“From the King James Bible, the Twenty-third Psalm, ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.’” The Chaplain nodded. “We welcome his swim buddy, Petty Officer First Class John Matthew Roaker, to say a few words.”
A speech was folded neatly in Jack’s pocket. He’d reread it so many times he knew it by heart. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly and then said the words that made his heart ache.
“Don was a rarity among men. Like many guys in the Teams he gave generously and without a second thought, as he was always working for the betterment or protection of another’s life. But there was a unique ability he had to bring humor into the toughest circumstances. No matter where we were or what was happening, the minute a joke flew out of his mouth… we knew we would survive the situation.” Jack swallowed around the lump in his throat.
“His lighter side kept his Team members going and it brought his beautiful wife into his life. He teased her from the moment he met her and they fell head over heels for each other. He once told me Sheila was one of the top three best experiences of his life: his wife, his daughter, and the Teams. These were the things he loved most. There will never be another man like Don… It was an honor to serve beside him.”
Looking over at Sheila, Jack could clearly see the outline of Don—standing next to his sobbing wife, with an arm around her shoulders. He held Jack’s eye for several seconds; then he dropped his arm and saluted.
Jack saluted back… to his memory of his best friend. He knew in his heart that Don was gone from his life for good. Whether the visions he’d had of Don all these months were a part of his head injury, dreams, or as the doctors diagnosed, his mind dealing with the acute suppression, or Don himself, touching base from the other side, Jack didn’t care. What mattered most was that he had been able to honor his friend with the truth. In the end, perhaps this was the greatest gift and, more than most individuals got, closure.
A SEAL, wearing traditional Scottish attire in addition to his trident, played “Amazing Grace,” one of Don’s favorite hymns, on the bagpipes.
Don’s daughter, Kona, placed one of her drawings into the water and set it adrift—such a small piece of colored paper, with a picture of a family on it. She watched it go and blew it a kiss. Then her mother took off her lei and placed it into the water. Together, the items floated away.
Next, Sheila was handed the urn. She opened the top and reached inside. Withdrawing a small handful of Don’s ashes, she scattered them into the water. Tears streamed down her face, but she never uttered a single sound of misery. She was a true Navy wife, who could stand the test even as it ripped her heart out.
When she nodded to him, Jack stepped up next to her, following her lead, and took a handful of ashes. It seemed strange to him that the big, hulking, and very vibrant man was reduced to this small box of dust. Staring at the ashes, he couldn’t believe that this was all that was left of this indomitable SEAL. Somewhere in the hereafter, peace would come, but nothing could squelch Don’s undeniable force.
Strangely, Jack’s head injury had been a remarkable gift—allowing him to see his best friend and forcing him to seek out help and bring someone new into his world. Don would tell him that God never made accidents, just opportunities to become better. We might not always appreciate the circumstances, but the life lesson was in there.
Jack blew out a long ragged breath. He was next. “Until we meet again, my friend.” The wind picked up as he opened his hand, blowing the ashes into his face. Jack opened his mouth and laughed, tasting the gray dust on his tongue. He wiped most of the ash off his face and from around his mouth. “I guess this is a part of him that will always be with me.”
Nervous laughter broke out over the boats. It grew into larger guffaws as each member of the Team tossed ash into the wind and water. The heaviness of the burial at sea had turned lighter, as befitted the man’s personality. Jack was pleased that the experience held humor. His friend would have hated for everyone to have a heavy heart because of his death. Rather, he’d have preferred to be remembered with laughter and joy.
The moment belonged solely to memorializing this great warrior, and he would do so with a friendly yet stoic face. Tears would wait for a private moment, when he was alone with Laurie. And later at McP’s he would raise a toast in Don’s honor, holding a beer high, and he would speak again of his friend’s greatest attributes and roast him a little, too. Traditionally, this method was the way for most in the Teams…
“Let’s conclude with the Lord’s Prayer.” When the Chaplain led them in the final prayer, the rest of the ashes were given to the Pacific Ocean. Then the box was stowed and the RIBs were turned toward shore. The engines turned over, fluttering to life as the boats surged forward, gaining speed to race each other to the dock.
Jack felt tiny arms wrap around his pant leg. He smiled down at lovely little Kona.
Picking her up, he held her tightly so she could feel the wind in her face and see the shore growing ever closer. They watched the pod of dolphins join them on the trip back. The creatures dove in and out of the wake, frolicking.
Kona’s fingers locked into the edges of his uniform, and he winked at Sheila, whose belly was around six months along. These two individuals were part of his family. He could see it now and was happy to accept the responsibility and duty of this fated gift.
Today they had buried his best friend, a man who had watched his back and been at his side since BUD/S training. There was a bond very few men would ever understand, and no words could sum up the importance of this man’s life. Jack knew he was a better man for having been friends with Don, and he’d stay in close contact with Sheila, Kona, and the baby-to-be. It was a boy, who would be named after his father, Sheila had confided earlier that morning.
Life connections were the purpose of this crazy journey. Jack understood it now.
Freedom to pursue his dream of a wife and family surged through his veins. This was a treasure he could have and relish. Being a SEAL meant being part of a Team both at home and in combat. Yes, he could always operate alone, but given the choice, he chose company for this complex experience known as life.
His eyes eagerly scanned the shore, searching for the flash of dark hair being whipped in the wind. His Laurie. She was the unexpected present that came out of this horrific scenario. From knowing nothing to learning about everything, this lady had accompanied him through the entire journey. Other than a couple of small hiccups in communication, she had more than proved her worth to him, and hopefully, he’d proved himself to her.
The RIBs slowly drew closer to shore, leaving a foamy wake behind them. The waves were small but choppy, yet the drivers knew how to keep the boats steady and their passengers dry and safe. It helped that they understood the rhythms of the ocean and had trained on these vehicles and driven them hundreds of times. If only life were that easy, that the unexpected never came to dislodge the calm and predictable ways of existence. But this is the nature of the world… that we never know what will happen next.
For his future, Jack knew he had found a woman who could hold her own, had an independent attitude toward life, and the willingness and forthrightness to live boldly. Laurie had the entire package, and then some. He knew in his heart he would never willingly let her go.
“Look, Kona, there’s your Auntie Laurie. You’ll like her. She’s special,” Jack said into the ear of the little girl in her arms. “Come on, let’s wave to her.” Freeing one of his hands, he waved at Laurie and Kona joined
in.
Sheila smiled at him, and then shouted over the wind, “So, this is what has had you so busy. I look forward to meeting her.”
“Yes,” said Jack, leaning closer to Sheila so she could hear him. “Laurie helped me get my memory back. I want her in my life, Sheila. Permanently.” The last word seemed suspended in the air, and he was fine with that pronouncement.
Don’s wife nodded at him and said, “Well, she’s already part of the family, then. I look forward to letting her know what kind of nuthouse she’s joining.”
Ah, the teasing! Sheila had a natural instinct for banter, as did Laurie. If anyone had told him a year ago that he would meet someone like Laurie and fall in love, he never would have believed it. Now his life was coming full circle.
The boats slowed as they approached the dock. A few sailors ran forward to catch the docking ropes. The RIBs were secured, and Jack helped Sheila and Kona off. Then he walked them down the dock and to the spot where Laurie waited for them. If the RIBs had been bigger, she might have come along. But Don was a deeply admired man in the Teams, and they’d had to turn a lot of people away because there wasn’t much room on the boats.
Master Chief Kirby pushed a memory card into his hand. Within its small plastic form would be pictures of the burial. These photographs would help Sheila explain to the children as they grew older how their father had been honored. “For Sheila; she can keep this. Knotts is doing a video at McP’s.”
“Thanks,” said Jack, grateful that the community was always there, watching out for each other. He pocketed the precious item and turned his attention to walking down the gangplank.
Laurie stepped into view, dressed in a blue silk dress. He longed to wrap her in his arms and kiss her. Her hair smelled like lilacs, and he wanted to bury his nose in it and just breathe. She had offered to wait on shore. Already, she understood the intricacies of this world—sometimes she would be by his side and often she would wait on shore. She knew this as a former SEAL pup and now she was his SEAL lady.
“Laurie, I’d like to introduce Sheila and Kona.” Jack spoke proudly as Laurie embraced her two new family members.
“My condolences for your loss,” said Laurie solemnly.
“Thank you,” said Sheila politely and then she hugged Laurie. “I’ve heard good things about you. I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too. Jack has told me so much about you,” Laurie gushed with her usual unwavering enthusiasm. Her buoyancy was contagious, and Jack leaned over to kiss her before giving the women some space to chat.
“I’m happy to meet you. I knew Jack must be up to something. When he told me about you and the entire journey to find the truth, I knew you’d be special.” Sheila linked arms with Laurie, dragging her ahead. Looking over her shoulder briefly, she winked at Jack. “I can hardly wait to share all of the dirt I have on your guy…”
Jack rolled his eyes at her, and then looked at sweet Kona, who skipped alongside him. Children were remarkably resilient. Perhaps he wouldn’t mess one up too badly if he took the plunge. He really did want one, two, or maybe four kids…
Man, that would make Don laugh! Gich, too! Life is not about how one begins his journey or even how it ends. What matters most is reality right now and how lives are entwined with each other. He was done with his hermit-like existence and usual practice of holding everyone at bay. The human-to-human connection is the journey that gives us some of our greatest challenges and most humbling rewards. What better way to honor that concept than by being a living example?
Jack touched the scar at the back of his head. The injury was healed and he had a clean bill of health. He would be reporting back to duty soon, and he was ready to be in the action. He’d be taking his swim buddy and all those life lessons with him.
“Uncle Jack, are you okay?” asked Kona, tugging on his arm. She looked up at him with those wide brown eyes so much like her daddy’s.
“Sure am,” said Jack as he picked up Kona, spun her in a circle, and settled her on his shoulders. “Are you ready for a hamburger, Kona?”
“Yes,” said Kona eagerly. The child was bouncing energetically. Her eyes were lit up and her smile was beaming. Maybe she was a reflection of her mother, who had lightened up also, or perhaps Jack was in a place where he was prepared to be back in the swing of life. Either way, as they headed toward their cars and the Celebration of Life party at McP’s, he knew the Don-shaped hole would always be there, and that all of them would reinvent themselves as much as they could and would mostly be fine.
“Let’s eat!” proclaimed Kona. “Mommy, we need to bring Mrs. Popcorn. I left her in the backseat of the car.”
“Okay, Kona. We’ll get her,” said Sheila. “We’re almost there.”
Jack helped settle Sheila and Kona in their car, and then he and Laurie climbed into his Jeep. “See you there,” he told them.
“How was it?” Laurie asked when they were alone.
“Good,” he said with a nod. “I didn’t give the whole speech. Only the first couple of paragraphs.” He wasn’t about to drink in his uniform, so he hightailed it to his apartment for a quick change. Zipping through the green lights, he knew he’d be at his destination in minutes.
“Those were the best parts,” she said, holding on to the side of the Jeep. “Jack, do you have to drive so fast? We’re not pursuing an insurgent!”
“Yes, dear,” said Jack with a grin that was both placating and teasing.
“Oh, don’t give me that crap!” Laurie replied with a smile. “If you’re going to be doing this for the rest of our lives together, then—”
Pulling to a halt with a screech, the Jeep jerked to a stop in front of his apartment. “Yes?” he enquired.
She unhooked her seat belt and climbed over to him. Her lips grazed his gently once, twice, and then she kissed him. Full lip on lip—with its bombardment of emotions—waylaid his intentions.
One minute he was thinking about a retort, and the next he was contemplating carrying her into his apartment and stripping her naked and taking her as they leaned against the wall.
His fingers sought the release for his seat belt and then he was pulling his keys out of the ignition and lifting her into his arms. Having traveled these steps a hundred times, he could do it sleepwalking, and before he knew it, they were at his door.
Fitting the key in the lock, he opened the door, pulled the keys out, and slammed the door shut with his foot. Her hands worked over him, releasing buttons and pulling the clothes from his body.
He did the same until they both stood naked. Then he was laying her down on the floor, reacquainting himself with the woman he loved. Her body was soft and curvy, sexy and familiar, and yet completely new as another layer of emotions played into their lovemaking.
Lifting his head, he stared into her eyes. “Did you really think we would only be bed buddies?”
She laughed, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “Yes, I did. I know how you guys operate. I didn’t expect anything, so I didn’t get hurt. But I knew I wanted to have fun.”
“And now?” He had to ask the question to completely understand the way she felt about him.
“What do you think, Jack?” Laurie’s hands tried to drag him back down for a kiss.
“No, wait. I have to say this…” He held himself poised above her, the woman he had gone to for help and begun to fall for. “I have feelings for you.”
“I know that,” she said, running the tips of her fingers over his ears, trying to distract him.
He captured her hands and squeezed them tightly. “I love you, Laurie. Just for the record, beauty is courage, kindness, joy, and pleasure. Even when you’re unsure, I see more of that in you than in any woman I’ve ever known.”
Her eyes widened in surprise. Tears gathered at the corners. “Bravery is honesty even when it’s uncomfortable, happiness at simple things, and knowing that every day matters. You have that and so much more. I love you, Jack.”
They kissed, and it was one
of the sweetest moments of their life together so far. If they have been in a luxurious suite it could not have been any better. He reached for his wallet, breaking the kiss; he found a condom and rolled it onto his cock.
With a sure stroke, he buried himself deep inside of Laurie. His body shook as he balanced himself on his elbows, not because the technique was taxing on his body, which it wasn’t, but because this was the woman he loved and his emotional investment was one hundred percent. Every moment with her mattered, and he wasn’t going to take anything for granted.
Her hands brought his face closer to hers. She kissed him tenderly on his lips. “I enjoy being with you, Jack. As much as I’ve wanted to deny it or even be cool about it, I can’t. I fell for you the moment we spoke at Dick’s Last Resort, and every interaction and hurdle has only brought us closer. You’re my ideal, Jack, even when I didn’t really know exactly what I wanted.”
For the second time today, words clogged his throat. He cleared it and said, “See. You wanted a SEAL. You didn’t know that before, because you hadn’t met me.”
“You’re right. You’re always right,” she teased. “I have everything I want right here.”
“Can I get that phrase in writing? No wait. Let’s have it bronzed!” He tickled her until she laughed. Then he captured her wicked little tongue until their kiss drove them both into a more primal dance. “Did you mention I was perfect?”
“Jack!” She moved against him, asking for more.
He refused to deny her.
With swift strokes, he brought her to climax twice before he allowed himself to cum. Then he rolled to his side, gathering her close. He could have stayed there forever, but today was about honoring a friend, as well as life and love.
“Is it time to go?” she asked, reading his mind.
A SEAL at Heart Page 25
