by Ava May
He sighed. “I guess you’re right, I’m just happy and I don’t want the guilt of keeping it a secret to cloud anything. I want you, Zoe, for as long as you’ll have me.”
“You’re serious? You want this to be something more even though I just basically got dumped?”
“You didn’t get dumped. You left him for cheating. I understand if you’re not ready, and I’ll wait as long as you want.”
I nodded. I knew what I wanted but I was afraid. “I just don’t want to rush, Evan. As much as I don’t want to admit it, Wes hurt me badly.”
“I know, darlin’. We can drop the subject for now, and I won’t talk to your dad then.” He smiled, but I could tell he was hurt. I wasn’t sure how a man’s mind worked, but I was pretty sure Evan wasn’t your typical guy. We’d had sex, twice, and most men would be happy with that, but apparently Evan was not. He wanted it all, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. I’d only been home for a little over a day.
The rest of the drive was awkward and silent. He seemed to be mulling over my hesitance, and I didn’t know what to say. The relaxation was gone, and now I felt guilty. I hated hurting people’s feelings, but I also wouldn’t give into something if I wasn’t sure about it—never again. I did it before with Wes, and look how that turned out. It wasn’t Evan who I didn’t trust, it was me. I didn’t want to jump in too soon.
When we pulled into the driveway, there was a truck parked in front of the house and I gasped.
“Wes,” I said and my lip quivered. What the hell was he doing here? I unbuckled and sat frozen.
“He’s here to get you back, I’m sure. No man will drive across that far to have a chat.”
I looked at Evan and gave him sad smile. “I don’t think I’m ready to face him. There is so much—so much built up.”
“Darlin’, you should talk to him. If anything for closure.” He seemed to want to say more but shook his head.
“I’m not going to take him back if that’s what you’re worried about. I can’t get over him cheating, especially with who he cheated with.”
He let out a breath. “Sometimes people deserve a second chance, and as much as I want to be selfish, I can’t keep you from something you might want.”
I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Be selfish,” I whispered, and then I opened the door and got out of his car. It was time to confront Wes, already. I was hoping for a few days before he came barging in on me. He hadn’t called or messaged so I thought maybe he’d stay away. I guess I was wrong.
I shut the door, took a deep breath, and stormed over to where Wes was leaning against his truck. The sun was close to setting and the light on the property illuminated his features. He pushed off his truck as if he was going to come to me. I held up my hand. I didn’t want him close.
“What do you want, Wes?”
He didn’t speak for a second. I don’t know if it was because of my tone, or because of what I was wearing.
“To talk to you, baby. I—I miss you.”
I laughed. “Oh really? Did you miss me when you were fucking Alicia?” I was vulgar on purpose.
“Zoe, damn, it wasn’t like that.”
This was going to be good. “Then how was it like, Wes? Looked pretty dirty from where I saw it.”
He shook his head, and I ignored the tear sliding down his cheek. He wasn’t a crier, so I knew it wasn’t some ploy. He was upset, but dammit, so was I.
Chapter 6
“Can we talk, please? Let me explain.”
“There’s not much to explain. You and Alicia were together in ‘our’ house, Wesley. There isn’t much more to explain now, is there?”
“I freaked out.”
“About what?”
“Living together.”
My arms crossed in defense. “You asked me to move in with you. Not the other way around. If you recall, I wasn’t ready to take that step but you convinced me.”
He pushed off and grabbed my hands tightly. “I know. I’m so sorry.”
I yanked my hand back angrily. “Sorry won’t fix this, Wes.”
“What will?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“There has to be something I can do. Come on, Zoe, five years can’t be over because of one mistake.”
My emotions got the better of me and I sobbed. I was hurt and upset. I’d spent all of my life with Wes, even before he became my boyfriend. It wasn’t just a small romance. We were friends first and I wasn’t even actually sure when it turned to more. One day we just were. “You destroyed me, Wes. I can’t ever forget it, and I won’t do it. I won’t sit back and worry that things won’t fall apart again. I’m not my father. You know what it was like with my mother. I watched him suffer because of his love for her. I won’t do the same.”
“Baby, this isn’t the same.”
I wiped the tear away and hugged myself. “But it is.”
He choked back a sob and my knees nearly gave out. I didn’t think it would be so hard. I’d probably always love Wes. He was my first everything, but sometimes things fell apart for a reason. I glanced back at Evan’s car. He was still there watching, but I couldn’t see him.
Wes noticed my attention and he laughed. “Really, Z? This is why you won’t give me a second chance?” I turned back toward him. “Already fucking the old man who’s had his eye on you forever? He’s a fuckin’ perv.”
I fisted my hands. “No he’s not. He cares for me, and no, he isn’t the reason I won’t give you a second chance. Do you hear yourself right now? The Wes I remember wouldn’t talk about Evan like that. And you can’t expect me to get over the fact that you AND Alicia betrayed me. How long has it been going on? Be honest now.”
He blanched and stepped back, relaxing against his truck again. I tapped my foot, waiting. “See, apparently, you’ve been messing around for longer than when I walked in on you. If I didn’t catch you it would have kept going… am I right?”
“I—” he shook his head. “I don’t know… it happened. and then…. I don’t know. It was different. She’s different, but she isn’t you.”
“Yeah of course she’s different, she certainly isn’t me. I’m nothing like her.”
“I know, that’s why—her offer was so appealing. You can’t say that sex is very enjoyable between us.”
“I could have!”
“Well, it wasn’t for me. I needed something more and she gave it to me. But she doesn’t love me, and I don’t love her.”
That was it. “Go. I don’t want you here anymore. I gave you the chance to talk and all you managed to do was make me feel worse than I already do. You can take your fucked up apology and go home.” I pointed my finger in his chest and I hadn’t even realized I had moved. “Don’t come back. You had your chance, and you lost me. I am done.” I jabbed my finger hard to make my point.
He didn’t move at first and then the next thing I knew he gripped my cheeks and was kissing me. I tightened my lips and kneed him, lightly, as a warning. He let go immediately, knowing I could hurt him.
“Don’t ever do that again.” My voice was calm and my eyes were full of fiery rage. I couldn’t stand the thought of him touching me.
He nodded and shoved a hand in his pocket and opened his truck with the other. He glanced back at me, and I shook my head. I held back my tears, barely. I wondered how he thought telling me she gave him something I didn’t would win me over. I mean, what woman wants to hear her ex-lover say he cheated because she was lacking for him? I stood back and watched the taillights until they disappeared out of the drive. I’d just shut the door on my past—so how come I felt like it wasn’t over yet? Surely, Wes knew it was over and wouldn’t come back. I really didn’t think I could handle seeing him again. It was too raw.
It wasn’t long before I felt Evan’s strong hands on my shoulders. I turned into his chest and sobbed. He didn’t say anything other than sweet nothings I couldn’t understand over my sobbing. He kissed my hair and held me. I think my heart broke all over
again. It wasn’t his job to make me feel better. That night that should have been memorable because I’d made love to Evan but it turned into something more. I didn’t want to hurt over Wes, but I couldn’t help it. Then I felt bad because hurting over Wes hurt Evan. I was torn. I knew I’d never go back to Wes, but I couldn’t let Evan be the one to take over and heal me. It wasn’t his job.
I pulled away and wiped my tears. “Thanks.” He could tell that I was pulling away and he frowned, but again, he kept quiet. He was respecting me. I turned and went to the door. I unlocked it and went inside. Without a word I walked away and to my room. Inside, I stripped and crawled into bed. I wasn’t ready to wash Evan’s scent from my skin. Not yet. I needed to feel him near me, and I wouldn’t be selfish enough to ask him to hold me. Not when I was crying over another man.
Chapter 7
It turned out I didn’t have to ask. When I woke up, it was to the feel of Evan’s strong arms wrapping around me. I lay as still as possible and kept my breathing even. It felt too good having him wrap around me.
“I called your father.”
“I figured.”
“I told him about Wes, about him showing up tonight.”
I nodded.
“I told him about us. I know you didn’t want me too, but I didn’t feel right. Even if you decide nothing can come of this, I couldn’t lie to him.”
I gasped. “How did he react?”
Evan chuckled and tightened his hold on me. “Not how I thought. He wasn’t surprised.”
“Why not? I was with Wes.”
“I guess he just always saw this coming. He asked if I loved you though.”
I froze, not sure I wanted to hear the answer, yet my heart leapt wondering.
“I told him I do.”
My body shook and I cried. I had known that’s what I saw, but I didn’t believe he could really love me. “What did he say?” I asked in a whisper, but Evan heard.
“He told me to treat you right, and he said if you want him to come home he will.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. I was so worried that my father would lose it, and I didn’t want to have to hurt Evan. It turned out my dad knew something I hadn’t. I really didn’t see that coming. I wondered if he was only okay with it because he knew Evan would take care of me, and he wouldn’t have to any longer.
“I don’t want him to come home.”
“And?”
“I want you too, but I don’t feel right.”
“Why not, darlin’?”
“I just had my heart broken, and it’s not your job to fix me.”
“I don’t want to fix you; I just want you to be mine. We can take it as slow as you want.”
I turned and faced him. His eyes shined, and I could see how genuine he was. Evan wore his heart on his sleeve, waiting for me to take it and crush it.
“Okay.” It was a risk, but wasn’t love worth it?
He smiled. “Yeah?”
I nodded and brushed my lips on his quickly before pulling back. “But I want to take it slow. I need to get over Wes in my own way. I can’t have you trying to fix everything I’m feeling.”
“I won’t be able to just stand by when you’re hurting, Zoe. Have I ever?”
“No, but now it’s different. We’re equals.”
“Understood, but bear with me. I might push the boundaries and it’s only because I care. I want you to be happy, and I want to be the one to make that smile appear on your face every day.”
I shook my head, wondering if I was crazy for jumping right in. By the way he looked at me, I didn’t think so. I was fairly certain that I could trust my heart in Evan’s hands. He’d always been my number one supporter.
****
It was a week later before I’d heard from Wes again. He called, but I refused to answer the phone. The voicemail was long with more apologies and more begging me for a second chance. It would never happen. As far as I knew, he was still with Alicia, and I was happy with Evan. It had only been a week and he’d given me space when I needed it, but admittedly was a lot less than I thought. I liked having him around. We were always doing something. But I’d mourned for a week, and it was time to figure out what I wanted for my future.
I sat at the breakfast bar and smiled. It was a routine. He cooked, and I cleaned. “What are your plans for the day?”
He turned and smiled. “I figured I’d go home for a couple of days. Your dad should be back in a few hours, and I know you have things to do.”
The fork paused halfway to my mouth. “Oh, how come I never know what he’s doing but you do?”
He shrugged. “I call him.”
He had a point. I never really called my dad. He didn’t like talking, at least not to me. “Oh okay. So you’re going home.”
“Yeah, I don’t live here, and I only stayed originally because of those damned dogs.”
“Okay.”
“You can come with me if you want, darlin’.”
I shrugged. “I’m going to go enroll in classes today. It’s time. I’ve been home over a week. I also need to find a job. I don’t want to live with my dad. Then I’m going apartment looking. I saved a lot because I never had to pay for anything. So I could probably afford a few months of bills if it takes me that long to find a job.”
He leaned in and pecked my lips. “I would say you could come live with me, but I know you’ll tell me no, so I won’t.” There was a twinkle in his eye. He was offering.
“No, thank you. No offense, but I’m definitely not ready to move in. I need to stand on my own two feet for a while. Do my own thing.”
“I know, Zoe. I’m not pressuring you.”
“Good.” Then we finished eating like normal. Sharing a plate, I’d eat a bit, then he’d swipe the plate while I clean up. I’d miss our routine, but it was too domestic. We’d played house for a week, but now it was time for reality. I’d still see him—every chance I got. We just wouldn’t be living together.
Chapter 8
Evan
I watched the different expressions scroll over Zoe’s face when I told her I was going home. I wouldn’t lie and say I didn’t feel a certain satisfaction knowing she was disappointed that I was going home. It had been a rough week. I did my best to give her the space she needed, and I got that she didn’t want to use me to help her get over her ex, but I was a man nearing forty. I didn’t care if she wanted to use me, as long as she was mine. She didn’t understand that and to her it was wrong, so I sat back and left her on her own, for the most part.
She didn’t really seem too devastated. I figured it was their last conversation that had really upset her. She’d told me bits and pieces, but there was something she was holding back. I didn’t want to push. I was glad that she had decided she was going to start her life over. If I had my way, she’d let me rent an apartment for her, and take care of her. I’d wanted to pamper her since she turned eighteen, but Wes was in the way, and now she’s got her growing need for independence.
“You’ll come by tonight though, right?” I felt on the verge of acting like a desperate boy.
“Yeah, I can do that. The less I see dad right now, the better. He’ll push.”
“That’s fine, darlin’. You can stay with me until you find your own place if you want.” Hell, then I’d have a chance to show her how good it would be. She wouldn’t need to leave. A man could hope, right?
“Nice try, but yeah I’ll be over tonight.”
She kissed me and my heart raced. Each day things got better. Each day she was happier, and every day I felt more at ease with the new situation. I couldn’t believe she was mine. I wouldn’t bet on forever, but I could hope.
“I love you, Evan.”
Shock couldn’t describe what I was feeling. “Say that again, darlin’?”
She giggled and kissed me again. “I said I love you.”
I dragged her into my arms and kissed her, showing her how I felt. She knew already, but hearing those words slip from her bea
utiful lips was the best thing to ever happen to me. She wasn’t getting away from me now.
THE END
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