I nodded, tipping the next bottle of water into my mouth. This time, I was determined to drink a little more slowly.
“What’s up with you?” She scrutinized me.
I set down the water bottle on my desk. “Nothing.”
“Okay, well, do you want to hear what else I found out then?”
“Sure,” I said. What I really wanted was to get a hot washcloth and drape it over my forehead. I needed some ibuprofen. I got up to find my purse.
“What are you doing?” said Brigit.
“Looking for painkillers,” I said.
“What did you get into last night?”
“Oh, you know, the usual,” I said.
“Did you sleep with another college student?”
I glared at her. Finding the ibuprofen, I shook four tablets into my palm. Then I went back to my desk, popped the pills into my mouth and slugged some water to wash them down.
“Okay,” said Brigit. “Well, she said that she was aware of the ephedra in the shakes. Not at the time when it was happening, but later, when Louis found out. Apparently, he had no idea that it was in there, and when he found out, he made sure that it was taken out before the shakes even went on the market.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Yeah,” said Brigit. “I kind of doubt that’s the case either. I mean, having ephedra in the shakes would have given his product an edge. It was an effective weight-loss aid. It just happened to be too dangerous to stay on the market. So, I think he probably was in on the deception. The point being, though, is that the shakes didn’t go to market until the formula had been changed to adhere to government standards.”
“So, if Louis says he wasn’t responsible, who’s he blaming?” I said.
“I asked the same question, of course,” said Brigit. “And she said that the product was actually the brainchild of Calloway Pike, who is the middle son, Miles’s younger brother.”
I sat up straight in my desk. My mouth felt very dry, even though I’d just drunk a lot of water. “What did you say?”
“Calloway Pike introduced the idea of the energy shake. It was his product, and he was responsible for overseeing it.”
I massaged the bridge of my nose. “Well, of course. I just slept with him, so he’s got to be a murder suspect, doesn’t he?” I wanted to hit my forehead against the desk repeatedly, but I stopped myself. That might make Brigit think I was crazy. Instead, I smiled at her. “You know what? I’ll talk to him.”
“Okay,” said Brigit. Then, “Wait. What?”
I made a face. “Trust me, Brigit, you do not want to know.”
* * *
“Well, well,” said Cal, stretching behind his desk. “I didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”
“I need to ask you about something,” I said. “It’s serious.”
“Do you feel half as hellish as I feel?” he said. “We shouldn’t have had so much wine. I haven’t had a hangover this bad since—”
“No, we really shouldn’t have.”
He furrowed his brow. “Hey, you all right?”
“Just let me ask you a few questions, okay?”
“You’re regretting what we did, aren’t you? Is it because of Miles? Because, I swear to God, he said that there was no future between the two of you, and you’ll really be better off without—”
“The energy shakes,” I said. “The ones with ephedra in them?”
His expression changed. “What are you talking about?”
“Is that how you reacted when Gilbert told you he was going to go public with that information?”
“What?” Cal stood straight up at his desk, his face turning red. “You’re accusing me of killing my little brother?”
Whoa. He’d just gotten there on his own. I hadn’t fed that to him at all. I crossed my arms over my chest. “Well, you have to admit it’s suspicious.”
“That’s ridiculous,” he said. “I loved Gil. I would never have hurt him. And besides, I have an alibi for when it happened.”
“It was a Monday afternoon. I assume you were at work.”
“No, I wasn’t. I was with a girl.”
“On Monday afternoon?”
“Yes, and her name is Chloe Avery, and I’ll give you her phone number and address if you want it.” His nostrils flared. “How dare you accuse me of something like this?”
I actually hadn’t really gotten around to accusing him. “It doesn’t matter where you were. We know about Bix Coltrane. Did you pay him off? Did you give him your father’s gun so it would look like Gilbert did it?”
He furrowed his brow. “Bix what? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I was shaking my head. “Oh my God, it makes so much sense. Of course you’d want Gil to die this way. If it looked like he was a murderer, it took him down a peg. And you were always trying to get your father to value you more than his other sons, weren’t you?”
“Just stop,” he said. “You’re wrong. You’re wrong about all of it. And after what… what happened between us—”
“Oh believe me, I regret that already.”
He strode across the room and threw open the door. “Get out.”
“You knew about the ephedra? You’re not denying that?”
“Of course I’m denying that. I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. But I know who you are, and I know that you wouldn’t be working this case unless you thought there was more to it. You’re trying to make Gil an innocent victim, but he’s not. I didn’t do anything to him. Now, get the hell out of my office.”
“Fine.” I flounced out of the office.
“I wish I’d never touched you,” he said as I walked past.
I shot one more look at him, and then turned.
And came face-to-face with Miles.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Miles’s face was white.
Shit, shit, shit. What had he heard? It was bad enough that I’d accused his father of being a murderer. Now, I was shifting the blame to his brother. Who I’d slept with. If Miles knew all of that, I didn’t know what it would do to him.
“Miles,” I said, smoothing my hair over one shoulder. “What are you doing here?”
“I was coming to talk to my father about the things you said to me,” he said. “What are you doing here?” He gave Cal a scathing look.
Cal was still standing in the doorway to his office. The expression on his face was practically a smile.
“I’m working the case,” I said.
Miles was still looking at Cal. “What did you say to her?”
“Look, Miles.” I took his arm. “Don’t talk to your father. You couldn’t possibly be objective. You hired me to investigate this, and you know that’s because it’s too personal for you—”
“No, because the department wouldn’t look into it,” he said, turning back to me. “Never mind that. What did he say to you?”
“Listen, you’re the one who gave him my phone number,” I said. “I don’t know what you thought was going to happen.”
“I didn’t give him your phone number,” said Miles. He glowered at Cal.
Cal spread his hands. “Okay, so I snatched his phone for a minute, and I got your number that way.”
I felt stricken. “You lied?”
“Shouldn’t expect anything different from him, Ivy,” said Miles. “I would have warned you, but I thought you’d have at least a shred of decency.” His voice was shaking.
I shut my eyes. I felt sick, and it wasn’t just because I had the mother of all hangovers. All that stuff about Miles saying we didn’t have a future together… I gaped at Cal. “Why?”
Cal smirked. “Miles, you never did know what to do with a girl.”
Miles looked back and forth between the two of us.
“I, on the other hand,” said Cal, “well, I know a thing or two about women. Let me tell you, when I made her come, she gasped like a steam engine—”
I slapped him. “Shut up. You don’t get to—
”
But I never finished because Miles tossed me out of the way and pinned Cal against the wall. “You fucking asshole,” he growled.
Cal was laughing now. The laugh radiated out from somewhere deep inside him, just like last night. He was having a great time.
Miles let go of him. “You’re not worth it. I don’t even want to call you my brother.”
Cal stopped laughing.
“You always were trash,” Miles said. “No matter how hard you try to suck up to Father, it’ll never change. You’ll always be trash. I loved Gil. He was my brother. You?” Miles shook his head.
“You don’t know everything about me, Miles,” said Cal.
“I know that you always wanted everything I had. Ever since we were kids, you just try to take everything away from me.” Miles clenched and unclenched his fists.
By now, everyone on the entire floor of the office building was watching this exchange. They stood by open doors, in front of copy machines, holding phones to their ears with their hands over the receivers. All silent. All listening. Everyone.
“You don’t know everything about me,” said Cal again, and this time, his voice had a hitch in it, like he might cry. “You don’t deserve her anyway. Everyone knows you’re all messed up in the head. Can’t handle being too close. Might get your spotless hands dirty. You can’t even fuck her.”
“Cal, don’t,” said Miles.
“But I did.” Cal leaned close. “I fucked her. Your precious Ivy. The girl you brought home. I fucked her and she liked it. And now—”
Miles punched Cal.
There was a crunching sound as Miles’s fist collided with Cal’s jaw, his teeth.
Cal shrieked in pain.
Miles backed off, cradling his fist and wincing.
“You don’t know everything about me!” screamed Cal, and he retreated into his office, pulling the door shut after himself.
Miles took one look at me, and then he looked away. He turned his attention to the rest of the people on the floor, who’d all stopped to watch. “Well, that’s it,” he called. “Show’s over.”
And then he stalked down the hallway.
He went right by me, as if I didn’t exist.
* * *
“He really did it,” I said, closing the door to my office. “Cal. He did it. I was kind of joking before, but he really did it. You should have seen him when I brought up Gilbert. He stood up and started screaming that he didn’t kill his brother, and how dare I accuse him of doing it. But I hadn’t accused him. Not yet. He just… He was way too defensive. He did it.”
“What?” said Brigit. “You should have let me come.”
I just shook my head. “I should call Miles.” I started back for my office.
Brigit came after me. “What are you calling Miles for? And why did you sleep with his brother? Correct me if I’m wrong, but I thought that you had this big… thing with Miles.”
I ignored her. I yanked my phone out of my purse and called Miles. I settled down behind my desk, holding the phone to my ear, and listened to it ring.
“And why did you say that thing before?” said Brigit. “That thing about how if you slept with someone, that meant that they were a murder suspect? What’s up with that? Is there someone besides Ralph the Hatchet that you slept with?”
It was still ringing. He wasn’t picking up. Probably because he could see that I was calling and he never wanted to speak to me again. Probably because of that.
“Oh my God,” said Brigit. “Gunner Bray. You fucking slept with Gunner Bray, didn’t you? That was why he acted all casual around you. That was why he kept hugging you and stuff. Ivy, that man slept with basically every woman on the stupid commune, and you just—”
“Shut up, Brigit,” I muttered. I had Miles’s voicemail, and I had to leave a message, because I couldn’t just call and not say anything. “Miles, it’s Ivy,” I said into the phone.
And then…
I didn’t know what to say.
There was a long, long silence.
Finally, I started babbling. “He told me that you gave him my number. He told me that you told him that there wasn’t any future between us. And after the last thing that we said to each other, well, I guess I thought it made sense. But that’s not really an excuse, because after what’s been between us, I should have have done what I did. I know that there’s no world in which anything I did is even forgivable. God, Miles, I’m just so screwed up. I’m really…”
I was quiet again.
I thought about hanging up.
But then I waited too long, and I felt like I needed to say something else.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “God, I’m just so, so sorry.”
And then I hung up.
Brigit’s eyes were popping out of her head. “He knows. He knows that you slept with his brother.”
I put my head in my hands. “Go away, Brigit.”
“No, I’m not going away.” She sat down in one of the chairs opposite my desk. “Jesus Christ, Ivy, how can you say that you don’t have a problem?”
“Is this your idea of helping me?” I didn’t raise my face, so my voice was muffled. “Because you’re kind of making me feel worse, and I already feel like shit. Utter shit.”
“Well, you should.”
I did raise my face then, just to glare at her. “Seriously?”
“I mean it,” she said. “You should feel like shit, because what you just did—”
“Get out,” I said.
“No.”
“Look, I’ve got guilt covered, okay? I know how to be guilty, and I don’t need any pointers from you. So, get the hell out.”
She folded her arms over her chest. “If you feel guilty, then why do it?”
“Because… I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense, okay? I’m aware that it doesn’t make sense, and that I’m a crazy person or whatever, but I have to. Otherwise, I can’t get my head to shut up. It’s like there are these voices in my head, and they won’t stop talking—”
“Voices make you do it?”
“Brigit, seriously, get the fuck out of my office.”
She didn’t move. She knitted her brow together and surveyed me.
I looked away.
“Maybe if you saw someone—”
“Brigit—”
“Therapy is a good thing. I’ve been to see a therapist. Doesn’t mean I was crazy or that there was anything wrong with me. Everyone needs therapy sometimes.”
I didn’t respond.
She chewed on her bottom lip.
I looked down at my phone. Maybe I should call Miles again.
“Okay,” said Brigit.
“Okay, what?”
“Okay, so you were saying that Cal was really defensive. You were saying that he did it.”
I took a deep breath. Right. The case. That was definitely the thing to talk about now. I nodded. “Yeah. Yes. He was horrible. And I found out that he lied to me to get me to sleep with him, that it was all some kind of head trip thing against Miles. Miles yelled at him in the hallway, said that he always tried to take everything from him. I think that Cal found out that Gilbert knew about the ephedra, and he couldn’t handle it. He’s got serious issues with his family, with his brother. He had to stop him. He couldn’t let him take everything away from him—”
“Maybe it was retaliation,” said Brigit.
“What?” I said.
“Well, his father knew about the ephedra, and maybe Cal was angry about that? He’s focused on getting approval from his dad, right? He’s the only one of the brothers to go and work for the family business, right?”
“That’s true,” I said. “He wanted his father to love him so he went to work for him. But it didn’t work, so he was still trying to win his father’s love.”
“So, Gilbert ruined his chances of that, didn’t he? He told his father that he’d put ephedra in the shakes. It wasn’t a cover up, it was revenge.”
I nodded slowly. “That�
�s why he made it look like a school shooting. He was stripping everything away from Gilbert. Not only did he kill him, but he made him into a murderer as well.”
“A crazed murderer. A psycho,” said Brigit.
I nodded. “So, we need to prove the connection between him and Bix Coltrane. We find communication, we’ve got him.”
“Um… Ivy?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you sure we’re still on the case? I mean, if Miles isn’t even picking up his phone…”
I gulped. She was right. Miles could very well be so angry with me that he wouldn’t want me working for him anymore.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No,” I said quietly. “You’re right. We don’t know if we’re still on the case. So, I guess, we don’t do anything until I can get in touch with Miles.”
* * *
I stood inside the animal shelter, looking at the cages on either side. I felt vaguely ill, because I was thinking that the bathroom in Kitty’s apartment was a palace compared to these cages. Poor Regan the dog was stuck in one of these cages, and I had left her here, and she might die, and I hadn’t even checked up on her.
Everything else in my life had gone to hell very quickly. As I was categorizing all my sins, I remembered the dog. That was when I left the office, got in my car, and came here to the animal shelter.
I had feverishly tried to describe the dog to the worker at the desk when I came in, but she didn’t know off hand if Regan was there. So, she led me back here to this room and told me to look for myself.
I stepped inside, looking up and down.
On top, there was a little poodle, with sad eyes. She whined at me, and it was heartbreaking.
Jesus, what was I doing here?
I couldn’t very well take all of these dogs home, could I?
But I didn’t know if I could bear seeing all of them so pathetic.
There was a St. Bernard dog in a big cage on the bottom row. He was lying on the floor on his side, asleep, but he looked sorrowful too.
I squared my shoulders. Okay, I was looking for Regan and that was that. I took a deep breath and—businesslike—marched up and down the room, looking in each of the cages.
After the first row, when I hadn’t seen her, I thought for sure she’d be on the second row.
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