And for those I know who’ve endured that fight, I’m so lucky and grateful to have you in my life.
Chapter One
Ryan
“Not again,” I grumbled as my feet touched the cold tile.
With my head in my hands, the room spun around me. My queasy stomach reminded me why drinking wasn’t a good idea. Shame it didn’t give me a heads up before I started downing Jack Daniels shots like they were wheat grass.
Behind me, Alex rolled over and murmured. This was becoming a bad habit. A really bad habit. One I knew I needed to break but couldn’t seem to kick. I’d been in Melbourne just over three months now and for the last two, every Sunday morning started out the same. I’d wake up in Alex’s bed, feeling like I’d been backed over by a truck. After dressing as stealthily as possible, I’d sneak out the door. This wasn’t good. Not good at all.
Standing on the street in the rain on this cool August morning, I was fighting the urge to sit down in the gutter until the wave of nausea I was riding subsided. With tiny, inconsequential raindrops spattering my face, regret and reality crept in. Checking my phone again, the Uber I’d summoned was still a couple of minutes away. Squatting down, I laced up my boots and tugged my jeans back down over them.
A garbage truck whizzed past, sending a spray of dirty water all over me. After cursing the world around me, I gave up. He couldn’t hear me anyway, and even if he did, would he care? Probably not. Trying to wipe off some of the sludge that now covered my thin black jacket, I looked around. As usual, this early the street was deserted as far as I could see. Standing out the front of a huge apartment block, it was eerily silent. Checking my watch, I realised it was just after five, earlier than my usual walk of shame, but here I was, nonetheless. Maybe I wouldn’t feel so dirty if I wasn’t standing out here alone. Or maybe I would. I deserved to feel like shit. I knew that. Didn’t mean I had to like it, though.
It’d been months since I’d come to Melbourne with Holly to help her escape and give me a chance to check things out. To see if there was anything out there in the big wide world for me. Turns out, there was so much. Too much for me to turn down and walk away from. When we’d arrived on Zoe’s doorstep, I’d had every intention of spending a couple of days getting a feel for the place. Seeing if it was a good fit. Seeing if I fit. Despite my intentions of going home and helping my brothers dig our way out of the shit our parents had dropped them in, I never went back. Instead, Zoe, my now flatmate and new best friend, even if she didn’t know it—drove Holly home for me and returned with my life crammed in the back of her car.
It hadn’t taken long for me to figure out that right now, at this point in my life, this was where I was supposed to be. For me. Not for Holly. Not for Beau or Gage or Connor, but me. I was no use to them until some shit got sorted, so that’s what I was going to do. There was no going home until I’d figured it out. Or at least made some kind of progress.
My Uber arrived and I jumped in, relishing the bite of the warm air as it touched my skin. My driver, a tiny Asian man, sat as close to the steering wheel as possible as he stretched to peer over the dashboard. Resisting the offer to drive, I settled back in the seat, closed my eyes, and hoped for a smooth, quick trip.
“Sir! Sir!”
Someone was poking me in the arm. Annoying little shit. Cracking my eyes open, the sun was peeking through the heavy rain clouds and the bright glare, the one tiny ass strip of sunlight was boring straight into me. Today’s hangover seemed worse than last week’s. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was all the same.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, barely coherent as I climbed from the car.
On unsteady, uncooperative feet, I moved towards the front door and slipped my key in the lock. The moment I stepped inside, the urge to turn around and run in the opposite direction was all too enticing.
The kitchen looked like a war zone. I have no idea what was going on with Zoe, some days I think she’s slightly unhinged, and others, well, others I know she was completely off her rocker. She was on some weird ass juice craze. She’d spent a fortune at the health food shop on every type of seed and nut you could imagine. Then she’d gone and bought a blender which whips anything and everything into liquid in seconds. Since that fateful day nine days ago—yep, I was counting because I woke up to it buzzing and grinding every freaking morning—she was concocting some weird, green goo that smelt like grass clippings. When she’d tried to get me to drink something that looked like it was made for a cow, I drew the line.
“Walk of shame again, Ryan?”
“No,” I defended quickly. Probably a little too quickly.
“Sure.”
Zoe was literally bouncing. Like on the balls of her feet, bobbing up and down in time with her chopping. Stupidly, I headed towards the kitchen and slumped onto the stool. The heavy wooden chopping board was covered in diced carrots, grated ginger, and what looked like kale. Rubbing my hands over my stubble-covered chin, I debated whether I could even be bothered to have a shower before I fell into bed and slept the day away.
“So…” Zoe began, not elaborating further. She was a devious minx. It was one of the things I both loved and hated about her. She had this uncanny ability to get me to spill my guts, even when I had nothing to say. It’s why I was still here, and why I wasn’t even looking for another place. Zoe wasn’t one to judge. She let me do my own thing and she did hers. We shared the chores and cooked for each other. She was awesome. Well, most of the time she was. Then there were times like now. Times when she was staring at me with a sneaky smile. She was up to something, I was just too damn tired and hungover to put all the clues together.
“Got a question burning a hole in that brain of yours?”
“Nup.”
Grrrrrrr.
She clicked the button on the blender from hell and it whizzed to life. It felt like my brain was inside the plastic cup.
“What the hell?” I yelled over the noise as I stumbled off the stool and pushed away from the bench.
Without a word, Zoe turned off the blender and poured her concoction into a glass before eyeing me over the rim. After a few hearty gulps, Zoe wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She might be a girl and know how to look like one, but it was all bullshit. Once you got behind the mask Zoe wore, deep down she was hard working, loyal, loving, and a bit of a disaster. I loved her anyway. I couldn’t help it. “What?”
“You did that on purpose!”
“Did what?” she crooned sweetly.
“You’ll keep. Now, I’m going to bed, so if you don’t mind…” I waved and started towards my bedroom. A handful of aspirin, a bottle of water, and a month’s worth of sleep should help. At least I was praying it would.
“Hey Ryan?
Spinning around, I saw Zoe filling another cup. I winced at the memory of the sound as it grated against my skull.
“Your bed’s taken.” And with a wink, the blender started up again, if possible even louder than before.
With it whirring at full blast, I ran my hands through my hair. At least I tried to. I may have gone a little overboard last night with the hair gel, and now it was stiff as a board. Based on today’s homecoming, maybe staying in Alex’s bed a little longer might not have been the dumbest idea I’d ever had. But I didn’t do sleepovers. At least, I wasn’t supposed to. There was something about Alex though. After we were done, the spooning and the snuggling were just too good to get up and walk away from. So, I stayed. I stayed too long. I stayed until my heavy eyes won the battle and I nodded off.
The memory of being pressed up against Alex’s warm body stirred something inside me. Something that I should have fucked right out of my system in the last twelve hours. God knows it’d been energetic enough to sap me of everything else. Unable to go to my own room and needing a minute to calm down before I ripped Zoe’s pretty little head from her shoulders, I stomped into the bathroom, not one bit concerned about waking whoever had their head on my pillow.
Stripping off, I to
ssed the condom wrapper on the counter and turned on the faucet. Living with a girl was great. Most of the time. Except when it came to space in the bathroom. Even though she wasn’t really a girly girl, Zoe had every hair product ever to grace the supermarket shelves and enough makeup to open her own department store. All unopened. It would have cost a small fortune to have a collection like this. Like, she could have put that money towards the overseas holiday she was rambling about. The one she planned and planned and planned but never actually booked.
Feeling like a petulant child and needing to lash out, I knocked over the line of sickeningly sweet smelling shower gels and watched them clatter to the floor of the shower. I was such a dumbass sometimes. Although I felt better knocking something over, if I actually wanted to have any room in here and not fall on my ass, I had to pick them up myself anyway. Muttering under my breath, I put them back on the shelf and stepped under the scalding stream.
It took me twenty minutes to calm down enough to step out and dry off. On the other side of the door I could hear chattering but couldn’t place the voices. They were both female, which surprised me a bit. Zoe never had anyone over. Not once in the whole time had I been living here had she had company. The realisation made me look up into the foggy mirror and pause. I hope I wasn’t the reason she was avoiding inviting people over. It was her house. If anything, she should be partying and me feeling like the interloper.
Quickly I brushed my teeth and tugged last night’s jeans back on sans boxers. They were going straight in the hamper. Commando it was today. At least ’til I could get back into my own bedroom and find some sweats.
Opening the door, I could smell bacon. My stomach rumbled at the smell and suddenly all thoughts of the hangover and queasiness vanished. Something I was more than a little grateful for. Following the scent, I shuffled around the corner and my jaw hit the floor.
Holly was here.
“H-Holly,” I spluttered through the shock.
She spun around on the stool and there she was. I could barely recognise her. How could this girl, the one perched on the stool in front of me, be my baby sister? She looked like a woman. She’d gone and grown up into a beautiful swan. Not that she was an ugly duckling to begin with. She had on skinny jeans, her hair tied back in a ponytail and a tight white top on. Good thing Connor couldn’t see her looking like this. He’d be likely to ground her for a month, if not for life.
“Ryan!” she squealed in such a high-pitched tone that I would have bet money every dog in the neighbourhood just woke up. She leapt into my arms and squeezed me tightly. It felt so damn right. She smelt like vanilla and cookies and home.
“What are you doing here, Hols? How are you here?”
Slumping down in the stool, I eyed off the breakfast Zoe was whipping up. She was concentrating way too hard on eggs for someone who was pretending not to be interested in what was being said.
“I came to see you.”
“Why?”
“Well…you never return my calls anymore. You ignore my texts even though I know you’ve read them. So, this was the only way I had to get in touch with you. I had to come.”
“How exactly did you come see me? You still don’t have a licence.”
“I brought her down.” The deep baritone behind me scared the crap out of me.
Spinning around, I came face to face with a broad, bare chest. With its fine smattering of dark hair, I lifted my gaze higher and found the face of its owner. Derek was looking decidedly dishevelled.
“Derek.” I thrust my hand out for him to shake while my heartbeat calmed down. I didn’t think it was funny when people crept up behind me and startled me. In fact, most of the time, I almost peed myself when it happened. Some events from your past left psychological scars. Deep ones. Ones you never recover from.
“Morning, Ryan.” He shook my hand and scrubbed his hands over his face. Obviously, he was still waking up. More than likely Holly’s squeal had acted as his alarm clock, and I knew firsthand how annoying that sound was to wake up to.
“Derek, go put a shirt on!” Zoe scolded as she piled bacon onto a plate and pushed it into the centre of the bench. Snagging a piece, I bit into it to realise it was exactly the way I liked it. Crunchy and crispy and delicious. “Breakfast is almost ready.”
“Fine,” he grumbled as he shuffled off to his room.
“Wake Mia while you’re there too!” Zoe called out behind him.
There was no stopping her today. Between the blending and the bossing, she was in her element. The wide ass smile on her face, the one pinching her cheeks, showed just how happy she was to have them here.
“Everyone’s here?”
“Everyone who’s anyone,” Holly confirmed, squirming under my arm and snuggling close. Part of me didn’t want to let her go. Not now. Maybe not ever.
There was something about Holly, I don’t know what it was, exactly. I’d never been able to put my finger on it, but just having her nearby calmed me. Maybe that’s why I did so many trips back and forth to Sydney when she’d been in boarding school. I told myself it was for her, but perhaps it wasn’t. Maybe it was all for me. I was the one who needed to see her, not the other way around.
By the time the plates had been licked clean and the cups emptied, I’d shaken off the hangover. It might have been the greasy food, or it might have been as simple as I didn’t want to be hungover today. Today I wanted to hang out with Holly and take her on adventures, kinda like we used to. What I should have done when I’d brought her down here the first time.
“What’s the plan?” Zoe asked as she started stacking plates.
Despite the fact I was so full all I could think about was sitting here until I didn’t feel like I was going to roll down the street, I couldn’t let her clean up the mess. She’d cooked, the least I could do was clean. Taking the pile of plates from her hands, I ushered her back into her seat and began the task of putting everything away.
In the past couple of months Zoe had turned into an almost decent cook. Her range wasn’t great, but what she did attempt, nine times out of ten it was edible. We’d settled into an easy domestic arrangement, even if it was somewhat sexist. It was my job to change light globes, kill spiders, and take the rubbish out. Zoe took care of the grocery shopping, used the washing machine, and cooked the food. It might have seemed one-sided, but it worked for us.
While I rinsed the plates and stacked the dishwasher, I listened to Derek explain that he’d brought Mia down to go to the football game. Zoe started to visibly vibrate at the suggestion. She’d been bugging me to go with her for weeks. I was almost at the point of caving in just to shut her up, now though it seemed like I might not have to. It wasn’t that I didn’t like football, it actually sounded like a lot of fun, but I wasn’t really a fan of going anywhere and sitting outside for three hours in the cold and rain. Not when you could get a better view watching from the warmth and comfort of your own lounge room and it came with expert commentary.
“Can I come?” Zoe pleaded, batting her long lashes pathetically.
I stopped what I was doing and waited to see how this played out. Derek had known Zoe a hell of a lot longer than I had. I was desperate to know if he was immune to her puppy dog eyes or if I wasn’t the only sucker.
“You didn’t think we’d go without you, did you, Pippi?” Derek grinned as he shot a wink in Mia’s direction.
“I love you, Derek Cartwright!” Zoe squealed as she jumped into his lap.
To Derek’s credit, he must have known it was coming, for his arms were open and waiting to catch her. Mia didn’t even blink as another woman threw herself into her husband’s arms. To most, it would be a strange situation, one that a lot of women would undoubtedly be intimidated by. Not Mia though. She just continued chatting to Holly while Zoe and Derek enjoyed a moment in their own little bubble.
“Do I have to go to the stupid football?” Holly huffed.
Silence fell across the room. The shocked look on Zoe’s face made
me chuckle, but I bit my lip to stop it coming out. It was still way too early to deal with another one of her ‘footy is life’ lectures.
“Football isn’t stupid, Holly.”
“Ah, yeah it is. It’s cold and nothing happens.”
“Did you not see how short those shorts are? And the arm porn…oh my god! The arm porn.” I think Zoe was practically drooling at the memory.
“Why don’t we do something, Holly? Just us. Anything you like,” I offered.
“Anything?”
The sneaky, sly look on Holly’s beautiful face had me regretting my offer. I should have chosen my words more carefully. Knowing Holly, I’d spend the day doing some weird ass shit no normal dude would ever be caught doing. For Holly though, for her I knew I’d do anything. That girl had me wrapped around her little finger. She’d had me since the day she was born. My entire life, the family rule was ‘Holly’s a Princess. Our Princess. And it is our job, as her brothers, to protect her no matter what the cost.’ Nothing had changed that. And I couldn’t imagine anything ever would.
“Ackland Street?”
“What’s Ackland Street?”
“For Christ’s sakes, Ryan. Do you even live in Melbourne?” Zoe teased.
“Even I’ve been dragged there a time or two,” Derek admitted, narrowing his gaze at Mia.
“Maybe you will again.”
“If that’s what you want.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around Derek. Here he was surrounded by women telling him what to do and where to go and he wasn’t panicking and sweating through his too tight t-shirt. One night, a couple of weeks after I moved in, Zoe and I had finished one too many experimental cocktails and all the baked goods in the house when she spilt her guts and told me her whole horrid story. Losing the love of her life, Spencer. Derek stepping in and stepping up, saving her in her darkest moment. She explained, at least she attempted to explain, their seemingly odd relationship and even defended it. The thing was, the thing she couldn’t see was she didn’t need to. Her relationship with Derek was theirs. I didn’t need to know the nitty gritty. As long as she wasn’t doing anything stupid, like hitting on a married man, I was good with it. It was her life, and as long as she was safe and happy, then I was happy for her.
Meet The McIntyres - The Complete Series Page 70
