at school to get sent to the principal’s office — not counting the classes I’d skipped today. At my last school I was so well behaved that other students called me a goody-goody.
Now this goody-goody was prophesied to destroy … destroy what, exactly? The prophecy sounded pretty vague to me. Destroy everything? Everyone? And how exactly was I supposed to do that?
I mean, the dark worlds were the Shadowlands, the Underworld, and, hello? Hell itself. I’d seen lots of movies about Hell, and it was full of brimstone and fire andI shuddered.
Destroy that. Me.
The whole thing, including what had happened with Michael, made me feel sick to my stomach.
I needed to buy something, maybe. Possibly something made of chocolate. It might help me feel better. More normal. More human.
From the gateway, by the Starbucks where it had been earlier, I walked fifteen minutes to get to the Erin Heights Town Center, a big shopping mall. By a glance at the big clock tower in the middle of it, I knew school was officially out for the day. I didn’t have much money — only about five dollars — so I window-shopped to try to take my mind off things for a while, although it didn’t really work. I used my money at the convenience store to buy a Diet Coke and a Snickers bar, which sat heavily in my stomach after I ate it.
Then I walked home. It was past seven o’clock by then, and I didn’t feel any better than I had when I’d left the Shadowlands. It wasn’t until I saw my house, though, that I remembered with a sinking feeling that Mom had wanted to celebrate finishing her book. The smell of Chinese food hit me the moment I stepped through the front door.
Several open containers of the delivery food were in the kitchen.
“Mom?” I called.
“In here,” she replied from the family room.
I padded through the kitchen and along the hallway. Mom was curled up on the sofa with a half-eaten plate of fried rice and stir-fried veggies on her lap.
“I started the movie already.” She nodded at the t
elevision. “Sleepless in Seattle.”
“One of my favorites.”
“That’s why I rented it,” she said pointedly.
I cringed. “I’m sorry I’m later than I thought I’d be.”
There was silence for a moment. “Is there anything you want to tell me, Nikki?”
There was tons, actually. I wanted to tell her that I’d seen my father and he still loved her but couldn’t say anything or he’d be putting her life at risk because of stupid demon-world rules. That I had just had to break up with my boyfriend for pretty much the same reason. Oh, and that, by the way, I was half demon and sometimes sported horns and wings, and had destructive prophecies about me delivered by soothsaying dragons.
“Congrats on finishing the book,” I said instead.
“Thanks.”
“This is the vampire one?”
“Most of my books are about vampires lately. Love and fangs just seem to go together these days.”
“Oh, right.”
Maybe it would be easier if I were a vampire.
She leaned against the sofa cushions. “So how’s Melinda?”
I dug my toe into the carpet. Right, my lie about who I was with after school. Had to keep things like that straight in my head. “She’s … she’s great. Yeah, we went to the mall and looked around for a bit. She needed a new leotard for her dance lessons.”
“Did she find one?”
I continued to force the lie out even though it made me feel increasingly horrible. “She did. Hooray. Mission accomplished.”
Mom nodded. “You know, it’s really funny you say that.”
“What’s funny?”
“About you and Melinda going to the mall after school.”
“Oh?” I tensed.
She placed her plate of food in front of her on the coffee table. “Because Melinda called here two hours ago looking for you. She was concerned because you left school early and she couldn’t reach you on your cell phone. She had to wait until her ballet lesson was over, but she wanted to check on you as soon as she could.”
I gulped. Uh-oh.
“So I’m not exactly sure who you were with at the mall looking for a new dance leotard, but it wasn’t Melinda. She wasn’t even aware of these plans to go out after school with you.” She crossed her arms and looked up at me sternly. “Now do you want to tell me the truth about where you really were, or what?”
“I … I …” I searched for something to say. Why hadn’t I thought of this possibility? Well, the truth was I hadn’t been thinking too clearly earlier. If I had been, I would have remembered that Melinda always called me. And of course she would have wondered where I’d taken off to at lunch and gotten worried.
I was such a lousy friend.
“I … I was at the mall.” This was true, at least. Partially, anyway.
“With whom?”
“Myself.”
Her forehead creased, and she pulled her long dark hair around so it draped over her left shoulder. “Why did you tell me you were going out with Melinda if you weren’t?”
“I don’t know.” It sounded so weak, but I was too tired to come up with a better excuse. My brain wasn’t working, and I just didn’t want to heap on any more lies at the moment.
“You don’t know,” she repeated. “Okay. Well, I have to say I’m disappointed that you felt you needed to lie to me, Nikki. Of course you have a right to go to the mall by yourself or with a friend. But I really wanted to celebrate tonight. I was in such a great mood when I finished my book. The fact that you’d rather go to the mall by yourself than come home and spend time with me makes me feel pretty lousy.”
All of a sudden, the emotions I’d been feeling for the past several hours bubbled over and I started to cry.
“I’m sorry,” I blubbered, wiping my face. “It doesn’t have anything to do with you, really. It’s me. I’m going through some stuff right now and I can’t … I had to deal with it by myself. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, with the food and the movie and all.”
I wished I could tell her everything, but I knew I couldn’t tell her or anyone else here what I was going through. The thought made me feel very alone.
She stood up and came over to stand in front of me, looking shocked at my impromptu sob fest. “Honey, what is going on with you?”
“Nothing.”
“This isn’t nothing.” She stroked the hair back from my face and then hugged me. “I think I know what’s really happening here.”
I leaned back. “You do?”
She nodded gravely. “This is about a boy, isn’t it?”
“A … a boy?”
“Is it that Chris fellow? The one you went to the dance with? Are you having troubles with him?”
I almost laughed, but of course I didn’t. Troubles with Chris. The least of my worries at this very moment.
“No, it’s not Chris.”
“Someone else?”
My bottom lip wobbled. It was enough to confirm her suspicions.
“I see.” She sighed. “Nikki, honey, if you’re having troubles with boys, you can tell me. Maybe I can help.”
“Not with this.”
“I’m here for you if you need to tell me something.” Her expression grew concerned. “Whatever you need to tell me. I can handle it. If you want to go to the doctor and get started on birth control, then we need to make an appointment as soon as—”
“Mom!” I exclaimed, horrified.
“It’s important. When I was your age—”
“No, no. It’s nothing like that.” I cringed. “I’m … well, I was seeing somebody but we broke up. I’m having a hard time with it, that’s all.”
I didn’t want to continue lying to her — were partial truths still considered lies? — but I had to move my mother away from any talk about birth control or doctor’s visits. It was responsible and totally cool of her to be the understanding mom. But, come on. Mortifying much?
“Who is he?” she asked.
“His name’s Michael and he … he … it doesn’t matter anymore.” I knew I shouldn’t be saying anything at all.
Her expression grew more concerned. “Was this Michael mean to you?”
“Mean? No, he was … he was great.”
“Then what was the problem?”
I tried to figure out the best way to put it. “We’re really different. And that got in the way. We’re going to stay friends, but … we can’t be more than that.”
I didn’t think I could get any more vague and still be sort of telling her the truth. But I owed her that. As much as I’d have liked to tell her everything from A to Z, I couldn’t. It was better — and safer—this way.
“You’re so young,” my mom said, wiping my tears with her thumb. “There are so many boys out there who’d love to date you. You’ll find somebody else.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want anybody else.”
“Then you should find a way to fix things, if you feel that strongly about it.”
“I don’t think I can.” I dried my face with the sleeve of my shirt. “It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“I know you will be.”
“And I’m sorry for lying to you. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
She nodded, but there was still tightness around her mouth. It would take more than an apology to regain her trust. “Remember, all we can really depend on in this crazy world is each other. Just like always.”
“Right.” I sniffed. “I’m … I’m going to go call Melinda back.”
“You do that.” She eyed the TV. “And I’m going to stop watching this stupid movie. I’m not in the mood for tales of true love tonight. Maybe I’ll put on an action flick instead. Something with lots of blood and guts.”
“Sounds much less romantic.”
“And you and I are going to do a bunch of things together before I start the next book, okay?”
I managed to grin a little. “Is that a promise or a threat?”
“Both.” She smiled back at me. “No excuses. I’m ready for some major Susan-and-Nikki time. But no more cutting school, or else. Got it?”
“I promise.”
I went to my room, grabbed the phone on my bedside table, and quickly dialed Melinda’s number.
“Where have you been?” she asked. “I was really worried about you.”
“Thanks, Melinda. But really, you didn’t have to be. I left after lunch. I wasn’t feeling so hot. Then I ended up at the mall just wandering around. I … I guess I must have turned my phone off.”
I had turned my phone off after I’d called my mother. So it wasn’t a total lie.
“You’re feeling better?”
Not even slightly. “Yeah. Much better.”
“Larissa said you two had a fight today. What was that all about?” she asked.
I thought back to my convo with Melinda’s brunette BFF-in-waiting. “A disagreement. She doesn’t like me very much.”
“Don’t worry about Larissa.”
“She thinks I’m not a very good friend to you and that I’ll never fit in with the Royal Party.”
“Well, she’s wrong.”
“She also thinks I’m trying to date Rhys.”
There was a long pause. “Are you?”
My grip on the phone tightened. “Of course not.”
“I guess I just don’t get why you didn’t tell me you already knew him.”
“It’s no big deal, okay? I forgot, that’s all. It’s been a while.” A few days could count as a while, right?
“What do you think of him?”
“I think he’s … different.” Very different.
“I know! So totally different. He seems so, like, unaffected by everything to do with popularity. I think he’d be just as happy hanging with anyone, whether they’re with the in crowd or not. He’s really curious about everything and everyone at school.” She cleared her throat. “Especially you.”
“Me?”
“After you left, he kept asking me questions about you. What you’re like, what you do, who your friends are. Stuff like that. I think he might be interested in you.” There was a raw edge to her voice now.
