‘It’s beautiful,’ she murmured as she looked past him to the view.
‘Not as beautiful as you.’ He half expected her to laugh off the smoothness of his compliment, instead colour crept into her cheeks, her green eyes sparkling in the low light as she considered him with a slow smile.
Silently she stepped up to him, her fingers light on his bow tie as she worked it undone.
‘Are you really sure?’ he asked again.
She pressed a finger to his lips. ‘It may surprise you to know that you’re the first man I’ve ever wanted like this and resisted for so long.’
His brows pulled together as her finger fell away and she continued to undress him. ‘That doesn’t sound like a good thing.’
‘It may also surprise you to learn that I do everything a hundred miles an hour.’
‘That I do know.’
She didn’t react, instead she watched her fingers as they unbuttoned his shirt. ‘You’re the first man I’ve stomped on the brakes for.’ She looked up and met his eye, her sincerity making his breath catch. ‘That makes you a very good thing.’
She teased her fingers beneath his open shirt and his muscles flexed under the simple touch, the heat spreading like wildfire as it followed her teasing caress.
‘That makes you special, Todd,’ she whispered, lifting up to press her lips to his, ‘very… special.’
She wasn’t confessing her love for him but boy, did it feel enough. For now, it had to be, it would be. He turned her so that her back faced him, his fingers brushing her hair to the side so that he could trace the delicate arch to her neck with his lips. ‘That makes two of us, Malie.’
She gave a little shiver.
‘Are you cold?’
‘No, Todd, no… I’m never cold with you near.’
His heart pulsed in his chest, his fingers trembling as he took hold of her zipper and eased it down. Hardly daring to believe that this was happening he imprinted every second to memory. Just as he’d said he would.
He reached the curve of her back, unveiling her butterfly tattoo and seeing it with fresh eyes. He eased the dress from her body, brushed his hands over her hips as he encouraged the delicate fabric to fall, his thumbs meeting at the base of her spine, his fingers fanning out as he caressed the loop of one wing.
She wriggled beneath his touch, her whimper a delight.
‘This is beautiful.’
She looked to him over her shoulder, and he could see the question in her eyes.
‘The butterfly,’ he said in answer. ‘It’s beautiful, like you.’
Her lashes lowered, her bottom lip caught in her teeth as she rolled into his continued caress.
‘What does it mean, Malie?’
Her lashes fluttered open and she turned into him.
‘It means I’m free,’ she hooked her arms around his neck, ‘free to enjoy life as I want, without anyone’s judgement or dismissal.’
He could see the meaning in her eyes, knew the answer before he even asked, ‘When did you have it done?’
‘The week before I left the UK for good. The week before…’ She broke off and took a breath.
‘The week before you left your parents behind?’
She lifted her lashes, her pained depths pulling him apart inside. ‘Yes.’
He kissed her, desperate to ease the pain, the worry, the heartache, both hers and his. ‘It’s not too late, Malie, you can still be that free and have them back.’
She nodded, her lips finding his. ‘I know that now… thanks to you, thanks to Tara and her family.’
She stepped out of her heels, her fingers on her bra as she released the fastening and let it drop to the floor. She gazed up at him, bare but for the strip of her thong and he couldn’t speak. She wasn’t just beautiful, she was exquisite. The luscious curve to her breasts, their hardened upturned nubs aroused by him, for him, the proud angle to her neck as she let him drink in his fill. And still he wanted, needed, more, his heart feeling fit to burst.
He kissed her with all the passion, all the need, all the love he felt inside. He cupped her beneath the curve of each breast, his hands continuing to tremble, his heart beating out of control. She leaned into his caress, her whimper soft and teasing in his ear. This was happening. It really was.
‘Oh, Malie.’ He swung her up in his arms, and carried her to the bed, laying her down like she was some fragile possession he didn’t dare break.
He stood back and stripped his shirt, his shoes, his socks, not once taking his eyes off her and the emotion in her gaze. It looked like love, it looked exactly how he felt, and if it was, then surely this wasn’t goodbye, surely this was just the start.
He lay down next to her and she curved her leg around him, pulling him in against her, his hardness nestled between her thighs as she kissed him. Her hands roamed over his back, his chest, his hair, like she too couldn’t get enough and needed to commit every stretch of him to memory. It was impassioned, it was desperate, but when her hands reached into the waistband of his trousers, he pulled back.
He gripped her wrists, forcing her to pause, his eyes searing down into the glazed heat of hers. ‘Are you sure?’
‘I want you, Todd, more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life… please?’
He released his grip to stroke the hair back from her face and press a kiss to her forehead, the bridge of her nose, her lips.
‘OK,’ he brushed against her mouth, ‘no more questions.’
He pulled away to strip himself of the last of his clothing and reached for the protection in his bedside drawer. When he came back to her, he did exactly as he’d promised outside, he took his time, intending to travel the length of her, every dip and curve, every taste to sample, coaxing out every sweet sound she could possibly make as she wriggled beneath him, begging him for more.
‘Please, Todd, now.’
He rose up above her, his legs and arms bracketing her body as her own impatience drove her to strip away her thong and then there was nothing, no barrier between them, no holding back.
She took the protection, pushed him to his limits as she stroked and sheathed him and then she lay back, opening herself up to him so that his hips nestled between her thighs.
Never had he felt more at home, more at peace, and as she wrapped her legs around him, her ankles urging him forward, he eased inside her, his eyes locked in the emotional heat of hers. He made love to her. Slow and sure. In body and in mind. Like his whole world wasn’t imploding inside, like he hadn’t crossed a line he couldn’t come back from, like they belonged together, just like this. Always.
Somewhere deep inside he knew she hadn’t promised him more. Not yet. But it would come, he had to believe it would come. And she would love him as he did her. He just had to show her how good life could be if she took that leap with him.
She had to see it – Please, let her see…
He squeezed his eyes tight against the alternative and let go. His cry, his release, so full of love that, to his ears, it married with her own. And that could only mean one thing…
Malie loved him.
She woke to the alien feeling of her limbs being entwined with another’s, all naked and hot, and… she froze.
The night flashed before her eyes: the speech, the conversation with Tara’s parents, the kiss beneath the balcony, the dance floor, the bedroom, the bed…
The bed in which they were now, the sheets tossed aside, Todd’s body spooning hers, his leg hooked over and between her own and brushing just there, her breath caught, her body pulsed. She didn’t dare wake him, didn’t dare move a muscle. Already she could feel the need stirring within her, the need that should have been well and truly slaked by the night’s repeated lovemaking – lovemaking.
Not sex, not the basic urge to have fun and be done. No. This was so much more. Just as she’d predicted, just as she’d wanted it to be and shouldn’t.
And now what?
His breath caressed her ear, his nose nuzzling i
n as he shifted and murmured in his sleep, his arm wrapping around her to draw her in tight. Oh, how she wanted to snuggle down too. To close her eyes and let sleep claim her once more. To not let this night be over. But the sun was already creeping in through the glass, the hint of pink and orange on the horizon all warm and comforting and a direct contrast to the messed-up state of her head.
No, not her head, her heart.
Slowly she turned, disentangling herself as she encouraged him onto his back. He was so peaceful in his sleep, younger even. There was no crease to his brow, no lines around his eyes, his full mouth relaxed into something that looked close to a smile, and his hair… she reached out, unable to stop herself and stroked his fringe from his face.
Yes, she wanted to stay, more than anything she wanted this to be her new normality but there was so much she needed to make sense of before she could let herself be with him. She’d spent her entire adult life avoiding anything close to a relationship – to suddenly change that stance now when she had so much else to sort, to address? She couldn’t do it.
It was as much about protecting him as it was herself and it was that realization that had her pulling away and climbing out of bed, finding her clothing and slipping it on before picking up her shoes. She felt like a thief stealing away into the night and guilt gnawed at her stomach, tears quick to follow. But if he were to wake up, he’d never let her go without a fight. She knew that, just as she knew she wouldn’t be strong enough to fight back, that she’d readily go running straight back into his arms, back into his bed, only to have her feelings for him mess with her head and delay the inevitable.
No, it was better this way.
She owed it to him, to herself, to get her life straightened out first.
And why can’t you do that with him by your side?
She reached the threshold of the bedroom – the doors were still open from where he’d led her through them the previous evening, the air filled with the thrum of anticipation – and she looked back to his body laid out and relaxed. Her heart ached, wanting to return, even as she knew she needed to leave. She couldn’t think clearly with him by her side, couldn’t trust her mind to make the right decisions, couldn’t trust anything with her emotions swirling like crazy within.
That’s because you love him, you fool.
You shouldn’t be leaving; you should be holding on with both hands and never letting him go.
She shook her head and clutched her shoes to her chest. She’d had good reasons to avoid relationships thus far, even if those reasons seemed blurred now.
She turned away and a tear escaped. She brushed it away with the back of her hand and kept moving, her bare feet silent on the floor as she padded across the landing and down the stairs. Her bag rested at the foot of the last step where she had left it the previous night and she stooped to pick it up before letting herself out, the door clicking softly shut behind her.
She dragged in a shaky breath, wishing her head to clear, for sanity to take over and the torrent of emotion to subside but it was no use. She made her way down to the beach to avoid the gate and the road and the people that would be there. She knew she looked a state, doing the walk of shame in her fancy dress, her hair giving away the night’s heated antics. Her cheeks warmed even as more tears fell, the cool sea breeze making the strands cling to the wet streaks. She was a mess. Inside and out. Nothing could stop the tears or the sense of emptiness swelling inside.
She took another breath but it just felt worse, nothing could fill the void. She tried to tell herself it was just a hangover from last night’s perfection, of the emotional bond they’d shared as much as the physical. But it was no use. She felt open, exposed, raw. As though with every layer of clothing he’d removed, another layer over her heart had fallen away, every time they’d come together, the bond had strengthened until the very idea of being apart seemed impossible.
But it would pass, she just needed time. Time to fix her life, time to see clearly and then she could be objective about the future and whether she could entrust her heart to Todd.
A little late for that, don’t you think?
Her body shuddered, its agreement clear, her heart was already long gone, and for the first time in more years than she could count, she wanted her mum. She wanted to talk to her and tell her everything, to have the confidence of Tara to be honest about Koa and how she’d hated living like he didn’t exist, like she didn’t exist too. She wanted to say she was sorry for running. She wanted to tell her about the surf school and the work they were doing… she wanted to tell her about Todd.
She was already lifting her bag, looking for her phone, her fingers trembling as she dialled Home.
It had barely rung once when her mother’s familiar voice came over the line. ‘Malie?’
‘Hi, Mum.’
‘This is early for you – it must be five, six in the morning out there?’
A sob erupted out of her control and she tried to bury it so that her mother wouldn’t hear.
‘Malie? What is it? What’s wrong?’
She could hear the panic in her mother’s tone, knew she’d caught her anguish and she couldn’t keep it trapped any longer, the time for pretence was over.
‘I… I could do with a chat… if you have the time?’
‘I always have time for you. You’re worrying me, love, what’s going on?’
Malie felt her lips curve into a watery smile as her mother’s love shone down the line. A small flutter of what felt a lot like hope and belonging once more started up inside.
‘It might take a while…’
‘Just start at the beginning, love, I’m here.’
It was as good a place as any…
Chapter Twenty-One
HE KNEW SHE’D GONE, even before he opened his eyes. He could sense the emptiness of the bed, the room, the house. He was alone. Something that had never bothered him before, but now he felt it like a weighted ache deep inside his chest.
He didn’t even strain his ears to listen for footsteps or sounds in the kitchen, didn’t try to fool himself into thinking she was making breakfast, or outside enjoying the sunrise, any of those things that would be expected the morning after a night such as theirs. Waking up to a relationship, a real relationship. Not that he’d ever really had one of those. But he’d hoped – no, he’d convinced himself things were different now. That she wouldn’t run, not this time. Not after all they’d shared, all they’d felt. Because she had felt it too, he was sure of that.
He rolled over and palmed the bed, felt the residual warmth from her body and wondered how far away she was, but even as he thought it, he knew he wouldn’t run after her. That he couldn’t.
She needed to come to him when she was ready.
If she ever would be…
He closed his eyes against the pang, the doubt, the what-if; he had New York to prepare for, he had work to do, work he could control, Malie he could not.
No matter how much he loved her, he had to let her be free. Free to make her own choices. Free to live her life.
His gut twisted and he got out of bed, crossed to the window and looked out over the sea. The sea that would forever remind him of Malie. The urge to run after her was so strong, like a physical pull that he couldn’t ignore. He lowered his gaze and turned away. No, it was good that he was leaving, New York couldn’t be more different, and once he was there, he could fill his head with work, far away from this place where the temptation was too much.
He threw his focus into packing before he could decide to do otherwise.
A week later, not even the miles between them could stop him reliving that morning and the weeks that had led up to it. No matter how busy his schedule, the back-to-back meetings, the social functions that served to fulfil a business need, she was always on his mind. Like now, as he stared unseeing at the figures projected onto the screen of the conference room.
‘What do you think, Todd?’
‘Hmm?’ He focused through the bra
in fog to see Nathan, his head of development, looking at him like he’d lost his mind – he couldn’t blame him. He’d completely zoned out. Again.
‘Sorry, what were you saying?’
Nathan frowned and gestured back to the projection. ‘The venture looks quite viable, if you take into consideration—’
A knock on the glass door cut him off and the entire room of ten all looked to it. Grace stood there, gesturing to him. There was only one reason Grace would disturb this meeting, the one reason he had given her all week as a free pass to contact him regardless of the hour.
‘Hang on, Nathan.’
He stood up and walked to the door, opening it.
‘It’s on,’ she said in a low voice, her eyes bright. ‘You told me to tell you and it’s been confirmed, the surf conditions are perfect, the Queen of the Pipe is kicking off today.’
His heart lurched. ‘And the line-up? Have they released it?’
Grace nodded, her eyes widening because she knew what this would mean to him. ‘She’s on the list.’
‘What time is it on?’
‘Should be airing in the next hour.’
An hour. He had time to conclude the meeting and get back to the hotel.
‘Thanks, Grace.’
He strode back into the room, suddenly feeling alive, more alive than he had done in seven days. Ridiculous when he was no closer to having her, but to know she was taking this step, she was going for it.
Go big, Malie. For Koa and for yourself.
‘I have half an hour, let’s see if we can get this wrapped up.’
He had some place else he had to be.
They had it done and dusted in twenty and he was out the door, Grace on his tail updating him with all things urgent. His hotel was two blocks away and she was racing to keep stride with him, taking his instructions and doing her best to keep it brief. When they hit the lobby of his hotel, she left him, heading back to the office with a thumbs-up for luck.
Meet Me in Hawaii Page 26
