by K. L. Ramsey
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I found out,” Viv whispered. She shivered and Cillian wrapped his arm around her, tugging her against his body. “I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do about the baby and I didn’t want to tell you about him or her until I could decide.”
“What do you mean, do about it?” he asked.
“I mean that I considered an abortion but when it came right down to it, I knew I’d never be able to go through with it. I want this baby, Cillian. If you don’t, that’s fine. I can make it on my own. I’ve gotten pretty good at being alone since my divorce,” Viv said.
Cillian stilled beside her and she groaned, wanting to inwardly kick herself for her verbal diarrhea. They hadn’t discussed her dating and sex life. Hell, it was a topic Cillian seemed to avoid. Viv knew about his past, for the most part. He admitted that he hadn’t been with a woman for the past ten years and she didn’t need for him to account for his sex life before going into prison. Viv was happy being left in the dark when it came to Cillian’s ex’s but from the look on his face, he didn’t feel the same way.
“You wanna run that by me again, Viv?” he asked. “You were married?”
“Yes,” she grumbled. Viv stood to pace the floor, needing some space from Cillian’s warm body. “I was young and stupid. God, I was so fucking naive. I thought he loved me, but our whole marriage was a complete lie. He used me—I was safe and convenient for him. He fucked every other woman in his life, including my best friend and his secretary. Although, I didn’t find out about him and Mel, my now ex-bestie, until a few months after our divorce was final. It was poetic really, the way he waited until they were secretly married and just back from their honeymoon, to tell me that they were not only together but had been throughout our whole marriage. She was my Maid of Honor for shit's sake,” Viv growled. “That bitch was sleeping with him the whole time we were married and I had no clue. That was my fault though.”
“How can your husband being a douche be your fault?” Cillian asked.
“Because I was stupid enough to forgive him after I caught his ass cheating the first time. I came home early from the diner one day to find Jason in bed with the town whore. He convinced me that she meant nothing to him and that he just slipped up. We went to counseling together and I even forgave him, like the fool I was.”
“You’re not a fool, Vivian. You’re a kind, forgiving woman—but not a fool.” Cillian stood to look at her and she hid her face in her hands.
“I thought we were good until I walked into his office and found his secretary on her knees, under his desk, giving him a blow job. I left there, packed up all his shit and threw him the fuck out. I was done. I filed for divorce and it was easily granted. I thought I was over all of that but dating proved me wrong. I had major trust issues and even went to therapy again, to work on them. I never really trusted any man that I was with, after Jason,” she admitted.
“Oh,” Cillian breathed.
“Until you,” she whispered. It was the truth. Until she met Cillian, Viv had flitted in and out of relationships, never willing to hear the guy out if she had even an inkling of doubt that he was on the up and up.
“You can trust me, Viv,” Cillian said. He framed her body with his hands, hesitant to touch her. He acted almost as if he was waiting for her to push him away or deny him. That wouldn’t happen. Viv needed Cillian, whether she wanted to or not, but she wouldn’t force him to be a part of her or their baby’s lives.
“I know, Cillian,” she whispered. “But, me trusting you doesn’t mean that you are obligated to be a part of our baby’s life. I understand if you don’t trust me after I’ve kept the truth from you. I just needed time to figure everything out,” she admitted.
“I get that,” he said. “I just wish you would have told me sooner. Two weeks is a long time to know something and not share it. Especially when it could change the other person’s life so dramatically.”
“I know,” she murmured.
“You remember our first night together?” Cillian asked. Viv let her eyes meet his and she smiled.
“Yes,” she breathed. “It was the best night of my life,” she admitted. It was true too. Being with Cillian felt easy and right. They had only known each other for a few hours before they fell into bed together and it was the one thing in her life she had zero regrets over. Cillian made her happy.
He dipped his head and gently kissed her lips. “Mine too,” he admitted. “You said that you wanted a husband and kids,” he reminded.
“I remember,” she said.
“And, I said that I wanted a few kids too but was always too afraid to let myself hope for something like that while I was in prison,” he said. Viv nodded. She remembered the sadness she felt for him when he admitted that to her. She could almost feel his loneliness every time he talked about his time in prison.
“I want that still, Viv. I want a family and kids and God help me, woman, I want all of that with you. I screwed up earlier. I was being a douche and I’m so sorry,” Cillian said. “Forgive me?”
Vivian wiped at the hot tears that fell down her cheeks and nodded. “I do,” she said.
Cillian made a humming noise in the back of his throat that made her giggle. “Christ woman,” he barked. “I can’t keep up with all the mood swings. One minute you’re pissed at me, the next you’re crying and now, you’re laughing.”
Viv cupped her little belly and looked down her body. “I’m blaming all that on the kid,” she said. Cillian gingerly reached his hand out to cover hers and she smiled up at him.
“Give me a chance to be this baby’s dad,” he asked. “I know that I have nothing to give either of you, but say you’ll marry me and we can be a family, Viv.” Her guy looked so hopeful; Viv could see in his eyes that he meant every word. He wanted her and their baby and for now, that would be enough for her. She’d worry about Dragons and motorcycle clubs later. For now, Cillian was asking her to be his and there was only one word she could give back to him.
“Yes,” she agreed.
CILLIAN
Kill had taken the day off from the diner to meet with Savage. His Viv had spent the last few mornings sick as a dog, and this morning was no different. At least now he knew what or in this case, who the culprit was—his kid. She was supposed to go with him to Savage’s house and meet the family and go over the plan to rescue Chloe, but she was in no condition to meet anyone. Instead, he showed up feeling torn between the promises he made to her and the oath he took to protect his best friend and his club. Savage Hell was his family and not helping his friend went against everything he believed in.
As soon as Savage spotted him through the sea of tattooed bikers, he crossed the bar to pull him in for a bear hug. “Sorry I haven’t been around much, man,” Kill said.
Savage released him and stood back. “It’s good, man. You’re doing what you should be Cillian. You’re finding your way and I’m so happy for you.” Kill noted the sadness in Savage's eyes and it was hard to take, seeing his friend so broken. Kill hadn’t told anyone about Viv being pregnant yet but he knew that if anyone tried to hurt his woman or his kid, he’d want to tear them apart.
“What can I do to help?” Kill asked.
“I know the guys came out to talk to you about going into Dragon’s territory. I hate to ask you to do any of this man. You’re violating your parole,” Savage said.
“You let me worry about my fecking parole and tell me what you need from me.” Kill cross his arms over his chest, waiting Savage out.
His friend smiled for the first time since he got there. “Thanks, man,” Savage breathed. “I knew I could count on you. Honestly, you’re the only one who can do this.”
Kill looked around the bar at all the able-bodied bikers and back to Savage. “Why’s that?” he questioned.
“We’ve had some trouble with the Dragons, just before you got out. They came after my family and beat the piss out of me. We were hoping things had died down. Dante took off for Mexico, or
that’s what we had heard and now I think he has my daughter.” Savage’s voice cracked and Kill knew his friend was on the verge of losing it.
“Dante?” Kill asked.
“Yeah—he’s the Dragon’s new Prez and has vowed to either kill or patch all Savage Hell’s members. He has a personal vendetta against me and the club.”
“I don’t know him,” Kill admitted.
“No, you wouldn’t. The guy who was president when you tried to patch into the Dragons has been long gone for years. Dante is the third since he was killed.” Kill whistled and shook his head. He had no love loss for the guy. In fact, after what he did to Kill, he fucking hated the guy.
“How’d it happen? Hopefully something gruesome and painful,” Kill said, rubbing his hands together.
“Shot to death in his own bar’s parking lot,” Savage said. Kill felt a little disappointed thinking that his arch-nemesis might have had a quick death.
“Well, let’s hope this Dante fellow meets a more painful demise,” Kill said. “Tell me how I can help get your daughter back,” he said.
“You aren’t patched into Savage Hell,” Savage said. It was a fact that Kill was painfully aware of. The club had accepted him as a sort of honorary member but beyond that, there was no patch ceremony in prison, just the promise of the club’s backing. That was enough for Kill too, until now. Now, he wanted to be a part of something much bigger than his daily existence. He wanted to know that his woman and kid would be watched after and cared for if something happened to him. Savage Hell could be that for him if his damn probation wasn’t standing in the fecking way. He couldn’t patch into a club for two years now and that sucked.
“Right,” he said. “I’m not a patched member.”
“Well, the Dragons will know that too,” Savage said. “We can use that to our advantage. You can show up at their bar under the guise that you want to prospect and get intel on Chloe’s whereabouts.”
“That club is all one-percenters, Savage,” Kill said.
“No offense man, but you’ll fit right in. They’ve had her for almost two days now.” Savage said. Honestly, he wasn’t offended. He was worried that if he got caught, they’d throw his ass back in jail and he’d loose the family he always wanted.
“How about I just reach out to my contact in there? Havoc is a good guy and he’d tell me where Chloe is, if he knows,” Kill offered. “I can’t just walk into that bar. It would be suicide, man. I’d be throwing away everything—Vivian and the—” He stopped short of telling Savage his news. Viv made him promise to keep it just between the two of them until she was further along. She’d have his balls if he just blurted out that he was going to be a father.
“And?” Savage asked. When Kill pressed his lips together, trying to hide his smile, Savage knew what he was covering. “Fuck, man,” Savage growled, pulling him in for another bear hug. “You’re going to be a father?”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “But, Viv made me promise not to tell anyone, so you didn’t hear it from me.”
Savage held up his hand, “Not a word, man. That’s fantastic news, right?”
“It is,” Kill agreed. “And also the reason I can’t put my freedom in jeopardy. I think we can work out a way for me to meet with Havoc and not raise too much suspicion. The guy runs a gym in town and I can hire him as my trainer. No one would be the wiser and I’m sure I’ll be able to get some information from him. As I said, he’s a good guy and he’d never want any harm to come to your Chloe.”
Savage called over Ryder and Repo, filling them in on their conversation. The three of them agreed that Kill’s plan was worth a shot. Kill knew he couldn’t stick around the bar for long. Just having his new bike parked out front would land him in a shit ton of hot water. It was time for him to head out and back to Viv.
“I have to go, man. I can’t be caught here and I promised Viv I’d be home in time for dinner,” Kill said.
Savage looked over Kill’s shoulder and swore. “Fuck, man. You need to go out the back,” Savage said. “Don’t look now but your parole officer is here.” Kill knew better than to turn around and give himself away. “Go, Cillian. I’ll hold him off for you.”
“Thanks, Savage,” Kill said. He made his way back through the crowd and chanced a look back to find that Repo, Ryder, and Savage had effectively blocked his parole officer’s view of the back of the bar.
“Hey guys,” Savage shouted over the crowd and music. “This guy here is looking for Cillian James. Anyone see him around tonight?” Kill smiled to himself knowing that no one would come forward and admit to seeing him, even if they had. It was part of their code and one that could mean being stripped of their patch and put on probation. The guys took loyalty to their club very seriously and even though he wasn’t a patched member, Kill knew that included him.
There was a soft murmur in the bar and Kill knew he was good. Savage would keep Hart talking and Kill would be long gone before he got bored and gave up. His probation officer had no clue what he was up against but Kill had a feeling Savage would help him figure it out.
“Sorry man,” Savage shouted at the guy. “But, as I said, Cillian isn’t here.” Kill walked out the back door and found his bike. He popped the clutch and rolled it away down the road, not wanting to draw attention to himself with the hum of the motor. When he decided he was far enough away from the bar, he started her up and started for home. He was going to have to talk the plan over with Viv but he was pretty sure she’d be on board with it. It was a promise he made her when she agreed to be his wife. He would keep her in the loop and she’d never have a reason to distrust him.
_______
He found her asleep on their sofa and sat down on the edge of the seat, leaning over her body to kiss her forehead. She had no idea how much he loved her. Hell, they hadn’t even given each other the words yet. He knew she loved him too. Kill could see it in her eyes every time she looked at him but he wouldn’t force her to say it. Viv had agreed to be his wife and that was enough—for now.
Vivian stretched and smiled up at him. “You’re back,” she said, her voice groggy from sleep. “What time is it?”
“It’s just past six,” he said, checking his watch. “Did Jackson Hart show up here tonight?” Kill asked. Viv sat up and looked a little green. “Lay back down, Love,” he ordered.
She did as he ordered and smile at him. “I like my new nickname,” she said.
“Nickname?” he asked.
“Yeah, you’ve started calling me, ‘Love’.” Kill nodded, not wanting to get into all that right now.
“Good,” he said, gently kissing her lips. “You’re still queasy?” he questioned.
“Yes,” she breathed. “I read that Saltine crackers might help with that though.”
“I’ll run to the store and pick some up, along with dinner,” he offered.
“Thanks,” Viv said. “And, to answer your question, no. Your parole officer hasn’t been here tonight,” she said. “Why?”
God, he hated that he was going to have to worry her, but he promised his honesty. “He showed up to Savage Hell, while I was there. I think he’s following me, Viv. I can’t explain it but it feels like the guy has it out for me.”
“Shit,” she said, trying to sit up again. Kill pushed her back down and held her there.
“No,” he barked. “Stay put. I didn’t want to worry you, but I promised to tell you the truth, no matter what.”
“I appreciate that, Cillian,” she whispered. “Did he see you at the bar?” He hated the worry and fear in her blue eyes, he saw staring back at him.
“Nope,” Kill said. He smiled remembering the runaround Savage gave the guy. “Savage and the guys had my back and I got out of there unnoticed.”
“Thank fuck,” Viv said.
Kill gently palmed her little belly. “You know—when this little one gets here, we’re both going to have to watch our swearing.” Viv giggled and nodded. “We can’t have his first word being, ‘fuck’.”
“Or, ‘feck’,” Viv countered.
“Fair enough, Love,” he said. “You get some more rest and I’ll run to the store. I’ll be back in two shakes,” he promised. Viv nodded and cuddled down into the sofa. He covered her with the blanket she kept thrown over the back of the couch and she yawned.
“When you get back, you’re going to tell me about your meeting,” she said. “I know you’re avoiding telling me, Cillian, but I’m strong enough to handle this,” Viv promised.
“When I get back,” he promised. “Just rest now,” he said. He stood over her until Viv closed her eyes. She was right, he was avoiding worrying her. He had done enough of that in the last ten minutes. What his woman needed now as sleep and Saltine crackers and that was exactly what she was going to get.
VIVIAN
A pounding on the front door woke Viv up from her nap on the family room sofa, leaving her feeling a little dazed and confused about how she got there. The last thing she remembered was Cillian kissing her goodbye and leaving to get her some Saltines.
Someone pounded on the door again and Viv sighed and sat up, her stomach roiling in protest. “This better be fucking good,” Viv grumbled. She stood and felt a little dizzy, reaching for the wall to steady herself. Her impatient visitor banged on her front door again and she wanted to tell whoever it was to go the fuck away.
“Coming,” she shouted. “Hold your fucking horses.” Viv hobbled to the front door, her stomach protesting with every step, and pulled it open to find Cillian’s parole officer on the other side. He didn’t look very happy to see her and she felt about the same way, him having interrupted her nap.
