“What do you mean? We see each other every day.”
“Sure, long enough for you to change your clothes and dash out the door with Maddie.”
“Wait. Are you jealous of her?”
He might as well have slapped me. I couldn’t help it, my eyes welled up with tears. “You don’t know me at all. I just thought after all of these years you were finally going to put me first in your life.”
His eyes softened and he leaned in closer.
I pushed him away. “I’ll be home late. Not that you would, but don’t wait up for me, Summers.”
“Jessica,” I heard him call as I briskly walked away, seething.
How dare he accuse me of being jealous of Maddie? I had tried very hard not to make this about her. And I’d gone above and beyond to make her feel comfortable in our home and to take care of her. Who picked her up every day from school and spent agonizing hours doing homework so that she and Blake could play all night? Oh, yeah, that would be me.
I headed straight over to Cheyenne’s, still drenched in sweat. I figured she wouldn’t mind my showering and changing at her place. Cheyenne lived in the new, modern-looking town homes they had built near the high school last year. They kind of looked out of place in our quaint town, but they fit Cheyenne. She was anything but quaint or small town. Sometimes I was surprised she stayed here. She was going to run out of men soon. I should probably warn Easton to be on guard.
I didn’t even have to knock when I got there. Cheyenne threw open the door with the face of someone who had just won the lottery. She grabbed my arm and pulled me into her entryway. “OH. MY. GOSH. Jessie Belle, I can’t believe you and Blake were totally making out in the gym after he flew into a jealous rage and punched the Zumba instructor.”
I shook my head and choked a little. “What a bunch of bull. Who told you that?”
She dropped my arm and her face went from elated to disappointed. “You mean it’s not true?”
I tucked my sweaty hair behind one ear. “Well—”
Her eyes lit up again. “Well, what?”
“Blake did come in and kiss me, but we weren’t making out, and he didn’t hit anyone.”
“But Felicia said Blake tore into your Zumba class with a jealous rage in his eyes on a hell-bent mission, grabbed you, kissed you passionately, and then sent Rob running.”
“Why would Blake be jealous of Rob?”
“You tell me, you little cougar. Rob’s like ten years younger than us.”
“Cheyenne, what are you implying?”
“All I know is that Felicia said Rob pays you a lot of attention in class.”
“He does not.”
“Oh, Jessie, would you look at yourself?”
I looked down at my tank top and shorts that clung to me from the sweat and then back up to Cheyenne. “What?”
She shook her gorgeous head at me. “You’re so beautiful and, apparently, dense.”
“Cheyenne, I’m a married woman and way past my prime.”
“You haven’t even peaked yet.”
“That’s not true. I have the first stages of crow’s feet around my eyes.”
She leaned in very close to my face. “I don’t see any crow’s feet, but it looks like you’ve been crying again. Now why’s that?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess because I married an idiot.”
She stood up straight and took my hand and pulled me to her zebra-striped couch. That’s right — zebra-striped. “So tell me what the butthead did now,” she demanded as we sat down.
I sighed loudly. “It’s the same old stuff.” There was no way I was telling her what he said—she would have gone ballistic and never forgiven him.
“I guess I should have known by all the girls’ nights we’ve been having lately.”
“I’m happy for him that he has Maddie and that he’s a great dad, I just didn’t think being a great dad and a great husband were mutually exclusive.”
“Well, at least you know you can still get his blood pumping.”
“Do you really think he was jealous of Rob?” I didn’t think I had ever seen Blake jealous.
“Yeah, honey, I do.”
“There was no reason to be.”
“I think it’s good for Blake. The jerk needs to realize what a good thing he has going with you.”
“I don’t know about that, but it’s been over thirteen years so I’m not holding out much hope.”
“I don’t know why, but I have a feeling you two will eventually figure it out.”
“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said about my marriage.”
“I see the way he looks at you, and I wish someone would look at me like that.”
“You know, that’s what Maddie’s mom said, too.”
“Please don’t compare me to that woman.”
“There’s no comparison. It’s just odd. What’s even odder is that despite everything, I know Blake loves me. I only wish he’d figure out some better ways to show me.”
“Kissing you passionately in a room full of people isn’t enough?”
“Maybe for you.”
She wiggled her eyebrows at me. “I’d need a little more than that.”
“Okay, my one-track-minded friend, can I use your shower?”
“Help yourself, you know where I keep everything.”
And I did. Abby and I had spent days helping her organize this place after she moved in.
I stood in the shower and let the water consume me. I thought about what had happened earlier, and I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. I found it comical that Blake reacted in such a way, but I was hurt he accused me of being jealous. Yes, I had feelings of jealousy, but I wasn’t jealous of Maddie. In so many ways my heart ached for that girl. I wanted to right all the wrongs for her, or at least make up for them. I wanted Blake and me to be partners in it, especially the homework part, except for reading. I loved that part. I found I liked having someone to snuggle next to and read to. I use to imagine myself doing it with my own children all the time. And though it was nothing like I imagined it would be, it kind of filled a need in me.
It was weird that Maddie had not once gone to my mom’s after school. My mom was clamoring to have her over, but I’d just been so worried about her falling further behind in school. I had wanted to talk to Blake about getting her a tutor for the fall—I thought she needed help beyond what I could do. But finding time to talk to Blake alone had been hard to come by.
I leaned against the tiled wall of Cheyenne’s shower and breathed in and out slowly. Were we ever going to get this right? I didn’t understand why our marriage had to be so hard.
By the time I got out of the shower, the hot water had run out. I guess I had gotten lost in my thoughts. I had to borrow some of Cheyenne’s clothes. She set me up with some Nike shorts and a tight-fitting tee. The one thing I had going for me that Cheyenne didn’t was an ample chest, and her little t-shirt had me showing that quite nicely.
Abby joined us for some Chinese takeout and laughter. Women need women, pure and simple. I left Cheyenne’s at eleven that night feeling somewhat like my old self. I still didn’t know what to do about my idiot husband, but I felt loved and valued, at least by my friends.
I walked into a dark and quiet home. I wasn’t expecting anything else and it was probably for the best. I was tired and in no mood to talk to Blake. I was about to learn that he didn’t feel the same way. Could we ever be on the same page?
I walked into my room and flipped on my light, and there Blake lay on our bed, shirtless, in black pajama pants, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling fan above that he must have turned on. I had been keeping it off since Blake kept the air blasting at arctic levels. He didn’t even look at me or act like he needed to adjust his eyes from the light.
“What are you doing here?”
He slowly shifted his focus to me. He had brooding, as well as sex appeal, down to a science. I could see the definition of every muscle f
rom his arms, down his chest, and to his abdomen. I think sinewy described him perfectly. I would be surprised if he had an ounce of fat on him. My heart picked up just a little. Then I remembered how dumb he was and I quit ogling him and walked toward the bathroom to get ready for bed.
“I couldn’t sleep,” he answered.
I turned from the sliding bathroom door and looked at him. “And why are you here?” I asked again.
He turned to his side and propped his head up on his hand. It was another great view of him. “I thought we agreed this was still my room, too.”
“Perhaps I’ve changed my mind.”
“Jess, we need to talk.”
“It’s late.”
“Is it too late for us?”
I sighed loudly. That question had double meaning. “Let me change and I’ll be right back.”
He lay back down and went back to staring at the ceiling.
I don’t know why I hurried as I threw on my white cotton nightshirt and brushed my teeth. I turned off the light before I jumped into bed and threw the covers over me. I was freezing. I lay on my side and faced him. It took my eyes a minute to adjust to where I could see him clearly in the darkened room, a little moonlight creeping in from the skylights above to highlight his features.
Neither of us spoke as we faced one another and searched each other’s eyes. I don’t know what he was looking for, but I was looking for hope - hope that I had done the right thing in staying with him. And maybe I was trying to see if I could see forever in his eyes. My mom said it was there, I just hadn’t looked hard enough. I was trying, but I still came up short.
“Jess, why did you fall in love with me?” he quietly asked after several minutes.
“Blake, it’s late. Why do you want to talk about this now?”
He reached out and stroked my chilled cheek with back of his warm hand. “Because I can’t for the life of me understand why you would.”
I reached up and took his warm hand. “Sometimes I do wonder.”
He let out a deep breath. “You know, I was almost angry at you tonight when you accused me of never putting you first, because when I think back on our life together, in my mind all the big decisions I’ve made revolved around you. Then I talked to Maddie tonight on the way home and she told me about everything you’ve been helping her with or that you said you would do with her. It made me realize how much I’ve taken you for granted these past couple of weeks. And then I looked back on our life again, and I realized I haven’t really done much to deserve you and how selfish I am.”
“Sounds like you’ve had quite the night.”
“So tell me why you fell in love with me.” His eyes almost pleaded for relief.
I thought about it for a moment. I had been so unsure of how I felt about him that it was hard to remember why I did fall in love with him in the first place, but then I remembered what, to me, were two poignant moments when we were dating. “First, there was that time when I called you, frantic about my car. It was making a terrible noise, so I pulled over on I-15 in the middle of rush hour traffic and called you on my cell phone. You didn’t even think twice, you came racing to my rescue only to find out there was a tumbleweed under my car. I felt so stupid. But you wrapped me up in your arms on the side of the road and told me I had done the right thing. That it was better to be safe than sorry.”
That got a grin out of him.
But that wasn’t the most telling moment. I scooted closer to him. “Do you remember that night you drove me up Cottonwood Canyon, and you pulled off on that little dirt road and we got pretty cozy in the back of your truck?”
His grin was now gone and he barely nodded.
“Remember when you began to unbutton my blouse and I told you that I wasn’t ready for that step and I wanted to wait until I was married?”
“I remember,” he said quietly.
“I thought perhaps you would be upset with me because you thought I had led you on. Or that you would try to convince me to do otherwise. But you didn’t do either one of those things. You immediately buttoned up the one button you had undone, kissed my forehead, and then you held me. The next morning you sent me flowers, I think it was the first and last time.” I smiled. “Pink tulips, with a card that simply read, ‘I love you.’ It was the first time you expressed that to me. I was afraid that maybe you would run for the hills and find a woman that wasn’t like me, but instead you respected my choices and even helped me keep them when I was tempted to give in.”
“Jess, I never wanted to hurt you. Then or now.”
Those pesky tears returned. “In my heart I know that. That night when you held me in your truck, I knew you were the kind of man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Someone that would put my wants above his own and someone I would do the same for. I don’t know what happened between then and now. I guess life. But I want us to be that couple again.”
Blake’s arm crept under the covers and he reached for my hand. He pulled it toward him and kissed it gently, then held it. “I’m sorry for what I said tonight and for not appreciating you the way I should have. I hope you can be patient with me.”
“Well, I’ve come this far.” I smiled.
“Are you sure? From the looks of tonight you have some other options.”
“Are you jealous?”
“No, but I don’t like it when other men touch or hit on my wife.”
I practically laughed at him. “Blake, Rob wasn’t hitting on me. He was telling me about a class that he and his wife teach.”
“I don’t care what was coming out of his mouth, I saw the way that guy was looking at you all through your class.”
“Were you spying on me?”
“No. I only happened to glance down while we were playing racquetball. I had no idea you were there until then. Which is beside the point.”
“And what is the point?” I said, amused.
“For starters you should wear baggy clothing to the gym. And you should let me teach you how to play racquetball.”
“But I like Zumba.”
“Fine, I guess I’ll take up Zumba.”
“I don’t see you doing Zumba. Besides, I think it’s creepy when husbands or boyfriends come to class.”
“And what about male instructors?”
“That’s different.”
He groaned loudly. “Are you going to let me teach you or not?”
“I suppose if you really want to. But what about Maddie?”
“She hates it.”
“You sound disappointed.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m thinking there could be some perks being in a closed-in court with my just wife in her workout clothes.”
“And what perks are those?”
He reached across the narrow space that now divided us, we seemed to have inched closer to one another throughout our conversation, and he ran his hand up along my face and up into my hair. His eyes were giving off some intense heat. I caught my breath and barely tensed before his face drew closer.
“Sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t apologize. We’ll get there.”
“Promise?”
“You have my word.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Who knew Zumba would be the turning point in our marriage? Those were words I never thought I would hear coming out of my mouth. It was an interesting process to watch Blake transform. I can’t say change, because I didn’t want him to change who he was, I wanted him to be who he really was on a more regular basis.
He started off on a good note the next day. We ended up sleeping in the same bed, even if it was a mile apart since he couldn’t sleep with me next to him, which was still a let-down for me. He woke up early as usual and kissed me tenderly before he made his way back upstairs to get ready. I even got a kiss goodbye before we parted ways. Maddie didn’t find it to her liking. I think “eww” and “gross” was how she explained it.
I walked into Jessie Belle’s feeling better than I had
since Maddie’s arrival. I wasn’t getting my hopes all the way up that maybe we had finally turned a corner, but I did have hope. Once I walked into the café I realized that I should have used the back door. I had forgotten about the show we had put on the night before at the rec center. All eyes were on me as I walked in. I was given those conspiratorial grins of “I know what happened last night.” My little ladies’ group didn’t disappoint. I got called right on over and they were bursting to get the scoop.
“Jessie Belle, you siren,” Doris began with.
“Really? Siren?”
“Don’t deny it. We heard all about your husband’s jealous rage and how he kissed you like you needed a room,” Fran said as if it were the honest to goodness truth.
“Ladies, you know better than to believe that.”
They all sat there nodding their gray and white heads like they weren’t going to believe anything I said. So I took a different track. I sighed in that girl sort of way. “It was quite romantic.”
“Good for you,” Gerri said. “You keep that man of yours on his toes.”
“I’ll do my best. You ladies enjoy your day.”
“We will, but probably not as much as you,” Doris called after me.
I shook my head as I walked away. If only my real life were as passionate as these people believed it was. Once upon a time it was, but in a very private sort of way.
I made my way to the counter where Easton sat. He shook his head at me and grinned. “You two can’t stay out of the limelight, can you?”
“You’re welcome, by the way.”
He nodded knowingly.
We were definitely keeping the focus off of him and Kathryn, not on purpose, though.
“At least Blake is smart enough to know that he has a good thing going with you.”
I touched his hand in a very platonic sort of way. “Have you talked to Taylor again about Ashley coming?”
“Yeah, it didn’t go over too well, but at least she didn’t shut the door on it completely this time.”
“Maybe if you suggested that she come with Ashley it would make her feel better.”
“You know how much Taylor hates this town. I should have never made her move back here in the first place.”
Jessie Belle: The Women of Merryton - Book One Page 22
