by Emma Woods
As I cried, I poured my heart out in prayer. “Why, God?” I moaned. “Why is everything so awful? Why did all this have to happen? Why would that woman blame me when I saved her daughter from harm? Why did Nate have to be a drunk driver, of all things? What am I supposed to do now?”
Around and around I went, revisiting each wound until my tears subsided and I was left searching for tissues for my runny nose, the occasional shudder running through my body.
In the quiet, Rosa’s words came back to me. I remembered how she’d affirmed that relationships were messy. People, by default, would always hurt each other. What had she said? Oh, yes. We needed grace and forgiveness. I thought of Mae’s story of the woman in Colombia who had lost her babies and still praised God.
I leaned my head back against the head rest, exhausted. “What am I supposed to do now, God?” I whispered. Then, for the first time in a long time, I sat silently. I didn’t try to argue why I should be allowed to leave. I didn’t explain that I loved Nate but couldn’t be with him. I didn’t even try to figure out a plan for what was coming next. I just sat in the oddly holy silence in my old maroon minivan.
I didn’t have an epiphany. No visions came to me. I didn’t hear a still, small whisper. But I knew what to do.
It was time to go home.
18
Bumblebee House was still silent when I got there. My note was still on the kitchen counter, untouched and unread. Gratefully, I tore it off the pad and crumpled it in my hand. I tipped it into the garbage can with a sigh of relief.
Then I did penance by toting all my possessions back upstairs, one-handed, and putting them all away. I was exhausted, but I needed to reach out to Nate before I let myself take a nap. I pulled out my phone and texted, asking that he meet me that night. I said it was really important.
I stripped off my sweaty shorts and tank top and slid between the cool sheets. My phone pinged, and I read that Nate would pick me up at seven. Then I rolled over and slept a deep, restful sleep.
That night at supper, I ate quietly, looking over each of the Bumblebee girls—the girls I had almost left behind forever just a few short hours before. Maybe it was my newfound appreciation, but they seemed even lovelier than usual. Angels in tank tops and bare feet.
Jill was complaining that her laundry pile was getting huge again. Rosemarie rolled her eyes with a gentle grin. Mae teased Jill about finding some weird outfit to wear when she saw Marco the following weekend. Rosa laughed merrily at their antics.
When they asked me why I was so quiet, I shrugged and said I was tired. Rosemarie offered to take over cleaning up for me, since I couldn’t wash the dishes. I hugged her and felt the enormous peace and gratitude that came with finally being home. I knew that it was a temporary place. Who knew how long we would all live at Bumblebee House? But for now, tonight, this was my home, and these were my people, and I couldn’t have been happier to be there.
I was waiting on the porch when Nate arrived. I strolled to the Jeep and climbed in.
“Where should we go?” he asked, though I could tell he was dying to ask what it was that I needed to talk to him about.
“Can we go back to that rock? You know the one, right?”
He smiled. “I sure do. Hang on.”
The wind whipped my hair in its ponytail, and I rested my right hand on the door as Nate drove, letting the wind push against my fingers. I had so many things to say to Nate. Some of them would hurt him, but I had faith that we would be okay. Even if we weren’t, even if he was angry and we stopped dating, I would be fine. I had my work at the Beanery, my sisters at Bumblebee House. I belonged here in Birch Springs even without Nate, though I sure hoped I would still have him after tonight.
We climbed to the rock, which was still warm from the sun’s rays. This time, when Nate sat down and leaned back, I didn’t curl up with him. I sat on the other side, one leg dangling down over the edge of the rock.
“You’re killing me, Em,” Nate said, almost teasing. “What’s up?”
I folded my hands primly in my lap, carefully cradling my cast. “I need to tell you some things, and I need you to just listen. You’re going to want to talk, but you can’t right now. Okay?”
“That’s not helping,” he groaned. Then he pulled himself together and said, “Okay, okay. I’ll be quiet, just tell me what’s going on.”
“Your ex-girlfriend, Shannon, came into the coffee shop today.” I held out a hand when he opened his mouth. “Stop. I get to talk right now. Shannon only had good things to say. She came in because she wanted to tell me how happy you seemed when she last spoke to you.
“But then she told me about why you had community service hours.” I licked my lips and looked away. “I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea that you had been driving drunk. Nate, when I heard that, I… I sort of fell apart.”
I hugged my arms around myself and went on. “You know what happened to my family. I’ve spent my entire life hating the fact that anyone would be so selfish as to get wasted, get in a car, and put other people’s lives in danger.
“I lost more than my mother and my brother that day. I lost my family. I lost my home. The past eighteen years, I’ve just been floating through life without anything tying me down because some guy had too much to drink and thought he could drive himself home.” Tears were falling, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at Nate. “When I heard that you had made that same choice, I thought it was over. I actually went home and packed my stuff and left town.”
I could see out of the corner of my eye that Nate’s mouth had dropped open, and he’d sat up at those words. But he kept quiet, and I went on.
“I guess you could say that God got ahold of me at an abandoned Shell station on Highway 30. I started thinking about things that Rosa and Mae have said to me, and something changed. The death of my mom and brother were horrible, but I know God’s bigger. He can use them in a good way, somehow. So, maybe God can use what you did for good, too. Who am I to hold something against you that God has already forgiven?”
I finally looked up at Nate, who took that question as the end of my soliloquy. He scrambled over the rock until he was next to me and took my unbroken hand carefully in his.
“He did use it for good,” Nate said fervently. “If I hadn’t been an idiot and done that ridiculous thing, I wouldn’t have been at the ranch, and you wouldn’t have told me off that day, and I wouldn’t have finally reevaluated my life. It was your words, Em, that changed things for me. I joined that men’s Bible study. I started going in to work. And you stopped looking at me like I was the most disgusting specimen of manhood that ever existed.”
“Did I really look at you like that?” I gaped at him.
He shrugged. “I deserved it. Anyway, that’s not the point. Emily, before you came here, I hated myself and I didn’t even know it. Everything I touched seemed to wither and die. I was this hollow shell, trying not to let anything get close enough to see how miserable I was. But you saw, and you cut right through to the root of it all.”
He shifted until he was sitting with one leg behind me and the other bent, our knees touching, our faces only inches apart. “I’ve been wanting to say this for a long time, but I was afraid it would make you mad.” His eyes checked mine quickly, and then he nodded and went on. “Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me. Ever. I know it’s too soon for me to ask you to marry me, but I plan on it. If you want to leave and go have adventures discovering new places, I want to go with you. I am in love with you, Emily McBride, and not because you’re beautiful, even though you are. It’s because of how honest you are and how much you care for people and how you fight for what’s right. You’re smart and funny, and you don’t care about the stupid rules other people make up. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you.”
I looked into his fervent, lovely sea-green eyes and gave him a wobbly smile. “I love you, too.”
“You do?” His face broke into a huge, hopeful grin, and I felt like I’d given h
im the world.
My smile widened. “With my whole heart. I love how kind you are. I love that you genuinely love people. You faced up to your faults and have turned your life around. That inspires me. Plus, you’re a total babe.”
Nate’s hands came up, and he held my face tenderly, and then leaned forward and placed a kiss on my lips. He pulled back, but one kiss wasn’t enough, and he came back for a second, which quickly became a third.
I’d forgotten everything except his lips on mine and his hands on my face and my pounding heart when he set me back determinedly.
“Oh, that’s going to be a problem,” he groaned.
“What is?” I asked, suddenly afraid that I was a terrible kisser and had never known it.
“We’re going to have to be very careful, or else I’m not going to be able to keep control.”
I smiled and, for the first time in my life, the thought of settling down with someone didn’t terrify me. Not only that, I could actually picture it happening. How did this guy break through the barriers around my heart so quickly?
He might have thought I had come along and changed his life, but he did the same to mine. Already my life was better because of Nate. And this was just the beginning.
I dressed for the gala with the help of Mae.
“The limo’s here,” Jill called up the stairs.
“How do I look?” I asked Mae.
Her eyes crinkled and she said, “My sister, you are a rare work of art.”
I smiled at her, surprised at that response. “I like that. Thank you, Mae. But, to be honest, you are a rare work of art, too.”
“Oh, I know.” She laughed her tinkling laugh.
I gave her a careful hug and went in search of my sandals. The other Bumblebee girls were waiting and had hugs and compliments, too.
I stopped in front of Rosa, who looked me over. I wanted her approval, knowing how good she was with clothes and shoes.
Her smile spoke of understanding more than just what was going on in that moment. Her dark eyes sparkled as she said, “I’m so glad you decided to stick around, Emily.”
“You were right. I already feel like a millionaire.”
She pulled me into a hug. “And you’ve only just begun.”
I whirled out the door, tugging my shoes on as I went, clutch in hand. Nate had climbed out of the limo and stood leaning against it. He looked amazing in his tuxedo. That boy was just too handsome for words.
His eyes lit up with delight when he saw me. He whistled playfully. “My, my, Miss McBride, you are a vision!”
I gave him a quick kiss, and then hopped into the limo where his parents and sister were waiting. They looked over my dress, and their smiles became wooden.
“You look lovely,” I complimented the ladies, meaning every word. “What gorgeous gowns.”
“Thank you,” Lucy said stiffly before turning the conversation to other things.
Nate and I exchanged an amused look. I had found my dress at a Bibles for Missions thrift shop. It was simple, made of a shiny, black fabric. It fell just past my knees and had an empire waist. It was absolutely perfect for me, and absolutely not the sort of thing one wore to a gala. But Rosa had cut some flowers for my hair, and Mae had curled it before pinning it into a halo. I felt beautiful and true to myself.
As the limo turned onto the highway, Nate and I snuggled back into our seats, lost in our own hazy happiness.
“You look good,” he said, a note of teasing in his voice. “Maybe a little too good. I don’t want some other fellow to come along and take you away.”
“You’d better be extra nice to me, then,” I teased back. “I’d probably go willingly with whatever guy came along.”
“I guess I should do something so everyone knows you’re taken,” he whispered in my ear.
“Like what? A brand across my forehead? A leash?” I said playfully.
“How about this?” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a velvet box.
I sat up straighter and looked at him, completely taken by surprise.
“Open it,” he prompted with a chuckle.
I took the box and opened the lid. Inside was a silver ring with three round emeralds. It was beautiful. “Oh, Nate,” I breathed.
“I know you’re not ready to get married, but I wanted to give you something that makes you think of me, and hopefully our future together.”
He slipped the ring from the box and held it out to me. I gave him my left hand and nodded as he slipped it over my finger. Not wanting to alert his family to our private moment, I beamed at him, and then leaned in for another kiss.
“I won’t hassle you about marriage,” he said as he looked into my eyes. “But promise me you’ll let me know when you’re ready to talk about it.”
“It’s a deal,” I answered. Then I settled back against him, gazing at my beautiful ring and knowing that, right here, with Nate, I was home.
Thank You
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The next book in the Triple Star Ranch Romance series is called Learning to Love and you will definitely want to find out who learns to love next.
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Until then, if you’re interested in historical western stories, you should check out the Rushing Into Love series which takes place during the California Gold Rush. The first story in that series is called More Precious Than Gold.
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