by Liz Talley
“Because you got a thing for him. Because he has a thing for you. What? You just gonna let him saddle his horse and ride away?”
“Yeah, I am. He lives twelve hours away. It’s not like he’s up the road a piece, and I’ve always known that whatever we shared—friendship, sex, whatever—was a blip on the radar of my life. Neither one of us can do forever. We each have our own lives to live, lives far away from each other.”
“So love doesn’t matter to you?” Shelia folded her arms and raised her painted on eyebrows.
“Love?” Addy tried to snort like that word didn’t make her knees weak. She couldn’t go there with Lucas. Or maybe she refused to let her heart go there. They hadn’t talked about a future, only a present. But what if? “I don’t want to be in love with Lucas.”
Shelia’s crack of laughter made Addy jump.
“You think you can control love? You can’t. Love is a sneaky sonofabitch. He’ll tap you on the shoulder, and when you spin around, punch you right in the face. You can’t run from love, sugar.”
“I’m not in love with Lucas,” Addy said, pleading more with herself than with her friend. She knew she lied like a dog… which really didn’t make sense because dogs couldn’t even speak much less lie.
Shelia’s answering smile said it all.
“Go over there and tell him tonight. Let him into your life, Addy. Stop running. Stand and fight.”
“I’m not running. From him or Robbie.” And as she said those words, she straightened. Last night she’d not slept a wink. She’d woken that morning haggard and worn. After an afternoon basking in Lucas’ arms, she should have faced Monday strong and content. Instead, she’d crawled into her existence, reverting into something she’d never wanted to be—a shadow, a scurrying bunny darting away, fearing the unknown. She’d become a victim all over again.
Addy lifted her chin. “I’m not running.”
Shelia searched her face with a careful eye before nodding. “Good. I decided long ago I could be knocked down, but I’m gonna get right back up and fight for myself. That’s what you have to do on both accounts. Fight for love, and if the time comes you have to face your past, fight that no good piece of scum. He may come for you, but you’ll be ready. Cause you ain’t no victim, Addy Toussant. You remember that. We ain’t rats, and we ain’t hiding.”
Addy smiled, the first smile she’d tried on since she’d found that damn box and opened it. “Hell, no, I’m not.”
And then the phone rang.
“Fleur De Lis,” Addy said into the receiver, knowing her father was on the other end of the line.
“He’s out,” her father said, disgust heavy in his voice.
Fear snuck inside her resolve and leg swept her intentions. But Addy refused to give in so she choked it down, smothering it with determination. “Did you see him?”
“Of course. He comes in and I get to say my piece. The jackass sneered at me the entire time, and when they announced he had been rehabilitated and would be paroled, he turned and winked at me. Can you believe the nerve?”
“Good. He’s feeling confident, isn’t he?” Addy said, anger building inside her at the cocksure manner of the man who’d given her both physical and mental scars. “Well, I’m not a girl anymore. I’m a grown woman who understands better the sickness in his mind, and I’m a grown woman who knows how to defend herself. I’m not afraid of him anymore.”
“Baby, you don’t have to go all Rambo on me. I want you to be careful. Talk to Flora about being on guard. The security guys will be there this afternoon, and I’ll go out and meet with them. They’ll finish by this afternoon, so tonight you will have an alarm. I also talked to Lt. Greer about having a few patrol cars drive by a couple times, especially at night.”
“I’m going to be fine, Dad. At some point, he’s going to show up in my world so I’ll be prepared. Hopefully, he’ll see he doesn’t scare me and all his crazy fantasies of me cowering in fear will pop like a balloon. He has delusions of power over me, and I’m not going to let them persist.”
“Baby, if he comes anywhere near you, you call 911 and find safety. You understand?” Her father’s voice sounded nearing panic. She’d scared him by talking about facing her demons. She wasn’t going to provoke Robbie or try and to fight him. She wasn’t stupid. But she also wasn’t going to let that piece of crap think he had power over her. That’s what Robbie craved—her fear. She wasn’t hiding from him, for that would be giving him the gift of herself.
“I’m not dumb, Daddy. If I see him, I’m calling for backup. I have no delusions of being an ass kicker. But I’m not giving him my fear.”
“Good girl. I’ll be at your house when you get home.”
“I love you, Dad.”
“You, too, Angel Face.”
Addy placed the phone back on the receiver and turned to Shelia. “Robbie’s out.”
Her friend narrowed her eyes. “Time to use all you’ve prepared for over these past few years. I’m calling Sharon and Rochelle. We’ll all be there for you.”
Addy nodded. It’s what Survivors of Violence did. Constant support system. They had each other’s back, and Addy had spent many a night worrying about her friends in her therapy group. She’d made casseroles, held hands, and watched children all to alleviate the minds of the women in her group. They were a sisterhood of survivors and had gotten Addy through some hard times.
“I’m a little scared,” Addy admitted.
“Good. Being a little scared will aid you, honey. Being a lot scared will cripple you.” Shelia wrapped her arms around Addy and squeezed tight.
“Thank you, Shelia.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Addy. If it wasn’t for you, this job, and all you’ve done for me, I don’t know where I’d be.”
Addy lifted her head. “You know the offer?”
Shelia lifted her brows. “About buying into the business?”
“We should talk about it.”
“Let’s visit that topic when we’re less emotional. Today’s not the day.”
“Okay,” Addy said, stepping back toward her workstation and the arrangement she’d been trying to put together for a person having bypass surgery. She hadn’t been able to concentrate well, but things looked a little clearer for her. Resolve was a funny beast. It settled in the bones and made her breathing steadier, her vision crisp and her intent sincere. She could never imagine letting any piece of Fleur de Lis go. It was her identity, the world she clung to with tight fists. But at the moment she faced her demons, her life emerged from the fog, startling in its clarity.
She had to open her world a bit so she could breathe.
Last night after finding the photos, she’d been ready to pull the gates shut and man all stations to protect herself from every potential hurt… and that included Lucas.
Her initial reaction was to blame him for letting her guard down. He’d invaded her world and she’d let things slide—leaving her cell phone behind or not feeling the presence of danger. Allowing the Finlay children to scurry about her house, leaving doors unlocked, and distracting her from her vigilance had seemed a huge mistake.
She should have kept her mouth and her legs shut.
But maybe Shelia was right. If she tossed away what she thought she had with Lucas because of Robbie, who would win?
Not her.
Perhaps a leap of faith was long overdue. Tonight she would tell Lucas about Robbie, the threats, and show all her cards. No more shutting emotional doors with him. If they ended badly, it wouldn’t be because she’d hidden her past from him on any level. Sharing her fears with Lucas, being honest with who she was and what she wanted could only be the right thing… unless Lucas didn’t want to bother with a woman who had a huge helping of crazy on her plate.
Her stomach heaved as nerves latched hold. She reached for an antiacid and glanced out the window as if Robbie might suddenly appear.
In the blink of an eye her life had changed.
Monday nights made L
ucas want to take to drink. In fact, he had taken to drink. He’d found the Glenlivet in the back of the pantry behind the saltines.
He’d also intended on finding some time to see Addy, but between massive amounts of homework, taking Charlotte to dance class where she did nothing more than hop around for fifty bucks, and picking Michael up from lacrosse lessons, he’d not made it over and now it was almost ten o’clock.
“Uncle Lucas!” Chris called, his high-pitched voice tumbling down the stairs slamming into Lucas as he finally sank into the recliner.
“No more water. You’ll wet the bed,” he called up, not moving even a toe. Damn, he was tired out.
“I forgot to tell you I have to go to NORE tomorrow and I gotta have my bike.”
“What’s NORE?”
“It’s my racing school,” Chris called down, with the slightest hint of “duh” in his voice.
“We’ll talk in the morning,” Lucas yelled, praying he didn’t wake up Charlotte. He’d read Creampie and Calico Kitten three times before the child smiled sleepily and closed her eyes.
“I gotta go. Mr. Pete wants to do my qualifying.” Chris was anything if not persistent.
“Okay. We’ll get it set up.”
“Night,” he called.
“Night,” Lucas returned closing his eyes and pretending the messy living room away.
But it wouldn’t be messy for long.
New beginnings.
After declaring he would put the past behind him with Courtney and Ben, Lucas had decided he’d start in a literal manner. This morning he’d gone to the home improvement store, matched the paint on the front and back porches and started the sanding process. He’d worked all day preparing to repaint the porches, and he’d scheduled a maid service to give the house a good cleaning. He figured the last thing on his sister-in-law’s mind would be cleaning and repairing. If Lucas wasn’t going to get much of his own work done, he might as well get his brother’s house in better shape.
But the sanding, stripping, and daily tasks of taking care of kids had taken its toll. He just needed a minute to sit down.
The vision of a laughing Addy flitted across his mind. She’d been such a sight, laid out naked on her bed, talking about how much she loved watching Big Bang Theory reruns and how she’d once romanced the idea of being a microbiologist. Her mink hair had fallen messily around her pretty face, and her warm whiskey eyes had glowed with good humor. She’d been the sexiest thing he’d ever seen and she’d filled up his heart.
Was this love?
He’d told Addy he didn’t believe in romantic love… but that wasn’t necessarily true. Yesterday’s conversation had taken a strange turn and he’d panicked. Seeing the look of disappointment on her face told him all he needed to know—he’d screwed up.
He’d always believed love wasn’t something found as easily as it seemed to be in movies or books. Commitment was built on mutual respect, friendship, and like goals. Not a business arrangement per say, but more two like-minded people choosing to travel the hard road of life together.
He’d always thought lasting love had to be intentional and chosen by both parties involved, and that’s why it hadn’t worked with him and Courtney—she’d turned her back on commitment to him.
But with Addy things felt different.
So had he been wrong all this time?
Lucas shifted deeper into the warmth of the leather recliner and sighed at the sweet silence of the house. He’d called out to Addy earlier as she walked around following some guy wearing a navy jumpsuit nodding as he pointed out what looked to be a new security system, but he needed a few more minutes to decompress.
He wanted to see her again, taste her again, and find out about that security system.
Shouldn’t she have already had one installed on that old house? In fact, Courtney and Ben needed one, too. When he went over to Addy’s to say good night, he’d get the guy’s card and see about adding one to the Finlay house.
He yawned and sighed again.
And fell asleep.
The next morning Addy poured another cup of coffee and tried not to look out the back door toward the Finlay house.
Lucas hadn’t come by last night like he said he would. Something about his easy dismissal of her stung. He’d struck her as a man of his word, so perhaps something had come up? But that was part of her issue—man of his word. What did she really know about Lucas? She’d known him for a little over two weeks, hardly long enough to truly know what kind of man he was.
Logic told her it was a good enough reason to forget about their budding relationship and focus on her present. Just like the orchid she’d snipped right before Chris had crashed into her world dragging his uncle with him she’d have to cull the weak part of herself to protect the whole. Her strong intentions of opening herself to Lucas and the potential for something more than a weekend together had dissipated as doubt grabbed her and shook her hard. Shelia had been wrong about going to Lucas.
Addy had needed Lucas last night… and he’d not shown up.
She eyed the alarm system panel with its red light blinking, feeling comforted about the protection it brought and about how easy it was to use. After waiting up with a kettle of hot water and two cups of chamomile tea for her and Lucas, she’d armed the system and slipped up to bed, aggravated he’d not shown when she needed him most. She’d expected not to sleep a wink, but she’d slept hard and dreamless.
“Morning, buttercup,” Aunt Flora said, rubbing her eyes and looking around for the coffeepot.
“It hasn’t moved,” Addy said, pointing toward where the Bunn coffeemaker always sat.
“I know that,” Aunt Flora said peevishly, schlepping over to the coffee pot in her ratty old slippers. “I may be old, but I ain’t stupid.”
“Never said you were.”
Flora sighed. “You’re as grumpy as I am.”
“Mmm-hmm,” Addy conceded.
“Would you mind going over the alarm system with me again? I’m still foggy on it.”
“Sure,” Addy struggled to her feet and beckoned Flora over. After showing her repeatedly what to push, she decided it would be easier to make Flora a cheat sheet and put it by the phone which sat near the door. After writing the procedure out on a note card and taping it to the counter, she turned to go upstairs. Out of the corner of her eye, a flash of dark hair appeared in the window.
Her heart leapt into her throat.
She refocused. Not Robbie.
Lucas.
Flora opened the door. The alarm shrieked.
“Oh, dear,” Flora cried, her hands flapping as she lunged toward the security pad and started jabbing random numbers.
Addy covered her ears and hurried over. “Don’t just push numbers,” she yelled, tapping the card.
Flora looked down and read the instructions. Finally, the shrieking of the alarm stopped.
“Oh, Lord, I’m sorry. I panicked.” Flora pressed her hands to her chest and looked as if she might cry. “We never should have let your father put that thing in.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Addy said, patting her aunt’s back. “It’s new for both of us, and there’s a learning curve. We’ll get the hang of it.”
“This is the reason I need to get out of your hair. I’m a liability,” Aunt Flora said, tears shimmering in her eyes.
“That’s not true,” Addy said, knowing it was indeed a little true. But she didn’t want Aunt Flora moving out. She didn’t want her world to change, but she guessed the good Lord wasn’t listening because she’d been turned on her ear.
While Addy had dealt with the alarm, Lucas had stood patiently inside the door, strong, silent, and looking a bit stressed.
Addy turned to him, lifting a questioning eyebrow.
“Sorry about last night. Sounds lame, but I fell asleep in the recliner,” he said, giving her a sheepish shrug. “Guess between the busy weekend and all the kids’ activities I wore out.”
Logical reason, but still A
ddy felt out of sorts. She’d wanted to share her fears, her revelations, her potentially having a partner in the floral shop freeing her to travel to, say, West Texas upon occasion. But now in the light of the morning, the whole thing sounded asinine. She’d been naïve to think she meant more to him than a friend and once upon a time lover.
“I’ve got to run. Michael has to make up a test early, but I wanted you to know why I couldn’t come by for tea.” He gave her a wicked smile, but instead of inflaming her, it made her uncomfortable.
Fine. Things happened. She understood. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from pulling away from him.
Part of her protection?
Or maybe her inner alarm system told her it was time to shut that part of her life down for the time being. She’d thought she was ready to take what they had a step further, but now she wanted to do nothing more than draw her defenses around her.
“No big deal,” she said, trying to sound casual and not like Aunt Flora when she forgot where the coffee maker was. “Monday’s exhausting for me, too.”
He smiled. “Good. Thought I had screwed up. And speaking of screwing up, I wanted to talk to you about that last conversation we had Sunday.”
“What conversation?”
“About-” The horn honked in the adjacent driveway.
“Better go,” Addy said, feeling like her words held more meaning than the obvious.
He moved toward her as if he might steal a kiss, but Addy gave a slight shake of her head.
He frowned. “Later?”
“Maybe,” she said, trying to smile but finding she couldn’t manage it.
His eyes narrowed, but the horn sounded again. “I’ll come by tonight after I take Chris to some motor cross bike thing. I need to talk to you. Ben is coming home this weekend.”
Addy’s heart clenched tight as dread sank into the pit of her stomach. He was leaving. For good. Something about that finality, about the casual way he said it like it was no big deal to go back to Texas, made her feel so much more fragile than expected. Yesterday after talking to Shelia, she’d felt strong, but now she felt frayed around the edges, clinging to wholeness, knowing it was impossible to hold herself together.
