“Yeah, that was hilarious,” he growled, smacking Moody in the arm, as she nearly fell off the couch next to him from laughing so hard. “I’m glad everyone is having such a good time at my expense. So what does your wonder pill actually do?”
“After ingesting but one capsule, your body shall produce an odor virtually indistinguishable from a vampire’s natural scent. The effect should last several hours.”
“This was my idea, by the by,” Tiberius piped up, beaming with pride.
“Indeed it was, my good man,” Serene praised. “And I believe it shall assist us greatly in avoiding unwanted attention from those nasty Cosa Nosferatu buggers.”
“Just don’t take any on an empty stomach,” Tiberius added hastily.
“Or go swimming for at least an hour,” Serene further enlightened. “Anyway, moving on…I present to you these devilish beauties.” She held two bottles of Varlic in her hands. “Tiberius and I spent nearly half the night working on these.”
“Masterpieces they are, really and truly,” the old man nodded.
Serene waited for several beats, building the anticipation of her audience, before she continued, “Weaponized Varlic!”
“Sweet!” Alex exclaimed, cocking an eyebrow. “We could totally use that. So what…it’s like a vampire grenade or something?”
“Not precisely,” she explained. “The device is certainly not lethal. By twisting the top off a gaseous cloud shall discharge, providing a most unpleasant sensation.”
“No offense here,” Alex nodded politely to the old man before turning his attention to his boss, “but these vampire guys have guns and who the hell knows what. They’re out for blood…I mean, you know, they’re killers. And you have…what, the garlic equivalent of pepper spray? You spent all night on this?”
“Trust me, dear boy, the moment one of those sons of harpies is exposed to my, excuse me, our formula, well, they’ll be quite incapable of doing much of anything for a good long while.”
“Well, it’s better than nothing,” Alex sighed, forcing a half smile.
“I believe we failed to mention that it only affects those of the vampire race,” Tiberius expounded. “Any of us in this room could be standing next to the device when it detonates and suffer no ill effects.”
“Now I can definitely get behind that,” Alex finally allowed a grin. “At least we won’t be collateral damage…for once. How many did you two make of these?”
“Ten!” Serene replied. “We’ll be sure and divvy up the supplies accordingly before heading out. Finally, I have this.” The last item turned out to be a jar full of a cloudy, yellowish liquid.
“Tell me that’s not pee.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Alex. The liquid before you shall be used to coat my sword, Spleen Cleaver, and any other sharp implements Quasimoody might have brought along. Again, Tiberius and I drew our inspiration from Varlic, mixing my spice with a few other more…exotic chemicals we found in the lab. Trust me, any CN scum pricked by a blade treated with this will feel a burn they shan’t soon forget.”
“Ok, just be sure you’re nowhere near me when you start messing around with that crap.”
“Hey? What’s this?” Moody had gotten up from the couch and was peering into the box containing the inventors’ work.
“Let’s just call it…our secret weapon,” Serene giggled.
With a curious expression, Moody lifted up an old jack-in-the-box toy. The square, metal box had been heavily dented and consumed with rust, most of the cheerful colors that once adorned its sides wholly scratched off, and the crank on the side was entirely misshapen. Otherwise, the toy appeared unremarkable…except for a crude skull and crossbones painted in green on the top. “So what’s it do?”
“Like I said, it’s a secret,” the woman repeated, while Tiberius began to chuckle.
“You mean you don’t know what the hell it does,” the hunchback stated, rolling her eyes and placing it back on the table carefully, as though it could detonate with the slightest bump.
“Well, to be perfectly frank, Tiberius and I had imbibed…oh, a fair share of spirits by the time we began work on this particular device…and…I rather don’t recall making it. It was just…there on the table when we were gathering everything together this morning. But the mark on the top has me quite convinced it is a weapon of some manner…”
“That’s just great,” Alex sighed.
“I think it’s spine-tingly exhilarating!” Tiberius piped in. “What a delicious surprise it will be to see what our minds have concocted while they were…operating on autopilot, as it were.”
“Ah, the sublime wonders of the subconscious genius, my old friend,” Serene laughed giddily.
“Hello? Here we survive space squid attacks and vampire mafia assaults only to be killed off by a freaking jack-in-the-box?” Alex groaned. “I don’t think so. You need to get rid of that thing before you blow up half the continent or unleash some plague on humanity. What you make when you’re mostly sober scares the hell out of me as it is. I don’t even want to imagine what you’re capable of smashed.”
“No worries, lad,” Tiberius placed his hand on the young man’s shoulder. “As long as you point the toy away from yourself…”
“And I wouldn’t turn the crank too swiftly,” Serene added.
“Yes, and turn the crank at an even, steady rhythm…well then, I have no worries for its safe operation. No worries.”
“And this is all we have to work with?” Moody asked. “This is how we’ll win your “righteous war”?”
“All?” Serene scowled at the hunchback, thoroughly offended. “I will try and forgive your slip of the tongue, Quasimoody. I don’t recall you personally contributing to Tiberius’ and my endeavor, which is damn near miraculous, given the time and equipment available to us.”
“You wish,” Moody retorted, not in the least impressed. “You’ve had your little recess, so when do we hit the road and get the hell away from danger?”
“I still need to treat Spleen Cleaver with my formula and should like to review our belongings and supplies again before setting out. I wish to be as prepared as possible before continuing our journey. It’s also unlikely that we shall find aid again before crossing the Atlantic, such as Tiberius has so greatly offered, so I think best we not rush heedlessly.”
“My dear Serene, might I suggest you delay your departure until tomorrow morning? If the Cosa Nosferatu are nipping at your heels, the last thing you want to do is travel after sundown.”
“You have a point, Tiberius.” Serene pulled her lip thoughtfully, as if the idea that traveling in darkness was unsafe had never occurred to her.
“Of course,” the old man continued, “they certainly have agents who are not of their own kind, eyes and ears unaffected by the light of day, but your odds of success will be that much greater the less you expose yourself to night.”
“If that’s the case we need to chart out a specific course,” Moody advised. “We should have a destination in place each evening, somewhere we can get off the road and take cover.”
“I do so very hate the constraints of schedules, but I suppose that can’t be helped now. Very well, I leave it in your capable hands, Quasimoody. I’m sure Tiberius has plenty of maps for your needs. I shall likely return to the lab upstairs for a time.”
“So you want me to help Moody, then?” Alex asked.
“Of course not, silly boy. You know nothing of the roads we shall take. Rather, I’ll have you unload everything out of the pickup truck, organize, catalogue, and provide a full report. After which time I’ll most likely have you load everything up again and ensure it is stowed securely.”
“All by myself? Most of the trunks and boxes in there need a warning label stating they’re guaranteed to produce a freaking hernia! Thanks a lot.”
“Tut, tut. You’ll be fine!”
“Have fun with that, little man,” Moody mocked as Alex dropped his shoulders and muttered something under his brea
th while Serene marched back upstairs with Tiberius in tow.
Chapter 22- Vasile
Lord Vasile sat hunched, brooding in his chair, the fingers of his right hand gently stroking his thick eyebrow absentmindedly. It had taken him only a few minutes to read the report lying on his desk, yet since then he had been staring blankly at it for the better part of half an hour. He kept seeing Constantine’s smug face in his mind, that sickening, confident smile as he lied through his teeth before the vampire houses at their gathering. Lord Janco had been too lenient, weak even, letting Constantine off the hook without so much as a scolding. Should the devious scum capture Necrosia first there was no way in hell he’d notify the rest of the Cosa Nosferatu, sharing his little secret with the other houses — at least not until he had taken everything useful from the woman. Not that he would share the woman either, were House Vasile to get their hands on her first. That was beside the point. Vasile had long grown sick of Constantine always seeming to ensnare an advantage, to put himself on top in any situation. He was a veritable master at playing each of the houses against one another, picking at their petty jealousies and suspicions, fostering mistrust, and all the while carefully furthering the goals of House Constantine right under their noses. Vasile wouldn’t be surprised if Constantine made a play for Lord Janco’s position within the next year, worming into the seat with the greatest authority. Hell, the writing was on the wall, and the scenario had evolved into a matter now of “when” rather than “if.” That son of a harpy.
With a sigh Vasile lifted the report again, a great frown chiseled into his face. Nearly all of the houses had sent agents to New Brasov, each making their play for the scientist. From the numbers it seemed almost as if the CN agents and freelance bounty hunters now outnumbered the local population of the city. Naturally, a few of his own people had arrived as well, that was how he received such a detailed report, but they were too few in number and too ill equipped to muscle in on the squads the larger houses had deployed. It’s not that it mattered anyway, what with that damned witch of Constantine’s likely in the thick of it all. As elusive as a whispering shadow and as ruthless as a Medusa herself, that wench was. Rumors that she had killed a number of agents from other houses, an illicit act punishable by death, were widespread — although no one had ever been able to prove her guilt. He believed the rumors, however. Several of his best men had mysteriously gone missing through the years, and with each instance he received hushed whispers of the hand of Luminita.
He tossed the file back onto his desk, a frustrated growl bubbling fromhis throat. It felt as if he were outmaneuvered at every turn, that every hand ever dealt to him was a losing one. He didn’t have a chance in hell of acquiring Necrosia first, and even if he did, with the eyes of all houses fixated on the woman, it would be impossible to do so without them knowing. He’d share whatever the woman had with the other houses, and somehow it’d likely be Constantine alone who benefited. If there was any consolation to this mess it had to be the fact that Constantine would have no easy task whisking the inventor away unnoticed now, even with his huntress on the job. Everyone would scrutinize his every move until Necrosia had been accounted for. What Vasile wouldn’t give to have seen the look on Constantine’s face when he learned that his men were decimated by UEL officers in a spectacular bloodbath. Vasile laughed aloud, a smile on his lips for the first time in hours. The damned Cyclops deserved a medal for that, even if he were UEL slime.
Vasile stood and paced the room, a habit he often fell back on when agitated. Maybe he had been thinking about all of this the wrong way. There was no point in vying against the other houses directly; that’d be just another waste of resources. What were his other options, then? He pictured the scenario like a general studying a map in the war room, moving the pieces of all participants about, contemplating the best strategy for his troops to take. If Constantine and the other houses had the muscle, all converging on New Brasov, what did he have? He had the eyes and ears, with plenty of spies on his payroll throughout the world, including more than a few within the lowest ranks of the UEL. Now the first issue, of course, would be finding the woman. She wasn’t going to be found in New Brasov; that was for certain. Necrosia had most likely run hundreds of miles away. Looking from that perspective, nobody truly possessed an advantage at this point in the game, what with all the houses and mercenaries dumping their talent in one location. His people stood as much of a chance of discovering her whereabouts as Constantine did. Then, once the woman was spotted, it wasn’t so much a matter of his men getting to her first, per se, but rather ensuring that the other houses and the UEL didn’t. The key to this puzzle might lie with the seemingly insignificant third party: the bounty hunters and mercenaries. They could be hired without ever knowing whom they were working for. These fools didn’t care where the money came from as long as they were paid. Should they succeed by some miracle, he’d have the perfect opportunity to get the woman handed to one of his people without the other houses knowing. And if they should fail, so what? He would have lost neither any of his men nor any standing within the CN. Vasile emitted a sinister chuckle. Additionally, these sort would gladly kill any agent from House Constantine without batting an eye, and not a drop of blood could ever be traced back to him. Perfect.
Chapter 23- Gifted
A new day had dawned, and despite the fact that Alex wasn’t at all thrilled to pile back into the pickup for yet another lengthy trek, sandwiched between “Crazy” and “Crazier,” he was more than ready to leave Tiberius’s home. To be sure, the old fellow had been exceptionally nice and more than hospitable, but he and Serene spent almost every waking moment doing their mad scientist thing in his lab. Suffice to say, Moody and Alex had grown bored out of their skulls, left with nothing to do after finishing their travel preparations, and had developed a serious case of cabin fever.
Serene warmly wrapped her arm around the shorter man’s shoulders as they stood on his front porch. “Tiberius, my old friend, I cannot remember such an exhilarating and stimulating time as I had these precious hours in your sublime company. If only you could come with us. Your genius would be a great aid to our cause.”
“If only I could, dear, if only I could.” Tiberius shrugged. “Damned exile those UEL fools placed me under can be so insufferably vexing. Sink one or two insignificant, modestly populated islands and the bastards hold it against you for eternity.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, my good man,” Serene nodded solemnly. “Damned politics. Regardless, I shall have to make the effort to come visit you more often.”
“If you can keep yourself out of prison,” Moody snorted as she walked past with a suitcase in her arms, ready to be loaded in the back of the pickup.
“Bah, they could never catch you, my dear,” the old inventor stated confidently. “Especially now that you have been equipped with our latest inventions. But try and visit when you can. I do love the company.”
“Tiberius,” Alex stepped up, hand held out, “thanks for everything.”
The inventor brushed the outstretched hand away and wrapped his arms around Alex, squeezing tightly. “You are most welcome, lad. You must return with Serene. And be sure and let me know how things turn out with your eye. I’m plagued with curiosity!”
“Yeah, I’ll do that.” Alex, none too happy to be reminded, instinctively rubbed his left eye with a knuckle. Even though it no longer bothered him, he had noticed a sporadic, extremely annoying spasm in the affected eye and eyelid.
After a few additional minutes of stalling, Serene and Tiberius shared a tearful embrace and the pickup slowly rolled down the path away from the inventor’s bizarre home. The old man waited on the porch and waved at his guests until they were out of sight, and seeing this image in the side view mirror, Alex couldn’t help but feel sorry for the man’s lonely existence. Upon reaching the barrier that separated Tiberius’ property from the world outside, Moody slowed the pickup to little more than a crawl. Alex wondered if this field
only worked in one direction, or if Tiberius had done something to the vehicle to allow their passage out. But whatever the case, within moments the lonely interstate stretched before them, looking precisely as when they had left it, and no hint of the place they had spent the last two days could be detected behind.
Moody barreled into the horizon, determined to closely adhere to the schedule she had outlined on a map. From what Alex understood, she expected to arrive in a small farming town a good hour before sunset, providing them plenty of time to reach their destination, including a very practical buffer should anything unexpected occur along the way. Serene talked incessantly during this time, now in a glorious mood after her invigorating visit with Tiberius. She laughed loudly and frequently, relating more of her pleasant memories from the two inventors’ younger past. In truth, it quickly grew wearisome, but Alex much preferred her bubbling enthusiasm over any dreary silence and did nothing to stifle her.
“And then I said to him,” Serene related, many miles away from their starting point, “I said, “Tiberius, you’re not going to like this…we seem to have rendered your assistant into something akin to strawberry mousse!”” Delivering the punch line to her tale, Serene exploded into a hooting cackle, slapping the dashboard in ecstasy. “Strawberry mousse! Oh dear me, those were the days.” She turned to her assistant, fully expecting him to be rolling in his seat, only to find the man rubbing his forehead slowly. “What’s the matter, Alex? Liven up! Don’t be so glum!”
“No, it’s...” he said in a soft voice, “I have a pretty bad headache going on here.”
“Why didn’t you say so? Easy enough to remedy that.” Serene opened the glove compartment and began rummaging about, eventually procuring a small bottle of aspirin. Noticing Alex’s suspicious glare at the bottle, she added confidently, “Genuine aspirin, I promise. Now take these two caplets and let me grab you something to swallow them with.” Pulling a bottle of water out from under the seat, she now turned to hand it to Alex, only to notice that he stared at her hair with a thoroughly baffled expression. Instinctively, the inventor placed her hand atop her head, patting about for something amiss. “The devil are you looking at?”
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