I collapse back onto the bed, where Atlas’s cock is waiting for my mouth. Yes. More.
Kai slams home, groaning as he finishes deep inside me. I see sparkles and stars, my body steeped in so much sensation that it doesn’t know what to do with it.
Sol turns me over, and when he does, I’m ready for him. He slips into me in one thrust, that same confidence radiating from him as he fucks me and rubs my clit with his thumb. “I can take care of that,” Kai murmurs, lowering his mouth. Hot tongue on swollen flesh. I’m already shaking, already drowning. It’s all amazing.
And above me, Atlas is still there. He feeds me his cock inch by inch, slowly speeding up until I’m being fucked in both directions. Taken and cared for all at once. Kai’s mouth soothes me at the same time it makes me wetter for Sol. Atlas pulls back at the last second before he comes, spilling sweet heat. Almonds and honey. I drink him down with a moan that doesn’t seem to end. I’m falling into a never-ending state of bliss. Flicks of Kai’s tongue bring me over the edge again and again, and Solomon thrusts with smooth, easy strokes until I’m begging. Only then does he come, grabbing my hips and holding himself in me to the hilt.
I can’t move when he slips out. My limbs have no bones left in them. But they don’t seem to mind. Kai pulls me into his arms and lifts me higher on the bed where the pillows are. Atlas is at my back, a solid wall of flesh and muscle. Solomon pulls my feet over his ribs, smoothing his hands up my legs.
There’s so much that I want to say, and so much that I can’t say because I’m dizzy and limp and exhausted. I can’t keep my eyes open. Stroking hands carry me down into the darkness. Someone kisses my lips, but I can’t kiss them back. But I have words for all of them. They’ve been haunting my heart, and there’s no reason not to say them.
“I love you.”
It’s barely a whisper, and the response in return is whispered back. It sounds like an echo of one, two, and three.
I fall asleep smiling.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
_______
I wake to pale dawn light breaking into the room, and the High Trinity of archangels curled around me. This doesn't seem like it could possibly be real. I listen to the inhale and exhale of their breath, perfect and even. Slowly, I sit up between them. They don't even stir, they're so deep in sleep.
I could kill them now.
They're close enough together. They would not see it coming. The lives of three archangels are offered to me on a plate right now, a gift offering me everything that I ever claimed to want. Using every lesson in stealth I've ever been taught, I pick my way between their sleeping bodies, and I run from the room. The closest bathroom that's not mine is in their lounge, but I don't make it that far. My stomach forces me to empty its contents over the edge of the terrace. A reaction of pure disgust to the thought of killing them. I nearly gag again reliving that thought.
Resting my head on the cool marble, I wait for the opposite thoughts to come. The clawing and scratching and screaming that I shouldn't turn my back on Tartarus. On everything I worked for. But that voice is silent.
And I realize that it has been since Cassian bound my infernal power. There's been no conflict or doubt. Just light and happiness and...Oh fuck. The words that slipped out of me last night as I was drifting off come rushing back. I told them that I love them.
That I love them.
Because I do.
And they said it back.
Oh fuck.
A future lays itself out in front of me. One where I embrace this life and these angels and never go back. Returning to the underworld means power. But it also means that I will be living with a target on my back. The Underworld is made of pain and I was forged from it. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to be free and happy and loved. That's what I am here. Loved.
I'm not going to kill them. I won't.
My only hesitation is Cassian. I love him too, and I am bound to him. What would he do if I didn't return? Would he leave Hell like he once left heaven?
Cassian's name sets something off in my mind. The battle he mentioned. And the deadline for the assignment. Which is today. Why would Arad put such a tight deadline on this when other jobs of less importance had no deadline whatsoever?
Other things start clicking into place like keys in a lock. Things that I've seen and heard and suddenly make sense. Like the quiet in my brain suddenly had space to lay them all apart and see the clues.
Forcing myself off the marble, I go to Solomon's map and close my eyes for a second. The coordinates on the note from last night are easy to recall. I find them, and my heart sinks. A new red circle of glowing points circles Ellismer. That same fucking country. Now that I've noticed it, I can't unsee it.
"Fuck," I say out loud. It clears my head. I'm swirling everything in my head and looking at it from every angle until it clicks.
The final blow.
I heard that. Multiple times. From Cassian. From my father. Even indirectly, from Telem.
“Let’s go. I have better things to do than play bodyguard for the Underworld’s whore.” “What’s that? Lead a few angels on a wild goose chase until we're ready for the final blow?”
My father said that they were getting ready to do something to cripple heaven's armies. And that I would be the crowning strike.
It comes together.
I assumed that my assignment was the plan. That by giving me the task of killing the High Trinity, Arad was killing two birds with one stone. Taking care of a problem and allowing me to gain the traction I needed for loyalty. Or letting me die at their hand so he can continue their reign.
I didn't see the truth, and I want to throw up again.
The constant little battles. Like mosquito bites. Annoying at first, but eventually you ignore them. I was the one who suggested the trinity stop going when they knew it would be nothing. It's crying wolf on a global scale.
An image floats in my mind. The table in the council room after I returned from Ellismer. Cliffs with tunnels. Tunnels lining every inch under the surface of the ground. They changed it right after I walked in. I don't know where that is, but Ellismer's coastline is all cliffs. Hundreds of feet tall. It's enough for thousands of demons to lie in wait for something big.
Footsteps stride down the hallway, and the Trinity—now dressed—plus Declan, stride over to the very map that I'm looking at.
"What did we miss?" Atlas asks.
"Nothing," Solomon says. "We missed nothing. Until last night there wasn't even any infernal activity in Ellismer."
I wrap my arms around myself. "What's going on?"
Kai pulls me against him and kisses my forehead in greeting. "Message came in this morning. The underworld army has taken Ellismer."
I swallow against the bile in my throat. "Taken it how?"
"Killed the king," Atlas says, eyes burning. "They're holding the royal court hostage and rounding up the people into camps."
Stepping away from Kai, I look out the window over the view. This is probably one of the only times I'll ever see it. "What are they asking for?"
Solomon meets my eyes, leaning forward onto the table with both hands. "Asterium's full surrender in exchange for the lives of the people of Ellismer."
There it is. I did not know about the angel's rule of Do No Harm. But I'm sure that Adar does. He can force the angel's hand. They have to intervene. If they do not, they will be intentionally letting humans come to harm. And I was supposed to kill them so that the most powerful weapons heaven has were gone, leaving every angel there to be slaughtered.
"What will you do?"
Kai's mouth is a thin line. "Rally heaven's army. They distracted us so that we could do this. But they don't have enough of their forces in Ellismer to hold us against us for long. Angels are already on the way. More every second."
Pain flickers in my chest. I can't do this. I can't let thousands of angels die. I had already made the decision not to kill them. That was the easy one. This one is harder. Not for
the choice, but for the consequences. I have to tell them who I am, and I don't want to see their faces when I do it. But all I see in front of me is Solomon's face. Still grieving the four thousand, nine-hundred and twelve angels he lost. I can't let him lose another.
Even if it costs me everything.
Hell will kill me for this.
If the angels don't kill me first.
"You can't go," I say, turning to face them. "It's a trap. There is no one captive in Ellismer."
All three angels turn to look at me, confusion painting their expressions. Solomon shakes his head. "Arielle, what are you talking about? How could you know that?"
I swallow, and then I close my eyes. "Because I am the one who murdered their king."
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
_______
Silence hangs heavy in the air. Solomon clears his throat. “What did you just say?”
“I killed Ellismer’s king. I fucked him and slit his throat. Just like I was sent to do. A few days before you found me in that alley.”
Kai and Atlas stare at me like they’ve never seen me before. But Solomon is the worst. He looks down at the table, and his expression says it all. That he knew he should not have trusted me, and he’s being burned for it. “Who are you?”
“Arielle.”
“You know that’s not what I’m asking.”
I close my eyes and take a breath. “I am Arielle. Daughter of Arad, and Heir of Tartarus, and soul-bonded mate of the fallen archangel Cassian. Vessel of the Infernal Flame. I was sent here to kill you.”
There they are. All my sins lined up in a row like presents for them to unwrap.
It should be impossible for someone made of gold to look so pale. But Solomon looks ashen. Atlas is staring into the middle distance, so still that I think that he may have turned to stone. Kai looks at me, and I will never erase the betrayal that I see there. “You could have killed us. This morning. All of us at once.”
I shake my head. “I would never. I tried to convince myself that I needed to. But this thing,” I press my hand to my chest. “I didn’t plan for that. It’s real. It was all real.” Every second of it was real for me. “I never pretended that I felt more for you than I did. If anything, I should have given less.”
“Don’t,” Atlas says. “Don’t try to justify this.”
“I’m not,” I say. “I know what I’ve done, and I can’t take it back. But this was real for me. Real enough that I wasn’t going to go back.”
“Then why tell us at all?”
“I couldn’t let them do this. I didn’t figure it out until this morning. I didn’t see all the pieces.” I look directly at Solomon. “I wasn’t going to let thousands of angels die for nothing.”
His expression doesn’t move an inch as he reaches out a hand, starlight catching the cuffs I still wear and forcing me to my knees. He stands over me, twisting his hands so my arms spin behind my back painfully tight. So far I feel my spine strain. “Do no harm,” I whisper.
“That applies to humans. Not filth from the underworld. And you will tell me everything.”
Atlas and Kai take up positions at his shoulders, and I tell them everything. All the pieces that fit together that I didn’t see. The reason I was actually supposed to kill them, and what I suspect about the cliffs. Everything I can think about.
“And you,” Kai says when I’m finished. “How much of you was true?”
He’s searching for something that will not make him feel better. “Would it make a difference?” I ask him. “Would you feel differently if I told you that the first time I felt pleasure on my own terms was with the three of you? That I’ve been fucked by more members of Tartarus Court than I can name because my father used my pussy as a reward for them and their cocks as a punishment for me? That I was stripped naked and forced to practice seducing a man in front of the court to prove that I could make someone want me? That I was taken from a family that I’ll never know and made a killer and a whore against my will and it was the only way I could stay alive?”
Kai looks away from me. One of his hands curls into a fist. I knew that it would not matter. I fed him the lie of true and perfect love. It doesn’t matter if it wasn’t a lie for me. To him, he’s in love with the Arielle of fiction. Not me.
“Show me your memory of the cliff,” Solomon says, stepping forward and placing his hand against my forehead.
I don’t fight. I draw up the memory and let him see it. I let him see everything. The moments after I walked into that room and the thousand other moments there. I open my mind to him and let him see. When he pulls away he looks shaken. It wasn’t just the bad parts that I let him see, but the last days with them. The way it felt when I touched our thread. The flutter in my chest. The fact that the three men standing before me make me blindingly happy. And the fact that I know I will die for this, and I’m doing it anyway.
“You can stop it,” I say. “Go.”
Atlas leaves the room first. Slowly, considered, but without looking at me. Solomon speaks carefully. “If we save the lives of angels, you have my thanks.”
Kai stops at the door and looks back at me. “But you will have nothing more.” A flick of his hands shatters the cuffs, wrenching them from my skin. Bound as I am, they cut scratch and cut. Harm. I am not worth his protection anymore. Kai disappears into smoke.
“Do not be here when we return, Arielle,” Solomon says as he steps outside the door.
I know when they are gone. It’s moments later, when I feel the crushing absence in my chest and the last lingering touch of starlight disappears. I am free.
One sob escapes my throat, and I press my forehead to the floor. My life is made from pain. I am a weapon forged from it. And I know in this moment that I have never known the true extent of it. Every scrape and tear that has ever been healed does not compare to the gaping, jagged hole that was torn out of me.
I will not weep.
I force myself to stand up from the floor and walk to my bedroom. I’m still wearing the lingerie from last night. I strip it off and let it flutter to the floor. The only time I’ve ever worn white. It feels more symbolic that I should let it.
The clothes I pull from the armoire are practical. Jeans and long-sleeved shirt. A leather jacket not unlike the one Kai likes to wear. Boots. I need to see if they succeed. Need to know if it was worth it.
I reach for the power in my core and nearly vomit again from the pain that crunches down my spine and through my limbs. Cracking, breaking, binding. It settles in the familiar hollow place in my gut. One burning ember of darkness. It’s enough.
Leaning into the pain, I draw the gate and step out on top of the cliff. I was more than right. The land before me swarms with demons and citizens of darkness. They scream at the top of their lungs at the three angels standing alone against them.
My heart flies to my throat. From this height, they look so small. Plane and shining contrasted with overwhelming darkness. Cold wind roars across the plain, and the demons are still louder. They shriek for the blood of the archangels that should not be here. They know that I failed. That I did not kill them. But it will not matter. They will try to extinguish their light regardless.
No other angel is in sight. Where is the army that they claimed were on their way? They stand side by side, wings extended, armor nearly glowing with power even in the dismal light.
There are flat, grey clouds above, so low that I think I could touch them. And I feel it a split second before it happens.
The High Trinity each raise a hand to the air, and the clouds evaporate, revealing the whole host of angels that are already flying—straight down. It is beautiful. And merciless. A massacre.
The host tears through horn and claw and stone. And from the High Trinity, three blasts of power that I can feel from here. Starlight incinerates a swath of hell, leaving nothing behind but white ash. Purified. Shining silver flame draws a line around the number that’s growing smaller by the second.
And Kai...<
br />
Kai is smoke itself. I can see him moving through the swarming sea of bodies, stepping through color and light to cut down his enemies and disappear before they even saw him coming. It’s over in minutes. The angels rise into the sky as one, leaving the demons that are running to flee to Tartarus and tell the tale. The Trinity, still on the ground, see me. Their attention on me for a moment, the lines between us growing bright and fading. I raise my hand in greeting, and as one, they turn away.
But something else stirs. A violent pull on my soul. When I turn I find Cassian behind me, grey wings extended to their full width. “What have you done?”
I don’t say anything. It’s clear what I have done.
“What have you done, Arielle?”
He explodes, smoke power rushing outward in a wave. “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!” The roar echoes across the cliffs. I close my eyes.
Cassian is in front of me then, mouth crushing mine. His words are soft and desperate and broken. “What have you done?”
I keep my eyes closed. If I don’t, the tears will flow down my cheeks, and I will not let him see me cry. “I did what I had to.”
His hands are angry as he cups my face, shaking me once to look at him. “I was creating a world for us. Wasn’t that worth the lives of three angels?”
“It was not worth the lives of three thousand.”
He’s panting. “The outcome would have been the same, Ari. You don’t think that the host could have survived an ambush? It would have ended like this.” He crushes me against him, lips fierce against my ear. “And you would have been Queen.”
“I knew what I was giving up,” I whisper. “He will kill me for it, and it will be over.”
“Ari,” he says, and I’ve never heard him sound so broken. “He can’t kill you. You are the Vessel.”
I feel myself go pale. “He will find another.”
Cassian’s face hardens. “You need to prepare yourself,” he says. “You belong to me. And to Tartarus. Arad will make that clear.”
Queen of Darkness (War of Heavenly Fire Book 1) Page 14
