by Kim Watters
“Pretty much. Now you need to rinse the residue off. Then while it’s drying I’ll show you around.”
“Show us around?” Cam dropped the cloth on the newspaper protecting the driveway and yanked off the gloves.
“I’m opening a sanctuary for dogs while their owners are overseas.”
“Dogs? Really? I wish we had a dog, not a stupid, silly cat.”
Holly heard the criticism and hurt spew from Cam’s lips. Her mouth opened and shut quickly as the blood now drained from her cheeks. Any words she could even think to say caught in her throat as she stared at her son and gulped for air. The person standing next to Ethan bore little resemblance to the sweet, innocent boy she remembered.
“Your dad brought Figaro home.” That was all Holly managed to say. Pain ate through her heart again, and tears hovered behind her eyelids. How could she explain to her son that the cat was more than just a cat? Figaro was another link to the past she’d shared with Jared, just as Cam was.
Ethan broke the uneasy silence. “Cats are wonderful creatures and just one of God’s many creations, Cameron. Pets come in all shapes, sizes and colors. The same as people. God made us all unique. He loves us all the same, despite our differences.”
Holly squirmed at Ethan’s mention of God. Of course, she should expect no less from a chaplain’s assistant, but it made her uncomfortable, especially since she went through the motions for Cam’s sake but didn’t really believe or love the way she was supposed to.
“I want a dog that can play fetch.”
Ethan caught the defiant look the boy threw at his mother, and a subtle change hovered in the air between them. Clouds drifted in front of the sun, blocking out its temporary warmth, and the wind kicked up a notch, intensifying the clang of the wind chime on the front porch of his neighbor’s house. Holly’s soft gasp met his ears as her light floral fragrance drifted under his nose. Her stricken expression told him more than any words she could speak. The tagging incident aside, the boy was headed for trouble if there wasn’t some kind of intervention.
He liked kids, had a special rapport with them. He’d started training as a lay minister after he joined the military, where he had high hopes of saving the world. He hadn’t. Instead, five people had paid the ultimate price. But this wasn’t about him, the pastor or the two soldiers and civilians with God now. Saving the entire world was His job. Opening the dog sanctuary and maybe helping a troubled boy find the right path in life was something Ethan could handle. Maybe. It was the least he could do for Jared. For Holly.
A thought struck him as he turned on the spigot, yanked the hose to the garage door and then passed it off to Cameron. Ethan knew he should check with Holly first, but he had only so much time to get through to the boy. “I have a solution.”
“What?” Both she and Cameron spoke at the same time.
“I need a volunteer or two to work at the dog sanctuary. Cameron can come after school. He’ll stay out of trouble, I’ll get some much-needed help and the dogs will have someone to play with. He could ride the bus here after school. What do you think?”
“Really?”
“Really. Why play with one dog when you can play with several?” Encouraged by the hope blazing in the boy’s eyes, Ethan shot a look at Holly and saw her cross her arms and draw her lips tight.
“Can I, Mom?”
“What about his homework?”
Ethan understood this was about more than just homework. She’d already lost her husband; this was about her son’s safety. Despite his being her landlord, she didn’t know him from any other stranger in town. He’d reassure her while Cameron rinsed off the door.
A strand of hair had fallen free from her ponytail and accentuated the curve of her jawline. Her soft lips graced him with a tentative smile, and her green eyes made him think of his childhood and rolling in cool, thick grass on a hot summer day. Ethan almost forgot why he stood in front of his garage. Almost. He pulled his gaze from her and refocused back on the boy and safer territory. Something about Holly brought out his protective side that, despite what had happened in Afghanistan, was a part of him that refused to go away. And that extended to her son, too.
“I’ll make sure he gets his homework done.”
“And how will he get home afterward?”
“I’ll drive him there.”
“I don’t know...” Holly felt the weight of two pairs of eyes staring at her. This twist threw another item she had to deal with into her already-crowded mind. Pressure simmered underneath the surface.
“Please, Mom?” Cam begged her.
“Rinse off the door and give me a moment.”
Holly should have realized her son wanted a dog. She did know that she couldn’t handle the added expense or the time commitment, although the idea of helping out at the shelter was brilliant. Had her monetary worries removed her that far from her son’s life? Had she been so focused on getting through each day that she had lost touch with what was the most important to her?
Yes.
Holly didn’t like the answer that popped into her head. She didn’t understand her son anymore. Jared would have told her to take her troubles to the Lord. Easier said than done. Holly blamed Him for taking her husband away from her.
Cameron quickly squirted the water onto the door and washed away the paint residue and chemicals. Then he handed the hose back to Ethan. “I’ll get my homework done. I won’t get into any trouble and I won’t ask for a dog again. Please?”
Put like that, how could she say no? Easily. Her alternatives, though, were wondering how to keep Cameron away from Patrick or dealing with her son’s sulking expression in the store after school. It would make him happy, settle the issue of Patrick and help Ethan out at the same time. In a way, she owed it to her landlord for letting her stay in the shop until after Christmas.
She still had to deal with the fact that she didn’t even know Ethan that well. But he had to be good. He was a Christian, retired from the military and had once been Jared’s friend. Plus he was Nan Emrey’s son, and she’d never had any issues or concerns with the older woman. Her gut told her it would be okay, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask around about him tomorrow just in case. She could always change her mind if necessary.
“Fine. We’ll try it out for a week. I’ll pick him up, though, after I close the shop. Now shake on the deal and...” Holly turned to face Ethan, the last of her words garbled in her throat. Blood pooled in her cheeks.
This time Ethan had no problem putting out his hand as if almost daring Cameron to touch it.
“What happened to you, Mr. Pellegrino?” Cameron’s eyes widened as he stared at Ethan’s hand. His own hovered in the space around his head.
A muffled silence filled the space until Holly’s strangled voice cut into it. “Cameron. Where are your manners?” Yet she’d asked the same question days earlier.
“Does it hurt?”
“Cameron Jared Stanwyck. Enough.” Holly clenched her fists.
Ethan ignored her outburst and leaned toward her son. “Not so much anymore, but when the cold seeps in, it does bother me somewhat.”
Flexing his thumb, the only remaining digit on his hand, Ethan stretched it toward Cameron. “Go ahead. You can touch it.” He gave her a no-nonsense expression. “I’ve found talking about it instead of ignoring it helps.”
When his gaze caught hers, Holly had a hard time remembering her name. His startling blue eyes had turned into deep, mysterious pools of uncharted waters, challenging her. She fought to gain control over her emotions. What was happening to her?
“Feels weird. How do you write and stuff like that?”
Holly’s gaze remained averted, but she sensed Ethan’s attention shift to her son. “I’m relearning that, or I do it with my left hand. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve discovered you can teach an old d
og a new trick. Speaking of which, come on. I bet Bear is just waiting to learn something new today.”
“Bear?”
“A black Lab that’s going to be here for at least a year. He loves to play fetch with an old tennis ball. The temporary sanctuary’s in the house until I can move it to the family farm outside of town.”
When Cam ran ahead of them, Ethan faced Holly again and held out his injured hand. “Here. Your turn. We may as well get this out of the way, since I’m guessing I’ll be seeing a lot of you when you pick Cameron up.”
Seeing each other? Holly had no plans on that. She would make sure that Cameron waited for her outside.
“Holly?”
Blinking, she forced her thoughts back to the present. She inhaled sharply. She’d tried to keep from staring earlier, but her gaze had kept returning to his injured hand. She was curious. But to touch it?
Swallowing, Holly reached out. She stopped short. It seemed too intimate a gesture for someone she hardly knew, despite the fact Ethan and Jared had gone to school together. “I’m really not comfortable with this.”
“And I’m not going to be comfortable with the idea of seeing the questions in your eyes all the time.”
“But—”
“It looks worse than it really is, but I understand.” Ethan shrugged and stared at his hand as he withdrew. “It does take getting used to.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan.”
Holly felt his pain again behind his mask of indifference, confirming there was more going on inside him than he let on. The bomb had taken more than just his fingers and five lives. It left behind a shell of a man, struggling to deal with everyday life. He suffered the survivor’s guilt that ate away at the soul like a moth devoured clothing.
Holly wore it every day like a piece of her wardrobe.
She should have never insisted that she and Jared attend the Chamber of Commerce function when the weather forecaster had predicted the cold snap that would turn the melted snow into ice. But how was she to know in that brief moment she took her eyes from the road that the argument would be their last?
Chapter Three
Disappointment pooled around Ethan’s shoulders as silence accompanied them to where Cameron stood impatiently by the back door. Holly’s son had taken Ethan’s injured hand in stride with the curiosity he’d expect from a child. Holly’s reaction bothered him, even though it shouldn’t. He didn’t see the revulsion in her eyes like he had with others, but even now he noticed that her feet angled away from him and she stepped in close proximity to Cameron.
Why had he insisted she touch his hand? Why had he openly challenged her? What difference would it make in the scheme of things? She was his tenant for now, and in less than two months that would change. Then, of course, there was Cameron. But who knew whether that arrangement would last more than a week? More discontent filled him as he stared at the nubs. He didn’t understand his actions himself, but he couldn’t go back and change things.
If he could, the injury and loss of life would have never happened.
Let go, let God. The voice of the pastor who’d visited him daily in the hospital echoed in his brain. Four simple words; three if you didn’t count the repeated one. Was it really that easy? He’d studied God’s word, yet he found himself struggling to follow His commands. Let go, let God.
Ethan had no choice. In order to embrace the future, the past had to be forgiven and forgotten. Starting today.
“Come on in.” He opened the back door and ushered them inside. Warmth spilled around them, along with the scent of lemon, antiseptic and dog. He heard a happy whine as he flipped the light switch, evicting the dimness from the west-facing room.
Nudging the door shut with his shoulder, he glanced around the small white kitchen, realizing the only color came from Holly’s red sweatshirt. Nothing adorned the walls but a small black-and-white clock. Even the white curtains on the window over the sink blended into the background, as did the few appliances on the equally white Formica counter.
He’d packed up all his stuff and rented out the house while he was overseas, and hadn’t made the time to unpack the boxes he’d pulled from storage and left in the garage. His house was just a house and not the home he’d left behind. But then again a lot of things had changed. He’d changed. Used to the constant company of people around him for the past several years, the quietness of his surroundings now, other than the two dogs, grated on his nerves.
He’d find the time today to breathe life back into his house.
Another whine sounded from the other room, louder this time since Bear had heard their voices. This time Sadie joined in along with the noise of the chain-link fence rattling as the dogs tried to escape their enclosures.
“Are they this way?” Excitement buried the indifference in Cameron’s voice. Good. The boy hadn’t gone too far down the wrong path yet. He could work with the spray-paint incident and the few other problems that simmered under the surface.
Maybe this was part of the Lord’s plan for Ethan, as well. He’d had an old neighbor’s intervention in his teens that helped steer him in the right direction. Now it was time for him to pay it back, not only with Cameron but with other boys, as well—Patrick being one of them if he ever showed up.
“Right through that doorway. Hang on, though. Let me get you some treats for them.” Ethan grabbed a box from the pantry, pulled out two bone-shaped dog snacks and then handed them to Cameron. Anticipation created a tangible energy inside the small kitchen, and he knew he’d made the right decision to have the boy help him with the dogs. Holly’s signature light floral fragrance mingled with the other scents lingering in the air. He wouldn’t turn down her assistance, either, if she decided she wanted to help in some capacity.
“Thanks, Mr. Pellegrino.”
It felt right to have Holly and her son inside his home. They added warmth and companionship that were missing between the four walls. Possessions didn’t make a home. People did. But allowing others into his life again besides his immediate family meant protecting them. Bile burned his throat and he flexed his throbbing hand, feeling the impression of fingers where none remained. Protecting people was something he wasn’t good at anymore. So why the offer to have Cameron help him out?
Because right now, the need to think about the boy’s well-being overruled everything else.
“You’re welcome. This way. They’re in the Arizona room.” Ethan slipped past his guests and into the area to his left that used to be the back porch before the previous owner enclosed it. Six kennels filled the space, all lined up like soldiers during inspection.
But this was only temporary. As soon as he found more funding, he’d be moving to the permanent sanctuary outside of town. The vision of twenty-four more inside the old barn on the farm property filled his mind’s eye as well as the big dog run in the pasture.
Focus on the future.
Cameron shook off his mother’s grasp and ran to the first kennel. A smile broke out as he put his hand out for the black Lab to smell. Good. The kid knew how to approach a dog. And he showed an interest in them and an apparent love for them as he reached through the bars and scratched the dog behind his ears. That would make their time together go a bit smoother.
He glanced at Holly and momentarily lost himself in her presence. With her hair pulled back in a ponytail and no makeup to cover her smooth, delicate skin, she looked to be in her mid-twenties even though he figured her to be closer to his thirty-five years. The swept-back locks exposed her long, elegant neck and, from this angle, a straight, slightly upturned nose. But it was her vulnerability that got to him.
Despite her attempts to keep it all together, he sensed just below the surface she suffered and struggled with her son, the shop, everyday life. Ethan also knew he hadn’t made it any easier on her, but he had his own dreams and issues. His gaze
fell on his hand. Sometimes sugarcoating things didn’t help; it only made matters worse. He’d given her to the end of the year, and his offer to help her son would still be available to both of them as long as the arrangement continued to work out.
He should step away and draw himself inward. Instead, when she turned her head toward him, he found himself staring into her deep green eyes that had seen so much pain. A pain he could identify with. He’d lost his father at a young age, and several of his friends in Afghanistan. He could identify with the hollowness, the gaping hole, the huge cavity filled with darkness that even these days God’s light had a hard time driving away. But even that couldn’t compare to losing one’s partner, one’s soul mate.
He had no experience with that sort of loss, yet he felt the need to comfort. Protect. He wanted to draw Holly into his arms, absorb her pain and blend it with his own.
“What’s his name?”
Ethan blinked at Cameron’s words, stepped backward and concentrated on the dog as Holly knelt down by her son. He folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the door frame. “That’s Bear. He’ll be with me for at least a year. He likes to play ball. I’ve already taken him out for a walk, but in between the coats of paint, maybe you can let him run around the yard a bit and throw him a couple of balls.”
“Hi, Bear.” Laughter spilled from the boy’s lips as the dog tried to lick his face through the metal fencing. In that instant, Ethan realized another thing that had been missing from his life. Not that he’d had anything to laugh about. That would change going forward. He flexed what remained of his right hand again, determined not to let anything stop him from his goals.
And maybe find love in the process.
A strange emotion gripped Ethan as he squatted down beside Holly outside the kennel of the cocker spaniel/heeler mix next to Bear. The tan-and-white spotted dog with the droopy ears stared up at them with big brown eyes. Love? Something as complicated as that was meant for guys like her late husband, not someone who would probably have nightmares of what happened in Afghanistan for the rest of his life, or carry the guilt of five deaths around his neck like a yoke.
