by Kim Watters
“How about you?” When he gazed into her eyes, all thought fled her mind and all the breath from her lungs. It had been a week since the kiss in the shed, yet only hours since she’d last thought of him. His name was constantly in Cam’s vocabulary, his image not too buried in her memory, and his kiss still lingered on her lips.
“No comment. It got colder than I thought it would tonight.” Her voice came out a whisper and she drank some hot chocolate to occupy herself. The warm liquid coated her tongue and warmed her from the inside as Ethan’s gaze did from the outside.
Ethan shifted a bit closer to her as if trying to block out the slight breeze. “What time did you get here?”
“Five o’clock.”
“Two hours ago? You didn’t just drop Cameron off?”
“It seemed silly to drive home just to turn around and come back. I did get some reading done while I sat in my car until people started showing up.”
“You’re freezing. Here.” He pulled the blanket from her lap, draped it over her shoulders and wrapped her up.
“Thanks.” She snuggled into the blue wool, which felt like a warm embrace and smelled like him. For someone who wasn’t interested in starting a new relationship, she sure had a funny perspective on things. Maybe? Her gaze swept across his maimed hand. He’d been injured and could have been killed during his tour of duty. It didn’t matter, though, that his time of service was done now. She knew only too well how a life could change with a simple drive to a Chamber of Commerce function on a cold, snowy night.
A few moments of silence ensued, as if he was testing out a new topic before he spoke. “Looked like you were having fun the other day.”
Embarrassment flushed her skin as she thought about her impromptu dance with Kristen. “I was a bit excited about some possibilities we discovered in that box of old Christmas stuff from the Bancroft Bed & Breakfast. If all goes well, I’ve just found another stream of revenue.”
“So did I.”
Those three simple words and his serious expression told her more than if he shouted it from the hill behind the makeshift stable.
“You found a new tenant for the store.” She knew she should be happy for him, but she couldn’t muster anything up. Breathing became a chore and her vision clouded.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. That’s business.” Yet she couldn’t keep the emotion from tainting her voice.
The electronic bong sounded, signaling the start of the pageant, but some of the sparkle was gone. All along she knew that she’d have to close the store, but knowing without a doubt it was a reality gripped her in a viselike hold. The death of a dream. Jared’s dream. But having an end date also filled her with relief.
She could quit pretending, but she’d also have to put Jared’s memory to rest, too.
Disloyalty stabbed at her and made her shiver again as the actors playing the townspeople took their places, some hanging laundry, a few tending to the fire, while others gathered around in conversation.
“You forgot gloves, didn’t you?” Ethan whispered in her ear.
“It was enough just getting here on time. Cam wasn’t exactly excited about coming.”
“Yeah, well, to be honest, I wasn’t too happy about doing it myself. It kind of ruins the reputation in school.”
“Thanks for not sharing that part with Cam.”
“You’re welcome. Like I told him, it’s a rite of passage.” He picked up her free hand and held it between his as if trying to warm it but he never let go. It felt wrong and right to be sitting there holding his hand. Wrong because it might give people and Cameron the wrong impression if someone saw them, but just this moment right, because she felt as if she had someone she could lean on, depend on and help her through each day.
Mary, riding a donkey led by Joseph, strolled onto the scene. “Mary’s my second cousin Deena’s daughter, Lilly,” Ethan said.
“So you had another reason for coming tonight. Why aren’t you sitting with your family?” Holly whispered harshly so as not to disturb the performance for those around her. She knew he’d had to have had more family here than just his mother.
“Because there are too many of them and I prefer the view from over here much better.” The warmth of his breath in her ear created havoc with her insides. Her friend was right. Ethan did like her. The kiss confirmed it, too. For both of them. It would only take a small movement of her head to connect with his lips and allow herself to feel again and bask under the attention.
No! Her back straightened and she focused on the scene playing out in front of her. Mary and Joseph had been turned away at the inn and the owner was showing them the stable.
The spotlight dimmed, and a soft tenor voice filled the air. Holly allowed the music to swirl around her. She needed to focus on the play and not the man beside her.
“Look. There’s Cam. The one in the blue with the off-white headpiece.” Holly motioned her head toward the three boys walking up the trail with a sheep and two goats. After arriving at the predetermined spot, her son stretched his fingers toward the fire one of the older boys had started in the fire pit. Beside him a goat that kept trying to eat the rope was tied to his arm.
The audience twittered at the antics of Cameron trying to keep the goat from eating his costume while the chorus continued with another a capella carol.
Suddenly, from behind the hill, a spotlight beamed upon a teenage girl. In the darkness, she looked as if she were floating in the air, but Holly knew that she simply stood on a small platform on top. Still, the effect transported her back in time and filled her with wonderment, peace and hope.
“Do not be afraid. Behold, I bring tidings of great joy.” Pastor Matt’s voice floated out over the loudspeakers.
The words held double meaning for Holly.
A few heartbeats later, Mary revealed this year’s baby Jesus. A wail ensued and the audience sighed.
“That part always gets to me.” Holly gripped Ethan’s hand tighter and leaned into him, absorbing his warmth and the feeling of protection. Moisture coated her eyes.
Maybe because it represented God’s love for them that he gave His only son. Or maybe that it represented a new beginning.
Chapter Ten
“Where are we going?” Cameron’s voice filled the interior of Ethan’s SUV.
The boy apparently didn’t like to get up early on the weekends, especially after his performance last night and the ice cream that followed. Ethan smiled to himself. The day had dawned bright and sunny, but that was expected to change later in the afternoon when another storm moved through right on the heels of the four inches they received last night. Now that the church service was over, it was the perfect day to chop down a Christmas tree. Or two. Or four.
“You’ll see.” He smiled at Holly, who returned it readily. Something had changed between them yesterday, and he liked it. She seemed a bit more relaxed, more settled, even though he’d admitted he’d found a new tenant for the shop. Guilt consumed him. He had no choice, though. He needed the rent money to help him pay his own bills while the sanctuary got off the ground.
“Cam’s not a morning person.”
“I’ve already figured that out. He’ll grow out of it. Eventually.” Just like the boy would grow out of his troubles. He was at a tough age. For now, Ethan was glad he was there to help guide him in the right direction.
“Are we going to the sanctuary?” Cameron’s excited voice popped up from the backseat. “Are you almost done, Mr. P.? When are you going to move the dogs?”
“Yes, we are. We made a lot of headway this past week. If all goes well, we’ll be in by Christmas.”
“But how will I be able to get out here after school?”
Ethan didn’t have an answer. “We’ll worry about that when the
time comes.”
* * *
The snow hit Holly on the back of her head. She turned just in time to see another snowball flying through the air. “Hey!”
Both her son and Ethan had reloaded behind the quick barrier they’d built in the dog run. She ducked behind a pine tree and scooped up a handful of fresh snow. Heavy and moist, the snow was perfect for packing. Forming it into a perfect ball, she waited for one of the two to expose themselves. She didn’t have to wait long. She hurled the ball and it hit Ethan square in the chest.
“Good shot.”
“My mom was captain of the softball team. She was an all-star pitcher. I’m switching sides.” Cam lunged from behind the snowbank and headed toward her. But not before Holly lobbed another perfect pitch and hit her son in the chest.
“Mom.”
“Hey, all’s fair in love and war.” Yet she gave him the opportunity to hide behind the pine tree with her and lob a few more snowballs at Ethan until he cried uncle.
“Wow, I can’t believe you really got beaten by a girl.” His laughter filled the air as Cam ran from behind the tree, plopped onto his back into the fresh snow and began to move his arms and legs. A smile creased her lips. Holly hadn’t seen her son this happy in a long time, and she owed it all to Ethan.
“Yeah, well, until you switched sides, you were, too.” Holly helped Ethan dust the snow from his sleeve, but his amused expression told her he didn’t mind. It hadn’t really been a fair fight, but Ethan didn’t seem to care.
“You are a good shot.” The corners of his eyes crinkled as he squinted from the glare of the sun. “Is there anything else I should know about you?”
“I can’t sing, I love sushi and I placed fifth in the state spelling bee in eighth grade.” Feeling a bit childish herself, Holly let her reserve down and jumped in the snow next to her son. Cold bit her neck as she moved her arms and legs in a wide sweeping motion.
“A brainy athlete. That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one.”
“Hey, I resent that.” She grabbed a handful of snow and threw it up at him.
“What word did you place with?”
“Metamorphosis. M-e-t-a-m-o-r-p-h-o-s-i-s. Metamorphosis.” She grinned. “Okay, smarty-pants, do you know what that even means?”
Ethan sank down beside her. “Of course. It’s a transformation of one thing into another. Like a caterpillar into a butterfly.”
A strange feeling passed through her. It was as if after two years, she was starting to break free of her shell and stretch her wings. In the Bible, it was the symbol for the Resurrection. Was she going through her own sort of change? She shook off the feeling. “But can you spell it?”
“I’m not even going to try. What word did you miss?”
“Parliament. I forgot the second a. But enough about that. Let’s build a snowman. You make the base. I’ll make the middle, and you make the head, Cam.” Holly jumped to her feet. With the wet, heavy snow, they should be able to build a monstrous one that would take days or weeks to melt if the cold snap held up.
“You’re on.” Ethan pushed himself from the snow and formed another snowball. He gazed at her playfully and tossed it in the air.
“Don’t even think about it,” Holly warned as she molded her own ball. “I went easy on you last time.”
Ethan laughed and started rolling the snowball around to form a bigger one.
Once assembled, the three balls of snow needed to be adorned. Holly took her hat from her head and placed it on top. Cam trudged to the edge where the woods met the snowdrift and broke off a few dead branches from a tree.
“Too bad we don’t have a carrot.” Ethan pulled out a few pennies from his pocket and placed them in as eyes and a nose. Then he removed his scarf and wrapped it around the snowman’s neck.
“Now all we need is a mouth. If I had my purse, I probably could have found something in there to use.” Holly shrugged. “But it seemed ridiculous to bring it out here.”
“Why would you? We’re going to have our hands full with the next activity. Cameron, there should be some rocks around here somewhere. Check the areas where the snowballs lifted the snow. If you can’t find anything, then there should be some pinecones by the pine tree near where you got the arms.”
“I’m on it.” Cameron dashed away, a jumble of arms and legs. The corners of her mouth turned up. When he grew into his adult body, he’d tower over her, thanks to the Stanwyck side of his DNA.
After scooping up some snow, Ethan filled in an uneven spot on the snowman’s trunk. “He’s a good kid. He’ll be okay.”
“I know he will. Thanks for all your help.” Holly readjusted the scarf around the snowman’s neck. “Aren’t you cold?”
“Aren’t you? Heat escapes from your head.”
“It does, but I’m used to this weather. You’re not.” Her fingers played with the scarf’s dark fringe. Even though she couldn’t feel the fabric through her gloves, she could imagine the rough wool texture against her skin. And if she dared think hard enough, she could almost feel Ethan’s five-o’clock shadow against her palms, his lips caressing hers again. This time she wasn’t sure if she would break it off so quickly.
Disloyalty stabbed at her heart.
“I’ll be fine, but if it makes you feel better, we can come retrieve our stuff on the way back to the house.” Ethan must have sensed her discomfort. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Thanks for bringing us out here. We haven’t had this much fun since—” Holly stopped short. The memories of Jared and their last winter together as a family surfaced. They’d gone sledding, had their own snowball fights and built a snowman, just days before the accident.
And in the blink of an eye—or tires against black ice—everything had changed.
Ethan gathered her in his arms and rocked her gently. The light kiss on the top of her head brought back more thoughts about her late husband. Letting go was hard when everything around her reminded her of what she’d lost.
But Kristen was right. She had to. Today brought that to the forefront. Somehow, somewhere feelings had surfaced for Ethan regardless of her attempts to close off her heart. The realization stung. She had to let go and move on. Living in the past wasn’t healthy, but as Pastor Matt pointed out, she wasn’t the only one who needed to realize that.
Shrugging out of his arms, Holly stepped away into some sort of hole buried by the snow. Her arms flailed as she tried to regain her equilibrium and footing. Not happening. She fell backward onto her bottom, the snow quickly finding its way under her jacket and sweater. She shivered, but it was more from Ethan’s unguarded expression than from the cold.
“Are you okay?” He held out his hand.
“Just fine.” But she knew her heart would never be the same.
Ethan released Holly’s hand when he heard Cameron approach. Her son might misconstrue the gesture, especially after their conversation on Thanksgiving. Cameron wanted another dad and someone to make his mom happy, make her laugh again.
Ethan wasn’t the guy to do that. People had counted on him before, depended on him for their lives, and he’d let them and their families down. But holding Holly in comfort had been the most natural thing in the world. Ethan took another step to the side, stooped down and packed on more snow to another uneven spot on the base of the snowman.
She glanced at him from underneath her lashes as if she understood, before her attention turned to her son. “What did you find, Cam?”
He held out his hands. “Pinecones. They were bigger than the rocks.”
“Pinecones it is, then.” Ethan stood and dusted the snow from his gloves. “Since you retrieved them, you may have the honors.”
Once the snowman was complete, Ethan grabbed the saw he’d dropped by the edge of the meadow before the snowball fight. “Come on, our ultimate dest
ination is just a bit farther.”
They walked in a companionable silence through the woods. Ethan loved the stillness of the day, the crisp air filling his lungs, the muffled footsteps on the fresh snow. An occasional bird cawed, and a few rabbits scattered when they wandered too close. Not wanting to disturb the peace surrounding them, he put a finger to his lips. “If we’re real quiet, we may see a deer or two.”
“Really? That would be cool,” Cameron whispered back.
Too bad the deer chose not to cooperate. A few minutes later, they stepped into what should have been another meadow, but this one was filled with pine trees of various sizes.
Holly gasped beside him. “Wow. It’s beautiful.”
“Cool.” Cameron ran into the stand of trees.
“Cam—”
“Let him go. He’ll be okay.” Holly’s wide-eyed wonder and look of pure enjoyment of his special retreat pleased him. He knew the feeling. He’d been nine when his dad first brought him out here—a family ritual that took place at that special age. Eyes wide, mouth open, he’d run through the trees, arms outstretched, touching the spiny needles, laughing. They’d played hide-and-seek before deciding the right ones to cut down. His smile turned upside down.
It was also their last Christmas together. His dad had been dead for almost twenty-five years now, and Ethan still missed him. Bringing company out here with him might have been a mistake. He identified with Holly’s son and knew what Cameron faced in the future.
While there was nothing Ethan could do to bring Jared back, he could make things better for Cameron, just like his old neighbor did for him. He glanced up. Thank you, Lord, for bringing me into Cameron’s life right now and helping him through this.
Other images superimposed themselves in his mind’s eye. He clenched his fists, realizing there was nothing he could do to bring those people back, either.
But he wasn’t responsible for his father’s death.
“Are you okay?” Holly placed a hand on his arm and knitted her eyebrows. His muscles bunched underneath her touch. “You have that faraway look in your eyes.”
